Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

[Stormy72]

Originally Posted by violakat

Stormy, there are three ways to Biblical remarriage according to most of the churches I attend:
1. You were not a Christian when you were divorced, and became one after your divorce.
2. Your spouse is not a Christian, leaves you, and refuses to return. (If they marry another person, God also forbids them to remarry you, in the OT.) And even then, there maybe some disagreement here.
3. The other person had a sexual sin and refuses to return to you as well.

Only then, do the churches believe God would allow remarriage.

Hi

Where can I find the scripture for the 1st one? Thanks.

[violakat]

Originally Posted by Stormy72

Hi

Where can I find the scripture for the 1st one? Thanks.

Stormy, I'm going to send you a couple of links, I'll elaborate in my message when I send then.

Also, read Deut 1 and 2 Cor 5. Specifically 2 Cor 5.

Stormy, let me also ask you this, is the reason you feel like you will sin if you are remarried, because of the teachings of your church, or because God is telling you it is divorce? The reason I'm asking, is that often, our churches get so involved in what is right or wrong, that they become legalistic. They focus in on the Law, instead of the purpose of the Law. Now does this mean you would sin if remarry, only God can say that. You need to spend sometime with Him in prayer on this issue.

[Stormy72]

Originally Posted by violakat

Stormy, I'm going to send you a couple of links, I'll elaborate in my message when I send then.

Also, read Deut 1 and 2 Cor 5. Specifically 2 Cor 5.

Stormy, let me also ask you this, is the reason you feel like you will sin if you are remarried, because of the teachings of your church, or because God is telling you it is divorce? The reason I'm asking, is that often, our churches get so involved in what is right or wrong, that they become legalistic. They focus in on the Law, instead of the purpose of the Law. Now does this mean you would sin if remarry, only God can say that. You need to spend sometime with Him in prayer on this issue.

Hi,

I am going to read the scripture that you sent and also the link that you gave me. Thanks. I feel like it would be a sin and damnation for me because of the scriptures that I have learned about since joining my church. I had no idea prior that I am only free based on death. I just don't want to go against His word. If I do then it’s a sin.

Honestly, I sometimes feel that He took my out of my marriage as He knew that I would have put up with the unhappiness for the rest of my life. I felt I was bounded and thus no matter how badly my husband behaved, I thought in my head, you made a vow, you made a vow, you can't leave, you'll be breaking your promise to God. In addition, based on the scripture of reconciliation I felt stuck. But the way I look at it right now, I’m still stuck.

I plan to read all the scriptures that you and the others provided to me this weekend.

[Shafary]

Hi Blessings from the above. I guess You have to start to stop bearing the load of your ex-husband. He left you for another woman and that means adultery. Look in the Bible and you will find the adultery is one of the reasons that God permitted divorce, and also if he was an unbeliever, and certainly, he was. Your friend is right, God wants us to be happy and enjoy the life that he has given us. Certainly, you have to start by enjoying your own life. Enjoy the time that you are by yourself by knowing you better. Do not expect that the company of someone else will give you happiness because you are going to set yourself in disappointment. How about starting to socializes in different environments. Volunteer your time in a women shelter, or other kind of volunteer work that can give you the satisfaction that you are doing something productive with your time, but at the same time help you to know people, and do something for others. I understand how you feel, because I am divorced, and in times I feel along. I was married for about 7 years and I was victim of domestic violence (physical, emotional, and verbal), I thought that divorce was not an option and that I should keep having faith that my marriage was going to be different. That did not happen and my children were affected a lot. I took the decision when CDFS had to stepped in the situation. It was an awakening for me to see that I had to help my children instead of waiting for my husband to be different. When I left him, I thought that I was disobeying God, but then I asked God for Wisdom in his word and I found out that I must be praying for my ex-husband, but my responsibility was to make sure that my sons have a safe home. I am still alone and it has been three years since we separated. In moment loneliness has been difficult, but I have learned to use my time in things that God also asks of us. My sons are learning to socialize, do things for others with love, and learning a lot from these experiences. God Bless you. I hope that you find peace and forgiveness for yourself.

[dmdave17]

Dear 'Stormy',

First, let me extend my sympathy for the situation your ex-husband left you in. I believe it is never easy to recover from an abusive relationship; especially for Christians. But, we have the security of knowing that our loving God loves us unconditionally, just as we are. And that brings me to my real point.

In the previous posts, I have seen the phrase "allowed to" used a number of times. I would like to point out that Scriptural law is no longer an absolute; Jesus' death on the cross transcended the law. In Paul's letter to the Galatians, he wrote, "...know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified." (Galatians 2:16)

Therefore, if you meet the "right (Christian) man", and establish a relationship based upon God's principles, I believe that you will not be condemned if you decide to marry. But I would caution you that this is an area where you should take a back seat and follow God's lead. If there is someone out there for you, He will see to it that you become connected. It would be unwise to rush out and try to pursue a relationship just because you feel the need for someone in your life. As other people have pointed out, you can count on Jesus to fill that need, if you just ask.

So, if I were you, I would not approach this problem from the standpoint of "does God allow it?", but from the standpoint of "what is God's will?"

God be with you in your quest.

[kazphan]

If he cheated on you then he is at fault and caused the divorce , you are then free to marry again as he broke the promises not you.

[Kathleen]

Did you husband have an affair with the woman that he left you for, while you were married?

If this is the case, then you are free to remarry again. God says that death and Adultery are the only two means out of a marriage, that is right.

I'll be praying for you.

Kath

[Carmy]

Stormy I think autojohn has a great message to you. You are free to marry since your ex had an affair on you. The same thing happened to me when I was pregnant so I know how hard it is to be alone. I use to sit around and feel sorry for myself and cry a LOT. Then, I decided to start studying the scriptures that promise me that God is my husband now. God is my friend, my strength, my support...all things. Now, I know its hard since God isnt here in the flesh, but I do find that when I take my focus off of myself and put it on God, I start to feel better. I sing praises to the Lord and pray and allow God to turn my sorrow into joy. I also started getting more involved in church. I will make meals for people who are going through a tough time or pray with people when they need it. I will visit people in the church or invite them to my house to visit me. I did find that some of the churches I attended, people just were so involved in their own lives that they didn't reach out to others. I would invite people for dinner but they were always too busy. I didn't like being a part of a church were people were so closed to others so I went to another church. I finally found a wonderful church. It isn't the typical church that I would attend but the people and the pastor and his wife are so kind.

What Im trying to say is that sometimes we need to take steps to change things in our lives. Rather than focus on who will be your next husband, focus on developing relationships with others and with God first. Rushing into a marriage because we don't want to be alone will often cause us to marry the wrong person again. First, we have to work on ourselves so that we can be the women that God wants us to be. Then, God will know we are ready to share our lives with another person. Then, God will bring the right man into your life for you. God knows when we are ready and although our timing is usually "NOW", we have to wait for God's timing since he really does know best.

I know it isn't easy and waiting sure can be hard and lonely at times. However, sometimes it takes being comfortable in your own skin before you can be joined with another. I remember the first times I went to the movies alone or did other things alone and I hated it. Now, I've learned that I don't always need someone else with me. God is with me always.

[kayem77]

You should read John Macarthur's view on divorce, I consider him one of the best (if not the best) teachers of the Bible.

Here is his view on divorce:
Whats your view of divorce and remarriage?

You can find more articles by him about remarriage online, that one is short but I think it answers your question.
God bless.

[Bobbyking]

Originally Posted by Stormy72

Hi

Where can I find the scripture for the 1st one? Thanks.

You are free to remarry. He has left you, moved on, remarried, started a family etc.

To get married or remain single is a choice you need to make. But whatever the choice is, commit to the Lord. if you choose to re-marry, start a family and like to enjoy such lifestyle, by all means go ahead. But be wiser this time. Know who you are going to commit, pray for God's blessings and in due time, God will open door for you.

In the mean time, strengthen your faith in God. Read His word, learn to praise Him, join church activity group, be happy! And your Christ-centered life will attract Christ-centered man to your life.

[Stormy72]

Because of my bad experience, I am not even looking and don't encourage any interest whatsoever. I have grown closer to God as He is all I have and will always have. The devil is cunning and crafty so even if I take my time and believe that I am making better decisions in choosing a spouse, I may get another deceiver. If it's up to me, I would never marry again. But this loneliness, gets to me, so I just wanted to know, if I decided to take the plunge again, if I'd be condemned to Hell, if my former spouse is alive.


You guys have encouraged me based on the scriptures provided. It's really appreciated.

[Slepsog4]

Marriage by biblical definition is a covenant between a man and woman to be husband and wife with all the privileges and responsibilities thereof.

Divorce is an ugly thing rooted in sin, but it is not the unpardonable sin. The passage in 1 Cor. 7 speaking of either being reconciled or remaining unmarried is talking about during the time of separation. It is not talking about the actual divorce.

Also, remember that the forbidding of marriage is a satanic position (1 Tim. 4:1-4). Marriage is the only righteous place to fulfill God's design for human sexuality. Paul's primary concern in 1 Cor. 7 is purity. If one cannot contain they need to be married.

[BADDOG]

THE SOWER & THE SEEDS

The Great Sower went to sow some love seeds
The seed was perfect they all looked like little beads
He threw the seeds this way and that as he walked
The Angles sat around watching yet no one talked

Some of the love seeds landed in thorny ground
As they grew rushing to the sky without a sound
The weeds of life choked the marriage till it is no more
The marriage is over and someone walks out the door

Some of the love seeds fall into stony ground
They to rush skyward without a sound
But the earth is shallow nothing deep for the seeds to hold
This marriage is short lived or so I’m told

Some of the love seeds fall on good ground
There roots go deep yet there is still no sound
This marriage is ready to face what life throws at them
Through thick and thin there marriage is a real gem

To you who have been divorced the sower is still sowing
He works hard even in the dark with the moon glowing
You are a beautiful person no matter what you’ve been told
And God has planted the best love seeds in your soul !!!!


“To the whole world your just one person BUT,, To one person you could be the whole world “


THE END

Copy right BADDOGS DREAMS

[BADDOG]

HI
Many of us have been where you are now and the hurt runs deep within us being alone is not the same as being lonely and that where you are now lonely and that a tuff pain to deal with people can be alone and there fine with that being lonely is living with hurt and that no good for anyone

a wee tip for you that may help or at least i hope it helps you ,,,,, in this time of being alone ,,,, find out about yourself take the time to understand the changes that have gone on in your life ,,,, look up some old hobbys ,,,get back into the tings you used to do ,,,,, what happend to me i found out i could write ,,,,, me write i was a dumb kid ,,, so for me to write storys well it amazed me ,,,, so find out about you all over again as this life can so often have GOOD changes ,,,look for them it will do you so much good

GBU richly ,,,,, look up some ladys in the bible study room there are some lovely people there

God bless you Richly

BADDOG

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

He cheated on you, mistreated you, he broke the covenant, he has no desire to reconcile, that means you are free to go on with your life as the Lord leads you. As to your fear of meeting someone who is not a good person, pray about it and give it over to God, ask of Him and be open to receive from Him. If it is His will, He will give you a good man in His right time. He is the one who exchanges ashes for beauty. Many blessings!

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever." Ps 30:11,12

[syborg]

Many good pieces of advice and scripture here. . so not sure what I can really add to except to say that my understanding is that if you are a married unless they leave or cheat on you then you bound to that husband/wife until death do you part. . it is a covenent before God and what God has put together let NO MAN (or women ) put asunder. .

If the partner cheats but is willing to work things through then it is the duty before God to forgive and work through. .(how many times shall I forgive 70 x 7 - not 490 times. . but infinite times in reality as Jesus forgave the whole world so are we to forgive) if they cheat and leave with no reconcilliation and file for divorce then you are free to remarry - if you file for divorce after they leave you and move in or begin a relationship with another then you are free to remarry.

If you are a Christian and they are not - we are to stay with them as is pleasing to God in our covenent with him - if they are not and wish to leave and do so - you are free to remarry.

All the best