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Thread: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

  1. #1
    Stormy72
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    Unhappy Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Hello Everyone,

    I am so glad that I came across this site. I have been searching for a place where I can speak with other Christians. Where do I begin. Shorty after being married, I gave my life to the Lord.

    My husband left me 2 years ago after 9 years of marriage for someone else, and according to him I am a good wife, but I'm not for him. I was angry as I had put up with the verbal abuse, the drinking and his complete disrespect in public and private. The only thing left was for him to hit and spit on me. I was the one who gave 150% due to my contract with God. I was determined to give it my all. Even after I decided to give him the divorce without any fight, he took me to the cleaners, and basically forced me out of our home. You would have thought that I was the one who did the abuse or wanted the divorce. It had left me scared, and I look at our courting and marriage as wasted years of my life that you can never regain. But, I moved on.

    That has been over 2 years now, and I am still alone. He has moved on with his life, and I have forgiven him, but I would not wish him back into my life.

    Here is the part that I am so torn about. My marriage and separation has been over 2 yrs now, and I spend all my time except at work alone. I do not date nor even give the inkling to anyone that I am interested. You see the bible said that God hates divorce. In addition according to the bible, you either have to be reconciled to your spouse or wait upon their death to remarry. The former is not going to happen as it's just a matter of time before he remarries, and I would not wish death upon him. Must I spend the rest of my life alone? Why am I being the one who is punished for his actions?

    I am so torn and confused as I am so so so alone. God, I just can't take this anymore. I go to church alone, eat alone, walk alone, and stay alone, go to the movies alone. I am alone, I don't have any family, and my girlfriends all have their husbands or soon to be husbands. I just don't want to go to hell if I remarry. That is my greatest concern and fear that is why I don't date. As why waste a guys time, if I know that I won't be able to marry him anyway. I just don't know how much longer I can take this. No one understands how conflicted inside I am. I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night with this unbearable emptiness. I don't want to go against God as He has been so GREAT to me, so I keep holding on.

    My pastor says, be patient, but I'm like be patient on what? For my ex husband to die (no I don't say that out loud) ? My friend would use the terms, "God wants us to be happy," referring that I should remarry. But in the back of my head I know I'd be thinking this goes against God word. Plus, I want to be the good disciple. I am getting older and time is moving on. What am I waiting on? Am I really to spend the rest of my life alone?

  2. #2
    AnandaHya
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    you are allowed to remarry since he left you and was not a believer in Christ.

    1 Corinthians 7
    13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.


    that is what it means by the sister not being under bondage. you can divorce him because it was his choice and there are other verses in the Bible that say young women should remarry (young defined as under 60) it actually refers to taking vows of nuns but same idea.
    Last edited by AnandaHya; January 31st, 2012 at 10:12 PM.

  3. #3
    Stormy72
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Quote Originally Posted by AnandaHya View Post
    you are allowed to remarry since he left you and was not a believer in Christ.

    1 Corinthians 7
    13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.


    that is what it means by the sister not being under bondage. you can divorce him because it was his choice and there are other verses in the Bible that say young women should remarry (young defined as under 60) it actually refers to taking vows of nuns but same idea.
    Thanks for your response. According to my church that scripture does not mean that I can remarry. I don't think Christ meant for me to live like this. But the response would be that to walk with God means sacrifice and long suffering. So many people are divorce now. It's so sad. Can I marry someone who is divorced?

  4. #4
    spirit
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    Smile Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Dear Stormy

    I am a bit confused about this one as I believe that God has rules about things while being married ( and we know what they are) but he didn't say you can't go out , meet more people and perhaps if you are lucky you can't find love again

    I think you are torn because you are sick of being alone and overworrying but God is with you so you are not alone anyway. I have been married for 20 years but my husband is a workaholic who works 6 days and nights and a zombie when home. I work part time and help with church and school activities to keep myself busy and look after my 2 kids. I will tell you one thing, boredom and lonleiness will eat your spirits away . I would talk to a counseller to get your confidence back up after your divorce, find a hobby that you may interest you and just get out of the house. After that you will still be a fantastic Christan .God Bless

  5. #5
    Senior Member zeroturbulence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Quote Originally Posted by Stormy72 View Post
    According to my church that scripture does not mean that I can remarry.
    Your church is wrong. I have heard pastors say what Anandahaya is saying, that once the other party stops being a believer, you are no longer biblically obligated to stay married to that person, and are free to find a new husband.


  6. #6
    Senior Member DinoDillinger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Quote Originally Posted by AnandaHya View Post
    that is what it means by the sister not being under bondage. you can divorce him because it was his choice and there are other verses in the Bible that say young women should remarry (young defined as under 60) it actually refers to taking vows of nuns but same idea.
    I think I know of the passage you are refering to but could you share? What about the nun reference?

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jordache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Do not let your church define your doctrine. Let God define it through His word.

  8. #8
    crazycanuck
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    This site has helped me so much:

    http://rejoiceministries.org/

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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Is he a born again Christian? Because the situation differs in case he is and in case he is not. Also if he cheated on you or not.
    However, I think your attitude of obedience is very pleasing to God and I'm sure He'll provide you with an answer to your situation. It is true that endurance and long-suffering are important, but it is also true that God does not want us to torture ourselves and live in misery. Many blessings!
    "A moderated religion is as good for us as no religion at all—and more amusing."
    ( C.S.Lewis, The Screwtape Letters )



  10. #10
    autojohn63
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    My dear Stormy72, I am a divorced man who went through the same torment and indecision and confusion as you. When my marriage ended I felt so lost and alone, but that is where I was wrong. I was never alone because Jesus was and still is standing right there beside me the whole time. That is a lot of people's mistake, thinking that they are alone when they are not. As a believer in Christ, Jesus does take control of your life, so long as you let Him, and He then brings all kinds of good and wonderful things and people into your life who He knows are appropriate for you and your experience. The thing that Jesus pointed out to me is that when you focus on being alone, you are alone. But when you focus on Him, you are blessed in many ways. I was able to join a new church and make new friends, and Jesus also told me that so long as I am obedient to Him and faithful, He will give me a new wife when the time is right according to His will. He wants to give us everything we desire, and then some because nothing is too hard for Him! We just need to learn to be patient, and to completely tune into Him so that His power can manifest into our lives. Don't believe me? Just try opening up your mind to Him and ask Him. Ask him anything. The Lord can and will prove to you way beyond the shadow of a doubt that He is as good as His word.

  11. #11
    AnandaHya
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    I looked it up and it does say widows.

    1 Timothy 5
    14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.


    it speaks differently if both parties were Christians but it says that if you were married to an unbeliever and then converted that you are not in bondage because of it.

    truthfully I've found that being with God and just doing what He wants brings people into my life that give it more meaning. having a husband (though I do love mine) is not everything in life. Having God is. Having brothers and sisters in Christ is very important and sometimes its good to be alone with God.

    PS Spirit my husband is a workaholic too. part of the reason I joined this site is because I couldn't sleep while he was working night shift and couldn't leave the house because of the kids. I get spooked sometimes being in a house with just a 6 and 3 year old, but I've found that talking to people about the Bible and praying brings me peace and reassurance.

  12. #12
    Tobby17
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    I think you're allowed to marry, but i don't know if you're allowed to marry to another divorced person.. By the way, i think being single is not a punishment..lol

  13. #13
    Member arabian_princess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    hmmmmmmmm well i am divorced as well and i am the one who wanted the divorce i also wander about the same thing i have 2 things in my head
    1 my ex husband want to marry me again and i dont know if i can give him a chance or not somtimes i think maybe my daughter should live with us both
    somtimes i think i should look for my own live but if i got married wirth other man my ex will take my daughter from me so i am stuck and i dont know
    ☆┌─┐ ─┐☆
     │▒│ /▒/
     │▒│/▒/
     │▒ /▒/─┬─┐
     │▒│▒|▒│▒│
    ┌┴─┴─┐-┘─┘ ●●Palestine●●
    │▒┌──┘▒▒▒│
    └┐▒▒▒▒▒▒┌┘
    └┐▒▒▒▒┌┘

    All of it dies, and the Face of thy Lord of Majesty and Honour live

  14. #14
    Member arabian_princess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    aned omg i really dont like your ex be strong and live your live take care of your self and inshallah u will find a new person who love u and respecet u
    ☆┌─┐ ─┐☆
     │▒│ /▒/
     │▒│/▒/
     │▒ /▒/─┬─┐
     │▒│▒|▒│▒│
    ┌┴─┴─┐-┘─┘ ●●Palestine●●
    │▒┌──┘▒▒▒│
    └┐▒▒▒▒▒▒┌┘
    └┐▒▒▒▒┌┘

    All of it dies, and the Face of thy Lord of Majesty and Honour live

  15. #15
    Member arabian_princess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    hmmm u know what i also bosh men away from me and i dont give any man my number after the divorce but whene i hear your stry i dont want to b lonly for the next 2 years live goes fast so smile and not all men like your ex we say in arabia تفاىلو بالخير تجدوه meens if u think of god that he will get to u the person who loves u and respecet u then god will do what u want but if u didnt have stronge faith of god i meen your god then god will not have faith in u as well
    ☆┌─┐ ─┐☆
     │▒│ /▒/
     │▒│/▒/
     │▒ /▒/─┬─┐
     │▒│▒|▒│▒│
    ┌┴─┴─┐-┘─┘ ●●Palestine●●
    │▒┌──┘▒▒▒│
    └┐▒▒▒▒▒▒┌┘
    └┐▒▒▒▒┌┘

    All of it dies, and the Face of thy Lord of Majesty and Honour live

  16. #16
    violakat
    Guest

    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Stormy, there are three ways to Biblical remarriage according to most of the churches I attend:
    1. You were not a Christian when you were divorced, and became one after your divorce.
    2. Your spouse is not a Christian, leaves you, and refuses to return. (If they marry another person, God also forbids them to remarry you, in the OT.) And even then, there maybe some disagreement here.
    3. The other person had a sexual sin and refuses to return to you as well.

    Only then, do the churches believe God would allow remarriage.

  17. #17
    totil
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    Smile Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Deuteronomy 24:2
    ing James Bible And when she is departed out o his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

  18. #18
    Stormy72
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Hi

    Where can I find the scripture for the 1st one? Thanks.

  19. #19
    Stormy72
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Quote Originally Posted by AnandaHya View Post
    I looked it up and it does say widows.

    1 Timothy 5
    14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.


    it speaks differently if both parties were Christians but it says that if you were married to an unbeliever and then converted that you are not in bondage because of it.

    truthfully I've found that being with God and just doing what He wants brings people into my life that give it more meaning. having a husband (though I do love mine) is not everything in life. Having God is. Having brothers and sisters in Christ is very important and sometimes its good to be alone with God.

    PS Spirit my husband is a workaholic too. part of the reason I joined this site is because I couldn't sleep while he was working night shift and couldn't leave the house because of the kids. I get spooked sometimes being in a house with just a 6 and 3 year old, but I've found that talking to people about the Bible and praying brings me peace and reassurance.
    Hi

    Yea I truly know that having a husband is not everything. But, you have no idea how lonely I get. I speak with God daily, and He is sooooo Great to me. But sometimes, I need someone to physically speak with, have dinner with etc. When I got divorced, I had said that I would be fine, but sitting and looking at the four walls on the weekends has taken it's toll. Since I now have no help whatsoever, it's all on me, so I get exhausted from doing everything on my own. It would just be good to have someone to help me and who wants to grow with me in Christ. Even if I could remarry, I am so afraid as most people are not honest and genuine based on my experience. My ex husband went to church regularly and call himself a Christian. But look how that turned out. I'll continue to pray and ask God to give me the strength to go on, He has been my true source.

  20. #20
    Stormy72
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    Default Re: Divorced -Must I spend the rest of my life alone

    Quote Originally Posted by GOD_IS_LOVE View Post
    Is he a born again Christian? Because the situation differs in case he is and in case he is not. Also if he cheated on you or not.
    However, I think your attitude of obedience is very pleasing to God and I'm sure He'll provide you with an answer to your situation. It is true that endurance and long-suffering are important, but it is also true that God does not want us to torture ourselves and live in misery. Many blessings!
    Born again Christian? I'm not sure, he mentioned once that he was baptized. But he never said that he was a Christian, as a matter of fact he said that he didn't believe things in the bible, such as the parting of the red sea, Noah to name a few. Then he just stopped attending church. My divorce was bad, I really don't think he was a Christian.But, who am I. I had asked him once, if he thinks God would be pleased with how he was treating me, and his response was that God would forgive him, so it's okay.At that point, I saw that he had gone way into the deep end. Yes, he cheated on me openly.

    God Gives me Pure Joy!!

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