Difficult Mothers

[spirit]

Does anyone have a difficult mother who cannot get along with anybody including their own family members. My one is from traditional old generation China who cannot speak english , cannot accept western behaviour and customs and is in constant negativity with life in general. I like to hear some stories to think I am not the only one who has one and how you coped with it .

[Jordache]

Yes, I have a VERY difficult mother for various reasons. However, through my own healing and her pursuit of the Lord, things are continually improving greatly.
My best friend in 6th grade's mother sounds exactly like yours. Born in China, very traditional, only speaks Cantonese, writes only in characters, refuses to attempt assimilation in ANY way. She was an artist who loved my long blonde hair. She would push me into a chair and force me to sit so she could draw me. Can we say awkward?
My mother is extremely codependent, and projects many if her issues onto me as her only daughter. She unfortunately lives vicariously through me and compares me to
my brothers. Shes demeaning though unintentionally. She crosses boundaries despite very explicit boundaries being set. She looks to me for all kinds of advice which I'm glad I can give but is still awkward and often inappropriate.

[CatWoman]

Well, I don't know if this will help you any.In the USA there is a TV show called "Every body loves Raymond" And my mom is just like Rays mom, She thinks she nice by telling you something but it comes out as an insault.She used to make me cry all the time but I now learned to just laugh at her. She will be 82 this year,shes too old to change and her mind is not what it used to be.Spirit, you are 44 so Im thinking your mom must be getting along in her years.The older a person gets the more they are set in their ways. I dont think she is going to change because it sounds like she does not want to.And you cant make people change . So your going to have to change your attitude towards your mother. I know its not easy, maybe you can find some cence of humor the way she is.GOOD LUCK!

[dmdave17]

Dear 'spirit',

I came to Christ after my own mother passed away. She was a typical "Jewish mother" in that she knew best (always), and she didn't mind letting me know the great sacrifices she made for me. Additionally, she was not good at expressing love; either verbally or physically (although I do not doubt that she loved me, in her own way).

As a result, our relationship was very strained all throughout my adult life. I settled into a pattern where I avoided contact with her, even when she lived under my roof for a number of years. I burdened my poor wife with her, while I often worked late or "waited out traffic" at a local bar somewhere.

Since I have become a believer, I have found that true forgiveness is a wonderful thing. The act of forgiving does as much for the person offering the forgiveness as the person who is being forgiven. The peace of mind which comes from truly forgiving a person is tremendous. Jesus, in His infinite wisdom, knew what He was doing when He told us to forgive our brothers "seventy times seven" times. I wish I had known then what I know now.

I know it is not easy, but I would advise you to try to truly "forgive" your mother. Learn to live with her faults and ignore her verbal assaults. Be pleasant to her and happy when you are around her. You may not change her, as folks have pointed out, but you will change you. You will discover an inner peace that could only come from the hand of God.

God bless you.

[Christianrkchk89]

My mom is very controlling in her own way and her alcoholism and constant need for male attention is what causes her to constantly be on the outs with everyone, family or not. Every time she gets sober and actually has her head on straight I see a glimpse of a healthy relationship that I could actually have with her, then she goes back to drinking and smashes that relationship to pieces by acting like a partying college student when in actuality she's an almost 42 year old, almost single, mother. She can't seem to keep peace with anyone and is always surrounded by drama. And she doesn't know how to apologize. As of this instant we're definitely on the outs, which is sad because I'm about 3 months pregnant. She was seriously considering moving to my state and living a few blocks away, but after all the drama she caused me over Christmas vacation I can't even tolerate the thought of seeing her even once a month. It's sad and it hurts to know that I will never have a healthy relationship with her, but I think it's for the best. Thank the Lord above that my dad got custody of me when I was one and taught me to live a structured, drug-free life.

[JuliaGoolia]

I no longer speak to my mother and haven't in five years. She is a toxic, critical person. I also believe she may be mentally ill. Of her four children, only two keep in touch and only on a limited basis. She has succeeded in alienating every other relative and every friend she managed to make. She doesn't leave the house much anymore. The only person she sees is my father, who is basically suffering from Stockholm Syndrome as a result of their marriage.

She is not a Christian and neither is he. Although I suspect he believes in God. She believes Jesus was an alien from another planet or some such nonsense. So they were never supportive of my church involvement.

So, I understand how you feel. How did I cope? I no longer see her. That was not an easy decision to make. But I have yet to regret it. My mother did a great deal of damage to me and my siblings and I just didn't want to expose my children to that.

[MrHonest]

Ohh nevermind .

[Be_Evergreen]

My mother and I have a complicated relationship. When I was little, I idolized her. Then when my parents divorced, I tended to blame her- as far as I could see, she was critical of my father, and she drove him away with that.

I've always said that I am a patient and loving person, but she is the only person to ever get the better of me. She has made me hate myself before, and I have struggled with my own self worth while trying to deal with her self-destructiveness.

Recently, she got engaged to a man who has broken up with her multiple times. My brother and I would just go and live somewhere else (we've told her over and over that it's a bad decision- tried quietly sitting her down and talking to her about it), but we have supported her financially and emotionally for so long, we can't seem to get away. She has a lot of anxiety build-up about us moving away, although my brother and I are both of age to move out. I'm currently in the process of secretly saving up money, acquiring what I'd need to be on my own so that we can have a more healthy relationship. I can't have a healthy relationship with her while living with her.

So... yeah, I'd say I have a difficult mother...