J
Hi, so I guess I'll just give some background. I'm seventeen, female, and I'm a high school junior, although I'm graduating at the end of this year ( through a lot of hard work and online classes) and should be moved out by august for college. The thing is, I still have a lot of time with my mom and I need to figure out how to handle things (at least for short term) better, in the christian way. I eventually want to end up with a good relationship with her, if that is possible, even if it takes time.
Anyways, my mom is a disaster. Two years ago, she had her second divorce and we moved to a new town ( we had lived here once before though.) It was probably this time that she started going through her breakdown and it hasn't ended yet. She began with having unattached sex with men. Then, she would become weirdly obsessed with every man in her life. She cannot control her feelings in the slightest (nor do I think she tries to). She has always been sort of removed and allowed me to do what I want whenever, but now it's at an extreme. She can't care about anything that has to do with me, doesn't want to spend time with me, give me any attention, or anything. We don't talk unless it's about her. In fact, she tries to talk to me about herself and her guy problems and friend problems all the time, but I can't even stomach it. I have to tell her that no, I don't want to talk about it or that she should talk to someone else, because it bugs me so much, it literally makes me sick. She still checks up on me sometimes, but I often feel that it is because she wants something from me whenever she does. She will not clean. The house is a mess and disgusting all of the time. I'm her only child and I clean everything, rarely make a mess, and if i do, I am the one to clean it up. Last week I came home and she had literally dumped vinegar into the garbage bag and left it sitting on the middle of the kitchen floor. I had to clean it up. She wont do dishes, much less even rinse the ones she uses. There is clutter everywhere, and I (in high school, completing a whole extra year at the same time, I work, and volunteer every week) simply do not have the time or energy to clean up after her. I ask her all the time just not to make messes and i would do the deep cleaning, but she refuses. Actually, she told me that she is "physically incapable" of cleaning because she is stressed and worried she will lose her job because she got a DUI. She works from home, by the way. I get so angry that often I end up screaming because she refuses to take responsibility for anything that happens in her life. When I tell her i'm stressed or ask for help she just says "well your the one who decided to graduate early" or my favorite, " go live with your dad" when i'm obviously not able to and she knows that hurts my feelings because I've cried and asked her to please not say that anymore. Another common one is the "your problems are nowhere near as bad as mine." When I tell her something good like when I got accepted into college she rarely reacts at all. It's usually a fake "good". It's like she doesn't (sorry for sounding so blunt) have a soul. Nothing effects her deeply unless it has to do with her and her alone. I feel like all I do is criticize her and ignore her because it hurts me so badly to be around her. She doesn't go to church anymore and she doesn't really support me in going. She's recently started drinking a lot of wine almost every night and it's annoying and wrong. She will not stop, even if I plug my ears and ask her to, telling me all about how we have no money and she can't afford anything and that she can't help much with college. She tries to tell me all the time to pay for stuff on my own that I shouldn't be buying such as groceries, razors, bras, bodywash, necessities. Then, she goes off and blows all of her money on random unimportant things. It makes me so angry, I have so much anger towards her that sometimes I even want to hit her. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP, sorry it was long.
thanks
Anyways, my mom is a disaster. Two years ago, she had her second divorce and we moved to a new town ( we had lived here once before though.) It was probably this time that she started going through her breakdown and it hasn't ended yet. She began with having unattached sex with men. Then, she would become weirdly obsessed with every man in her life. She cannot control her feelings in the slightest (nor do I think she tries to). She has always been sort of removed and allowed me to do what I want whenever, but now it's at an extreme. She can't care about anything that has to do with me, doesn't want to spend time with me, give me any attention, or anything. We don't talk unless it's about her. In fact, she tries to talk to me about herself and her guy problems and friend problems all the time, but I can't even stomach it. I have to tell her that no, I don't want to talk about it or that she should talk to someone else, because it bugs me so much, it literally makes me sick. She still checks up on me sometimes, but I often feel that it is because she wants something from me whenever she does. She will not clean. The house is a mess and disgusting all of the time. I'm her only child and I clean everything, rarely make a mess, and if i do, I am the one to clean it up. Last week I came home and she had literally dumped vinegar into the garbage bag and left it sitting on the middle of the kitchen floor. I had to clean it up. She wont do dishes, much less even rinse the ones she uses. There is clutter everywhere, and I (in high school, completing a whole extra year at the same time, I work, and volunteer every week) simply do not have the time or energy to clean up after her. I ask her all the time just not to make messes and i would do the deep cleaning, but she refuses. Actually, she told me that she is "physically incapable" of cleaning because she is stressed and worried she will lose her job because she got a DUI. She works from home, by the way. I get so angry that often I end up screaming because she refuses to take responsibility for anything that happens in her life. When I tell her i'm stressed or ask for help she just says "well your the one who decided to graduate early" or my favorite, " go live with your dad" when i'm obviously not able to and she knows that hurts my feelings because I've cried and asked her to please not say that anymore. Another common one is the "your problems are nowhere near as bad as mine." When I tell her something good like when I got accepted into college she rarely reacts at all. It's usually a fake "good". It's like she doesn't (sorry for sounding so blunt) have a soul. Nothing effects her deeply unless it has to do with her and her alone. I feel like all I do is criticize her and ignore her because it hurts me so badly to be around her. She doesn't go to church anymore and she doesn't really support me in going. She's recently started drinking a lot of wine almost every night and it's annoying and wrong. She will not stop, even if I plug my ears and ask her to, telling me all about how we have no money and she can't afford anything and that she can't help much with college. She tries to tell me all the time to pay for stuff on my own that I shouldn't be buying such as groceries, razors, bras, bodywash, necessities. Then, she goes off and blows all of her money on random unimportant things. It makes me so angry, I have so much anger towards her that sometimes I even want to hit her. I don't know what to do. PLEASE HELP, sorry it was long.
thanks
keep it up like that, try to find help for her, be patient, but don't push yourself too much (I've been there too).
