How can anyone remain truley faithful to their spouse with the way the world is?

[answers]

The provocative clothes?
The provocative ads?
The provocative shows?
The click of a button access to the simplest or disgusting image or video?
The language used and abused by many?
This list cold go on plenty?

Who is going to take a stand? We all are victims or will be one day. Who is going to lead the way? We know God's words and ways he desires for us to live, yet we continue to teeter or walk away.

How can I be a loyal and submissive wife if my husband's eyes or desires are for another?

How can I be a loyal and providing husband if my wife's eyes or desires are for another?

How can I as the wife give my husband the God given right to be trusted, when I see him decieve our vows and God's words?

How can I as a husband be the head of my family if my wife thinks I am not having their best interest at heart?

How can I as a husband trust my wife's loyalty if she isn't walking the path God gave her?

Years ago the temptation was there, but one would have to work a little harder for it to be at one's finger tips. Now, we literally have it at our finger tips. How are we all going to be married in the way intended by God, not human, if we fall under temptation so easily. Is this cycle going to continue? I feel more scared to be married with these risks than if I was single. Does anyone relate to this?

 

[Ritter]

It just makes trust all the more important, doesn't it?

 

[answers]

It does, you are 100% right, but I am scared all the time. I guess having people like you reminding me will help!

 

[Nancyer]

The answer to the above questions is in the actions. Don't give your spouse reason to eye or desire another. Be a joy to come home to. Ask yourself, would I want to come home to me at the end of the work day? Show your spouse that you do have her (or his) best interests at heart. (my father in law would fill his wife's gas tank every Sunday evening). You can eliminate a lot of temptation from the get go: put a block on your internet service like you would if you had minors in the home. Limit channels available on your cable or satellite service. If your spouse objects you may have your answer, then you can discuss the whys and why nots. Ask God for guidance beyond that and for strength when you and your spouse are away from each other. And be open, talk honestly, not confrontational and not accusatory.

 

[beyondbroken]

I agree w Nancyer. I would add make God the head of your house, your marriage and your individual lives. Read His word daily and apply it to your life. Pray together. And HONESTY, be honest with struggles and weaknesses. I think that marriages can be successful. My parents, who are not saved, have been married 39 yrs and counting, they have been faithful to each other.

 

[jonathanbchristian]

we can overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. with faith in jesus as our shepard. by the washing of the water of the word.

 

[mori]

More important than fearing anything but 100% fidelity is having a solid understanding of forgiveness and reconciliation. I say this because every single couple will eventually fail. Sexually? Perhaps not. But the husband will eventually tune his wife out to read an email, she'll get unnecessarily mean about something that doesn't matter, etc. Those little acts of violence, which build up over time, are more prevalent a threat to marriage than sexual infidelity (at least statistically speaking).

I'd put it this way - a marriage doesn't fail because a man chooses another woman over his wife. That's just a symptom of a disease in its final stages. Marriages fail because spouses choose themselves over the couple.

Unfortunately, there's no formula. You're dealing with a person, not a dog to be trained. Honesty and the willingness to forgive are more important than any particular plan.

 

[jimsun]

Agree completely with Ritter's post.
It's short, succinct & 100%+ correct.
Me? I'm simply still just as much in love with my wife as the day I first saw her.
Interesting that I go to Hamburg tomorrow on a one day job. 24 hours in "Sin City" & the highlight of my day will be when my plane lands @ home!

J+

 

[Ugly]

Its really not that difficult. It just requires making some adjustments. Worried about computer porn? A few easy steps resolves that. Don't use the computer when your spouse isn't home. Don't hide the computer in a room that leaves a person to be alone and unmonitored when they're on. If for some reason you can't control these issues... such as a work laptop that is carried around, you can both agree to install filtering software and monitoring software. So if your husband takes his laptop with him a lot or does out of town trips with it, you install the software, and you create the password, so he can't access the software to turn it off, or clean out what he's done. Also, not keeping passwords private from each other, or having private emails, or any other accounts your spouse doesn't know about. Not that you have to be digging around each others accounts all the time, but knowing the option is there makes someone less likely to fall into something at risk of being caught.

Keep the TV off and skip going to movies. And if you are going to watch, try heading to PluggedIn.org and see if what you want to watch has anything inappropriate in it.

Also, ensure you're doing your part as a wife.. or for husbands, doing your part as a husband, to treat your spouse with love and respect every day. A man or woman who knows they're loved and feel close to their spouse is less likely to get caught up 'in the moment' of a temptation to cheat, than a spouse who feels unappreciated, unloved, not respected, and of course, not having sex regularly.

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head on ways to help you keep your focus on your marriage. I'm sure others could come up with more ideas.

 

[Lucy68]

Good news...He has overcome the world!

But we have to make the decision to partake of that victory. That's why it's a good idea to marry a fellow Christian so that two are pulling as one and not in different directions.

I've read that even Christian couples have trouble pulling in the same direction but at least there's 'standards of behavior' that you can beat over each others heads occasionally..."look! It says right here ____; so get with the program!" I guess a more gentle approach would work better

 

[rainacorn]

1 Jn 4:18 "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

I'm not one to just post verse and run, but this verse is kinda the only thing missing here. Well said, all!

 

[dmdave17]

Dear answers,

Scripture warns us all the time that we can't be "of the world" and "of God" at the same time. Our sinful human nature can easily fall prey to temptation and cause us to sin. The only solution is to immerse ourselves in things of God, and pray for the Holy Spirit to help us resist the temptation that is all around us. I have found that the more I resist temptation, the easier it becomes to do it.

But it takes work. If you are truly serious about resisting temptation, there are some things you can do. (1) Avoid the worldly media. There are other sources to get your news (Christian radio, etc.). There are fiction books by Christian authors (The "Left Behind" series). (2) Avoid situations where the temptation is greatest. For example, "happy hour" is one of the unhappiest situations there is.

So, I guess that my answer to your question is probably, "You have to want to.". And you have to work hard at it. But it isn't easy.

God bless you.

 

[cedaffin]

“For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it.”​

We are living in the “evil kingdom” under the rule of the “evil prince”.
This present life is to sort out those of us who will become worthy to be friends of God’s Son for eternity.
Sort of like a navy seal training camp.
Below from the Lost Book of Peter – explains why the world is as it is.
Page 210
: “God appointed two kingdoms, and established two ages, determining that the present world should be given to the evil one, because it is small and passes quickly away, but He promised to preserve for the good people the age to come, as it will be great and eternal. Man, therefore, He created with ‘free will’, giving him the choice to do anything he wanted. …..Now, two ways or two paths have been laid out before all people: the path of obedience to the commandments of God and the path of disobedience. And also two kingdoms have been established: the one called the kingdom of heaven to come, and the other, the kingdom of those who are subjects of the present kingdom. Also two kings have been appointed, of whom one (devil) is selected to rule by law over the present and temporary world. This king rejoices in the destruction of the wicked. But the other, the Good one (Christ), who is the King of the age to come, loves the whole nature of man, but is not able to have any rule in the present world. Yet He is allowed to counsel what is advantageous, to the subjects of this present kingdom, like One who is a spy or guest in an enemy kingdom”
Page 165
“God by His Son created the world as a double house, separated by a firmament. Angelic powers dwell in the higher, called an invisible heaven, and a multitude of souls born through women, living lives in the visible, this present earth. From our world, He might choose loyal friends for His Son, with whom He would enjoy fellowship, just as those of us prepared for Him as a beloved bride for a bridegroom. But even till the time of the marriage, which is in the world to come, He has appointed a certain power, to select and watch over the good ones of those who are born in this world, and to preserve them for His Son. But all the good ones must beware and always be on guard, for the prince of this world and of the present age is like an adulterer, who corrupts and violates the minds of men, and, seduces them from the love of the true bridegroom and lures them to strange lovers.”
Page 73
“Therefore the searchers of good, through sincere prayer, are filled with the Holy Spirit to love that wayabove all things - above riches, glory, rest, parents, relatives, friends, and everything in the world. But he who perfectly loves this possession of the kingdom of heaven, will undoubtedly cast away all practice of evil habit, negligence, sloth, malice, anger, and such like. For if you prefer any of these to it, as loving the vices of your own lust more than God, you will not gain the possession of the heavenly kingdom.”
“This age and the future are two enemies at war with each other. One promotes adultery, defilement, lust and deceit. The other bids farewell to these and welcomes the new age to come” (2 Clement 6:3).


God bless everyone

 

[Jordache]

I think the most important thing to remember is grace. God knows we are but dust. We need to hce the same perspective of others. Yes, we must trust. And yes, its definately life shattering when a spouse cheats. But God is still God, and the fidelity of our spouse should be of minimal concern to us. Yes, we should be a joy I
come home to, and we should meet all of their physical and emotional needs but we won't. We like to think that we are incapable of certain sins. But the older I get, the more I realize that we are all capable of falling in just about every way. One of my friends slept with another friends husband. Before this happened, I would be just as outraged as the next person, but I love both of my friends and I've learned compassion for both of their circumstances.
Sin takes one rash decision. Sometimes our decisions are so quick, we don't realize we've made them.

So, this side of heaven complete purity is not possible. But the grace of God enables us to get up and keep going.

 

[Nattmaran]

Even through the storm of things that are shown in the media people are still responsible for their own actions. To blame them on other things like "but she had a short skirt" is just not acceptable.

In some countries men that rape women get lesser punishments if she is dressed a certain way which is absurd.

The provocative clothes?

Yes... I understand what you mean, but you cannot really forbid people to dress the way they want... that is if you do not want something like Afghanistan and Iran.

I mean... is this better:

The provocative ads?
The provocative shows?

I do not know what provocative shows you are talking about (fox news?) but I agree that ads convey a wrong image when it comes to especially women. We are more of a product used to sell things. For more on this look at this thread: http://christianchat.com/christian-ladies-forum/39671-something-every-girl-woman-should-watch.html

The click of a button access to the simplest or disgusting image or video?

Such things are really easy to come bay these days. And I think that parents should watch their children but also understand that they will be able to use the internet and inform them of what is real and what is "false". Young people needs real sexual education and know what sex and love is so that they are not just met by porn.

But still... not long ago you could go and watch public hangings and executions so I think we have moved a bit away from that as well.

Who is going to take a stand? We all are victims or will be one day. Who is going to lead the way? We know God's words and ways he desires for us to live, yet we continue to teeter or walk away.

It is hard to be a part of a world that one don't want to be a part of. One idea is to isolate oneself from it like the Amish. Then you can dress the way you want and live close to the earth and dress the way you like.

How can I be a loyal and submissive wife if my husband's eyes or desires are for another?

How can I be a loyal and providing husband if my wife's eyes or desires are for another?

Well firstly I think you should only be a submissive wife if you want to be. You are worth just as much as him (but hey... some people like to be submissive so I am not saying that it is anything wrong). And in relationships trust is of utmost importance. You trust each other not to betray each other.

But when it comes to this you cannot blame the world. You cannot point your finger and say: "It was his/her fault. Look at the way he/she is dressed". Even in countries like Afghanistan where the women are dressed in burkas people are unfaithful (and then of course stoned if caught). I would not say that it would be a better world.

How can I as the wife give my husband the God given right to be trusted, when I see him decieve our vows and God's words?

How can I as a husband be the head of my family if my wife thinks I am not having their best interest at heart?

How can I as a husband trust my wife's loyalty if she isn't walking the path God gave her?
Years ago the temptation was there, but one would have to work a little harder for it to be at one's finger tips. Now, we literally have it at our finger tips. How are we all going to be married in the way intended by God, not human, if we fall under temptation so easily. Is this cycle going to continue? I feel more scared to be married with these risks than if I was single. Does anyone relate to this?

You can't blame the world for this. That is between you two. And if you think it is so challenging then see it as a challenge from God.

If you don't trust your husband or yourself then you should ask why you where married.

I know it is easy to say that it was better in the past... but the more you read about it the more you see that no... it was not. It was just not as visible...

 

[Ugly]

Natt - Ok, the OP is just trying to figure out how to protect her marriage and husband, and possibly herself from the temptations that can ruin a marriage. She has concerns about many of the provocative types of clothing worn... and you start talking about rapes in foreign countries and muslim women covered head to toe. Finding the most extreme view and slapping it on someones comments as if that is anything of what they intended is weak. She gave no indication that she believe in anything so extreme. In fact all she did was ask questions. So why you feel the need to go overboard to make some point or counter some argument is beyond me.

Also, a woman being submissive in marriage is biblical. I know, you don't believe in the bible, just a few parts that support your personal opinions. And the rest you discard. But this site is centered around following biblical teachings. I see you go around giving advice and encouraging people to do things that are opposed to biblical teachings. So please accept this fact that this site IS bible based and save your anti-bible sentiments for someplace else or i will bring you to the attention of the mods. I'm quite tired of the bible bashing.

 

[GreenNnice]

Re: How can anyone remain truley faithful to their spouse with the way the world is?

Spiritual advice: With God.

Practical advice: The things Ugly said in his first post about getting filters for computers and getting some sort of accountability with church men or elders after having FIRST prayed to God will help that stuff stop/ Let the Spirit lead you, NO DOUBT He will

, and, yes, the Lord leads everyone differently but it is plainly clear that wives are to submit to their husbands. 'Course, that is a two way street and husbands are to honor their wives and treat them as near and dear to their hearts.

 

[Nattmaran]

Natt - Ok, the OP is just trying to figure out how to protect her marriage and husband, and possibly herself from the temptations that can ruin a marriage. She has concerns about many of the provocative types of clothing worn... and you start talking about rapes in foreign countries and muslim women covered head to toe. Finding the most extreme view and slapping it on someones comments as if that is anything of what they intended is weak. She gave no indication that she believe in anything so extreme. In fact all she did was ask questions. So why you feel the need to go overboard to make some point or counter some argument is beyond me.

Okay... I perhaps overdid it. Some questions are just very close to my heart.

So answers if you are reading this... I am sorry if I got to aggressive.

And I am not bashing the bible. I am just saying that things weren't needlessly better in the past (which seems to be the general idea here). There are always something that can threaten a relationship. You can't blame clothes and commercials in the end. You need to have trust and communication.

Also, a woman being submissive in marriage is biblical. I know, you don't believe in the bible, just a few parts that support your personal opinions. And the rest you discard. But this site is centered around following biblical teachings. I see you go around giving advice and encouraging people to do things that are opposed to biblical teachings. So please accept this fact that this site IS bible based and save your anti-bible sentiments for someplace else or i will bring you to the attention of the mods. I'm quite tired of the bible bashing.

Okay... on this question I will not stand down. This is a christian chat and community. I am a christian. And the bible is a very important book to me so to speak about it that it means nothing I find offensive. As we know there are a lot of different views on Christianity out there and my view is in no way fundamental or extreme in any given way.

As many Christians (ask 98% of the Swedish protestants and lots more around the world) believe it is completely legit to question the bible and discuss the soul of the bible as well as its historical contexts. All the flags up there in the top of the page had me thinking that this site is for every kind of christian, heck even atheists are allowed? It does not say anywhere "Must not question any parts of the bible."

Just because we don't agree does not mean my faith is any less than yours. And you get annoyed since I questions parts in your faith and I get annoyed that you question the parts in my faith. That is to bad - but this is a community to discuss biblical topics and how to live a christian life after all. And there are many ways to be a christian. I for one have met many nice, kind and stubborn persons on this community. Many of them that I have befriended and have had many interesting discussions about everything from the creations and the gospels.

But... for me as a protestant christian and feminist I find it natural to question certain parts in the bible and protect and defend viewpoints that I have.

I mean... this is what this community is for.

Isn't it?

Love
/anna

 

[Ugly]

Well, you have repeatedly done more than 'question' the bible. You have LABELED it in terms of outdated, patriarachal, tribe minded, and think that much of it is wrong and should be changed and cannot apply to modern society. I don't see you asking questions of things in the bible you don't understand, i see you telling people of the parts of the bible you have personal disagreements with and trying to convince others, who are not questioning, of the validity of your opinion. I've seen you come actively come against the bible than ever speaking for it. Which is not what this community is all about.

By the way, true feminism and true Christianity (as in bible based) cannot go together.

I didn't see her blaming anything. I see a woman who is aware of what modern issues her marriage faces and is seeking advice on what she can do to help give her marriage a stronger chance. I think she's actually being quite wise in asking, since these are real temptations and issues facing people today. Whether or not there were 'always' risks to marriage isn't the point, and doesn't help anything to point out.

But i see, you're less than half my age, half my experience, half my teaching.. so you're 15.. you know it all. So now, i stick to my rule of debate. No more than two rounds and i bow out. So, feel free to respond however, but i will not be responding back. So feel free to go back to following that spirit that came to you, but that does not direct you to the bible, or biblical principles.

 

[CanadaNZ]

The provocative clothes?
The provocative ads?
The provocative shows?
The click of a button access to the simplest or disgusting image or video?
The language used and abused by many?
This list cold go on plenty?

Who is going to take a stand? We all are victims or will be one day. Who is going to lead the way? We know God's words and ways he desires for us to live, yet we continue to teeter or walk away.

How can I be a loyal and submissive wife if my husband's eyes or desires are for another?

How can I be a loyal and providing husband if my wife's eyes or desires are for another?

How can I as the wife give my husband the God given right to be trusted, when I see him decieve our vows and God's words?

How can I as a husband be the head of my family if my wife thinks I am not having their best interest at heart?

How can I as a husband trust my wife's loyalty if she isn't walking the path God gave her?

Years ago the temptation was there, but one would have to work a little harder for it to be at one's finger tips. Now, we literally have it at our finger tips. How are we all going to be married in the way intended by God, not human, if we fall under temptation so easily. Is this cycle going to continue? I feel more scared to be married with these risks than if I was single. Does anyone relate to this?

This is something that needs to start with the church, modesty needs to start at home because the world out there won't do it for us. Men also need to be taught what it means to be a biblical man and how to deal with the temptations of the world, as well as providing accountability for each other.