How would you deal with this? (males and females)

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answers

Guest
#1
#1
I am not the type of woman who will act like my husband belongs to me. I am laid back, even when we were teens, I would sit back while another girl would throw herself at my now husband. He would always ask why I wouldn't step up. I am not sure why, maybe I thought he could handle it, or maybe I avoid the altercation.

We have not had too many of this type of situation, but recently for a little over a year, I have watched this mom at my kids school flirt with my husband. At first I thought I was being paranoid, now I am feeling more convinced. I am not worried it will go anywhere, but I feel angry internally.

My husband only talks with her when she initiates, and only about approperiate things. I have watched her flock towards my husband, she only talks with him when I am not right next to him, she doesn't talk with me. I find it annoying and frustrating. I believe she is married, but not sure though because one time she came and talked with my husband, and mentioned something about not being with her daughter's dad, but I think she is married, so maybe not to her daughter's dad. The last time she talked with my husband she mentioned how her daughter supposely wants to be on his soccer team next year. Another thing that bugs me, we coach not just him, but whatever.

I do trust my husband with this, but I am slightly worried because if she is manipulating the scene than, could he get into something and not be aware?

Should my husband avoid talking with this mom?

Should I completely ignore it like I have been doing?

Should I make a point to be-friend her?

What would you do?
 
R

rainacorn

Guest
#2
#2
Should I make a point to be-friend her?

That one.
 
phil36

phil36

Senior Member
#3
Feb 12, 2009
8,260
2,111
113
51
#3
I would talk to your husband and let him know how you feel about this. Its sounds like your husband is a very faithful which is good, and I am sure once he knows how you feel he will deal with the situation in hand.

It may be thta he will politly avoid her, for he loves you and understands how you feel.
 
jonathanbchristian

jonathanbchristian

Banned
#4
Feb 16, 2011
2,957
24
0
#4
The Bible says not to do anything out of strife so I would not do anything like befriend her. I would say talk to your husband and tell him how you feel.
 
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Cassie84

Guest
#5
#5
I would let her know I'm in the scene (like when you see her approach your husband go over and introduce yourself - mark your teritory, lol) I would not become close friends though; many spouses cheat with friends of the family.
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#6
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#6
I think you should let him know that the woman's conversations with him make you uncomfortable. Sounds like he's acting appropriately.

He might be totally unaware of the situation...it would probably be good for him if you clued him in so he would be especially careful about it.

Women can 'read' women better than men can lots of times :)
 
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Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
Yeah, talk to hubby. Just be sure to let him know that the problem isn't that you don't trust him. Since it sounds like you do, and that he has earned it. Emphasize the problem is her, but that, just what you said, you're afraid he may miss something and end up in a bad or compromising situation.
 
Bushido8000

Bushido8000

Banned
#8
Jan 24, 2012
1,299
15
0
#8
answers said:
I am not the type of woman who will act like my husband belongs to me. I am laid back, even when we were teens, I would sit back while another girl would throw herself at my now husband. He would always ask why I wouldn't step up. I am not sure why, maybe I thought he could handle it, or maybe I avoid the altercation.

We have not had too many of this type of situation, but recently for a little over a year, I have watched this mom at my kids school flirt with my husband. At first I thought I was being paranoid, now I am feeling more convinced. I am not worried it will go anywhere, but I feel angry internally.

My husband only talks with her when she initiates, and only about approperiate things. I have watched her flock towards my husband, she only talks with him when I am not right next to him, she doesn't talk with me. I find it annoying and frustrating. I believe she is married, but not sure though because one time she came and talked with my husband, and mentioned something about not being with her daughter's dad, but I think she is married, so maybe not to her daughter's dad. The last time she talked with my husband she mentioned how her daughter supposely wants to be on his soccer team next year. Another thing that bugs me, we coach not just him, but whatever.

I do trust my husband with this, but I am slightly worried because if she is manipulating the scene than, could he get into something and not be aware?

Should my husband avoid talking with this mom?

Should I completely ignore it like I have been doing?

Should I make a point to be-friend her?

What would you do?
Click to expand...
I saw "He would always ask why I wouldn't step up"

Do you both end up fighting/arguing shortly after someone flirts with him?
 
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answers

Guest
#9
#9
Bushido8000,

We do not end up fighting or arguing. I could care less about how others act, I care how he reacts, but I am not one to stir the pot either. I would rather talk about something than get upset. What I meant by the phrase you quoted was, he was use to his past girfriends claiming their territory, I do not do that. Usually I will fall back from the situation, or walk away. He did not like that I did that. Now I probably do the same except I will ask questions like what did you guys talk about. Obviously I do not do that only with girls, or all the time, but I will ask now. I think I have earned that right since we have been married for eleven years. :) Seriously though, I do not say the non-sense things that would cause any sort of altercation. I more deal with my thoughts internally and now here.
 
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olderisgood62

Guest
#10
#10
Women can 'read' women better than men can lots of times :)[/QUOTE]



And that's an unarguable fact!!!!

I've been married 15 years and I still struggle with reading my wife!

(not on everything)
 
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answers

Guest
#11
#11
Olderisgood62,

This is competely true! You do not hear any arguements from me!
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#12
#12
answers said:
Bushido8000,

We do not end up fighting or arguing. I could care less about how others act, I care how he reacts, but I am not one to stir the pot either. I would rather talk about something than get upset. What I meant by the phrase you quoted was, he was use to his past girfriends claiming their territory, I do not do that. Usually I will fall back from the situation, or walk away. He did not like that I did that. Now I probably do the same except I will ask questions like what did you guys talk about. Obviously I do not do that only with girls, or all the time, but I will ask now. I think I have earned that right since we have been married for eleven years. :) Seriously though, I do not say the non-sense things that would cause any sort of altercation. I more deal with my thoughts internally and now here.
Click to expand...
yeah i would talk to him if it bugs you. tell him you trust him but you think she might have an unhealthy crush on him. I would walk up and hug him or something. truthfully my husband just give girls who flirt with him his mean or bored look and they back off.

I do go over and introduce myself if the he has the I'm being harassed look on him. l

it might be that she is looking for a strong male role model for her son and is drawn to your husband because of that.

I think the best thing is to befriend her kid and keep your marriage strong. If people see that he is happily married and learn to respect you, most girls back off.

how do you handle when guys flirt with you?

personally i'm nice to them and don't take it seriously because I love my husband and loyal to him. he knows it and trusts me and eventually the person gets over the crush.

it helps when the new wears off and they see your faults of which i have many. lol :)
 
Katy-follower

Katy-follower

Senior Member
#13
Jun 25, 2011
2,719
155
63
#13
The impression I get is that this is one sided. Your husband sounds faithful, the fact he is not the one initiating conversation with her, he's just being friendly and reciprocating.

If she had genuine intentions then I think she would be talking with the two of you as a couple, not waiting for you to be absent each time. So this was a bit of a red flag to me.

You have to watch out for divorced women, because it's common for them to go after married men. It's safe and predictable for them and especially wanting what they can't have. Most affairs start out as friendships first and progress from there. Getting involved in a mutual activity (soccer) could be an attempt to start some kind of friendship with him, which could develop into something. Sorry to be negative, just giving you my thoughts.

Many years ago I got myself in a situation while I was backsliding as a Christian. I was single and a married man wanted to have an affair with me. He had children. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't ruin a marriage and his children's lives. It's just not right so I walked away. To this day I wonder whether he is still married.

If I were you I would nip it in the bud early. Just talk with your husband and tell him you trust him but you feel uncomfortable that she's always around him. Next time she approaches your husband, walk over and smile and introduce yourself, just be friendly.

Btw, I know of a pastor who made an agreement with his wife to never be alone with any other woman in any way, only if his wife was there. He apparently turned down an invitation to meet Hilary Clinton at the Whitehouse for this reason. I guess he had issues with temptation or something? Kind of extreme but worked for him I guess.

Hope things work out :)
 
H

Helloimandrewyo

Guest
#14
#14
I agree with the above poster.

Your husband doesn't sound like he is being sketch, so i wouldn't be upset. If you do feel anger though, i would before trying to fix it, examin why you feel anger now. This is not the first time this has happened it sounded like, but you do seem to be having an issue with this particular woman. Has she done something to offend/put you on edge?

After examining that and finding out the root of your weariness, i would address that situation, and then talk to your husband.

Just my thoughts for what it's worth....
 
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BrittanyJones

Guest
#15
#15
God is the protector of our marriages, He set up the institution! Pray that she goes away and leaves him be. God will do it!
 
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dmdave17

Guest
#16
#16
Dear answers,

I understand your concern. It is a sad commentary on today's world when we start reading evil into everything around us. However, I think I agree with those who have said that the problem appears to be more yours than your husbands. I am reminded of the old saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Jesus told us, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34) I believe His point was that there isn't anything we can do to control anyone's actions but our own. Therefore, if we allow ourselves to worry about things that are beyond our control, it just pulls us away from God. He is sovereign. And He has promised that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

If you must, you could talk to your husband about your concerns. But I would sincerely suggest that you preface your remarks with something like, "Honey, I know this is going to sound paranoid, but...". After all, HE really hasn't done anything to cause you concern. If you make too much of an issue of it, I would be afraid that it might have the opposite affect of what you would be trying to accomplish.

God guide you in your dilemma.
 
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