Sex questions (preferrably ladies only)

I have some questions for you married ladies, particularly any of you who waited to have sex until you were married...

First of all, where would you rank sex in importance in your relationship?
Did it take a while 'get it right', so to speak, or were you pretty much able to do it right away?
If you are widowed/divorced, will you wait again for a future husband?

I'll probably have more questions as the answers start rolling in, but I'll leave at that for now. Thanks, ladies!

I think sex is important in a marriage. Not the most important thing, because when your eventually to old to have sex, or unable to for some reason, you have to have your realationship built on something other than that, but i do believe its important, it ranks somewhere up there between breathing and eating lol I dont think there is any ''getting it right'' Its however you and your husband or wife like to do that. Everyone men and woman have there prefrence, things they like or dont like so much. So its really about finding out what your partner likes, and what works for the two of you. I'm divorced, but if i ever do get married again, im without a doubt going to wait until marriage. thanks for lettin me reply even though im not a lady lol

lol you're welcome, Sam. Thanks for your input. How long were you married?

noo problem! for about three years.... the longest three years of my life LOL

Haha, you sound like my dad. He tells people he doesn't like weddings because something bad happened to him at one once. He and my mom just celebrated their 32nd wedding anniversary.

hahahahhaha i like your dad already! wow 32 years!! that is soo cool!

I've been married for two years and I lost my virginity on my wedding night. I told God I would wait and I did and I'm SOO glad I did. I don't have to worry about comparing past experiences with my husband to others or any of that and my husband was amazed at the gift I gave him in it because I waited. And no, it work very well right away. But now we are just fine and learning that it doesn't have to be conventional or what everyone else likes. It's just what WE like and its awesome!

Thanks, Anneliese, that's very encouraging!

[sweet_eyes]

Originally Posted by Anneliese

I've been married for two years and I lost my virginity on my wedding night. I told God I would wait and I did and I'm SOO glad I did. I don't have to worry about comparing past experiences with my husband to others or any of that and my husband was amazed at the gift I gave him in it because I waited. And no, it work very well right away. But now we are just fine and learning that it doesn't have to be conventional or what eviteryone else likes. It's just what WE like and its awesome!

were you nervous? was it very awkward?? seems like it will be awkward. lol

Originally Posted by sweet_eyes

were you nervous? was it very awkward?? seems like it will be awkward. lol

well yes and no. I got married when I was 30 because of my promise to God. but when I was younger I went through some sexual abuse and was scared to death to have sex with my husband when the time came because I just knew, or thought I knew, that it was gonna be dirty and perverted like I had been taught when I was little. but my husband assured me it would be nothing like that (he wasn't a virgin when we got married). all I could do was truth him and trust God that sanctifying my marriage that night would be a good and wonderful thing. it was VERY hard, but I was so in love with my husband it was worth it to "risk it". turns out it WAS amazing and wonderful and my nerves settled down almost immediately once we got started.

[sweet_eyes]

I was abused too when I was little and the thought of my wedding night" though I don't even have a guy yet" freaks me out. I trust God though so I know it will work itself out in the end. So it wasn't as scary as you thought?

Originally Posted by sweet_eyes

I was abused too when I was little and the thought of my wedding night" though I don't even have a guy yet" freaks me out. I trust God though so I know it will work itself out in the end. So it wasn't as scary as you thought?

Yeah, I even told my husband while we were engaged that I wished we could me married and just never have sex. that's how BAD it freaked me out. and you know what? because he loved and respected me, he said he would even be willing to never have it until I wanted it. that alone made me want to make love because I knew he had my best interests at heart, unlike past crap I been through. So, no, not as scary as I thought. I encourage you to keep reaching out to God and being completely honest with Him about your fears in this and I promise He will send you a man who will love you and respect you like mine did. God wants to give you the desires of you heart!!!

hi, im sad to hear all the answers.not that they r wrong. is just that i didnt had d way of thinking when i was young. i was hurt because d guy that i like didnt like me n it was d first time i had actually notice that someone i like like me too. but he never said anything. i just new he did. we were closed friends, after he saw what i felt he started to step aside. iwas dangerous . n i was. all this weird things started happenning in my life things i didnt understand.like wanting to be closed to him.pay attention to his body all of him i love. he never treated me less.he listen. we would talk about almost evrything without been ashamed or weird is like we match. then the unthinkable. one time i was praying to GOD for my feelings to this guy n i heard that it wasnt my time yet. ithink i was 18 or older.but i complained on y i wasnt allowed n the others girls at church were. y i was so different then they. i was scared that someone wpould come n take this guy away from me.at the moment it felt like GOD was gone for saying all those words. then things in my life started to change.spiritually n phisically.one day at church during preaching time i was debating with my life cause the guy i like was a few rows upfront from me.i didnt know to were to pay attention. to the preacher or the guy. i pay attention to his everymove.i wanted to stop.but didnt. for the same words that i heard."its not ur time yet." i dint care or didnt know what to do.but during, if im not mistaken i felt something going inside my body n took control over me something that i knew it wasnt GOD.but i didnt fought back. it made me crazy. i wanted to think like a guy. how a guy sees a girl. how he must of felt , how he checks her out. maybe that way this guy n all other would like me for the way i was thinking.that it would made me a beeter taste of ellection.preferrable than no other girls around me. it was sad. i became lonely.GODS presence was far away from me. this guy got married.all thta i had, priveledges were gone. no human took a way. i just didnt want to participate 'cause of the way i was feeling.i couldnt fight spiritually.ididnt know how, or if i wanted to leave this life.i started working, going to college. then i met this guys at work. n since i thought the guy at church rejected me i didnt wanted to live i wasnt worth it. n i was mad on y was this happening if i liked him n he do too. i just knew he did. later after i got merry i found out he did. but he thought i was too much for him. when at the same time i was havving the same thoughts of him too.i even coomitted suiced with no success, cause im alive.i dint n still dont like the life that i have without GOD.the way i just to be. what i used to feel from GOD. n honestlly. u would hate me after u hear everything about me n what ive done.ok. so i was working i met this guy at work. he wasnt all that i wanted but i tought oh well . y not. plus i wanted to feel what sex was really about. didnt had no atuall friends to talk about my issues nor church. i was lonely with my disguised of been normal n outgoing.but screaming n trying tofind someone to hear me or let me know what was going on with my life. but know one of whom i could trust deeply without accusing me or casting me out of eternal life or life itself i found. i was scared cause i always wanted to be the goody miss tooshi. even right now im scared that my husbanb will read this n hate me. just like u might.cause i would hate my self for that.well we started going out i gave my self to him not thinking of consequences or feelings or nothing i just didnt care. i was cold by doing this but true. i did all sort of crazy things with him. but even though i wasnt happy. i never let him finish on me. cause i felt this disgunting thing on me that i push him away. i guess some kind of conciuss fell on me at the time taht i stop.but my sinfull body wanted more on time to time. thats what i call my flesh.or liberty without GOD been involved. i sometimes question myself when would this all end. everything. my mom bought me a car. so wouldnt walk from work at night to go to my house.but still i didnt stop.as time pas by i continued to do the same thing with this guy.in the ar at the park. i even thought of porn. joining those clubs. for my flesh had such a thirst.im embarrased for saying these. but is true. n im scared for hurting you who r in JESUS.cause i did all this bad things n hurt GOD all the way. i have no excuse i wish i did. but i dont.it came to the point that when i was driving i ask GOD when would it be my turn to wake up from this nightmare.that i wanted to have an accident with this car so i would wake up once more from all my sins.it was almost dayily.i was even surprised to be awakes every morning n day. n still am until this day.so i had my accident my car n other passenger s car was a total loss. i couldnt beleive what had just happen.a nigthmare. but ill say it now for the first time it was my fault. i try to use my personall knowleged at drivin gn i lost . i wanted to run a way. i had never given my mom this much of a headache. n confronting it even worst. i was scared of my mom n brother. so scared. i was going to get this time. calling me names. how worst of a daughter ,person, sister i had become. n this even more. n even now im still scared n ashamed for my mistakes.i didnt know what to do. then my brother satring asking where had i park the car.im not sure how ling did i waited to tell my mom about the acident. but iknow it wasnt a week nor days. i was scared since i hadnt even finish paying for it. that s the worst thing for me. well, so i told her one night "mom i ned something to tell u.the car is not with me cause i had n accident si the police took it.n i dont know what to do.n was scared to tell u. or my brother." all she said was if i was okay. the important thing was for my safety. the car was just material. i hate it. i guess i would have had preferred her telling all those things i mention before. but i was surprised n tahnk GOD for not letting them hurt me like i thought.i had to pay the insurance $15,000. the guy when he found out what i did started caling me names. which for me it was surprising. cause i did nt expect him to call me like that. since i a llowed it to happen he continued.so i satrted wanting to get out of the relationship.that i didnt want know one to treatme like that i had it for so many years from my brother n now from him . i said no more. i try to break up with him but he woulnd let me go . second time or third he threated to tell my mom what i had done with him.u know sex.so i got scared. but i still told him no . not knowing what to do. that nigth that i got home my mom told me that the guy call her n wanted to talk to her.i was surprised of him doing that trying to control things like that.so the next morning this guy family members started calling my house.my started to ask questions on what was happenning.at first i told her i didnt want to be with him no more. my mom said she supported me. then he came n gave me some things but he continue to call my mom that he wanted to talk to her. so i told my mom i had to tell her something that she wasnt going to like at all. so i told her. she said nothing right a way . but then she said what was i thinking, what was i doing.knowing the things of GOD why.that having a christian life i didnt wait. that i had lots of reflectiions to look n learn ffrom. that sex was supposed to be something special not just to give it up like that.but that anyways she was going to support me no matter what. for the guy been a coward trying to hold me against my will. n sisnce i wasnt pregnant, there was still time to stop n end this relationship.after talking to my mom i receive a call saying that this guyy was on his way to my house.to talk to me.i told this family member of his that my mom dint want to see him near the house nor to cause i scene. cause she will call the cops on him n trow him a bucket of hot water. fro trying to be so malicious. so they beg not to do taht. just to go out n talk to him.that they would send someone to go n pick him up. to avoid further disturbance. so i did i went out to talk to him. but when i came out i was scared .but when i saw out in the streets at end of each corner there were two police car park at each end.i was so amazed.i told this guy thta i didnt want to be with him no more, one more time. he said he wanted to talk to my mom n tell her what had happen. i told him i had just told her n she didnt want to talk to him at all. she had nothing to talk about to him.he didnt belive me that i told her. then one of his relatives came to pick him up. at the same time i was scared that those police cars migth leave or not be no one in the cars.so the relative got woried so he just ask me to be straight up with him n get it over with. so i did.then they left. i was relief. when i got home i told my mom what had just happen n the most amazing thing was that those police cars were ther. my mom didnt call them. she was so amazed that we coulnd beleive.GOD was there, GOD was there.i will continue with the rest some other time.
but what im saying if u have sex out of marrige is dangerous.n scary.

hi musicalme, im discovering that sex inside marraige is the only way of getting it right and it is beautiful, no matter what your story is sexually before marriage, nothing compares to it whether you where sexually active in your body before marraige or sexually active in your mind as a virgin before marraige, you can only get it right in marraige alone,because God you are on God ground and He is sanctifying is covering it and as if he were your first, ok i didnt marry as a virgin, i only wish i did, i was sexually abused then became promiscuos and after i married,( a man who hadf self control and love for me)God taught me how to have it without guilt and fear that i was sinning against God. i kept myself pure for my future husband for 7 years when i was single and had a child to raise and living for God before i fell into sin abuse and ruins 5 yrs ago, i think it is important to God as he wouldnt have created it to enjoy it or have children with, but i believe it has its special place because he is yours to have it with and yours alone and him with you alone in mind body and soul, and it is an act of worship towards God between you and your husband in secret. God bless your marraige as he teaches you in it

[vaz]

i just want to say that im 20 and still a virgin and my non christian friend slate me make fun of me, for it but to be honest im really glad i havent because sex is something so precious and only for marriage. I did a few stupid things when i was younger like around the age of 14 15 but yet i was never stupid enough to have sex before marriage, im not sayin anyone who has had sex before marriage is stupid but it is and was for me. anyway out of everything im glad and i cant wait to meet my man and be with him completely because i know it will be amazing, even if i do freak out a lil ok a lot!

Well all I can say is this and it is from the heart. I didn't wait and yes I wish I had. On the topic of 'getting it right' well remember a sexual relationship is just that, a relationship in a marriage and as embarassing as it may be it is best when both spouses talk and are open about what they like and don't like. As you grow as a married couple and your communication skills improve the intimacy will also (sorry but I just don't like calling it 'sex'). As you both learn what each likes and doesn't then it will improve into a healthy mature intimate relationship with your spouse.
Hope that helps.
God Bless

[christiancollegegirl]

I'm really nervous about my wedding night. I've never done it, and I'm afraid I'll mess up and 'do it wrong'. If my husband isn't a virgin, will he compare me to other women?

Originally Posted by christiancollegegirl

I'm really nervous about my wedding night. I've never done it, and I'm afraid I'll mess up and 'do it wrong'. If my husband isn't a virgin, will he compare me to other women?

I can so relate to that. I'm less nervous as I get older, for some reason, but still nervous about it.

About the husband thing, I'm not sure, good question.

Hi All,

I find this discussion facinating, as I have faced many of these dillemas myself since finding God. I am a single mother to 3 children. I am recently divorced after experiencing domestic violence and even rape in my marraige. Through everything I had no God in my life - of course I know now that he was there, but I never let him in, never asked for his help. He was there, without my prays and he saved me.

I had sex before I was married. I spent a small proportion of my youth being promiscuous infact. I have recognised my sin, and asked God for forgiveness.

Musicalme - everyone can advise you as to what to do, but only you can truelly put that into practise. Just remember that Jesus loves you. He wants the best for you, and I would imagine because of that he would want you and whomever you love to make a lifelong commitment to eachother before you sacrifice your body to them. He loves you and wants the best for you. I will pray for you to be strong through your dilemmas.

Vaz - I feel for you a great deal. I remember when i lost my virginity it was a horrible and unnatural experience, not because of the pysical, but because i knew i wasnt doing it for love, i was doing it because it was a cool thing to do and because of propbelms in my homelife i wanted attension from men. I never thought of my body as sacred. Its something i regret more than anything now. Your friends one day will look back at the way they have behaved just like I have and be ashamed or have regrets. I dont know any blessed christian who focused their minds and emotional energies on their Lord and waited unitil they were married, who have regrets. Even if they are now divorced. They are proud of themselves that they waited and know that they did the right thing.

Christiancollegegirl - I understand that you must be worried about the first time, but dont be. It would be lovely if you found someone who is also a virgin so that you can share in that incredible experience together - he would especially understand, but I believe as long as you find someone who understands the will of the lord, he will be patient with you and understanding for the lord will help him. The lord will help you too.

None of us have the right answers, we just have to listen to our hearts and the will of Jesus.

God bless you all,

Sandy xx

[grace]

I have debated weather to post on this thread or not....but decided to post something brief.

This may sound a bit silly to phrase it this way....but...

For those of you that are worried about that you won't know what to do etc....I think that making love to your spouse is like speaking a foreign language that you never knew you could speak! Having that wonderful thing between a husband and wife is God designed...and a true gift to share with each other.

I think that it is very healthy for a husband and wife to want to enjoy each other in this way. Being open and honest with each other and communicating needs, wants, fears etc is also important.

If you think back to your first kiss (if you have kissed someone before), then you probably had similiar *fears* then too.