Wife has anxiety and other health issues

[pzsl3j]

I am a born again Christian(I accepted Christ when I was 7) and my wife is also a Christian as well.
I was divorced from my first wife(whom I was married to for about 10 years) and I had 3 children with her and we now share joint custody(one week on, one week off). The long story short on my first marriage is that she had affair with her ex boyfriend on more than one occasion, I forgave her the first couple times, but when I realized she would never quit going back to him I filed for divorce.

I married my current wife a little over 2 years ago(so we are still in newly married phase I suppose).

Let me be clear - I love my dearly, and could not imagine being without her.
She loves sports(which I really was not huge sports fan) and she got me into sports and has pushed my children to do better in school and their grades definitely show it. She works very hard at her job and up until recently had a very stressful management position. She just in recent weeks stepped down from that to try and aleviate her stress and I fully supported that.

Since we both work - we try and split house chores 50/50 and I do laundry, dishes and cooking and she does as well.

I buy her flowers once or sometimes twice a month, I have written her a couple of poems and I do tell her she is beautiful. I tell her I love her everyday.

I am a happy go lucky kind of person, very outgoing and optimistic about life 95% of time - I do have my bad days...like everyone else...but it is rare.

I noticed since I was dating her she had issues with anxiety and moodiness. When we were dating sometimes I would come by her house and she was very cranky about the smallest things...you name it...she would have something critical to say about it. I had to be careful of not being defensive when she would pick at me at these times.

Then the next day, or a few days later everything was fine, she was all smiles and I just loved those times. She was snuggly with me during those days, constantly telling me how much loved me and how greatful she was God had brought me into her life.

Then the bad days would come again...and so on the cycle went.

I would say when I was dating her - it was about 70% good days and 30% bad days. But since we have been married a couple years - it has really shifted..it was not long after we were married the moodiness increased - to where now I would say she is in some sort of sour mood(may be more or less sour) 60 to 70% of time, and only really happy and good mood 30%.

Without going into detail - this has definitely had an impact on our lovelife - it is nothing like when we were first married and the frequency is a fraction of what it once was.

I have tried to gently bring this to her attention - but she says I am exagerating it. I try never to bring my children into issues with me and their step-mother - but I asked my oldest son who is 14 privately - how often he thought his step mother was in a bad mood - he said 80% of time she appears to in bad or cranky mood.

So this brings me to my question - while my wife will acknowledge readily she can moody and critical at times, she does not realize the extent of it. She thinks it is really not that often, and says I am exagerating. I know the Bible says love keeps no record of wrongs, and I do truly love her. But would it be wrong for me to a log/journal of how often she is in a bad mood vs good mood, and how often we make love? So she can see what is going on?

I know at first she may be offended when I keep this log for several months and show it to her but might it help?

Do I just need to accept this is how it will be?

I am a Christian - and I don't believe in divorce except under extreme circumstances(like infidelity and abandonment, abuse) but what if I am with someone who refuses to see these kinds of issues?

Looking for some Godly, Christian advice to help.

 

[Ugly]

See, you missed the red flags. Whatever negative you see in a person dating, its a good chance that negative will be stronger in marriage. The longer you're with someone the more you're likely to see their true behavior. Thats whats risky about not dating for longer periods before getting married. So you had reasons to believe she could be like this and worse in marriage and chose to accept it. But people in love tend to ignore their lovers faults. I've been guilty of that as well, haha.

Could be possible she has a mild bout of bipolar. If this is the case then the 'list' won't help. I suggest getting some counseling & hopefully within the counseling they can see if there are reasons to believe she is bipolar. Then she can get treatment for that. And if shes not bipolar you'll find more effective ways to help her to see your take on things.
I like the idea of the 'list', but as you said, you run a risk that she'll take offense and not heed it. Its 50/50. Suggesting counseling allows you to approach it in a manner that makes it less offensive. You can tell her 'we need counseling' thereby leaving her to feel that you're not putting it all on her and making her more likely to go along with it. Handing her a log of her wrong doings over the course of months may make her defensive and feel judged and that you're sitting around waiting for her to make mistakes to hold against her. So yeah 'WE need counseling' is probably your easiest bet and gives you the chance for her to be monitored for bipolar.

 

[shekaniah]

My questions are...does she get enough sleep, is she eating a good balanced diet and does she get enough time for herself?

I know my husband get moody when he works too hard and is not taking time for himself.

I try to give him alone time and make sure he is eating right...it always helps.

Also men and women need different kinds of support from one another.

The 5 love languages, by Gary Chapman

A man needs respect to feel loved,

and a women needs love to feel respected...

Women need alot more emotional support.

When she seems uptight...ask her if there is something that she is worried about,

or would like you to do for her.

I know I get uptight when I feel overwhelmed...

I had to learn to take a break and pray.

I will pray for your marriage and family as a whole.

Hope this gave you some insight.

God Bless, Shekaniah

 

[LadySpeedStick]

You sound like a very sweet man and like you're doing you're best. Thats a very difficult situation.

I think oftentimes we get stressed so we take more time for ourselves, but focusing only on ourselves can make us more selfish and depressed. Most people find joy in helping others. Maybe get her involved at church, see if she'd like to volunteer with you somewhere. If she feels needed it may have a drastic effect on her mood.

Obviously pray for her.. I imagine you're already doing that. Ask her if she'll pray with you? I don't know how open she'd be to that.

Is she on any medications? Could they be creating a hormone imbalance?

I understand your reasoning in wanting to keep a log, but from what it sounds like, she wouldn't receive it well. I doubt that she truly doesn't REALIZE how she's being, most likely she is just in denial. Facing her with hard evidence might just make her snap.

It sounds like you're doing great so far. Keep it up and try not to be discouraged. We have a rewarding Father.

 

[Lucy68]

I think you're doing the right thing in bringing it to her attention. You may want to phrase it in terms of how to improve home-life for the whole family...including herself.

Have you asked her in a gentle way if there's something bothering her?

Is she healthy? Getting enough sleep?

It may help her to get some counseling; but avoid drugs. They just put the problem deeper into the mind without solving it.

I would definitely NOT keep a journal of her bad behavior. That's a bit extreme and I seriously doubt it will improve her mood.

Keep loving her and praying for guidance and strength in your relationship

 

[pzsl3j]

See, you missed the red flags. Whatever negative you see in a person dating, its a good chance that negative will be stronger in marriage. The longer you're with someone the more you're likely to see their true behavior. Thats whats risky about not dating for longer periods before getting married. So you had reasons to believe she could be like this and worse in marriage and chose to accept it. But people in love tend to ignore their lovers faults. I've been guilty of that as well, haha.

Could be possible she has a mild bout of bipolar. If this is the case then the 'list' won't help. I suggest getting some counseling & hopefully within the counseling they can see if there are reasons to believe she is bipolar. Then she can get treatment for that. And if shes not bipolar you'll find more effective ways to help her to see your take on things.
I like the idea of the 'list', but as you said, you run a risk that she'll take offense and not heed it. Its 50/50. Suggesting counseling allows you to approach it in a manner that makes it less offensive. You can tell her 'we need counseling' thereby leaving her to feel that you're not putting it all on her and making her more likely to go along with it. Handing her a log of her wrong doings over the course of months may make her defensive and feel judged and that you're sitting around waiting for her to make mistakes to hold against her. So yeah 'WE need counseling' is probably your easiest bet and gives you the chance for her to be monitored for bipolar.

"love is blind" - agreed, and as my pastor sometimes jokes from the pulpit when speaking of marriage issues - "Love is blind...but marriage is a real eye opener"...LOL I almost broke up with her at one point over her criticalness and moodiness when we were dating...but I could'nt bring myself to do it. I saw too much good in her for that...and she truly does love the Lord - much more so than my first wife did.

We did try counseling a couple times, once with a christian counselor totally unfiliated with our church and the second with our Pastor(whom she seems to be more comfortable with). Unfortunately neither time really dug up the issues I am seeing.

The first counselor(not a our pastor - a liceneced therapist) - she really didn't like - this counselor would just spend sessions listening to us and offering very little advice - one of the strangest counseling methods I have seen, I would have kept going anyway, but my wife thought it was a waste.

The second attempt we made was with our Pastor, but he tends to gloss things over. He just wrote off many of our problems as us just being married a couple of years and getting to know one another. He did recommend she ask her doctor about anti-anxiety meds which she did get on a few months ago.

But even with her on anti-anxiety meds - she still has these bouts of extreme moodiness and criticalness. I will give an example - last weekend(my kids were with us) and she has a lot of pet peeves that come our super strong when these moody times hit.

My son and I were talking in kitchen..laughing and joking about something...and she starts out of no where yelling at me about having change in my wallet in front of my son. She hates me to have any change in my wallet - she said "only gay men keep change in their wallet - do I have to get you a purse! stop acting so gay by keeping change in your wallet" she then dumped all the change out into the change bowl.

I asked her what was wrong - and she said nothing - I just needed to keep my change in my pants like a normal man.

Another example would be say I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for myself. Sometimes I forget and leave the peanut butter on the counter instead of putting it back in the cabinent. If she is in an ok mood, I probably won't here about it. But if she is in one of "those" moods - I won't here the end of it - how I can not clean up after myself and how irresponsible I am.

Now if she were to leave something out - which she does on occasion...I would not say anything to her...it does not bother me to put something away for her.

 

[Lucy68]

It may be a good idea for her to visit her doctor for a check up and blood work. There are conditions that cause depression and decreased libido...like a thyroid problem.

Maybe a CBC also (complete blood count). My blood work did show a need for vitamin D. Recent studies are showing that many women are not getting enough vitamin D. A fasting-glucose test is also good.

Feeling bad will make anyone cranky

Also, I know my attitude has improved as I've lost weight. Low self-esteem can cause depression.

I'm just throwing ideas out there...you know better than anyone what she is going through .

 

[violakat]

I have one question, how old is she? I ask because menopause can sometimes effect mood swings. And by the way, women as young as 30 can start perimenopause. That was actually one of the first things that popped in my head. The other thing is, have you talked with her medical doctor in a joint consultation, and has her blood been tested for conditions such as diabetes or thyroid hormones being off. A lot of medical conditions could also be at play here.

 

[pzsl3j]

My questions are...does she get enough sleep, is she eating a good balanced diet and does she get enough time for herself?

I know my husband get moody when he works too hard and is not taking time for himself.

I try to give him alone time and make sure he is eating right...it always helps.

Also men and women need different kinds of support from one another.

The 5 love languages, by Gary Chapman

A man needs respect to feel loved,

and a women needs love to feel respected...

Women need alot more emotional support.

When she seems uptight...ask her if there is something that she is worried about,

or would like you to do for her.

I know I get uptight when I feel overwhelmed...

I had to learn to take a break and pray.

I will pray for your marriage and family as a whole.

Hope this gave you some insight.

God Bless, Shekaniah

Some answers to your questions:

1. No she does not get enough sleep - she has a hard time sleeping 8 hours straight. She will wake up several times in middle of night and go back to sleep. Her mind races at night - she is an anxious worry type of person..thinking of all the things she has to do the next day.

2. We are very familar with the 5 love languages and determined ours early in our relationship. My primary love language is touch followed by quality time. Her primary love language is acts of service, followed by words of affirmation.

The first one I have down pretty good, the second I sometimes struggle with. I help out a lot around the house - in fact some people could joke I am almost like a Mr Mom(I do work a fulltime and parttime job though I work from home). So since I work from home I do most of the laundry(she helps put it away, but I bring all the dirty clothes downstairs, sort them, wash them and fold them and put some away and she puts some away). I do wash the dishes(although many times she will wash them - because she does not want to wait on me - I let them sit longer than her). I am the official vacuumer and sweeper of the house - I think she has done these things about 5 times our whole marriage.

Also she asks me sometimes to run up to the store to get pop or other personal items she may need and I gladly do it - these are all acts of service, and by her own admission make her feel loved.

I used to give her massages from time to time...but I have not done them in while(the reason for which is seperate issue I might get into later).

I handle all the bedtime routines with kids(the younger ones - making sure they are showered, teeth brushed and prayers at night).

I do about 50% of cooking and she does 50% - she likes to try out new recipeies lately and has been baking a lot(yum yum).

When she seems uptight - I have tried asking her many times what I can do, and often times she will just tell me she needs her space. She does have a very stressful job - she was a nurse manager. She and I talked and agreed it would be better for her step down from management and just be a regular nurse again. She just changed positions this last week. But even just being a nurse is still a stressful job sometimes(depends on how many patients you have, and how high maintence each one is).

Many times she just needs her time alone - and I try to give it to her...I jokingly call our bedroom her .fortress of solitude - it where she often goes to be alone and watch tv or read a book, even when kids are here just to get away

 

[pzsl3j]

It may be a good idea for her to visit her doctor for a check up and blood work. There are conditions that cause depression and decreased libido...like a thyroid problem.

Maybe a CBC also (complete blood count). My blood work did show a need for vitamin D. Recent studies are showing that many women are not getting enough vitamin D. A fasting-glucose test is also good.

Feeling bad will make anyone cranky

Also, I know my attitude has improved as I've lost weight. Low self-esteem can cause depression.

I'm just throwing ideas out there...you know better than anyone what she is going through .

She has many health issue - hypo-thyodism and heart issues(irregular heart beat) which she is on medication for both. Her doctor had her on two meds for anxiety - I forget the daytime med she used to take(started with A) but her gave her clonpan at night to help her sleep.

She recently had some heart conditions she was hospitlized for - they think she may have had a mild heart attack(and she is only 38) - but heart conditions run in her family - she had a aunt die at 40 from heart attack. They discovered her hypo-thyroid meds were too high(after she lost a lot of weight after her gastric bypass she had a year and half ago). So they have cut the does on that more than half.

They also recently switch her from clonpan to xanix - thats only been for a few weeks so we will see how that goes. She is even more sensitive and moody after everything that has happened recently and I am trying so hard to be sensitive to her needs - but sometimes I just have to go for a walk or something when she is just critizing me over and over.

The worst part is and this is when I think my head is going to explode - she goes into a tirade at me about the small things...then if I defend myself in least bit or act snippy back..she asks why I am being so mean to her? I am like - did you not hear yourself for the last hour everything you have said to me? Then I just have to go for walk.

Much of her problems stem from fact she is type A personality - "I can do everything myself, I can take care of myself" She hates to be babied in anyway - and in fact has yelled at me a few times for attempting to baby her when she was in hospital. She also has a hard time empthaizing with people who are not as indepent as her

I gently told her a few times through all the health issues she has had in last year...maybe God is trying to teach her something..maybe God is telling her not to hold on so tight...to let him bear her troubles and burdens...and not to be so tightly wound. Maybe God is teaching her to admit when she needs help and let us around her who love her help her.

 

[pzsl3j]

I have one question, how old is she? I ask because menopause can sometimes effect mood swings. And by the way, women as young as 30 can start perimenopause. That was actually one of the first things that popped in my head. The other thing is, have you talked with her medical doctor in a joint consultation, and has her blood been tested for conditions such as diabetes or thyroid hormones being off. A lot of medical conditions could also be at play here.

She is 38, while I don't discount the possibility of early menopause, or other conditions, I don't believe they all fully account her behavior - they may have some impact.

The reason is this - when I first met her she was moody(perhaps not to the extent she has been in last couple of years) but still moody. One of the first questions her sister and parents had asked me after I had only been dating her a few weeks was - "Have you seen her angry yet? Or in one of her moods?" Her entire family knows she has issues with anger and moodiness.

She has admitted to me and others - she is very hard on people around her sometimes, and the hardest on herself. She gets mad at herself for not doing better. She has told me many times she feels she is failing at everything in life, at being a good step mom, at being a good wife, at being a good nurse at work. I try and build her up during these times, but most of the time it does not work.

So I believe her moodiness and angry(her tight woundness) are a part of her personality - and these things can be exasperated by other medical conditions and enviromental conditions, but they are in my opinion at the root of many issues she has.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

My son and I were talking in kitchen..laughing and joking about something...and she starts out of no where yelling at me about having change in my wallet in front of my son. She hates me to have any change in my wallet - she said "only gay men keep change in their wallet - do I have to get you a purse! stop acting so gay by keeping change in your wallet" she then dumped all the change out into the change bowl.

I asked her what was wrong - and she said nothing - I just needed to keep my change in my pants like a normal man.

Another example would be say I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for myself. Sometimes I forget and leave the peanut butter on the counter instead of putting it back in the cabinent. If she is in an ok mood, I probably won't here about it. But if she is in one of "those" moods - I won't here the end of it - how I can not clean up after myself and how irresponsible I am..

Im wondering why you would let your wife talk to you so disrespectfully, and also talk to you this way in front of your child?? I was seriously kind of scocked that you let this woman talk to you about how what you do is gay and say all this while you son is right there..

I've delt with an anxiety disorder for 22 years and been on anti anxiety medication for 5 years of that. Anxiety can make you moody, but these types of mood swings. That sounds like more than just anxiety. It sounds like she could be bi polar.

It sounds like your a really great husband and dad.

I wouldn't make a log of anything regarding her moods and what not. That would probably just make her mad.

This is what i think.... You said she can't see these moods that she gets in. You cant MAKE her see them if she clearly doesn't want to or just is in denial about them. I urge you to pray about that God reveal those things to her. In the meantime though, come on... don't let your wife talk to you like crap or treat you like crap.
She can be in her little bad moods all she wants to, but it is unacceptable for her to disrespect you as the man of that house.

I would tell her look, you can be moody all day long, but your gonna have to take your attitude into another room. Her mood swings dont just affect you, they affect your children to

 

[pzsl3j]

There is something else I missed in my intial posting - my goal in all this is to strengthen our marriage and make our life together as a couple and as a family(with my kids) less stressful and more enjoyable. I realize everyone has bad days - I have bad days - days where we are in a bad mood.

But just feel her moodiness soemtimes casts a cloud over us as a couple and as a family and I and the kids have to walk on eggshells many times in order to avoid her lashing out during these times. I just would like to see her moodiness be the exception, and not the norm.

While she won't admit the extent of her moodiness(she says I am exagerating) she does recognize she can be moody, critical and angry at times. But she says to me "thats just who I am, that is who you married - you knew I was that way when we were dating, stop trying to change me". In fact sometimes she has turned an entire conversation around on me - where I gently, oh so gently try to bring these issues up...

only for it to blow up in my face by her telling me - I don't love her and accept her for who she is, that in her words "I love her in spite of who she is". I have told her when we have had this conversation(on more than one occasion) - I don't expect her to love my flaws anymore than she should expect me to love her flaws.

I have said "who loves getting yelled at and belittled by their spouse when they are in a mood? am I supposed to love that about you? I love you and accept you, inspite of your flaws, I love the good things about you, how sweet and kind you can be when you are NOT in a mood. How you can talk about God, how you want to do things for our kids or other people - when you are in a good mood - thats what I love about you"

 

[pzsl3j]

Im wondering why you would let your wife talk to you so disrespectfully, and also talk to you this way in front of your child?? I was seriously kind of scocked that you let this woman talk to you about how what you do is gay and say all this while you son is right there..

I've delt with an anxiety disorder for 22 years and been on anti anxiety medication for 5 years of that. Anxiety can make you moody, but these types of mood swings. That sounds like more than just anxiety. It sounds like she could be bi polar.

It sounds like your a really great husband and dad.

I wouldn't make a log of anything regarding her moods and what not. That would probably just make her mad.

This is what i think.... You said she can't see these moods that she gets in. You cant MAKE her see them if she clearly doesn't want to or just is in denial about them. I urge you to pray about that God reveal those things to her. In the meantime though, come on... don't let your wife talk to you like crap or treat you like crap.
She can be in her little bad moods all she wants to, but it is unacceptable for her to disrespect you as the man of that house.

I would tell her look, you can be moody all day long, but your gonna have to take your attitude into another room. Her mood swings dont just affect you, they affect your children to

Actually recently I have been taking her to task on her disrepect...that day I told her I did not appreciate how she talked to me in front my son, she shook it off as me overreacting, she even tried to say she was just joking with me (with the gay comments) but I know the tone of her voice was not joking...it was mood swing of anger.

Even when kids are not around I have recently taken her to task when she calls me an idiot or jerk, and I am trying to do better. That is a flaw of mine - both with her and my kids...because I am happy go lucky, easy going guy, a bit of joker at times, I don't have the kind of presense that demands respect. But I do take my kids and her to task sometimes when they are disrepectful and I need to do it more.

Its funny sometimes she gets on my kids for being disrespectful to me - and just think - "well what do they see from you many times?"

 

[pzsl3j]

Im wondering why you would let your wife talk to you so disrespectfully, and also talk to you this way in front of your child?? I was seriously kind of scocked that you let this woman talk to you about how what you do is gay and say all this while you son is right there..

I've delt with an anxiety disorder for 22 years and been on anti anxiety medication for 5 years of that. Anxiety can make you moody, but these types of mood swings. That sounds like more than just anxiety. It sounds like she could be bi polar.

It sounds like your a really great husband and dad.

I wouldn't make a log of anything regarding her moods and what not. That would probably just make her mad.

This is what i think.... You said she can't see these moods that she gets in. You cant MAKE her see them if she clearly doesn't want to or just is in denial about them. I urge you to pray about that God reveal those things to her. In the meantime though, come on... don't let your wife talk to you like crap or treat you like crap.
She can be in her little bad moods all she wants to, but it is unacceptable for her to disrespect you as the man of that house.

I would tell her look, you can be moody all day long, but your gonna have to take your attitude into another room. Her mood swings dont just affect you, they affect your children to

One other thing - I am actually one those old fashioned Christians who believes in the Biblical model of the family - that husband is the head of the wife(and family) even as Christ is the head of the church(as the Bible states). She believes this as well, although both of us sometimes don't act on our beliefs.

I don't act on my beliefs when I don't call out my wife and children on their disrepectful ways sometimes, and she is not acting on her belief when she disrepects me.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Actually recently I have been taking her to task on her disrepect...that day I told her I did not appreciate how she talked to me in front my son, she shook it off as me overreacting, she even tried to say she was just joking with me (with the gay comments) but I know the tone of her voice was not joking...it was mood swing of anger.

Even when kids are not around I have recently taken her to task when she calls me an idiot or jerk, and I am trying to do better. That is a flaw of mine - both with her and my kids...because I am happy go lucky, easy going guy, a bit of joker at times, I don't have the kind of presense that demands respect. But I do take my kids and her to task sometimes when they are disrepectful and I need to do it more.

Its funny sometimes she gets on my kids for being disrespectful to me - and just think - "well what do they see from you many times?"

I'm glad to hear your stepping up and letting her know she cant talk to you that way

 

[Strong1]

Hey friend!

Speaking as a person who struggles with anger.....(and am extremely aware of it, and also in councilling)
are you aware that "Anger" is a symptom of a deeper issue. Is there something deeper that you know about where your wife is coming from, that you just havent shared? Im reading your posts, and I feel as though I know your wife.
I could bet, that if you think you know everything about her past, there's more that she hasnt shared ....yet.

 

[shekaniah]

"love is blind" - agreed, and as my pastor sometimes jokes from the pulpit when speaking of marriage issues - "Love is blind...but marriage is a real eye opener"...LOL I almost broke up with her at one point over her criticalness and moodiness when we were dating...but I could'nt bring myself to do it. I saw too much good in her for that...and she truly does love the Lord - much more so than my first wife did.

We did try counseling a couple times, once with a christian counselor totally unfiliated with our church and the second with our Pastor(whom she seems to be more comfortable with). Unfortunately neither time really dug up the issues I am seeing.

The first counselor(not a our pastor - a liceneced therapist) - she really didn't like - this counselor would just spend sessions listening to us and offering very little advice - one of the strangest counseling methods I have seen, I would have kept going anyway, but my wife thought it was a waste.

The second attempt we made was with our Pastor, but he tends to gloss things over. He just wrote off many of our problems as us just being married a couple of years and getting to know one another. He did recommend she ask her doctor about anti-anxiety meds which she did get on a few months ago.

But even with her on anti-anxiety meds - she still has these bouts of extreme moodiness and criticalness. I will give an example - last weekend(my kids were with us) and she has a lot of pet peeves that come our super strong when these moody times hit.

My son and I were talking in kitchen..laughing and joking about something...and she starts out of no where yelling at me about having change in my wallet in front of my son. She hates me to have any change in my wallet - she said "only gay men keep change in their wallet - do I have to get you a purse! stop acting so gay by keeping change in your wallet" she then dumped all the change out into the change bowl.

I asked her what was wrong - and she said nothing - I just needed to keep my change in my pants like a normal man.

Another example would be say I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for myself. Sometimes I forget and leave the peanut butter on the counter instead of putting it back in the cabinent. If she is in an ok mood, I probably won't here about it. But if she is in one of "those" moods - I won't here the end of it - how I can not clean up after myself and how irresponsible I am.

Now if she were to leave something out - which she does on occasion...I would not say anything to her...it does not bother me to put something away for her.

She sounds like my husband...
I think its just her personality.
If my husband it stressed out about work or has something on his mind...look out!
My kids and I call it; "a rampage" we can't do nothing right,
I sing or humm worship songs softly and he calms down.
I have never even told him why I do it, it just seems to work.
I will pray God gives you insight how to clam her spirit.
Take care, Shekaniah

 

[pzsl3j]

Hey friend!

Speaking as a person who struggles with anger.....(and am extremely aware of it, and also in councilling)
are you aware that "Anger" is a symptom of a deeper issue. Is there something deeper that you know about where your wife is coming from, that you just havent shared? Im reading your posts, and I feel as though I know your wife.
I could bet, that if you think you know everything about her past, there's more that she hasnt shared ....yet.

Well I know she has a hard life. Her childhood was good from what I know - two loving parents who took pretty good care of her and her sister. She graduated highschool with honors.

The hard part of her life started when she was 18 and married her highschool boyfriend. He treated her horribly after they got married(not physical abuse, but a lot of mental abuse). He was pretty much a thug. Not long after she divorced him(after 5 years of marriage) - he ended up going to prison for being an accomplice to armed robbery.

He was very lazy and she had to support him(by working and she went to school). From what I understand she has always been type A - very indepedent, but that made her even more so.

 

[loveme1]

You must explain to your wife how you feel, do not leave it until she is in a bad mood....

Could it be something you do or do not do? by talking to her you may be surprised to find your wife is frustrated with you also....

Do not keep a log of her behavior.

This is not going to do anything but give you a list of against her, to go at her with.

You do not know the number of days you will walk this earth deal with this today.

Forgive her each day before you sleep...(Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us.)

Pray for the strength to comfort and forgive your wife during these outbursts.

May Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah Bless you and your family.