Mom& Daughter...my past relationship issues

[ElsaElsa]

This is a long story.
I dated a guy for 4 years. I got saved after our first anniversary. I was so excited about the gospel and wished that he would get saved. You can imagine the conflicts and heart breaking in the whole process.
Basic reasons that he rejected Christ:
His parents dislike me. They think Christians are weird.
He thinks I am too religious.
He doesn't care about life after death.
He hates the fact that the gospel states that "We are all sinner...". He believes we are all genuinely good.

And the reason that I was attracted to him was because he is a very talented and diligent person.

Anyway, but there are just too much about him that really bothers my conscious.
One last straw that made me decide to break up with him was like he asked me if I would have sex with him.
I was in total shock and disbelief.
And yes, he thinks it is crazy that I actually don't want to have sex till I get married.
I told my mom everything about this guy, except this.
I think she would be so shocked and scared. It is just not necessary. I think. And it is awkward too.

So when I decided to break up with him, my mom was very upset.
She got saved 2 years after I got saved. So she believes that I should continue to encourage my bf and win him to the Lord. And you guys know that is not possible. It is God's work, not mine.

It has been another 3 years since we broke up. I was in depression deep down for the past three years. I miss the guy, but he has kept his distance, and I believe that was a good thing for us.

I was telling mom his final words to me the last time he talked to me.
He said:
Would you date me if I still love you very very much, but I will not change, will not accept Jesus. Is that a possibility?

I wanted to say a loud NO, but I was in tears, so I told him I am not the one to make the decision, God is.
So we left me.

I was telling mom that I finally feel like I was doing the right thing because part of me felt like I shouldn't leave him. And I told her what he told me the day we officially broke up.
I can't believe what mom said!!!!
She told me I should have told him that "I will always be there for him and not talk about religion anymore."


She told me I am a stubborn person and should have hurt the guy like that.
I was so mad at her. I told her that I only want to tell you that my heart has been feeling much relieved lately. This guy is still far from God. I don't feel like it is all my fault now. He has the right to make the choice. He can decide who he wants to trust.

She tells me she cares about me, but still needs to tell me that I was wrong and should have said something that day.

I am so upset and I just walked back into my room.

I know this is not a serious family issue.
But does that ever occur to you that you believe you are doing the right thing, something God asks you to do, what Bible teaches you to do...but someone who is so close to you doesn't seem to understand what you are going through?

Maybe I am selfish. All I want to hear from mom was that she understands and she will pray that I eventually find the right person someday.

This is not the first time that she has said something similar to this that has really hurt me.

Maybe I am selfish??

My heart is just aching and I need some suggestions.

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

It is always good to obey your conscience before God and yes, people close to us can hurt us, but that can become part of our growing process.

 

[spirit]

Go with your heart. Its not your mum who is going to marry or go out with him. Its you

 

[Ugly]

You're not at all selfish. You're following what you believe God is leading you to. Remember, the bible predicts that following God will cause conflict with those around us, even our own family. Its obvious your mom is still very spiritually immature.
Also you're right for not dating him in hopes of him becoming saved. That is such as waste of time. What if he never gets saved? How long do you stay with them? Its a silly concept and not supported by the bible at all.
I think you're making all the right decisions, and for the right reasons. Just remember making the right decisions doesn't mean making the popular ones. Just stick to your guns, and maybe try to find gentle ways to teach your mother the reasons for your decisions and try to find biblical support for your reasons as well. Do you go to the same church? Maybe you can discuss it with your pastor and have him talk to her.

 

[ElsaElsa]

Thank you guys. This has been very comforting.
My parents attend a church that is more "liberal". I tried to invite them to the church that I attend, but they want to stay with there friends.
I don't come home often since I am a grown up. I am spending the summer with my family because of a job situation.
Sometimes I feel like it is better for me to stay away from my parents. There's just no chance for conflicts and bad moments when we don't see each other. We stay closely in touch through phones/fb when I am not around them. I have to deal with my homesick emotions there, but when I am here, I have to figure out how to get alone with them.
My parents are loving and responsible parents. I am thankful of them.
I need wisdom to know what to say or how to act when they are being unreasonable.
It is hard!
Even with some very small things.
Today we were in a restaurant, perfectly happy time. All of a sudden mom gets mad at the waitress because she forgot about our to-go box. I mean...seriously!!? I was so mad at her. I told her it was not necessary to act like that. The restaurant was packed! Then she got mad at me and said "how dare you to talk to me like this?"

It is easy to say, I want to be Christ Like, but in reality. It is so difficult!! People are just so emotional and hard to get along. I NEED GOD.

 

[AdorableNoel]

Straight forward: Your mom was wrong, and even wronger to say that to you.

Your right, it is not your job to make him love God. He's heard about God and still chose not to listen, that's something he will have to deal with. I pray that one day he'll set his life straight but that's no human's responsibility but his!
Don't let your heart hurt because of that, the guy wasn't worth your effert if he isn't a man of God. And if you must tell your mom how you feel, but in a respectable manner.. if you guys arent touchy-feeling then just let her speak and don't disrespect her.. it's hard.

I pray that you will go to God when you feel like this and listen closely to Him, and let Him mend to your heart. He is The Healer, He heals all pains.

God Bless! <3

 

[BrittanyJones]

You are very, very mature for your age! Bless you for doing what God wants you to do. It definitely is very clear in the bible not to date those who are not believers in Jesus.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
1 Corinthians 6


Your mom is a new christian and will grow in the Lord and understanding of His ways so just pray for her. I am blessed that my mom became a christian before I did so when I was dating a non christian her advice was based on several years of growing in the Lord. I was so convinced that my boyfriend would come around but what I eventually came to realize was that I was not having fellowship in a relationship with someone who could help me grow in the Lord, instead I found I was compromising to keep the peace. Instead of growing in leaps in bounds in my faith, it was definitely slowed down.