Need Godly Advice

[jesusislord5288]

My marriage has been 7 yrs of heartache. My husband is not saved. He has not been a very good husband. He has had struggles with drugs and alcohol, among other things. Due to all of those problems we separated 3 yrs ago and during that separation God saved me and put into me a true love for my husband and a desire to save my marriage that I had never known. I felt so strongly that God would use my testimony to reach my husband. God did such a work in me and gave me such a passion for marriage that I have even ministered to other women in failing marriages. I was so confident that one day, my husband would be saved and all the pain and suffering that I endured with him would be well worth it. We also have two children together, 7 and 5.

Well at the beginning of the year I found out my husband was having an affair. We were immediately divorced. Two months later he tells me he wants God in his life, and he wants our family back together. So we started talking and trying to reconcile and talked about remarriage. About a month ago, he tells me that the woman he had left me for is pregnant, actually conceiving while we were still married. He says he wants to be a part of the baby's life, but wants to remarry me. Now I don't know what to do. I have prayed and prayed over this, but either I'm hurting so badly that I can't hear God, or God has chosen to remain silent. He's not giving me any direction on what to do and I want more than anything to be in the center of His Will for my life. Is God trying to show me that my husband will never change and continue to make poor choices that hurt his family, or could it be the other way and God is going to use what looks to be a hopeless situation for His Glory? I just don't know about anything anymore. I hurt so badly I think sometimes the pain in my heart will kill me. Just hoping that someone can give me an objective opinion backed by scripture. Thanks.

 

[4GvnNot4Gotn]

Just a thought but it's not this child's fault that they were born as a result of the sin of the father. Babies are gifts from God as well as unintended consequences of sin (sometimes, like here).

You said that God gave you back a love for your husband. You were Biblically correct in divorcing under the law, however, Christ has shown us example after example of His love for us while we are yet sinners.

It sounds like you want to reconcile but the emotional baggage and reminder of your husbands unfaithfulness (the baby) may bring resentment.

I've been one who sinned and paid the price of losing my family. There is no greater pain or sadness. Although it was over 10 years ago it still hurts. The one thing I do know is that when I cried out to God, "When am I going to be normal again?" He responded with "What is your version of normal? I'm going to give you a "new" normal. All that was old is passed away. I don't promise you won't have tears, sorrow, pain or regrets but I do promise to listen, comfort, restore, bless, heal and hear you."

It's really hard to drive forward if you are always looking in the rearview mirror. Search your heart and understand that there are realities that you have to be able to live with and consequences yet to come, however, is it worth it and can you allow yourself to forgive (including forgiveness of that baby).

You've done nothing wrong. Nothing. Hold fast and know that somethings are processes and not events. You stayed for 7 years and have two children. Keep your head up and remember that when you've done everything you can to "Stand" ... just "Stand".

Blessings

 

[Coach]

I will pray for you, remember "GOD is faithful, he will never forsake you, he never lies", this helps me. God bless!

 

[surrender2God]

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Sorry for the pain this has caused you. Praying God will lead, guide, and direct you in the way that you should go. God is the only one who truly knows the outcome or what's best for you and all involved.

 

[Lucy68]

So sorry to hear about your struggle, sister. I can well understand how your heart is broken right now. However, I am thrilled to hear about your husband's heart change and new direction.

I just encourage you to forgive him for his affair and remember that the baby is an innocent victim also.

Praying for the Holy Spirit to give you the strength you need to totally forgive your husband and embrace this child...you may be the greatest Christian influence in his or her life.

I'm also praying that your husband continues on the path he's on...he will probably need your strength and guidance to do so.

By saying this, I by no means suggest that you be a doormat to whatever bad behavior he exhibits...but I do hope you give him another chance

 

[psychomom]

Child of God, beloved of your Father, I, too, extend my sympathy to you, and feel sorrow with you, and weep with you, sister.

My advice is this: Be certain that your husband has a true, living relationship with Jesus before you commit to him again. The Word says we will be known by our fruit...unless he shows fruit of a regenerated life, please be very wary. You do not want to go through something like this again.

He may very well be sincere, and that would be great! But wanting God in his life and being redeemed, allowing Jesus to be Lord of his life are different things. We are not to be unequally yoked, dear one. For all your sakes, be sure. And I'd recommend some sort of pre-marital counseling, should you decide it's God's will to remarry. A faithful pastor or Christian counselor would be good choices.
Will he attend church with you and the children? A good first step, perhaps?
You will also need to search your heart to be certain you have counted the cost of this, because the mother of his new child will always be in your life. This can be trying, so be sure you know the Lord will equip you to deal with it for the next 20 years or so...and, of course, she'll still be his/her mommy long after that. You'd need to know God has made it possible for you to forgive them both fully and from the heart.

I don't envy you...for your children, I am sure you would like for this to work, and I believe you love your husband, too.
I'm sorry to have not given you scripture references; I don't have my Bible with me, and don't know the Word as well as I ought.

But I do pray you will be blessed with the Lord's own wisdom, and for healing for your heart. I also have prayed for your precious little ones. ♥
~ellie

 

[redemption]

Keep separate & pray until the matter is settled within your spirit. I agree that his faith if genuine will produce fruit.

 

[shekaniah]

I agree with what most of the other posts.
You are very blessed if your childrens father come to Christ.
Fan that flame!!! I know a few women who have walked in your shoes.
They have a strong marriage and even love the other women and child.

Remember this is all temporary.

2 Cor 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

When I think about what I should do...I try to remember what is to come.
I want to hear Him say "job well done, good and faithful servant."

Matt 25:23
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Ask God for wisdom...
James 1:5
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

I will pray too.

 

[CoreyMBailey]

I agree with Lucy. If he's wanting you back and asking forgiveness from you try and work it out. God never intended for there to be divorce. Your husband sinned and now has caused a world of hurt and distrust, but the good thing is that you both love each other. And like Lucy said, "you may be the greatest Christian influence in his or her life." There may be a bigger purpose for your lives here and it's up to you whether you wish to accept the challenge or not. It's sad that you have to deal with this and have all the bad thoughts of what happened but God can get you through and again you both love each other...hold tight to that. Even if you husband makes poor stupid descisions he's still the head. 1 Cor. 7:10-11, "...Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband:" I think everything will work itself out and be ok. Just remember you're there to help your husband and with your help and loving attitude you two could go far and do many wonderful things.

 

[Risen]

Isaiah 43:18 and 19 Forget the former things do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing, now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Ask God to give you His love and His forgiveness and the strength and the courage to forgive your husband and the mother of his child. Only by the strength and grace of God, you will be able to release yourself as well as your husband and the mother of his child to God's hand. Pray for them that they both be drawn to God's love and forgiveness.

Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done. the saving of many lives.

My husband left me for another man's wife a little more than two years ago. We have been married for 21 years and we had 6 children. He told me that the other lady is pregnant with his child and he wanted to be part of his child's life. Words can not express the pain and the hurt that I went through along with my children. Life was unbearable, my children gave me the reason to live. I had entertained suicide thoughts and had I been childless, I would have committed suicide. I mourn the lost of my husband for more than a year. At the end of the one year, I was filled with anger and resentment that I went after my husband's new partner with a push knife. I decided that if I can not kill myself then it would be worth it for me to kill her instead. I thought that I would rather spend the rest of my life in jail than to allow her to have my husband.

I was saved shortly after I went after my husband's partner with the push knife. When I accepted Christ love and forgiveness, it was a U turn, 180 degree turn. I asked God's forgiveness over all the anger, hurt, self-pity, self-fish, murderous motives you name it. I asked Him to please save me. God did healed me emotionally, mentally and physically. I started studying the bible about his unconditional love and forgiveness, I also study about His will for my life. I know that God called me to be like Him. That I love like He loves, that I forgive like he forgives and that I live like the way he lives. I just fall in love with Him and his words. I was so surprise when I met my husband and his partner about 6 months later that I was talking to them as if we were never separated. I can only thank God for I know that He has delivered me from the bondage of sin. He has taken my burden upon Himself and set me free. I now look at my husband and his partner as a brother and a sister that Christ died for and are in need of His love and forgiveness as much as I did when He saved me. I pray for them that they do will experience God's love and forgiveness the way I did.

I know that I am God's beloved and I am dearly loved and treasured by Him. He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Please know that you are precious in God's eyes and as much as He wants to set you free, He will wait for you to give Him the chance to do so.
Isaiah 43:4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you ... God loves you and you are honored and precious in His sight.

Reach out and accept God's gift of life (Christ) and live life to the full as He intends you to.

I no longer desire to know the reason why my husband left, for I know that the bible teaches me to give thanks to the Lord in all circimstances 1Thessalonians 5:18 for it is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. Roman 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Jeremaiah 29:11 For I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Learn to believe and trust God's promises through His living word.

All is well.

Please know that God is with you always.

 

[Ugly]

When God was encouraging you to reconcile, He knew the baby was coming. He wasn't caught off guard and changed His mind. He told you to reconcile with the knowledge of the baby. Just because this new event entered your life, doesn't mean God has changed. Maybe God stopped answering you because He already made it clear and its only you thinking that the baby changes anything. I suggest do what God says and don't short change Him by thinking He couldn't see this coming.