What's a Mother to do???

[Neal]

I have heard of families with issues with children distancing themselves. The reason, I am not sure. I have issues with my children, but never to that extent until May. My youngest son has decided not to speak to me via phone or in person. He will answer a Happy 4th wish. I try not to let this bother me, but I have been extremely good to him. He is always needing money, borrow car, washing clothes. Now that I have been out of work and sick he decides to do this number. My oldest son has been great and I vented to him yesterday. I know I need to pray and let it go, but I want to retaliate and stop paying for his insurance, stop paying for his daughters phone and take down his pictures from the house. I am hurt and I need to get some sort of closure to this.

 

[Nautilus]

Is there a reason behind it? That may be what needs to be addressed ainstead if so. Otherwise thats just how some people are. My sister talks to my parents every day to every other day. I might talk to them twice a month, its not because I dont care its just the type of person i am...

 

[JimJimmers]

Well Neal, if he is being genuinely and purposely hurtful, you can Biblically stop paying his insurance or whatever you feel led to do. The Bible says not to cast pearls before swine. If he has a daughter, he should be paying for her things anyway, I think. But that's up to you.

 

[Neal]

To Nautilus: I could try to say the reason I think, but he has to tell me what his issue is. Especially since they have been on their own, I try to keep it 100. If I can't tell my kids the real, noone will.

To Jim: Yes, I should have stopped long ago. I have given him a false sense of security with your finances. Yes, he should be doing this for his daughter, but he has been the "needy" one and pulling the "baby" card. I will have to read the passage that explains "not to cast pearls before swine".

Thank you both.

 

[JimJimmers]

You're welcome. I wasn't calling your son swine, of course, but if someone is walking over you, you don't have to just keep 'being nice' for the rest of their life. Don't repay evil with evil, but you don't have to pay him for it either. -JIM

 

[Neal]

You are correct. Thank you for the reply. I went to Matthew 7:6 and read the scripture verse. I also read some explanations of the verse. It is correct and helps you from beating your head against the wall. Good verse, now I have to post that where I can see it.

 

[Lucy68]

If he's old enough to have a daughter, he's old enough to be paying his own car insurance .

And if his daughter is old enough to have a phone, her dad should be paying for that phone.

I wouldn't stop paying out of 'retaliation' but simply because your son needs to act responsibly. Especially now that you're having financial issues.

Try to maintain as good as a relationship with him as possible but don't do for him what he should be doing for himself.

Praying for you and your sons that these issues can worked out with love and understanding .

 

[Risen]

I love my mum so dearly and I try my best to go and visit her every three years with my kids, She lives in another country. I know that my mum loves me with all her heart. I will talk to her once or twice a year. I am my brothers and sisters are very close but we all have our families now. My mum travels around where my brothers and sisters lives and I am the only one who lives in another country. When we all come together, it's like it was just yesterday that we did not see each other.

God is the answer to all the problems that we have. He can supply all that we need and we do not have to depend on our children. We depend on God and it is God's business to set us free from whatever burdens that we carry. God knows us better than our children and He will better meet our needs too. He has all the resources!!!!!

The only debts that we should carry is the debt of loving God with our all and loving our neighbour as ourself. God can turn your children heart to you, continue to uphold them in your prayers.

 

[Neal]

I thank everyone for the posts. I did see my son and he said he was upset because I do not tell him things going wrong with me. well, I think that is his reason that he said, but I feel that is a cop out. @Risen, I appreciate your post. you can be close with someone even if you do not see them daily or talk with them daily. It needs to be that understanding. I keep prayer close to my daily activities, because it can be like quick sand or dirt piled on top by a bull dozer if you dont.

 

[dmdave17]

Dear Neal,

I am saddened to hear about your situation, but saddened also to hear your reaction. When Peter asked our Lord how many times we should forgive our brothers, didn't the Lord say something like "seventy time seven". I'm pretty certain that this probably applies to children too. Lucy 68 and the others are absolutely correct that your son needs to learn to fend for himself, but I believe that cutting him off over this situation would not send the right message. It would be telling him that it is ok to get angry with someone and react in kind to that anger, rather than tryimg to resolve the situation in a loving, mutually responsible manner.

If it were me, and I have an adult daughter who is something of a "nere do well", I would try to calmly discuss the situation with him. I would point out the reasons why I was cutting off his payments, say, three or four months from now, and explain that I believed it was for his own good. I would give him the opportunity to explain why he still needed the help and honestly consider his answers. (The cell phone, not so much.) Try to remember that there are more factors in play here than just his "taking advantage of you". He is your flesh and blood, as is your granddaughter. If you were helping him out of love, none of us have a right to judge your motives.

In any case, I believe that you need to forgive your son. I have found that forgiveness is just as beneficial to the forgiver as it is to the "forgivee".

God be with you in your dilemma.