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Hi, I'm new here. I was hoping to get some advice on what to do about my husband who's ignoring me.
Let me give you a background story.
We've been together 12 years in total, but married only since 2006. We've always been very close, very dependent towards each other. Before he left for Dubai in 2010, our worlds revolved around each other, our kids, and Church.
October 2011, he started not to communicate with me and he stopped sending money to us all together. People were saying that that was a sign that he was cheating on me, but I refused to believe that he could cheat on me. I trusted him completely.
He came home for a vacation last March, apologized for misbehaving and explained why he acted the way he acted. He said it was because he spent so much time with his friends partying and boozing. He said he was stupid for doing that and that he was never going to do it again. I believed him and forgave him and moved on. I got pregnant.
He went back to Dubai in April. I didn't want him to go back. He didn't want to go back, but because his contract wasn't finished, he had to go back because we were being practical and we were thinking about our children and our finances.
June. NO COMMUNICATION FROM HIM WHATSOEVER, but he sent financial support.
July. One night I was being abnormally anxious about so many things, except the issues I was having with my husband, I wasn't even thinking about my husband! Something or someone, an almost audible voice, told me I should check my husband's inbox. I never check his inbox except for when he asks me to help him email something or access something from his inbox. Even then, when I decided to go into his inbox, I wasn't expecting to find anything, because I trusted him completely.
I WAS DEVASTATED when I saw multiple messages from a woman telling him she loves him "too". I investigated further and found that their relationship started since that OCTOBER, when he started not to communicate with me. And to make things worse, while he was home in March, I found that my husband was still communicating with her behind my back.
To say that I was angry would be the understatement of the century! I retaliated. I accessed his Facebook account and posted stuff on there to humiliate them both. I wanted them both to go to jail for their adulterous actions. I contacted the police, the courts, their employer but to no avail.
I cried, I prayed, I cried some more... I asked God to take control. I asked Him to just help me with the pain... I asked him to lead me to a place where I can find peace. Then an almost audible voice told me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. As I was meditating on those words, peace came over me. I knew then, that my vengeance will come from God and that He will not leave me and that He will get me through this.
Everything I was reading points me to forgiveness. And to be honest, just the thought of forgiveness, gave me peace. My family was not supportive of my decision to forgive and to try and work things out with my husband, but I told them, this is where God was leading me and it was where I was finding peace.
I DECIDED TO FORGIVE HIM. We talked and talked. I cried some more and cried some more, but I forgave him and I am giving him the chance to make things right.
I told him that he cannot stay in Dubai another minute longer while he was so close to temptation. I was afraid of what the other woman could do or what could happen. To pacify me, he said he would come home as soon as he can so we can start over. But as days pass, it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to come home because he was absolutely humiliated about what happened and that he doesn't know how to face everyone who knows about what he's done.
I told him that I was going to be beside him and that I will hold his hands as he apologized to people and that what matters most is that we fix what we need to fix in our marriage together, not apart. He seemed to have been convinced and promised to come home in September as soon as he's served his 1 month resignation notice. However, it turns out that if he resigns, the company will not pay for his ticket to come home. He isn't earning a lot of money there, but better than what he can earn if he was in the Philippines.
September became November, then November became "I'm not ready to come home"
I told him that as long as we are apart, we will not be able to work on our broken marriage and that things will just be worse. He asked for me to give him a little trust even though he knows that's a long shot. I told him, okay and that he can come home whenever he feels he's ready. As far as when that is, I don't know. I asked him the only thing I need is for you to communicate with me constantly. He promised that he will do that. But he keeps going back on his word, taking back whatever hope and whatever peace I have.
Now, how do I interpret his actions? I know that he isn't a man of his word. What do I do about it. I want to stop hurting. I want to stop crying. I just want to move on, but I don't want to give up on him....
I'm pregnant and I'm depressed and I'm always crying... What should I do?
Please pray for me and my husband. My name is Donabel and my husband is Anthony.
Thank you so much!!!
Let me give you a background story.
We've been together 12 years in total, but married only since 2006. We've always been very close, very dependent towards each other. Before he left for Dubai in 2010, our worlds revolved around each other, our kids, and Church.
October 2011, he started not to communicate with me and he stopped sending money to us all together. People were saying that that was a sign that he was cheating on me, but I refused to believe that he could cheat on me. I trusted him completely.
He came home for a vacation last March, apologized for misbehaving and explained why he acted the way he acted. He said it was because he spent so much time with his friends partying and boozing. He said he was stupid for doing that and that he was never going to do it again. I believed him and forgave him and moved on. I got pregnant.
He went back to Dubai in April. I didn't want him to go back. He didn't want to go back, but because his contract wasn't finished, he had to go back because we were being practical and we were thinking about our children and our finances.
June. NO COMMUNICATION FROM HIM WHATSOEVER, but he sent financial support.
July. One night I was being abnormally anxious about so many things, except the issues I was having with my husband, I wasn't even thinking about my husband! Something or someone, an almost audible voice, told me I should check my husband's inbox. I never check his inbox except for when he asks me to help him email something or access something from his inbox. Even then, when I decided to go into his inbox, I wasn't expecting to find anything, because I trusted him completely.
I WAS DEVASTATED when I saw multiple messages from a woman telling him she loves him "too". I investigated further and found that their relationship started since that OCTOBER, when he started not to communicate with me. And to make things worse, while he was home in March, I found that my husband was still communicating with her behind my back.
To say that I was angry would be the understatement of the century! I retaliated. I accessed his Facebook account and posted stuff on there to humiliate them both. I wanted them both to go to jail for their adulterous actions. I contacted the police, the courts, their employer but to no avail.
I cried, I prayed, I cried some more... I asked God to take control. I asked Him to just help me with the pain... I asked him to lead me to a place where I can find peace. Then an almost audible voice told me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. As I was meditating on those words, peace came over me. I knew then, that my vengeance will come from God and that He will not leave me and that He will get me through this.
Everything I was reading points me to forgiveness. And to be honest, just the thought of forgiveness, gave me peace. My family was not supportive of my decision to forgive and to try and work things out with my husband, but I told them, this is where God was leading me and it was where I was finding peace.
I DECIDED TO FORGIVE HIM. We talked and talked. I cried some more and cried some more, but I forgave him and I am giving him the chance to make things right.
I told him that he cannot stay in Dubai another minute longer while he was so close to temptation. I was afraid of what the other woman could do or what could happen. To pacify me, he said he would come home as soon as he can so we can start over. But as days pass, it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to come home because he was absolutely humiliated about what happened and that he doesn't know how to face everyone who knows about what he's done.
I told him that I was going to be beside him and that I will hold his hands as he apologized to people and that what matters most is that we fix what we need to fix in our marriage together, not apart. He seemed to have been convinced and promised to come home in September as soon as he's served his 1 month resignation notice. However, it turns out that if he resigns, the company will not pay for his ticket to come home. He isn't earning a lot of money there, but better than what he can earn if he was in the Philippines.
September became November, then November became "I'm not ready to come home"
I told him that as long as we are apart, we will not be able to work on our broken marriage and that things will just be worse. He asked for me to give him a little trust even though he knows that's a long shot. I told him, okay and that he can come home whenever he feels he's ready. As far as when that is, I don't know. I asked him the only thing I need is for you to communicate with me constantly. He promised that he will do that. But he keeps going back on his word, taking back whatever hope and whatever peace I have.
Now, how do I interpret his actions? I know that he isn't a man of his word. What do I do about it. I want to stop hurting. I want to stop crying. I just want to move on, but I don't want to give up on him....
I'm pregnant and I'm depressed and I'm always crying... What should I do?
Please pray for me and my husband. My name is Donabel and my husband is Anthony.
Thank you so much!!!
What A roller coster ride you've been on! I'm so sorry to hear what you have been and are going through! I can't imagine the pain and hurt this is caused you and your family. I must say you are mighty and strong woman of God to have put up with the lies and the deceit that your husband caused and yet still being a faithful and loyal wife, forgiving him and still loving him! I truly see gods favour in your life and I know he is there for you and "will never leave nor forsake you!" Hebrews 13:5. I understand that you must be going through hell right now considering you put all your love and trust him and time and time again he broke that trust and hasn't so far done much to renew that trust! I know what is like to be in a long distant relationship as I'm in one myself, and I know for me that 'communication' is key to a long distant relationship! And ofcourse making sure that our relationship is 'God-centered'! I know my situation may differ but I know just how tough it is mainting the relationship just how it is before they move countries and ofcourse there are changes to the relationship once they settle in a seperate country from you but nothing major so that the both of you can't make things worse? My advice for you is to listen to GODS VOICE! Ask and believe in prayer want he wants you to do for your marriage?! I am not married and yes have no experience in this area but I do have heart for helping those in need and felt the need to comment! I truly do pray that will god will anoint you with his holy spirit! I pray for his wisdom, love, protection and guidance over you and your family! I know god will provide you with the with answers! All you have too do is ask and seek and you shall recieve! Believe and be expectant that god will work through your marriage! In gods timing you'll know what is best for you and your family!
