My husband is cheating again...prayer needed for myself, my children, and my marriage

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primcollector

Guest
#1
Hello. I am new to CC and I am in need of guidance. I'm not sure where to start but here it goes--My husband and I have been together for 20 years but married for 15. We have 2 children-18 and 12. Our relationship has been rocky to say the least. We seem to be stuck in a terrible cycle...every 4 to 5 years we have terrible financial problems and my husband has an affair. It has been 1 affair before we were married (he says that we were broken up but he forgot to tell me) and 3 since we have been married...this one makes 5 all together. The last one ended with a child conceived with the other woman (this child is not in our lives by choice of the mother and us). Every time this happens, it is always my fault according to him...the finances, I don't show him enough attention, the house isn't clean enough, our children do not listen because I am not strict enough with them...etc. So, I am always begging God to show me what I am doing wrong and help to change me for good. I am not perfect but I really try to please him. We are happy in between his fits of rage but things go back to the way they have always been. I just don't know how to stop this cycle.

For a period of about 5 years, we were very active in a wonderful church but my husband quit his job and we had to move. I have always had a strong belief in God and turn to him in times of need but I just can't understand why my husband continues to have affairs. I feel so sad, alone, and unwanted. My husband says that he is going to leave but hasn't gone yet. I have tried to talk to him and tell him that I know what is happening but he just says that it's all in my head and I am holding things over his head from before.

I pray for God's will to be done and when my husband realizes what he is giving up, I feel as though this is what God wants but why again. Everytime he has an affair, he wants to make things right and says he will never do it again but he always does. I do not believe in divorce but I do not think that I can go through this another time. My heart is shattered but the crazy thing is that I still love him and want my marriage!

I really need prayers and advice. Thank you for listening...God Bless.
 
Feb 11, 2012
1,358
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#2
I am praying for your situation, but what I am about to say may seem harsh,I pray it reaches you and your husband.

Obviously he isn't saved, and I don't know where your heart lies,nor do I know his heart, but from what you wrote I can judge him by his fruit, and its rotten!

This is the typical behavior of those who profess Christ today I am afraid, as its all a byproduct of all the liberal teachings coming from the apostate churches.

Repentance and faith both proven by deeds is thrown out the window, the preachers coddle those in great sin, telling them they were born that way, and Jesus understands and came to cover them in their sins, and be thier cloak of righteousness, etc.

I would take care of yourself and your children, flee this church as it seems thay are preaching the lie,IF anyone there thinks they are saved as they commit adultery,and many other vile sins that lead to death.

Come clean before God if you are in sin,be a strong light and witness to your children, and your husband, but you must do your first works first if you aren't in the faith,and under the great delusion.

It wont be easy in any way,shape or form, but this is the narrow way, forgotten today by most liberal churches,nothing matters anymore, and as long as you received Jesus by saying the sinners prayer you are good with God, and safe!

This is a lie from the pit!

Remember Jesus said the way was narrow and few will find it, you cannot change your husband he must come to the end of his rope so to speak and come to real repentance before God, he must lay aside all wickedness and filthyness in repentance to receive with meekness the implanted truth of the gospel, its a high price, but Jesus ppaid a higher one, to reconsile us back to His father, and we repent, and seek HIs great mercy,then He will see his great sin against you and your family, but if he was taught what I shared above then he will suffer the consequences of his actions, as the soul who sins shall die!


What will be the end of those disobeying the gospel of God?



1Pe 4:17 For the time has come for the judgment to begin from the house of God. And if it first begins from us, what will be the end of those disobeying the gospel of God?


1Pe 4:18 And if the righteous one is scarcely saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear?


1Pe 4:19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls in well-doing, as to a faithful Creator.

When it comes to the message of the cross, and what constitutes a real saving faith in the professing Christian world, you don’t have to go far to see just how far off the mark the gospel being preached today has come!
Its miles, and miles away from what was established by Christ and His followers many centuries ago! Today the truth has become an outright lie, making it virtually impossible for the truly seeking individual to find any truth whatsoever in the churches and denominations today.
God has made it clear through His disciple Peter, that His judgment will begin first and foremost in the house of God, which is His church, but today the church system as we call it, if so far off from being the house of God, that His judgment is coming sooner than later!
How can anyone in this mess ever come to a saving faith, which is the simple message Christ and His devout followers preached right from the beginning, He cried, repent or perish, turn and forsake your evil ways, and follow me on the straight and narrow way!
But today it’s just the opposite, the house of God is more like a den of thieves, full of unconverted professing Christians, fighting with everything they have to preserve their saved in sin, substitution gospel, that is a far cry from what the early church taught and died for!
Now IF you do the research you can clearly see just how these powerful scriptures are coming into the light! Just go to most churches, or question the popular ministries, and it’s all the same message, of just confess, trust and believe Jesus took your place, and the wrath of God has been lifted from you, because you accepted this lie, telling you when you throw out all the fluff, that you can sin like the devil and still make it into the kingdom, because you said the prayer, cried a few tears, but did nothing to come before all mighty God the judge of all, broken and contrite in real repentance and a working faith in Love. Galatians 5-6, 2Corin 7-10-11.
For those who do not shake and tremble at these verses, you should do a quick check to make sure you faith hasn’t become shipwrecked!
Since God is making it clear it will be difficult for the saved to enter into the kingdom, He then states what about those who disobey His truth? What will be their end? And I don’t think He is telling us those who disobey are the ones you have not received Christ by saying a little prayer, hoping God will forgive and overlook all their sins against Him!
Gal 6:7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he also will reap.
Gal 6:8 For he sowing to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh. But he sowing to the Spirit will reap life everlasting from the Spirit.
Now if those who do what is right by God are scarcely saved, then what hope has the wicked and ungodly have?
God wasn’t joking when He said, few will be saved, many will take the wide, easy road, His wrath is upon the children of disobedience, and you must endure to the end to be saved!
So it’s vital to understand that the provision gospel isn’t the answer, in fact it’s so far from the truth, that many will not escape the snare of the lie coming right from the pit, that says you can sin and live, God doesn’t see your wicked heart, but Jesus, He loves you as you keep feeding your flesh in lust, greed, and idolatry, ignoring His commands to repent or perish!
Jesus didn’t repent for you, He didn’t become your righteousness, or take your wrath or punishment as many teach today, But He did create us in His own image, pure, and willing and able to choose our path in life, which many have already! They believe they can sin and disobey God, because all is done for them, and they received the gift!(the mark)
That is why its imperative we all work out our salvation with fear and trembling, make our calling sure, be doers OF the word and overcomers of sin, temptation and the devil remaining undefiled from the world, stand fast in the truth, keeping it pure and holy as we keep ourselves as commanded, otherwise you will fall away into perdition and may not come to real repentance and faith, proven by deeds as commanded in the word of God.
There is no such thing as easy salvation, it does come with high price, and many saint have fallen away into sin, and worldliness, forsaking their first love, thus proving what God clearly says, that even the righteous will have a difficult time staying pure and in the faith!
Jesus made a way through His great example for us to follow and obey, it takes diligence, self-control, and a strong desire to be holy as He is holy, not by some sort of provision He made for you, but by obeying from the heart, that has been made pure through repentance and an obedient faith, not based on some magical substitution, but based on a real commitment to the truth, and following Jesus on the narrow road.
Many are called, but few are chosen, and the chosen ones are simple the once who have actually crucified their flesh with Christ, Galatians 2-20, have come out of all the lies and deception, and standing firm on the gospel according to godliness handed down to the saints of old, who knew what it meant to walk a holy and separate life unto God, not trusting in a false provision, but on the power of Christ that set them free from sin. Now walking an upright life shining their light into the dark world, keeping pure and undefiled less they become disqualified and useless to their master!
They committed themselves to doing good and what is right, thus making them righteous and acceptable to God, not being perfect as God is, but walking in all humility, keeping their eye on the prize, and being certain they remain in His will and power to keep them strong in a world filled with many temptations, lies and pitfalls!
1Jn 3:7 Little children, let no one deceive you. He who does righteousness is righteous, even as that One is righteous.
1Jn 3:8 He who (produces) sin is of the Devil, for the Devil sins from the beginning. For this purpose the Son of God was revealed, that He might undo the works of the Devil.
1Jn 3:9 Everyone who has been born of God does not commit sin, because His seed remains in him, and he cannot sin, because he has been born of God.
It’s about doing what is right because we all have free will and ability to do it, doing wrong, which is willful, presumptions sin against God is of the devil and not OF God, Jesus came to put to death the works of the devil, not take our place as we remain a poor, helpless sinner, struggling and fleshing out every day, and those who are born again through the baptism of repentance, and receiving the spirit of God, do not sin!
Tommy
 
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angel28

Guest
#3
Wow, Can I give my opinion as a woman a married women of 7 years? my heart aches for you cause i know how it feels to be betrayed and feel like you are worthless. I have been there but people do to us what we allow them to do. God want us to be happy yes we will not always be happy because of the obstacles but i feel if God brings you to it he will bring you through it. I don't believe in divorce either but sometimes people are meant to be in our lives for a season and we keep them longer because of our own selfish reasons. I'm praying for you and your husband God is sitting high looking low he knows what you're going through keep praying and stay faithful. We can't change people but God can.
 
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chuinchoy

Guest
#4
It takes 2 to tango. By blaming you for his infedelity is very irresponsible on your husband part. Meanwhile, have you find out what is the actual reason? As a men myself, I think the only reason for me to have extra marital affair is my wife don't care or love me enough. Perhaps trying to see marriage counsellor would help. However, in this case both you and your husband must be committed to resolve the issue at hand, otherwise it would be very painstaking on the other party.

Another solution i can think of is letting your husband go since he has gone against his vows of marriage. You can claim for maintenance from him and seek custody of your child. i think the judge would normally give custody rights to the mother if the child is below 15 years old.
 
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Techer

Guest
#5
I am no marriage expert but, I have been married for 21 years. To me it seems that he is looking to people to fulfill his needs. He needs to turn to God then and only then will he fill the void he has in his heart. He needs to make the decision to repent and turn to God. You are not the problem. You did not nor can you force him to do the things he is doing. They are decisions on his part. You need to do what is right for you and your children. What that looks like is between you and God. Pray and he will show you the way.
 
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mommy_of_goober

Guest
#6
god doesn't want us to get a divorce when we have entered in to marriage, but he tells us that if there has been unfaithfulness that it is exceptable to get a divorce, I don't think God wants us to be unhappy in our marriage!




Matthew 19:3-9




And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality , and marries another, commits adultery.




I also believe that if a man or woman continues to cheat over and over, and then says they wont do it again.. then in a way it is your fault,(not trying to be mean or harsh, its just what I believe) because you are taking them back over and over, and so they always know that you will take them back, they have no reason to change! they need to want to change!
and honestly I think you deserve better, and I don't think you are sinning if you wanted to leave him, if it will make you happier in the long run, it will also be better for your children, because our children know when we are unhappy, and they tend to reflect our feelings, when we are sad it effects them and makes them unhappy!

I will pray God shows you the right path that is the best for you!
 
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GODSMASTERPIECE

Guest
#7
Do not feel so sad, alone, and unwanted. God LOves you so Much and you are never alone. You are God's Masterpiece :) . I pray that God gives you strength during this time. God Bless!
 
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JessW

Guest
#8
If he has cheated on you this many times in your marriage, odds say that he will continue to do so unless he changes his heart and give is to God and becomes a brand new person in Christ.
That is not something that you can force him into, he would have to decide for himself. Have you guys tried seeing a Chrsitian marriage counselor that could help you to both see your faluts and work through problems in your relationship?? Just a suggestion.

You are both in my prayers and your children also.
 
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quietstorm

Guest
#9
I have a question. The things that he complains about, does he help with those things? Does he help clean? Is he good with the money? Do the kids behave with him most of the time? And does he show you attention? Check yourself with what he says. Test yourself. Is what he says correct? I'm not saying he' s right. There is NO excuse for infidelity, but there may be reasons. I was in, what seems to be, the same situation. My advise is that when ever he accuses you, Take a silent deep breath, silently ask The Lord to help you to see the truth about what's really going on. Whether it ends up being you or him or both, you take responsibility for your part and...here's the really difficult part...pray The Lords blessings on your husband. With all your heart, pray good things for your husband. Pray that The Lord heal his heart, mind, and body. If he is not saved, pray for his salvation. If he is saved pray that he will allow The Lord to soften his heart so that he will humble himself before The Lord. When he is getting on your nerves pray for his well being. Now this is the even harder part.......pray for the child and his or her mother because the child didn't ask to be a part of this at all and deserves to know their family. Not the child
 
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Elijah3

Guest
#10
Your husband is in bondage. He needs deliverance. The fact that you and your husband were living in sin before marriage is working against you. You and your husband need to seek the counsel of a minister of God experenced in deliverance. Peace be unto you.
 

loveme1

Senior Member
Oct 30, 2011
8,083
190
63
#11
Let no one make you feel like it is your fault.

You have forgiven him time and time again that is to your credit and his shame.

Accept Yahshua the Messiah into your heart to be reconciled with Yahvah God.

Let Yahshua the Messiah lead you home in Truth and Spirit my friend.

I will not offer you any other advice than seek the Lord.

By his strength, comfort and wisdom there is a way.


Peace and Blessings in the name of Yahvah God and Yahshua the Messiah.
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#12
I have prayed for you and your family.
May God fill you with Spiritual Wisdom, comfort and peace.
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah
 
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flight316

Guest
#13
I met a woman once who stayed with her cheating husband. He gave her AIDS. She is in end stage.
 
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JoyFisher

Guest
#14
I think you should leave him. I understand you do not believe in divorce, but staying with him also makes it appear that you do not believe in the respect that your marriage deserves. Who cares if he leaves or not? You should leave. I am not saying necessarily divorce him. But move out and separate from him. Then put an ultimatum to him and leave the ball in his court to repent, make things right and work to be with you. You should not have to put up with this, and the fact that you do, teaches him not to respect you. If he is not willing to do that, I would get a divorce. God does allow divorce when the other person has cheated. If he keeps doing this, he has not really repented and is still continuing in his sin.
May God give you strength and wisdom, and ask Him to show you how much He values you. Because it seems you have not been allowing yourself the respect you deserve, as you are not getting it from your husband. Do not put up with being treated like trash any longer. You are not trash. And if you allow yourself to be treated as such, you are sending the wrong message to your husband.
 
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JoyFisher

Guest
#15
And ignore the suggestions that you are somehow to blame. My goodness, that is ridiculous.
 
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Cecillia504

Guest
#16
I will tell you plain out - there is only 1 person to blame and that is your husband. He has made a CHOICE to cheat. You did not force him to cheat. You did not do ANYTHING wrong. Cheaters will do that - they love to blame.

My husband cheated on my one time. I told him "If you cheat on me again, I am taking our daughter and I will leave you." God does not want you to be unhappy and it sounds like your husband has already checked out.

You are putting yourself at risk for STD's when you decide to forgive him - enough is enough. Your life is worth so much more and you are worth so much more then how he is treating you. You are a child of God and deserve to find happiness.

Talk to your pastor and get help leaving him. He isn't going to stop, and he isn't listing to you...otherwise he would have stopped the first time.

God understands and this is a test, you are in for a rough time. Pending on where you live, I can give you a legal rundown on what you are entitled to in a divorce and what your options are. I advise - get a job, save money for as long as you can stand living with that man.

I can't stress this enough - SAVE MONEY FIRST - if he is talking about divorcing you...let him initiate first if possible. It looks better in the courts eyes which will give you a slight upper hand. If you have questions, feel free to email me.
 
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jb

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
586
113
#17
It has been 1 affair before we were married...and 3 since we have been married...this one makes 5 all together...Every time this happens, it is always my fault according to him
Let me be quite frank, adultery is such an emotional and mental heartache for the injured party and God made provision (ie divorce) for the injured party (ie you) in such circumstances. He has done this 5 (five) times on you, he obviously doesn't know what being a husband/father is all about, but is only a cheating sod!

Tell him to pack his bags and take a hike!

Get support from good (Christian) friends, people who can support you in prayer and emotionally and mentally.

Yahweh Shalom...