Parenting Advice: 16 yo daughter wants to go to Hoodie Allen concert

[missmousey]

I'm looking for advice on whether our 16 yo daughter should be allowed to go to this concert. It's a Hip-Hop/RAP concert and she would be going with a friend and her parents. What does the bible say about this type of thing? She is a Christ follower as well and I want to be able to explain my decision.

 

[Jordache]

Do you know the content of the groups music? Do you know/trust the parents with the safety of your child? Do you trust their instinct about appropriate music for 16 yr old girls?

 

[MarkayMrk777]

Well, read their lyrics and then decide.

Just a warning. Can not post them on this site.

http://rapgenius.com/Hoodie-allen-no-interruption-lyrics

If this was my daughter, I was definitely put my foot down.
Tell her these in now way glorifies God and there
are MUCH better Christian rap groups that glorify God.

Show her this:

[video]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCcW-guAs_s[/video]

 

[David_1]

This is a tricky one and will ultimately depend on your relationship with your daughter. Is she an immature 16 year old, or does she display some maturity?

The easy option in the now, would be to say No. But then you are simply avoiding the issue. You are not teaching her anything, and you are not giving her an opportunity to do the right thing. It also sends a message you don't trust her.

You could say Yes, but that's much harder. One positive is that you are saying she will be with the friend's parents? That is better than alone. It means you have to trust her, and give her an opportunity to start making adult decisions.

A lot of young people want to do exciting things, because they are young and silly. But they grow up later and grow out of it.

If you do decide to let her go, I'd sit her down and communicate that it's a big deal to you, that you are giving her Trust and that you trust her to do the right thing. (That kind of conversation would be a big deal to me as a kid). Certainly you could discuss the commandment about 'honouring your Mother and Father'.

If we don't allow them to do things and give them trust, then we don't give them opportunities to make honourable decisions.

http://bible.cc/ephesians/6-2.htm

 

[MarkayMrk777]

Wow, really messed up that last post. Sorry about that.

There are TONS of awesome Christian Rap groups, there is absolutely no reason a Christian girl should
be putting that garbage into their head.

That one song Promotes drugs, disrespectful to women, dishonesty, vulgarity, worldy pride, etc.

Seriously, have a talk with her and tell her music is great, but like all things in life
we need to make choices that glorify God and if she really likes rap music then
there are tons of Christian Rap that is just a good with a positive message that
lifts up glorifies God and does not disrespect Him.

 

[MarkayMrk777]

If you wanna be a cool mom, buy her some Flame tickets and
dress up gangster with you underwear hanging out. LOL

Now compare it to this:

FLAME - JOYFUL NOISE Lyrics

Your boy's been a Christian, quite a few years
Victory and faith, but I failed in my fears
I heard a lot of words that have tickled many ears
That's why I praise God for the Word that we adhere
The Word became flesh, lived for thirty years
Died at 33, but after days reappeared
Jesus Christ anointed one ascended in the air
Or you can say the air where the Father made Him heir
Of all things the throne know it's more than a chair
But after our redemption yes He did take a chair
Greater than the angels name superior to theirs
This is Hebrews Chapter 1 if you cared
I'm leaning to the right
The light is where I'm running
I thought I wanted life, drunk, sexed out and blunted
But all I really wanted was the One who really won it
Fought death, beat it gave His life to the public
I love it!
Angels surrounding His throne and
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
The whole earth is full of His glory
All nations bow to His name
His majesty fills the Heavens
Our hearts give thunderous praise
Declare the Lord is forever
Make a joyful noise in this place
Man I'm trying to lift Him high
Higher than the stars
I am not of this world like I'm from the planet mars
I love to preach Jesus you can read it in my bars
I'm pretty straight forward when I'm speaking bout my Lord
He paid the sin price being beat by Roman guards
But when He resurrected gave us life free of charge
Now me and my boys need to be in a psych ward
Cause we went crazy for God our lives was scared
Now in the Book of Life, our names have been written down
We're casting our crowns before His feet on the ground
It's such a holy melody and a heavenly sound
Hearing holy holy holy coming out of the mouth
Of the four living creatures by His throne all around
Can you picture the scene this this is how it's going down
You just need a little faith and a new set of eyes and a telescopic lens to look in and see God
I love it!
Angels surrounding His throne and
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
The whole earth is full of His glory
All nations bow to His name
His majesty fills the Heavens
Our hearts give thunderous praise
Declare the Lord is forever
Make a joyful noise in this place
One day we gon' be out man, like three strikes
And home son like a homerun CHRIST
IS � KING � LION � LAMB � GOD � MAN � SIN CONQUEROR � GRAVE CONQUEROR � SATAN CONQURER
Can take a sinner, atheist sinner to God conscience
Can take nothing
Make creation and lives honor
The same God that came through a fetus as Jesus
Limited to breathing
Got believers singing
Angels surrounding His throne and
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
The whole earth is full of His glory
All nations bow to His name
His majesty fills the Heavens
Our hearts give thunderous praise
Declare the Lord is forever
Make a joyful noise in this place

 

[MarkayMrk777]

Furthermore... Lead by example...

If you are listening to worldly music then start Listening to godly music... Watch godly TV.
If you have cable TV cancel it and get GloryStar or Sky Angel.

Might be hard fighting the flesh at first, but trust me you won't miss it and when you
do watch something after years of not having it you will utterly disgusted at what
people are watching now days.

 

[ChristianGuy0]

Here's advice from someone who was in a similar situation to your daughter.

I was in my teens and there was an event on in town, a "dance" for young people.. All my friends were going and I wanted to go SO bad.. What I was hoping for was meeting girls, but of course that's not how I phrased it to my mother. I told her that other parents would be there, that it would be totally innocent etc.

But my mother just would not give in. She refused to let me go.

So I didn't go.

The next day my friends told me amazing stories of all the making out and worse that happened, and I was really mad that I'd missed out on all that sin! I was furious at my mom for taking this opportunity away from me... Don't think that just cos children are pretty young, that they arn't involved in bad sins.

Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies. -Ps 58:3

Now that I'm in my 20's though, I can't think my mom enough for her parenting style. Her strictness kept me in line! It changed the way I turned out as an adult!

So my advice would simply to be strict.. Though she may resent you now for it, she will LOVE you for it when she is older.. and even if she doesn't, you will know deep in your heart that you did the right think to keep your child out of a possibly dangerous situation. Maybe nothing bad would happen at the concert, but at the end of the day there's only one way to know FOR SURE she won't get into a bad situation at the concert, and that's to keep her home, and when she's of age she can make her own choice on matters like this.

I noticed you said you wanted to explain the decision. I think sometimes an effective question to ask your child is simply, "What would God want you to do in this situation?" and see where the child's heart is at.

 

[needmesomejesus]

I'm looking for advice on whether our 16 yo daughter should be allowed to go to this concert. It's a Hip-Hop/RAP concert and she would be going with a friend and her parents. What does the bible say about this type of thing? She is a Christ follower as well and I want to be able to explain my decision.

I remember at 16 I begged my mom to let me go to a Chris Brown concert. Did she agree what he stood for? No! But she said I was old enough to make my own decisions, but she did give me a list of why I shouldn't go. I ended up not going, but later regretted it. Moral of the story: sometimes letting kids do their own thing is not a hundred percent bad idea.

 

[jimmydiggs]

I personally would recommend against it.

 

[Nautilus]

You have to let your daughter grow up eventually. I mean its one concert, nothing terrible is going to happen.

 

[Agricola]

Problem is in UK 16 year olds are not legally bound to parents control. A 16 year old can decide if they want to leave home and live elsewhere, a parent can not force a 16 year old to obey them, as a parent all I can do is tell my daughter the rules for living in house, that is I dont want to hear or see anything which is offensive amongst other things. She, like all other 16 year olds, has the freedom over her own choices, so if she wants to go to a concert I dont really think is appropriate, I can only tell her why and hope she comes to right decision.

This is why we see so many homeless teenagers and see many living on their own or with other teenagers as they want to do their own thing and if that means leaving home to do it then so be it, disrespectful teenagers also end up being thrown out the home which adds to the problem. As a parent to a teenager, I have to walk a fine line, I will not be blackmailed by emotion, All I can do, along with other parents can do is just give advice and support and we have to just sit back and let them make thier own life choices. An interesting point, in the 60s the school leaving age was 14, many also left home and found thier own place to rent, got a job.

 

[Lucy68]

I don't know anything about the group or their lyrics...and that is important in deciding whether or not to let her go. Another concern would be how well do you know the parents of her friend.

I think it is good to allow children (at a reasonable age) to go out and experience things with supervision of some kind. It gives them the opportunity to grow.

 

[Kefa52]

Well...Here is my take on this. In less than 2 years she can go in the military. In less that 2 years she will legally be an adult in the world.
With a friend and the parents. I'd let her go.

 

[twofeet]

My 16 year old daughter worked the music festivals and concerns this year. She went with older friends and her older brother who is 21. The music and bands werent christian but she learnt how to work hard (12 hour shifts) whilst enjoying the music scene. It gave her a great sense of responsibility and she grew in confidence. I think at times, the "music" itself can detract from what a young person can learn and experience in life. Especially in Christian circles. Wrapping them up in cotton wool is not allowing them to grow up is not always a good thing.

 

[ChristianGuy0]

Wrapping them up in cotton wool is not allowing them to grow up is not always a good thing.

That's true, a parent's job though is to be a parent rather then a 'friend'. Strong discipline sets a good example and even if they do stray later, they will always remember the good example. The way to be strict without 'wrapping them in cotton wool' is simply to explain very clearly to them the reasons why you are/arn't permitting them to do something, and to let them do things that are truly good activities, not parties/concerts etc.

I grew up 'in the world' and what's noticeable is that alot of young people get into sin and their parents are sometimes not aware of what's going on.

If your child is in settings like public school or working outside the house, they are exposed to worldly people who have no moral issues with encouraging them to have sex before marriage etc.. I think it's better to help your child avoid these situations until they are of age.

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

 

[twofeet]

In the UK teenagers can leave school and get a job at 16. I think that explains my post. You cannot protect them from "worldly" people when they start work but you can train them in the things of the Lord to know how to deal with living in the world. We are IN it but not OF it.

 

[wolfywolfs]

Wow, really messed up that last post. Sorry about that.

There are TONS of awesome Christian Rap groups, there is absolutely no reason a Christian girl should
be putting that garbage into their head.

That one song Promotes drugs, disrespectful to women, dishonesty, vulgarity, worldy pride, etc.

Seriously, have a talk with her and tell her music is great, but like all things in life
we need to make choices that glorify God and if she really likes rap music then
there are tons of Christian Rap that is just a good with a positive message that
lifts up glorifies God and does not disrespect Him.

i have to disagree with you there i hate chrisitan rap more than "mainstream rap" i only like rap when its not all about drugs money and "hos" mainstream rap has very little variety between artists but christian rap has no variety its stuck on one subject

 

[wolfywolfs]

In the UK teenagers can leave school and get a job at 16. I think that explains my post. You cannot protect them from "worldly" people when they start work but you can train them in the things of the Lord to know how to deal with living in the world. We are IN it but not OF it.

i thought they changed it to 18 now

 

[rechem]

If you don't allow her, she'll never feel able to make her own choices.

There's a difference between wrapping a child in cotton wool so they don't get hurt, or taking it off so they learn how to land on their feet.

You wont always be there to make her decisions for her.