Should someone who has been divorced remarry?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Stasia

Junior Member
Jan 22, 2013
3
0
1
#1
All my life I have met divorced Christians who remmaried. It seems like no one even thinks about it. Its almost natural to start looking for someone else after a divorce. I can understand this logic for a secular person, but I do not understand why it comes so naturally for Christians. Paul seems to be very against the idea in Romans. He doesn't seem to be to found of remarriage in general (whether one is divorced or widowed). I would like to hear other peoples opinion on this subject.
 

JGPS

Banned
Jan 11, 2013
629
0
0
#2
Yes they should.

If they are separated without a proper divorce they should not remarry though, they are still married. That would be adultery. This is the difference between being put away (which God hates and Jesus preached about) and having a writ of divorcement.

I can elaborate if you like, though I don't have time to now.
 

JGPS

Banned
Jan 11, 2013
629
0
0
#3
Actually, I'll just quote myself from another thread:

For what its worth 'putting away' is a different concept than 'divorce' in scripture (and in modern life). Sadly most Christians don't understand that. It's the 'putting away' that God hates, specifically treacherous putting away.

If we look to scripture we see that the writ of divorcement makes a woman free to remarry, if we look to the Talmud we also see that in the Old Testament and the time of Christ she also takes with her all the land and property she brought into the marriage, and a portion of her earnings.

Divorce is expensive today, and it was then too. So men would put their wives away without a divorce, leave them with nothing, destitute. That is what was so treacherous. That is what God hates.

Also, since they where still technically married, if they got married again they would be adulterous. That is what Jesus was talking about. Note that the word Divorce doesn't show up in Mark 10:11-12, nor Matt 19:9. I suppose it may show up in some translations, but the root is 'put away' not 'divorce'.

One is the formal, proper way, in which the person wanting a divorce has to have proof of wrongdoing on the others part and everything is in public and the divorced spouse gets her things and freedom back. The other is treacherous, and stone-hard heartily throwing someone out with nothing and nowhere go go.

Big difference.
 

Stasia

Junior Member
Jan 22, 2013
3
0
1
#4
I agree that 'putting away' is wrong, but I just don't think it is right to remarry after divorce. It was accepted in the bible days, because of the fact that if a woman was divorced she would have nothing and she would need to remarry just to support herself. I have not been married of corse. Im fifteen. So one could say I have no investment in the matter, but i think it is important. The last thing in the world I want is to get a divorce in the future, but for now I do not believe that I would remarry if those circumstances did occur. Some people may think it would be or is hard or that it is not right to have to stay single, but they were married under God and they broke their commitment by divorcing. So they get a divorce and they just move on and remarry? What did they lose?
 

JGPS

Banned
Jan 11, 2013
629
0
0
#5
because of the fact that if a woman was divorced she would have nothing and she would need to remarry just to support herself.
Nope, not true. Women could had both earnings and property in Israel. My second paragraph mentions this. The daughters of Zelophehad where the basis for women having inheritance and property rights, and the ideal woman in scripture is always an industrious one, check the end of proverbs.

If 'bible times' makes something not applicable to us, then the Bible itself is not applicable, as it was written in those times.

The last thing in the world I want is to get a divorce in the future, but for now I do not believe that I would remarry if those circumstances did occur. Some people may think it would be or is hard or that it is not right to have to stay single, but they were married under God and they broke their commitment by divorcing.
It's not for our own sakes we look to find what God allows and forbids. He has allowed this, weather we feel its right or wrong is immaterial.

So they get a divorce and they just move on and remarry? What did they lose?
They will have lost a great deal. Think about it.
 

AAAPlus

Senior Member
Aug 2, 2011
601
10
18
#6
I agree that 'putting away' is wrong, but I just don't think it is right to remarry after divorce. It was accepted in the bible days, because of the fact that if a woman was divorced she would have nothing and she would need to remarry just to support herself. I have not been married of corse. Im fifteen. So one could say I have no investment in the matter, but i think it is important. The last thing in the world I want is to get a divorce in the future, but for now I do not believe that I would remarry if those circumstances did occur. Some people may think it would be or is hard or that it is not right to have to stay single, but they were married under God and they broke their commitment by divorcing. So they get a divorce and they just move on and remarry? What did they lose?
Keep on this line of thought! You've got the Holy Spirit in you. A big factor behind divorce is that most of those people go into marriage, and relationships leading up to marriage, thinking (at least in the back of their mind) that if it doesn't work out, they can divorce and marry someone else. In that case, how is it any different from worldly dating? In the future, go into your relationships knowing that whoever you marry, you're stuck with him and you've got to make it work.

The Christian folks who do re-marry try to justify themselves, but you've got it right; the Bible doesn't really allow it. I believe that the woman who tried, ended up divorced, and decided to obey God by remaining divorced is much more blessed than the woman who decides she has to marry someone else (same goes for men). By marrying someone else while your old spouse is still alive, it's basically saying either "I don't think God is powerful enough to change this person" or "I don't think God is willing to change this person". It's also saying "When Jesus said not to marry someone else, He wasn't taking into account my situation".

Anyway, sadly, you can't change people and you can very rarely change people's minds. The only one you have to worry about is you; know that you're right about this. I think that when the time comes, you will have awesome success in the relationship area because of your commitment to God's Word!
 

JGPS

Banned
Jan 11, 2013
629
0
0
#7
Good job TrippleA, keep it that understanding of scripture superficial, and keep the traditional American point of view. That'll help the church flourish.

And remember, if someone agrees with you THATS THE HOLY SPIRIT! Because obviously God's going to back whatever point of view you take...


Really though this is not a superficial topic. It has large implications on how people live and what they should do. Commitment to your tradition or your point of view is not commitment to Gods word.
 
P

Precious_Sunflower

Guest
#8
Good job TrippleA, keep it that understanding of scripture superficial, and keep the traditional American point of view. That'll help the church flourish.

And remember, if someone agrees with you THATS THE HOLY SPIRIT! Because obviously God's going to back whatever point of view you take...


Really though this is not a superficial topic. It has large implications on how people live and what they should do. Commitment to your tradition or your point of view is not commitment to Gods word.
God's Word stands strong. Modern times changes people, God's Word never goes out of trend. We are to look at what He says through His Word, we are not supposed to be doing what the world preaches and what they justify as okay doing today, when it is seen as sinful and bad in God's eyes. The more open we become for how the world thinks, the more away from God's thinking we get.
 
B

Breizhour

Guest
#9
Divorcing is allowed, but not to remarry. Easy to say though.
 

JGPS

Banned
Jan 11, 2013
629
0
0
#10
This has to be one of the times when I shake my head and walk away. No one in this thread aside from me really actually cares about the details of what Jesus was talking about or what scripture said on the issue.

It always seems like too much to hope that one day Christians will realize that adding to God's Law is quite as bad as taking away from it.

To say something acceptable is a sin is no better than to say a sin is acceptable...

Ah forget it, most people that choose the moniker christian are just happy to have more sins around to condemn people for, no wonder they're so good at inventing new sins...
 
R

rerun

Guest
#11
I am divorced and I did not choose to be divorced and I did not choose for my wife to commit adultery and go on with her life. I certainly wanted my marriage to be restored but I cannot see going through life single without companionship due to the wicked sinful choices my ex made. I do intend to get remarried and go on with my life one day that is for sure in a God honoring way
 
F

frabjousday78

Guest
#12
Hang on a minute I'm confused here, If a person married in the eyes of God and truly believed in their vows but the marriage was one filled with hatred and violence they get divorced to save sanity, lives and flesh from being harmed - they're never allowed to experience a happy, loving and God centred marriage that person has to remain single through no fault of their own??

Hmm maybe I'm reading a different Bible.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#13
Yes they should.

If they are separated without a proper divorce they should not remarry though, they are still married. That would be adultery. This is the difference between being put away (which God hates and Jesus preached about) and having a writ of divorcement.

I can elaborate if you like, though I don't have time to now.

Have you been reading the 'divorcehope' website?

Their line of reasoning doesn't make sense in context. In Matthew 19, Jesus is talking about putting away one's wife WITH a certificate of divorce. They would use 'put away' to refer to LEGAL divorces, too. This is obvious from the context.

Jesus said in the passage that whoever puts away his wife, except it be for fornication, and marries another commits adultery. And He that marries her that is divorced commits adultery.

Let's consider the idea that 'put away' refers to putting away without a certificate. That doesn't make sense at all considering the previous verses. But let's suppose it's true. Then what is the point of the saying? The conclusion one would have to draw is that if your wife commits fornication, it's okay to up and marry another woman without giving a certificate to the first one.

And then the disciples get bent out of shape in the next verse? What? If you have to shell out the money to buy a little piece of parchment to divorce your wife, then it's better not to get married at all.

That's a pretty ridiculous scenario. Why would the disciples say it is better not to marry if the point was that you had to give a wife a certificate if you were going to put her away? That makes no sense. The law already taught about giving a writing of divorcement. The Pharisees taught that.

This interpretation seems to be based on made-up cultural history, with no historical evidence. The site that promotes it aren't scholarly in how they argue their case if they do have any evidence. If you dig around in the Mishneh/Talmud writings you can see that there was a debate over whether a man could put away his wife for any cause. One of the scholars (which they call 'rabbi' though only Christ is Rabbi) said that a man could put away his wife for burning the food. One allowed for putting away one's wife if one wants a younger one. The house of Shammai allowed for divorce for serious offenses like adultery. The house of Hillel was another influential house that was more liberal as long as there was a certificate.

So the issue mentioned in the passage is whether a man may put away his wife 'for any cause.' What did Jesus think about the 'any cause' divorce? Can you put away your wife if she burns the bread or does something you don't like? Jesus' said "except it be for fornication" which lines up with the line of reasoning you can read about in the Talmud. Mark's gospel leaves out the fornication reason.

A conservative viewpoint is that 'except it be for fornication' refers to sexual immorality before marriage. A broader conservative viewpoint includes a wide range of sexual immorality.

Greek speakers in the first few hundred years of Christianity took a very conservative view of the passage. I'm suspicious that people who post unscholarly websites know enough Greek to debunk all the Greek speakers and scholars throughout the ages, that it's a big conspiracy on the part of translators, and that Jesus was really loose and liberal on divorce. It's more likely that people are trying to make the Bible conform with contemporary (im)morality.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#14
Hang on a minute I'm confused here, If a person married in the eyes of God and truly believed in their vows but the marriage was one filled with hatred and violence they get divorced to save sanity, lives and flesh from being harmed - they're never allowed to experience a happy, loving and God centred marriage that person has to remain single through no fault of their own??

Hmm maybe I'm reading a different Bible.

I'll not deal with all the issues raised here in this post. But I do see the word 'happy.' I read in a book once that in American culture, many people marry for happiness, and if they don't feel happy with it anymore, think it is okay to dissolve the marriage and find one that makes them happy.

It is good to be happy in marriage. But should our morality on marriage be shaped by what makes us happy? Doesn't it make more sense to look at it from the perspective of obeying God, glorifying God, keeping covenant, etc.? David spoke of the one who may ascend the hill of the LORD--one who swears to his own hurt and does not change. It's not exactly the same thing, but there is something to that, that righteous person keeps commitments even when it is unpleasant.
 
O

Okpreacher

Guest
#15
Only those who have faced divorce know the answer. You will be suprised to know that they never thought that it was right while they were like you are now.
 
O

Okpreacher

Guest
#16
Only those who have faced divorce know the answer. You will be suprised to know that they never thought that it was right while they were like you are now.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#17
I thought we were supposed to know such things from the word of God.
 
C

colalella2891

Guest
#18
All my life I have met divorced Christians who remmaried. It seems like no one even thinks about it. Its almost natural to start looking for someone else after a divorce. I can understand this logic for a secular person, but I do not understand why it comes so naturally for Christians. Paul seems to be very against the idea in Romans. He doesn't seem to be to found of remarriage in general (whether one is divorced or widowed). I would like to hear other peoples opinion on this subject.
Well I mean if a marriage doesn't work out and two people get divorced, then they should be alone for the rest of their lives? Why? That's depressing. It's even more depressing for widows or widowers. Why shouldn't they remarry at one point if their spouse dies?

Although I do think that it's wrong to date as soon as someone divorces/separates from their spouse, or right after a spouse dies. They need time to heal from their previous relationship.

But they shouldn't feel ashamed to remarry if they choose to. No way.
 

presidente

Senior Member
May 29, 2013
9,082
1,749
113
#19
Well I mean if a marriage doesn't work out and two people get divorced, then they should be alone for the rest of their lives? Why? That's depressing. It's even more depressing for widows or widowers. Why shouldn't they remarry at one point if their spouse dies?

Although I do think that it's wrong to date as soon as someone divorces/separates from their spouse, or right after a spouse dies. They need time to heal from their previous relationship.

But they shouldn't feel ashamed to remarry if they choose to. No way.
So do we just ignore what Jesus and the apostles said in the Bible about divorce and remarriage and go with what 'feels right'?

There is always reconciliation with the former spouse.

our culture has departed quite a bit from what the Bible teaches on this subject, and so have many professed Christians.


The Bible does not forbid widowers and widows from remarrying.
 
A

Ascension

Guest
#20
I'm just going to say this ,
FOR THE BEST AND FOR THE WORST .