babies

[ukkez]

my husband is wanting a baby, we have been married for 4years were 26 and at the moment im happy with just the two of us and the dogs, but hes always been great with kids, he will look at the little coats and socks and get all gushy with them. i dont have that feeling... is there something wrong with me, will i ever get that feeling?
my dogs make me happy, iv been thinking alot lately about when would be a good time for babies but at the mo my husband doesent want to look after the dogs that much how will he cope with a child.
think im just feeling under alot of presure at the moment, my mum and dad keep asking when are they going to get grandchildren, everyone i work keeps saying i should have one now.
when were around kids i feel scared and dont know what to do, i dont think i will be any good as a mother, there alot better people at there to do a better job than me.

 

[tenderhearted]

When you have your own child one day, God will give you the grace. Every person feels scared about having their first child. To be honest with you raising children isn't easy. They're all different. When you have your first child you get the hang of it. Then you have the second and it's so different. You and your husband have to pray about when he thinks you should have a child. When you have your child pray about everything. Trust the LORD with your child. All the child needs is two loving parents. Children don't need perfect parents. They need God to be the center of your home. God bless you.

 

[TomL]

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife as the Messiah is the head of the church. It is he who is the Savior of the body.[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]Indeed, just as the church is submissive to the Messiah, so wives must be submissive to their husbands in everything. - Ephesians 5.19-24; ISV, isv.com

Are you a Christian? If yes, then all you have to do is be obedient to the Word.

 

[Ugly]

Tom, true a wife should be submissive, but a husband is also to consider the wants, needs, and abilities of his wife. This is not a blanket statement that a wife needs to bow at her husbands feet and obey his every selfish command. He is not considering how his wife feels, only himself. That is not what God intended in that scripture. The husband is not performing his role properly in this situation.


To the OP. Who knows, maybe you are not the 'mother' type. Or maybe you're just scared since you've never done it. I have known women who refused to have children because they recognize traits in themselves that makes them know they would not be a good parent. I think its wise to not just run off and have kids to make others happy, if you have doubts.
I suggest to figure out which it is, spend more time around young children. Maybe offer to volunteer in the Sunday school, or child care at your church for a few months. You may not do great at first, as it will be new. But at least you can decide if you are just afraid, or if there is something in you that knows its not right for you.

Far as your husband and the dogs, dogs aren't children. Your husband obviously has a love of children, he may not share the same feelings for dogs, therefore he may not care as much and try as hard with the dogs. How is your husband in other areas of his life. Is he good at making sure things are generally taken care of? Or does he run his life like how he takes care of the dogs?

And, as far as the people bugging you about having children, if its co-workers i'd just say straight to their face its none of their business and you'd appreciate if they'd take their nose out of your business and keep their comments to themselves. If they get offended, well, they were the ones being rude first, so they can get over it.
With friends and family, when they make comments, again, be straightforward, though a little more gentle. Tell them that it is a private topic between you and your husband and that you would appreciate if they would stop interjecting in your life and business and that you don't appreciate their constant comments. So many Christians wrongly think they can't speak up, and maybe even step on some toes, even when people are being rude to them first. There is nothing unloving in telling people to mind their own business.

 

[TomL]

Tom, true a wife should be submissive, but a husband is also to consider the wants, needs, and abilities of his wife. This is not a blanket statement that a wife needs to bow at her husbands feet and obey his every selfish command. He is not considering how his wife feels, only himself. That is not what God intended in that scripture. The husband is not performing his role properly in this situation.

I agree with you. The Bible also says, "Husbands, love your wives as the Messiah loved the church and gave himself for it, so that he might make it holy by cleansing it, washing it with water and the word, and might present the church to himself in all its glory, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind, but holy and without fault. [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. [FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]For no one has ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, as the Messiah does the church." - Ephesians 5.25-29; ISV, isv.com

But, from the beginning God told male and female to be fruitful and multiply. What's the purpose of getting married if not to have a family? So, I don't believe the husband is making an unreasonable request. However, I will admit I don't know the whole story. I only know what she wrote. I don't know if he's abusive, or anything like that. But, if it is a normal Christian relationship, he is not making an unreasonable request.

 

[inge]

Ukkez, My mom had the same kind of feelings around children, not knowing what to do with them. It is good to consider where this feeling comes from. Do you have this feeling around babies and toddlers? Or also around older children. Especially small children cannot communicate what their needs are, that can be very scary.

My mom told me that she wanted a family although this fear of children, and when she had me she learned a lot by talking to friends with babies. They supported each other in church.

You are not a better woman in Gods eyes when you have children. Talk with your husband about your fears and also talk about how he sees his responsibility in raising kids. Ask him to paint the picture with his role. It is normal for a woman to have feelings like this, nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with thinking about responsibilities. When you and your husband are on the same page it also helps when confronting others with your opinion. It is after all the decisions you make together with God.

 

[Hungry]

I have a wife and four kids and I'll say this. If I had a chance to do it again I'd probably stay single. It's not that I don't love my wife or kids but because I do. This world sucks. To think of the heartbreak and suffering around us on all sides it breaks my heart that I've subjected anyone to this. I wonder everyday what's going to happen to them. Trying to be a good husband, father, provider and servant of God is a conflict often within itself. You try to make the right decision all the time but your choices are pretty much what's the best worst one. EVERYONE is trying to give you parenting advice, watching and judging. Even when you do everything the best you can the teen years start and you wonder where everything went wrong only to find out that this is...normal? My wife and I bust our butts everyday only to wake up and find the laundry will never be done, we don't have enough money and none of our kids will appreciate any of our sacrifices until they have kids and realize why we were on edge most of the time. On the brighter side. They pretty much define me. God often gives me my greatest lessons through them as I see what He desires as a Father. At the end of the day I reflect with a smile the milestones they reached, they hilarious things they've said and done, the pictures they brought home from school and the hugs goodnight. But enough of that, I just reminded myself I have to go throw the clothes in the drier.

 

[Nautilus]

But, from the beginning God told male and female to be fruitful and multiply. What's the purpose of getting married if not to have a family?

Love? Maybe they loved each other enough to get married. As if kids are the only reason to get me married. Lol, next you will say sex is only for procreation...

 

[Anonimous]

my husband is wanting a baby, we have been married for 4years were 26 and at the moment im happy with just the two of us and the dogs, but hes always been great with kids, he will look at the little coats and socks and get all gushy with them. i dont have that feeling... is there something wrong with me, will i ever get that feeling?
my dogs make me happy, iv been thinking alot lately about when would be a good time for babies but at the mo my husband doesent want to look after the dogs that much how will he cope with a child.
think im just feeling under alot of presure at the moment, my mum and dad keep asking when are they going to get grandchildren, everyone i work keeps saying i should have one now.
when were around kids i feel scared and dont know what to do, i dont think i will be any good as a mother, there alot better people at there to do a better job than me.

Hello Ukkez...There is nothing wrong with either of you. My wife and I were married for 12 years before we had our first child. Your situation is the same as ours was. I believe that God knew full well that we were just not ready. He is pretty smart. Don't say you will not be a good mother! You don't know that until you have one. I could make this really long. But, I will only say that when the time is right...it will happen. Trust God. Talk to your husband about the feelings you will have.

Also, do NOT let anyone pressure into having a baby just to prove everything works.

 

[Tintin]

I don't know, I just can't help thinking the babies thing should've cropped up earlier in your relationship - like before you were engaged. Personally, I would love to have children but since I'm not married, that's not going to happen any time soon. I would love to find a girl who was also good with kids and wanted some but we wouldn't have to have children straight away (upon marriage). I think it's okay to wait but talk to God about it, and your husband. Clear and open communication is paramount when it comes to these things (or so I've observed). Yes, and don't let nosy family and friends pressure you into having kids before you're ready. God Bless.

 

[PANCAKES]

my husband is wanting a baby, we have been married for 4years were 26 and at the moment im happy with just the two of us and the dogs, but hes always been great with kids, he will look at the little coats and socks and get all gushy with them. i dont have that feeling... is there something wrong with me, will i ever get that feeling?
my dogs make me happy, iv been thinking alot lately about when would be a good time for babies but at the mo my husband doesent want to look after the dogs that much how will he cope with a child.
think im just feeling under alot of presure at the moment, my mum and dad keep asking when are they going to get grandchildren, everyone i work keeps saying i should have one now.
when were around kids i feel scared and dont know what to do, i dont think i will be any good as a mother, there alot better people at there to do a better job than me.

Why not mention adoption to your husband? That usually scares them off the baby track, unless they're incredibly open-minded. Hahahaha, I'm so bad. But seriously, if you aren't ready don't worry.

And about "not being any good as a mother." You have a heavenly father guiding your every step if you let him, and with His help, you'll be the best momma on the block!

 

[TomL]

It's been my observation, the longer a woman waits to have a child, the harder it becomes.

 

[JGPS]

my husband is wanting a baby, we have been married for 4years were 26 and at the moment im happy with just the two of us and the dogs, but hes always been great with kids, he will look at the little coats and socks and get all gushy with them. i dont have that feeling... is there something wrong with me, will i ever get that feeling?
my dogs make me happy, iv been thinking alot lately about when would be a good time for babies but at the mo my husband doesent want to look after the dogs that much how will he cope with a child.
think im just feeling under alot of presure at the moment, my mum and dad keep asking when are they going to get grandchildren, everyone i work keeps saying i should have one now.
when were around kids i feel scared and dont know what to do, i dont think i will be any good as a mother, there alot better people at there to do a better job than me.

The odds are very high that if you have one you will like him or her.

It's just part of life, another thing to adapt to and learn from. Really there isn't anything in particular to be scared about.

 

[BLINDSIDE_CHIK]

The odds are very high that if you have one you will like him or her.

It's just part of life, another thing to adapt to and learn from. Really there isn't anything in particular to be scared about.

HOPEFULLY if someone has a kid they like him/her lol I mean, sadly that's not always the case, but just saying!

 

[DavEtheBravE]

Your Fine jus where you are just remember to bring all your heavy load to God and let his spirit guide you. If you dont feel ready it or see it don't worry and when the time comes you"ll be once again Guided and filled with the grace and wisdom thts sufficient for you.

stay Blessed

 

[tdrew777]

When you were married you should have been in agreement on many issues. The whole area of children should have been discussed, especially if you went through any kind of pre-marital counseling. I suspect that there may have been some kind of pre-existing agreement, implicit or stated, that was not expressed this post?

I am a father who felt somewhat like you do, with my first child. We had agreed to have children, I had a word from God not only to have them, but on where they should be raised. Yet when my first daughter was born I did not know what to do with her. I was afraid I would break her. When I picked her up I was afraid I would drop her. After a few months, she would even cling to her uncles and not to me. But I stood up and walked in my role. I spent time with her and learned to love her - love is, in part, a skill! Today, my two children are Daddy's darlings. I can often put my son to sleep when my wife can not - since he has been weaned, he loves my breast more than hers. (I weaned the babies, by the way. My wife was the one who fed them BEFORE they were weaned. Just saying.) I hope my testimony encourages you!

 

[hattiebod]

my husband is wanting a baby, we have been married for 4years were 26 and at the moment im happy with just the two of us and the dogs, but hes always been great with kids, he will look at the little coats and socks and get all gushy with them. i dont have that feeling... is there something wrong with me, will i ever get that feeling?
my dogs make me happy, iv been thinking alot lately about when would be a good time for babies but at the mo my husband doesent want to look after the dogs that much how will he cope with a child.
think im just feeling under alot of presure at the moment, my mum and dad keep asking when are they going to get grandchildren, everyone i work keeps saying i should have one now.
when were around kids i feel scared and dont know what to do, i dont think i will be any good as a mother, there alot better people at there to do a better job than me.

An ability to care for a dog does not necessarily reflect on being a good parent! My husband is not the dog-looker-after in the home, but he is a very involved and loving father. I would suggest, none of us are ever 'ready' to be parents...you probably will not be the 'best' mother, none of us are. We try to avoid making the mistakes we think our parents made with us...and simply make ones of our own! You will probably never be ready, none of us can say you will make a good enough job of it either, if you do have a child. What we do know is that our security, our hope, our peace comes from God. He will lead you through the questions and the insecurities because although many people around you are well meaning, there is no manual for parenting or for when its the best time in a relationship to begin a family. You and your husband are a family right now, let God lead both of you, He gives you the only manual you need, the Bible. Its also worth noting that i would imagine you want to be effective, loving parents, you will want to provide security and stability for your children? then....you really need to be 'together' right now, before you have children!. Work toward being able to work as a team! to agree and to openly and honestly communicate with each other now. You will need that skill to parent your children, let alone have a loving and fulfilling marriage. <><

 

[TomL]

Perhaps I'll explain my thoughts in another way. Have you ever studied the male ego. There is something that is common to, most, if not all, men. And that's the drive to make our mark in history. Something that says, "I was here." It doesn't matter what. Hank Aaron made his mark by breaking Babe Ruth's home run total. Jackie Robinson made his mark by breaking the color barrier in baseball. John Wayne made his mark by making popular movies. Some men don't want to do anything so grandiose. All they want to do is have children. What better way is there than having children to leave a part of you behind, to say, "I was here." And who knows, perhaps a product of your progeny will one day be Prime MInister of England. But she/he will never have a chance if she/he is never born.

The male ego is very powerful thing. If he eventually comes to the conclusion that he can't have children with you, don't be surprised if he finds someone who will mother his children.

 

[Tintin]

Or maybe he just loves children? I couldn't care less about leaving my mark in history but I love kids.

 

[TomL]

Or maybe he just loves children? I couldn't care less about leaving my mark in history but I love kids.

Sorry, but I don't think you're being honest. If you are, then great. But, this is something I've studied for a long time. The male ego is very powerful. If you have overcome it, that's great. But, very few men ever do.