Which path is right ?

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Carla24

Guest
#1
#1
I've been married for five years and for the most part been scared of my husband . We are both Christian and I always believed that I shouldn't give up on him and try to help . He blames mental illness and the excuse I'm not /wasn't very well seems to excuse any behaviour with no accountability. I've always tried to deal with this and help him but he would go back to his mum and dads and blame me for putting pressure on him . He can't deal with everyday family life and therefore never have himself fully. I knew when I married him there was issues in u
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#2
#2
can you give more information about specifically why he scares you?
 
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Carla24

Guest
#3
#3
Sorry my phone cut off before I finished typing . He has always been very volatile . We have two beautiful children and I'm pregnant again . He has been abusive over the years and also violent . Most recently I ended up in hospital at 24 weeks pregnant because he strangled me . This was because I used the last lemon . The children saw everything and the police pursued it as a public interest case as it isn't the first time he had been violent and not just towards me. Not just towards me , to his mum , his ex and even colleagues at work . I prey that he will be shown the way and that he will take accountability for his actions and grow from them . Instead I get blamed . I didnt help enough , do enough , work hard enough. My problem is though he appears to be the perfect Christian goes to church every Sunday has coffee with the pastors and talks to anyone who will listen about his illness. Which as yet is Undiagnosed as when he had been sectioned there was " no signs of acute mental illness" I've found myself a very discreet person being shunned and judged by many for " turning my back on him." He spends his week other than Sunday threatening suicide / to kill me . With an axe to be precise . I'm lost . I believe God can save him but he has to allow him . I feel I cannot talk to anyone about what is really happening S he has built such a facade within church . I'm constantly getting told to not turn my back and to prey for him . I've done this so many times and even separated for a long period to give him the oppurtunity but it just got progressively worse . Other than the incident where I was hospitalised he has headbutted , pushed me and attacked me with a pair of scissors . Calling me allsorts of obscenities . Suppose I need confirmation because the god I believe in and love wouldn't want me to live like that . I believe my children are gods children and therefore I need to protect them as well as myself and I also believe that if I take him back again I am enabling him to continue the sin . I feel lost
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#4
#4
I am going to say this very plainly...
A man who puts his hands on a woman"s neck to strangle her in a fit of rage is homicidal. A man who can manipulate the "public" to sympathy while behaving in the way you describe in private is a socio-path. The fact that you are still breathing is God's benevolent protection for you. YOu will be of no use to your children in a body bag. I recommend you go begin packing the essentials as soon as he leaves the house and take your children and be GONE to the nearest battered women's shelter before he gets home and file for divorce. Please hear me... DO NOT be manipulated by the people who have been tricked by him... he is dangerous... leave him NOW... this will not be easy but God is so merciful will help you as you begin this journey to freedom. Once you leave you will be in more danger than now... he likely will come looking for you... you must be safe and hide... Lord Hide this sister from this man of death. Sister you must make a decison and not waver... you are in danger... you have reason to fear... but you can get free and survive... the more distance you but between him and you (and children) the more clarity and strength you will discover. Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove...Press into CHrist... amen.
Also... do not let the suicide threat bring you back... if he kills himself... so be it... that is NOT on your shoulders EVER!
 
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Jeshuvan

Pastor
Staff member
#5
Apr 15, 2012
221
2
0
#5
Hi,gbu.Your job is, because u r married 2 Christ first.Pray immensley 4 him that he gets healed or enlightened.Study Gods word=Bible and speak it over your situation.In ephesians 6 it talks about our war is not against flesh and blood,its against the devil.U said when u married that u would stay till death, do that.Trust God and get busy doing his work,im sure he has a great plan 4 both of u,Just have faith. John
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#6
#6
Jeshuvan said:
Hi,gbu.Your job is, because u r married 2 Christ first.Pray immensley 4 him that he gets healed or enlightened.Study Gods word=Bible and speak it over your situation.In ephesians 6 it talks about our war is not against flesh and blood,its against the devil.U said when u married that u would stay till death, do that.Trust God and get busy doing his work,im sure he has a great plan 4 both of u,Just have faith. John
Click to expand...
Her vow to marriage was not to stay till he kills her!!!:mad:
 
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Carla24

Guest
#7
#7
For four years I've been supporting him and preying for him and believing in the sickness and health and death do us part . But when it literally becomes life or death it's not see easy to focus on that anymore . The fact he takes no accountability for his wrong doings makes this more so . He could have killed me and it would still be my fault . I'm not bitter , god gas provided me with more to be thankful for than complain about and I will continue to prey for his salvation until the day I die but I do not believe god would want me to stay
 
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nonicknametouse

Guest
#8
#8
Hi, In response to your situation. It is acceptable to seperate to get help individually and then eventually together before you live with one another again. As long as you have the same goal in mind, which is to get help and get back together. You need to go for Godly council. It is not acceptable to the Lord to live with a spouse you are afraid of, especially if he is a Christian. His parents can get involve with his recovery and can support you as you both get the help you need. I will pray for you and please keep me posted on your progress. Don't let too much time past before you get help even if you go yourself for now. The enemy wants to break up Godly marraiges. Don't give him the chance!!! I just read the post about him hitting you. You must not stay under those circumstances. When he gets help then work on living together , but I do agree you need to leave and protect yourself. It doesn't mean forever, but for the time being.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#9
#9
nonicknametouse;935665 The enemy wants to break up Godly marraiges. Don't give him the chance!!![/QUOTE said:
There is NO Godly marriage here.... can you READ?
Click to expand...
 
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nonicknametouse

Guest
#10
#10
I totally agree with you on that. It happens far too much to women and this is a serious situation. Being a Christian wife does not mean we are to take abuse from our husbands. She needs to leave and protect herself, before it is too late.
 
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nonicknametouse

Guest
#11
#11
I just read all the post and yes she needs to leave with her children now. There is no excuse for abuse and a terrible envirement for the kids. Now I understnd why you were so upset with me. I felt it coming through the page. Sorry.



To burlygurl
 
leelee

leelee

Senior Member
#12
Sep 5, 2011
1,258
8
38
34
#12
The façade that he puts up at church is part of the manipulation, he is deliberately trying to make you feel as though you cannot seek help. Don't believe that, go to your womens pastor and explain the situation and I do agree that for the safety of yourself and your children you need to leave. He needs to get help also and making church leadership aware of how bad things are could help him get the help he needs.

For now, keep yourself and your kids safe.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#13
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#13
Carla, you do not have to live like this. If you are in danger of physical harm then you need to do something to protect yourself and your children. Go to the police and get a restraining order. Move in with a relative. Go to a woman's shelter...anywhere where you are safe. Spouses can act one way in front of everybody else and be totally different at home. It really doesn't matter what people at church think...they don't know the real person. You do! Do what you need to protect yourself!

This doesn't mean you have to divorce him but you can make it plain to him that things need to change. He is justifying his bad behavior in any possible way that he can come up with...most of it landing on you. Don't accept false accusations...try to remain calm and logical even when he's ranting and raving.

Do you have a parent or friend that you can talk to who will keep things confidential and offer sound advice? Or find a Christian counselor in the area who doesn't know either of you.

He really needs help.

Praying for you...protection, wisdom, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Seek Him and lean on Him...He will hold you up through this.
 
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