An Answer to an Important controversial question - the christian perspective

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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#1
Well, God's important commandment honor your father and mother.' But, to me it seems so difficult. I mean my father did not care for me since childhood. Am 26 years running now. And I still feel the prick. A father is supposed to be a child's pillar. It hurts even more to than a person having his father no more rather to know he still exists but yet don't care.
Well, to make long story short, I forgave my father and though I was brought up by my mother's side and her relatives (as well as mine), I went to live with him (my father). It was kinda risky.:eek: I had no strings attached with regards to intentions of taking his money or property. But, definitely, I made him understand in a nice manner that the family could be well adjusted ..etc. However, he made my life a living hell mentally playing games and removing his frustrations. Well, my mother then decided to come along to live with him who told me he was acting too mental, showing off his owned house and his newly brought equipments. Also a lot of orders, like he was too bossy and that too on the first day after she reconsidered living with him. So I left the house and my mother to her mother's , while myself, began staying alone in a small apartment in another city. I just had a online friend who was a catholic, though being a girl who supported me in getting a job, nor would surely be dead. Well, did get a low paying salary job, at least enough for surviving. Lived with a person who we barely had contact with on phone, who was more than a mother to me. We were far off acquaintances as I was just searching a job, but we became friends. Unbelievable, but true. Going back to my mother's side place to live was banned since I chose to live with my father who ultimately acted like the biggest jerk that ever lived. Being without a father, in my childhood was just too much to bear and further being ridiculed and bullied upon at school so much that I used to pray that God to end my life. Flunking from school, suicidal thoughts became a part of my lifestyle. I did not know the basic things in life and was taught all the wrong things to be done. My elders were quite reserved ( besides my aunt) and they certainly used to haunt me. I used to lock myself up and swear ;etc. Trust issues towards people was so weak that even if a person tried to help it was always like 'is he taking advantage of me?' But today I have witnessed that friends are a lot more better than close relatives, as per my experience. Ok, I asked one of the shepherd of my father's church who was kinda counselling me 'What should I do now?' The answer was 'It is God's will to be in your father's house.' The person gives me an example of a man on a deserted island gone crazy. He meant he (my father) being without my mother for many years gone crazy. But my father always drops the ball and acts like a mental patient. So, the main question is 'Is it right for someone to live in an abusive home and show love while get himself mentally abused?' Well, I am opting for 'No!' I mean if someone came to me, I know the pain and would definitely as a human try to help the person. A person who has knowledge may understand the situation, but a person who has gone through something feels the person being in his once shoes. So is the church elder right or am I??? Please be honest and open with your answer. Thanks .;)
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#2
your 26 I believe it would be better for you to live on your own and try to establish your own house and possible your own family.

why would you want to live with your father?

man on a desert island that goes crazy? that isn't in the Bible.
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#3
No, you don't have to live in such a situation! You are 26..an adult, and you don't have to 'take it'. You can still 'honor' your father (as much as possible) from a safe distance. If he's harming you mentally and emotionally, get out. You're a child of God, worthy of love and respect. God will lead you to a good place...a good job and a decent place to live. Seek Him, He will lead you into a satisfying life.

Many times we can find emotional support from non-family members. I'm much closer to my Christian brothers and sisters than to my biological family. Praying for you....wisdom and guidance.
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#4
Thanks Ariel for your reply. Well, my mom is disabled and my sis is looking for a job. Therefore, the need to live with mom. Moreover, Its altogether a different scenario in a country like India. Hard to explain. The pastor says it is God's will that I should be in my father's house. I began to ponder at that which was my main question. Well, honestly, its also hard to explain the detachment of being unloved by a person who created you. Hence, the 'staying with father' comes into picture. But, he made my life a living hell though I chose to forgive him. Forgiveness comes at a serious price, I can assure you that. Thanks for the reply. I really do appreciate it.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#5
sounds more like cultural pressure than religious.
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#6
Hi Lucy,
Thanks for the encouraging words. Those are really strong ones. Yes, one does not need to 'take it' ! People who abuse when someone tries to show love and appreciation, just need mental treatment. Well, if they cannot accept the fact they don't need to treat themselves mentally, they can live on their own. I hate abuse. Its good to know you too have come up with angels sent from God who are not of your own blood. Thanks again!
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#7
Nope Ariel. Not a cultural issue. A controversial issue. Let me explain a bit. In India, most guys and girls live with their parents till they are even in their late 20's or even 30's. Most religions in India consider parents as their God. But my case is different. I mean I have a mother I have to look after and my sister too. My dad has huge property as to which I never went to him for that purpose but to forgive him. But yet, the guy is only bent on mental destuction by playing mind games. What makes me more irate is the fact he acts like a saint in church and amongst people and wants to be the centre of holy attraction.
 

RickyZ

Senior Member
Sep 20, 2012
9,635
787
113
#8
I said to their children in the wilderness, "Do not follow the statutes of your
parents or keep their laws or defile yourselves with their idols. Eze 20:18

Do not be like your parents and your fellow Israelites, who were unfaithful to
the LORD, the God of their ancestors, so that he made them an object of horror,
as you see. 2 Chron 30:7

Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to
you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children
should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 2 Cor 12:14

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training
and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4


God makes it clear that while children are to honor their parents, the parents have a responsibility to be honorable to their children. It's a two way street. If your parents aren't holding up their end of the bargain you are released from holding up yours.
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#9
Thanks a ton Rick. I really will be meditating on these verses. Cause someday I wanna be a father too. To be blunt, thinking of adoption. But oh well, its in the hands of the Lord!
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#10
Ok let me put it this way.... its not Christian for you to worship your parents. we are told to honor them but that does not mean to the same level as making them equal to GOD. there is only one GOD and no mini-gods in Christianity.

I know in India Hinduism has a strong influence, so I guess that is why its contraversial.

I think its honorable to want to support your sister and mother but I don't understand why the pastor would pressure you into living with your father if you are able to support them without his assistance.

From what you have said I don't see your mother recoiling with your father just because you decide to live with him.
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#11
Well, the pastor thinks he needs love and that love conquers all and can make a mental patient a better loving man too. So, therefore the need for someone to sacrifice themselves to aid to him becoming a better person. And what better than wife and kids? Such pastors make people live in abusive situations. It really is so sick! Just like saying 'no' to drugs ... I believe d members ofd church should say NO to abuse (physical or mental)
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#12
still sounds more Hindu than Christian.

Who your father needs is JESUS and HIS love.

sometimes people pretend to be Christian and become pastors for the control more than a true calling from God.

I really like these two verses that Ricky posted:

"Do not follow the statutes of your
parents or keep their laws or defile yourselves with their idols. Eze 20:18

children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 2 Cor 12:14

God expects parents to support and raise their children, not the other way around.

I hope you continue in your studies and read your Bible so that you can establish a godly household based upon God's words and expectations not the world's. :)

We can always use more men of God in the world. :)
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#13
Hi Ariel,
You are truly right. As well as Ricky. And am glad that there are people out there who believe what I believe. In the Living God - Jesus.
 

pickles

Senior Member
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#14
Alot of what you spoke to reminds me of what I felt growing up and what I went though, in refrance to your father.
My Father abandoned us after being mentally and physically abusive.
But , I did struggle on honoring thy father and mother.
Now my mom loved Jesus and lived this love untill the day she passed, so honoring her was easy.
But my dad would every so often show up in our lives, and I struggled with the anger and pain that was his legacy.
In Jesus, I came to forgive him, and found my true father in God Our Father, and He is trully the most perfect and loving father any child could have or hope for, He has loved me with a perfect love, that has healed all injury.
But the question about honoring my earthly father was one I could not answer.
Then another in Jesus told me that the best way to honor my earthly Father was to be obedient to God, living as called to in Jesus, for this is the truest way one can honor any parent, by being faithful to God and not giving reason for shame.
I also saw that even though I had to stay away from my father because of the kind of abuse he did, and as a parent now, I could not allow my children to come to harm.
That those few times I saw my father, I was respectful and polite, showing no anger or hate, only looking upon him with compassion, and to pray for him.
This is how I came to honor my father, and have found peace.
I hope this will help you as it helped me.

In Jesus, God bless
pickles
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#15
Hi Pickles,
Thanks for the advice. I mean it is really so honourable to meet people who go through or have gone through something that one has in life. Yes, its just awesome. Jesus Bless.
 
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spectre

Guest
#16
Well, the pastor thinks he needs love and that love conquers all and can make a mental patient a better loving man too. So, therefore the need for someone to sacrifice themselves to aid to him becoming a better person. And what better than wife and kids? Such pastors make people live in abusive situations. It really is so sick! Just like saying 'no' to drugs ... I believe d members ofd church should say NO to abuse (physical or mental)
is the situation where you can get your own place and move your mom there to take care of her along with your sister and leave the father to enjoy his house and other possessions? you can love and forgive without living in the same house and tolerate the abuse. If possible move all of you out and tell the father that you forgive him and will be praying for him and that Jesus loves him and shed His blood for him.