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springwater

Guest
#1
Hi all, I have not been in a chat room since I was a student, and that was a long time ago. I have been married for 7 years with two little children, one boy one girl. I love them with all my heart and soul. But I recently, through God's work or devil's plan, have 'miraculously' moved away from my controlling (and at one stage abusive) husband. I was brought to Jesus through him 12 years ago when we met and he courted me like I was the one for him forever. Despite my family's strong opposition and being Chinese with all the traditions and religious practices, he 'saved' me from land of the blind to seeing and living hand in hand with Jesus. I adored my husband, I submitted to him completely, I tried my best to please him in everyway. Although many times I felt my needs and wishes were put aside for him, including many of my personal moral principles. But the whole time I believed he was a Christian (third generation, if you can put it that way) and what he does cannot fault as he should know and love God. Yet we had an abortion before we got married.

I was never right in my heart and took some very spiritual counselling session with an experienced Christian counsellor to deal with the pain I had in loosing my first baby like that. It was dark and evil in my old faith, my family upbringing and my then new faith. Yet he told me GOd will forgive us.

after we got married he took me far from my family, friends, comfort zone, job to live with him in another State far far away from all my familiarities. Yet the first two years of our marriage, up to the day my baby son was 2 months old, he had been very abusive towards me. I tried all I could to please him, control his temper, submit to him. Yet it took one police call (by a visiting family member) and 5 months of separation for the physical abuse to disappear from our relationship. All that time, no one from his church community comtemplated on 'saving' me. They asked me to keep things quiet as his family are well known at church for doing much good minitery work in the past 2 decades, and I am just someone new in town, I did not yet understand what a submissive wife means. At the end of 5 months separation, I hoped to reunite with him to work on what I could have done better to please him, and most of all, for my son to know his dad.

Years passed since then. There was no more physical abuse but the emotional abuse was constant. The ministerial counselling did not stop for us. Yet the problem was always me. If only my problems are solved then the marriage will work. No we cannot go to a non Christian counsellor. No we cannot go to a non Chinese because his English limitations (eventhough we both grew up in Australia for over 20 years). Many days I hid in bedroom with my kids from his yelling and ranting. Many days I cried my eyes out to Chinese wives at church who all said but he seemed so nice to us. Many days I prayed and prayed for God to save me and my children, but how?

Then suddenly 4 December 2012, he came home one night all nice to me. Said he wanted to discuss something important to me. He never discusses anything with me. I was never allowed to enquire. SO I was very happy, put kids to bed early. Then he told me he is thinking of applying for a job in China. Was he sacked from his current job. No. The project (he is an architect) is once in a life time opportunity he said. He said we could be rich after that. He never wanted to pay for my expenses, complained about every penny he spent on the family. Kept all his money from me. And now he said he will share his big earnings with me. Is this a miracle? What about the kids. I dont know China at all. Neither do the kids and they are young, how will they cope? He said you are not being a supportive wife. DOnt ask me anymore questions I am just thinking/. Then came january 2013, he took me and kids back to my parents' place for my son's surgery. He kept applying for the job behind me, giving me no details. He then left on the day of our daughter's first birthday. We did not hear from him for three weeks. My son cried many nights in bed missing his dad. He said mummy I forgot to look at the moon daddy said that way I could see him because it is the same moon. How my anger grew and grew. He missed his son's first day at school and left without explaining. He just left us at my parents' place. No details, no promises, a lot of accusations on how bad I wife I have been, no money to support. He said I can live off my own savings and my parents until he gets paid for his new job in China.....

Since then he asked me to move my things from our marital (rental) home in 2 days to move to another city, to re-establish my life with two young kids on my own, to provide for myself and kids financially ourselves while he is 'parking' our relationship. So how much is he getting paid now, he said all I think about is money, not much, but he is doing the job for the experience. And his parents have a couple of millions cash sitting in the bank while their grandchildren are living off my savings before I got married and my parents. Did his parents call once? NO. Did my husband call once? No. He promised to call my son at least twice a week. He has now gone for over a month. Any calls? NO. One email to give me his new mobile number and said he cannot call because of many excuses you will only find in stone age. China is not without technology. A father who wants to call bad enough can call. Yet he told many of our married friends that he loves his kids dearly and cried before them too. So the friends said how could I not join him in China? Now I am to blame if he goes to have an affair all because I did not follow him with two kids.

So, this is the simple version of my story to date. After two house moves and one sickness while looking after two kids on my own, while dealing with my deeply hurt son's feelings. I ask, God I have tried to be pleasing in your eyes. God why is it that my husband is living his life as a single man while I am here sick, poor, alone and with such heavy burden on my shoulders? I thought I would cry a lot but I've been so tired I was only able to cry twice.

I ask all Christians out there, will justice win in the end? will truth really come out? I am not a good liar like he is. I do not how to act different before and behind people. So I am now the unsupportive Christian wife who deserves to be left behind and her husband justified to have affairs without anyone ever knowing. I am deeply hurt. I have been a devoted wife the best I can. I have kept my vowels, so does God see it all? Will God make it all right? Will my children turn out right? How do I teach them to love God when their father who recites the Bible at every opportunity,
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#2
Hi Springwater,
Thank you so much for sharing!!! Yes, I read deeply your whole painful message. Listen, from the bottom of my heart wanna tell you something. I was made an example of when I was young, and to be honest I can't hold my tears while I read your message. Cause I have seen my mom in pain just as you are and your story is really a lot similar to mine. Well, am 26 years running currently and my dad has put me through a living hell. What bothers me is that he was/is a saint at church while was hell on wheels at home. Listen. Maybe pastors will tell you many things. I counselled the pastor of my dad's church itself and he repeatedly tells me the same thing 'it's God's will to be in your father's house.' I respect the pastor for he taking care of his kids. But I told him its a load of crap when you tell someone else to live in an abusive situation. I then had to beg from people to help as to which there are true God sent angels in the world who WILL help or lend a helping hand. Believe me when I say that!!! You don't need to take abuse. I don't give a damn what anyone says. I know how you feel exactly. People who tell you its ok, don't understand cause they have not gone through something that few have gone through!!! There are lecturers and there are doers ... There are advisors and there are decision makers. There are true pastors while sorry to put it dis way, but there are also tail waggers who consider lion in sheepskins as holy people (including sheepskin dads).
I really am thinking of your kid what he is going through and what possibly he could go through. But honestly, dads who cannot care properly ...their kids don't need such dad's as an example..Just being blunt. I went to forgive my dad though it was not my fault and he wants to cling on to his crap. So, I left him and just called him via phone just to check if he has improved. To my dismay, no, he is the same old person I know since a looooong time.
My friend, may I know why don't you be independent as far as you working? Would love to be your friend. Pm or add me if possible.
Regards,
Reuben.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
Sounds to me like your husband has an abusive mentality. Mental abuse. You have the typical mentality of an abused woman. I want to know God will make my husband pay and that 'i win' in the end and am rewarded for being such a good wife while he's out sleeping around and hurting me. Sorry, doesn't always work that way.

"So I am now the unsupportive Christian wife who deserves to be left behind and her husband justified to have affairs without anyone ever knowing." Where did you get this from? Who says you're unsupportive? Who said you 'deserve to be left behind? And who said your husband is 'justified' to sleep around? Sounds more like self pity than truth. Another common trait of an abused mindset. Best thing you can do for yourself is stop wallowing in pity, stop making your husband the center of your life and start taking active steps to figure out how to leave him. And don't say you can't, if you haven't even made a genuine effort. Most abused women just sit around never trying to leave and make excuses on why they can't and don't even try. Don't be a stereotype, don't be a victim. Get strong, be active, struggle, try, exhaust every resource you can to get you out of there and to leave him.
 
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SHINY707

Guest
#4
Hi Springwater!

Do you believe in good endings for good person? Well I believe good endings for people who believe in Jesus Christ and who trust in God. Say for example the thief in the cross beside Jesus got a good ending just because he believed in Christ and His authority to save and deliver life.Another example from bible is of Job. Job suffered lots of agonies and losses , still because he honoured God he had a good ending , God restored everything he lost.

Psalm 34:5
[TABLE="width: 95%"]
[TR]
[TD]34:5[/TD]
[TD]They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.

Dear sister though I am not married nor I have an experience in this matter , but God has taught me that no matter how hard life goes on, I need to press forward and lean on Him and his directions for life. He is the very best counsellor , He got the right answer for all your problems.I pray may God heal your wounded heart and may He strengthen you to overcome all the challenges of this life.

Romans 8:37

[TABLE="width: 95%"]
[TR]
[TD]
8:37
[/TD]
[TD]
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.



[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD][/TD]
[TD]
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD][/TD]
[TD][/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
 
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springwater

Guest
#5
Thank you for all your comments and sharings too. Yes I am now living independently on my own with my two young kids. I am also slowly learning that if my estranged husband cannot be bothered with how I cope with two kids on my own and little money and no job, then I no longer should make him the centre of my life. I will be honest it hurts deeply, especially he made so many promises which he has not kept. There was one percent hope that he would change and come back, but the reality is I cannot do what only God can do to make him change for the better. It is sad to think about all the terrible lies they will make up once we divorce, the calculating tricks he and his parents will do to get their son/grandson (not my daughter I think because she is a girl) back and to allow my estranged husband to find a new wife. But I know Jesus has been through more false accusations than I did so at least He knows how it feels. I have to admit I have a lot to rebuild for my own self confidence while also building my son's confidence back. I am also struggling on my own with both kids while trying to do all I can to be a loving mother and father and breadwinner... It is hard but at least we have peace at home and I can pray with my children and sing hymns without feeling hollow inside. I just hope that my children and I will from now on, always live in a safe and peaceful home. No more yelling, fighting, lies, accusations. Only true peace and love and kindness, a safe heaven on earth as one would call it HOME.
Thank you destinyinjesus86, for offering your own story and friendship and support. It will be great for me to learn things from your story so I can be a better and wiser mother to my son. Please do stay in touch.
 
Mar 8, 2013
244
6
0
#6
Hi all, I have not been in a chat room since I was a student, and that was a long time ago. I have been married for 7 years with two little children, one boy one girl. I love them with all my heart and soul. But I recently, through God's work or devil's plan, have 'miraculously' moved away from my controlling (and at one stage abusive) husband. I was brought to Jesus through him 12 years ago when we met and he courted me like I was the one for him forever. Despite my family's strong opposition and being Chinese with all the traditions and religious practices, he 'saved' me from land of the blind to seeing and living hand in hand with Jesus. I adored my husband, I submitted to him completely, I tried my best to please him in everyway. Although many times I felt my needs and wishes were put aside for him, including many of my personal moral principles. But the whole time I believed he was a Christian (third generation, if you can put it that way) and what he does cannot fault as he should know and love God. Yet we had an abortion before we got married.

I was never right in my heart and took some very spiritual counselling session with an experienced Christian counsellor to deal with the pain I had in loosing my first baby like that. It was dark and evil in my old faith, my family upbringing and my then new faith. Yet he told me GOd will forgive us.

after we got married he took me far from my family, friends, comfort zone, job to live with him in another State far far away from all my familiarities. Yet the first two years of our marriage, up to the day my baby son was 2 months old, he had been very abusive towards me. I tried all I could to please him, control his temper, submit to him. Yet it took one police call (by a visiting family member) and 5 months of separation for the physical abuse to disappear from our relationship. All that time, no one from his church community comtemplated on 'saving' me. They asked me to keep things quiet as his family are well known at church for doing much good minitery work in the past 2 decades, and I am just someone new in town, I did not yet understand what a submissive wife means. At the end of 5 months separation, I hoped to reunite with him to work on what I could have done better to please him, and most of all, for my son to know his dad.

Years passed since then. There was no more physical abuse but the emotional abuse was constant. The ministerial counselling did not stop for us. Yet the problem was always me. If only my problems are solved then the marriage will work. No we cannot go to a non Christian counsellor. No we cannot go to a non Chinese because his English limitations (eventhough we both grew up in Australia for over 20 years). Many days I hid in bedroom with my kids from his yelling and ranting. Many days I cried my eyes out to Chinese wives at church who all said but he seemed so nice to us. Many days I prayed and prayed for God to save me and my children, but how?

Then suddenly 4 December 2012, he came home one night all nice to me. Said he wanted to discuss something important to me. He never discusses anything with me. I was never allowed to enquire. SO I was very happy, put kids to bed early. Then he told me he is thinking of applying for a job in China. Was he sacked from his current job. No. The project (he is an architect) is once in a life time opportunity he said. He said we could be rich after that. He never wanted to pay for my expenses, complained about every penny he spent on the family. Kept all his money from me. And now he said he will share his big earnings with me. Is this a miracle? What about the kids. I dont know China at all. Neither do the kids and they are young, how will they cope? He said you are not being a supportive wife. DOnt ask me anymore questions I am just thinking/. Then came january 2013, he took me and kids back to my parents' place for my son's surgery. He kept applying for the job behind me, giving me no details. He then left on the day of our daughter's first birthday. We did not hear from him for three weeks. My son cried many nights in bed missing his dad. He said mummy I forgot to look at the moon daddy said that way I could see him because it is the same moon. How my anger grew and grew. He missed his son's first day at school and left without explaining. He just left us at my parents' place. No details, no promises, a lot of accusations on how bad I wife I have been, no money to support. He said I can live off my own savings and my parents until he gets paid for his new job in China.....

Since then he asked me to move my things from our marital (rental) home in 2 days to move to another city, to re-establish my life with two young kids on my own, to provide for myself and kids financially ourselves while he is 'parking' our relationship. So how much is he getting paid now, he said all I think about is money, not much, but he is doing the job for the experience. And his parents have a couple of millions cash sitting in the bank while their grandchildren are living off my savings before I got married and my parents. Did his parents call once? NO. Did my husband call once? No. He promised to call my son at least twice a week. He has now gone for over a month. Any calls? NO. One email to give me his new mobile number and said he cannot call because of many excuses you will only find in stone age. China is not without technology. A father who wants to call bad enough can call. Yet he told many of our married friends that he loves his kids dearly and cried before them too. So the friends said how could I not join him in China? Now I am to blame if he goes to have an affair all because I did not follow him with two kids.

So, this is the simple version of my story to date. After two house moves and one sickness while looking after two kids on my own, while dealing with my deeply hurt son's feelings. I ask, God I have tried to be pleasing in your eyes. God why is it that my husband is living his life as a single man while I am here sick, poor, alone and with such heavy burden on my shoulders? I thought I would cry a lot but I've been so tired I was only able to cry twice.

I ask all Christians out there, will justice win in the end? will truth really come out? I am not a good liar like he is. I do not how to act different before and behind people. So I am now the unsupportive Christian wife who deserves to be left behind and her husband justified to have affairs without anyone ever knowing. I am deeply hurt. I have been a devoted wife the best I can. I have kept my vowels, so does God see it all? Will God make it all right? Will my children turn out right? How do I teach them to love God when their father who recites the Bible at every opportunity,
Your husband's words and his recitals do well to show him for what his mindset is at this moment. Recital's don't make your husband a person who knows God; they simply make him 'religious'. You, on the other hand, worry about your kids. You have compassion. This is powerful, beyond your imagination. It makes you less blind than your husband. Not 'better' than him, but less blind. More awake.

It is not God that's doing this to you. Your husband has left you with two children to look after, feeling as though he can treat you as an extension of his own mind, to his whims, which you are not. Remember that; you are you. Not your husband. You do not have to allow yourself to become simply a 'product of him'. But you can allow yourself to become a product of you.

Your compassion gives me a great hope for that.

You can search the whole world for someone to love, but until you love yourself, the nature of love itself is elusive.

Remember when Jesus said 'love your neighbor as yourself?'

There is a difference between having love for yourself, than being selfish. Loving yourself means treating yourself with gentleness, as you would treat another person. Selfishness would be expecting another person to treat you a certain way, or only ever giving to yourself.

How often do we come across a person who will try to show love to what is outside them, but will put themselves down inside and treat themselves badly? They will call themselves terrible things, and have no patience or time for themselves.

And how often do we find people who only 'love' what is outside them as an 'emotion', as an 'expectation', on conditions, yet give themselves all the things that they wish for on a whim?

Both these mindsets are destructive.

Loving yourself, is separate from 'selfishness'. It is not the same as 'expecting others to love you', we cannot 'expect' that, because we cannot control another person. If we expect that, we set ourselves up for disappointment because another person's mind isn't ours to control. Loving yourself is not the same as 'demanding respect', or 'demanding love', but it is just simply accepting your thoughts and treating yourself with gentleness. It is not allowing another person do demean your very own mind, to make you believe you are any less than anyone else.

When someone throws you a horrible word, shouts at you, demeans you or tries to hurt you, you have a choice whether to accept that from them and allow it to affect you, or you can realize that their anger and hate and spite is a part of THEIR mind, not yours, and as such, you do not come into it. It is their anger that is being shown, not YOUR faults. IT is allowing yourself the patience and time that you would wish to allow another person. And when you allow yourself that patience and time and respect, it's funny, you don't feel a need to 'argue back' or shout back. You begin to also understand the view of mind that your husband has. Your anger and resentment and pain fades away and you can see without these things.

Imagine yourself as a child. When your child is upset or hurt, do you tell it 'it's your fault?' or do you tell it 'why are you so stupid?' I can guarantee that you do not. So why would you treat yourself that way?

Do you tell it 'worry about tomorrow and find a way to fix it?' I can guarantee you do not. You tell it 'it's okay, it's not your fault'.

The first part of this, is simply to take a deep breath, and accept the moment. Tell yourself it is okay. You cannot 'make' your husband do anything, the same way that he cannot 'make' you do anything.

But you can live in a compassionate and healthy way, for both your children's and your own sake. And God wants you to make that choice. He doesn't want you to be mean, or nasty, or hateful, resentful or prideful or have vengaence. But nor does he want you to be feeling hurt, ashamed, guilty, or angry.

And the first part of it is just letting go and saying 'this is the way that things are'.

When you free yourself of anger and guilt and malice, resentment and fear and spite and annoyance, and hate and stop expecting of things that you cannot control, then you begin to realize the true nature of love, and of life.
 
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dashadow

Guest
#7
This is why it is so important to have a Godly family, fellowship with those who are brothers and sisters in Christ. You mentioned making your husband the center of your life. God should have been and should always be the center of your life.

Marriage is important and can be a blessing, but one never knows how things will work out. There's a natural tendency for people to expect a lot from their spouses; I do as well. But when one's expectations aren't met, some find it very hard to move forward without malice. There's nothing wrong with you feeling hurt and betrayed, but do not let it destroy your faith.

God loves you and your children. And the Lord will lift you up. Pray for this and that he will guide other brothers and sisters in Christ to help you in these difficult times.
 
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springwater

Guest
#8
Thank you meshallum and dashadow for your profound and wise counsel. I'v read through both of your comments over a couple of times and am learning much from what you have shared. I have so much to learn in particular to be less worried about what others think of me. Being a submissive child all my life and the youngest of four I have always tried to follow what my parents and siblings tell me to do. HOwever lately I have been confronted with this problem big time. While I lived away from my family for 7 years, all that time missing them as I was alone in a different State, I always imagined how wonderful it would be to be back living in the same State as my own family. I am very grateful for all my parents have done for me in helping me babysit when possible as I tried to find a place of my own, move and unpack and settle my boy at school. Also a million other things to deal with in the last month. However I dont know if it is the devil or God's plans, but I'm really having it difficult at the moment.
Firstly my mum has been so anxious about my marriage situation she is constantly telling me to get a divorce asap. Being the only Christian at home (I became one after I got engaged to my husband) my family always thought this is only a phase. Now that my husband's mistreatment of me is out in the open their attack on the hypocracy of the faith and how it has damaged me is heartbreaking. I never for one moment doubted that it was a human factor not GOD! After learning about my difficulties my family has welcomed me back however I felt pressured constantly with their expectations on what I should do with my life, my kids and my marriage. I have tried to be grateful and politely agree when ever I can. However at times I'm under so much pressure I begin to say no to their opinions and advices. In return I felt they have threatened to no longer help me if I behave this way. It is so lonely, to be treated this way by 'the love of my life of 12 years', and now to be treated so by my closest kins. It is like I am holding onto my kids tightly while we float on a piece of ice in North Pole... Where can we feel safe? Am I really ungrateful? No I sincerely feel I am thankful for all their help and try not to burden them too much. But I must admit I DO need help now. Yet it is so hard to take on such conditional help. I tried to reach out to a local church. But it is hard to tell people of my situation when I do not know them well and how do you establish your friendship network when they know you are in trouble? I certainly dont want my son to experience any prejudice being his first year at school. He is already coping soooo much as a five year old. BUt I do feel so alone. Who can I trust? Who is safe to ask help from? As I just moved into the unit a month ago I already received some vicious complaints from neighgbours complaining we are making too much noise in the unit. It is shocking to me as I am very quiet and my kids are well mannered. My boy may like to run around the unit occasionally yelling like any normal five year old but I always have them quietly in bed by 8pm the latest. Then I dont make much noise just quietly doing housework and then maybe some prayer programs then sleep time. I wonder why the neighbours are so unwelcoming. The Strata manager even referred to it as 'long and bitter complaints'. I am neat and reserved. Hopefully in time they will learn that I am a good neighbour. If not then they will ask us to move. Although I hope I wont need to do that to my children anytime soon. Afterall I do need to actively look for work now.
Then this morning I found out my husband has actually reduced the only financial support he gave us, ie his credit card, has been reduced to the bare minimum, so I didnt know and confront him before he left. He also torn pages out of the recipe book which he gave me for my last birthday, pages where he must have written messages of love to me..... I was so sad to see those pages missing. I cannot even go back to those memories when I thought he did love me. He also took all my letters to him and his letters to me when we first dated.
So have I done enough complaints? It feels safer to pour my heart out to strangers on line. Because you are not burdened by my troubles and can switch off if you like. Whereas in reality, how many people out there want to associate with families that are separated, especially in church circles? Who will look beyond and see me for who I am? I guess from now on I will know.
Without a doubt, I can fully appreciate that God is my only fortress and rock. What will I do without knowing He is still in control?
 
Oct 14, 2012
335
4
0
#9
Dear springwater,
Yes, good endings do come to Gods people. God allows things for a good reason, never a bad one. Read the story of our brother Joseph, in Genesis 39 forward. Do not lose heart, God has not left you. Allow yourself to be part of his purpose. Be of good cheer sister. Rejoice with your childern. God be with you.
 
Mar 8, 2013
244
6
0
#10
Thank you meshallum and dashadow for your profound and wise counsel. I'v read through both of your comments over a couple of times and am learning much from what you have shared. I have so much to learn in particular to be less worried about what others think of me. Being a submissive child all my life and the youngest of four I have always tried to follow what my parents and siblings tell me to do. HOwever lately I have been confronted with this problem big time. While I lived away from my family for 7 years, all that time missing them as I was alone in a different State, I always imagined how wonderful it would be to be back living in the same State as my own family. I am very grateful for all my parents have done for me in helping me babysit when possible as I tried to find a place of my own, move and unpack and settle my boy at school. Also a million other things to deal with in the last month. However I dont know if it is the devil or God's plans, but I'm really having it difficult at the moment.
Firstly my mum has been so anxious about my marriage situation she is constantly telling me to get a divorce asap. Being the only Christian at home (I became one after I got engaged to my husband) my family always thought this is only a phase. Now that my husband's mistreatment of me is out in the open their attack on the hypocracy of the faith and how it has damaged me is heartbreaking. I never for one moment doubted that it was a human factor not GOD! After learning about my difficulties my family has welcomed me back however I felt pressured constantly with their expectations on what I should do with my life, my kids and my marriage. I have tried to be grateful and politely agree when ever I can. However at times I'm under so much pressure I begin to say no to their opinions and advices. In return I felt they have threatened to no longer help me if I behave this way. It is so lonely, to be treated this way by 'the love of my life of 12 years', and now to be treated so by my closest kins. It is like I am holding onto my kids tightly while we float on a piece of ice in North Pole... Where can we feel safe? Am I really ungrateful? No I sincerely feel I am thankful for all their help and try not to burden them too much. But I must admit I DO need help now. Yet it is so hard to take on such conditional help. I tried to reach out to a local church. But it is hard to tell people of my situation when I do not know them well and how do you establish your friendship network when they know you are in trouble? I certainly dont want my son to experience any prejudice being his first year at school. He is already coping soooo much as a five year old. BUt I do feel so alone. Who can I trust? Who is safe to ask help from? As I just moved into the unit a month ago I already received some vicious complaints from neighgbours complaining we are making too much noise in the unit. It is shocking to me as I am very quiet and my kids are well mannered. My boy may like to run around the unit occasionally yelling like any normal five year old but I always have them quietly in bed by 8pm the latest. Then I dont make much noise just quietly doing housework and then maybe some prayer programs then sleep time. I wonder why the neighbours are so unwelcoming. The Strata manager even referred to it as 'long and bitter complaints'. I am neat and reserved. Hopefully in time they will learn that I am a good neighbour. If not then they will ask us to move. Although I hope I wont need to do that to my children anytime soon. Afterall I do need to actively look for work now.
Then this morning I found out my husband has actually reduced the only financial support he gave us, ie his credit card, has been reduced to the bare minimum, so I didnt know and confront him before he left. He also torn pages out of the recipe book which he gave me for my last birthday, pages where he must have written messages of love to me..... I was so sad to see those pages missing. I cannot even go back to those memories when I thought he did love me. He also took all my letters to him and his letters to me when we first dated.
So have I done enough complaints? It feels safer to pour my heart out to strangers on line. Because you are not burdened by my troubles and can switch off if you like. Whereas in reality, how many people out there want to associate with families that are separated, especially in church circles? Who will look beyond and see me for who I am? I guess from now on I will know.
Without a doubt, I can fully appreciate that God is my only fortress and rock. What will I do without knowing He is still in control?
There is a thought I think often;

Dear God, If I live showing love toward all things only for fear of punishment and reprieve, then give me punishment and reprieve. If I live showing love toward all things only for a place in paradise, close to me its gates. But if I live with love toward all things for it's sake alone, then I know that I will have found the True Peace.

Philippians 2:12 says;

Those whom I love; according to the manner that you always listened, not only in the presence and coming of me only, but now, much rather, in the absence of me; achieve your own salvation with respect and timidity.

This is the author saying that there is a salvation that comes from listening intently, from having respect and reverence and from being humble.

You are the gatekeeper for your own peace of mind springwater. If people do not respect you, that is their own disrespect and you need not be party to their minds. This is their disrespect, not your flaws.

John 14:27 says;

'Peace of mind I permit you in me, my fullness I give to you, not according to the same manner that the world gives to you; Do not stir up the mind of you, nor allow it to dread'.

There is a profound statement by Jesus there.

He teaches his disciples daily with comforting words. Words that always he'll be there with them; in their minds, in their hearts. That he has given them the means not to fear teaching peace and love and all the good things of God. Even in the face of adversity.

Many of the apostles were compassionate men. They lived their faith in their actions and showed patience. They became humble.

But often I wondered; how is it that they quell their fear, and have the means to carry on? What is it that Jesus and God have taught them and shown them? Surely it is more than just 'have blind faith in a metaphysical entity to give you peace?'

And what Jesus says above, is that it is as much in the teaching and mindset and lessons itself, rather than having a blind trust that your emotions will miraculously change somehow.

'By conviction we walk, not by appearances'.

What you see can often be deceptive. We all tend to see with the slight illusion that all things are a product of ourselves or that we are a product of society, or of others' beliefs, tendencies or wishes.

Yet nothing could be further from the truth.

You have a gift; your own mind. And your own mind does not have part in anyone else's, nor does anyone else's have any part in yours. Each is their own and each person has their own. This is your temple. Your sanctuary.

When these people hurt you or get angry at you; imagine they are handing you parcels of anger. Do you have to accept a parcel? When someone is angry at you, you do not have to accept and 'succumb' to the outcome that they expect. They are simply emotional. I can understand them somehow, they have spite and anger and something in them that makes them unwilling to be good to others. What a burden the must carry around with them!!

When they hand you their parcels of anger, for you to partake in it, you do not have to accept. You do nothing wrong if you simply do not react. And if you don't accept it, and you don't let it effect you, then who does the parcel belong to?

It belongs to the person who sent it!

Let them keep their anger, and let yourself be what you truly are; a light shining in a dark place.

Their eyes hurt trying to get used to it.

Love and give freely; gifts of compassion, because even if someone does not accept, the compassionate gift falls back on you! :) That is no burden to carry around.
 
Mar 8, 2013
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#11
Others may not return the gifts of compassion; that's okay. You don't need to expect them to. You will be standing apart, free from expectation, free from the things that lead to disappointment. The true peace is when we forget our expectations and live in the now; your children.

The past is gone. Tomorrow; we cannot know. But the moment; this here, right now, that's for certain. Be the best in every one of them.
 
S

summersunshine

Guest
#12
Look to the Lord.. I was also a single parent of 4 .. forgive and look to to Jesus for his help.. you are in a good place.. because single parents are looked down on even in some churches not all but some... but you know what... myself and other single parent Christians I have known.. have seen God work in miracles .. or provision.. healing and the Lord speaking through is word... He is father of the fatherless and he is your husband.. he will not let you down... You can never make sense of nonsense so dont try and work out the reason why your husband is like he is... you will be wasting your much needed energy for your children... just forgive and give your hurt to the Lord.. I know is not self pity.. but it could be if you let it. Just because you give all your heart you cannot understand why he did not... Christians are known by the love they have for one another... not the abuse... and the marriage is a covenant... of Love.. Christ and his church are likened to a marriage... and there is no way your marriage was like Christs love for his church... Your husband did not keep his covenant to you... he is meant to love you as his own body... marriage is never about abusing or walking over you... that is not Love... that is not in the covenant... better or worse does not mean abuse..or neglect.. It means if times are hard... financially .. or because of sickness... but you still help each other.. and put each other first.. so dont feel guilty its not your fault... Forgive and let God take control and lead you and dont worry if others judge you there will be those who do... just know the Lord came for such as you.. in need and vulnerable and he can lift you up. God to Times Square Church | Carter Conlon Senior Pastor, David Wilkerson Founding Pastor and listen to some sermons there they are free... go to the sermons for womens link or any in fact. May the Lord touch your life and may the Holy spirit comfort you and lift you up... may you hear the words of the Lord to your heart.. I pray he will set you in a safe place... and no weapon formed against you will prosper... You are not going down you are going up... Lord I pray for you this lady to know your direction and your love today that she will know your presence.. Lord provide for her and her children... Forgive this man... and Lord touch his heart too. I pray for Godly women to help this lady this week... those who will not judge her but enable her.. in Jesus name.