S
Hi all, I have not been in a chat room since I was a student, and that was a long time ago. I have been married for 7 years with two little children, one boy one girl. I love them with all my heart and soul. But I recently, through God's work or devil's plan, have 'miraculously' moved away from my controlling (and at one stage abusive) husband. I was brought to Jesus through him 12 years ago when we met and he courted me like I was the one for him forever. Despite my family's strong opposition and being Chinese with all the traditions and religious practices, he 'saved' me from land of the blind to seeing and living hand in hand with Jesus. I adored my husband, I submitted to him completely, I tried my best to please him in everyway. Although many times I felt my needs and wishes were put aside for him, including many of my personal moral principles. But the whole time I believed he was a Christian (third generation, if you can put it that way) and what he does cannot fault as he should know and love God. Yet we had an abortion before we got married.
I was never right in my heart and took some very spiritual counselling session with an experienced Christian counsellor to deal with the pain I had in loosing my first baby like that. It was dark and evil in my old faith, my family upbringing and my then new faith. Yet he told me GOd will forgive us.
after we got married he took me far from my family, friends, comfort zone, job to live with him in another State far far away from all my familiarities. Yet the first two years of our marriage, up to the day my baby son was 2 months old, he had been very abusive towards me. I tried all I could to please him, control his temper, submit to him. Yet it took one police call (by a visiting family member) and 5 months of separation for the physical abuse to disappear from our relationship. All that time, no one from his church community comtemplated on 'saving' me. They asked me to keep things quiet as his family are well known at church for doing much good minitery work in the past 2 decades, and I am just someone new in town, I did not yet understand what a submissive wife means. At the end of 5 months separation, I hoped to reunite with him to work on what I could have done better to please him, and most of all, for my son to know his dad.
Years passed since then. There was no more physical abuse but the emotional abuse was constant. The ministerial counselling did not stop for us. Yet the problem was always me. If only my problems are solved then the marriage will work. No we cannot go to a non Christian counsellor. No we cannot go to a non Chinese because his English limitations (eventhough we both grew up in Australia for over 20 years). Many days I hid in bedroom with my kids from his yelling and ranting. Many days I cried my eyes out to Chinese wives at church who all said but he seemed so nice to us. Many days I prayed and prayed for God to save me and my children, but how?
Then suddenly 4 December 2012, he came home one night all nice to me. Said he wanted to discuss something important to me. He never discusses anything with me. I was never allowed to enquire. SO I was very happy, put kids to bed early. Then he told me he is thinking of applying for a job in China. Was he sacked from his current job. No. The project (he is an architect) is once in a life time opportunity he said. He said we could be rich after that. He never wanted to pay for my expenses, complained about every penny he spent on the family. Kept all his money from me. And now he said he will share his big earnings with me. Is this a miracle? What about the kids. I dont know China at all. Neither do the kids and they are young, how will they cope? He said you are not being a supportive wife. DOnt ask me anymore questions I am just thinking/. Then came january 2013, he took me and kids back to my parents' place for my son's surgery. He kept applying for the job behind me, giving me no details. He then left on the day of our daughter's first birthday. We did not hear from him for three weeks. My son cried many nights in bed missing his dad. He said mummy I forgot to look at the moon daddy said that way I could see him because it is the same moon. How my anger grew and grew. He missed his son's first day at school and left without explaining. He just left us at my parents' place. No details, no promises, a lot of accusations on how bad I wife I have been, no money to support. He said I can live off my own savings and my parents until he gets paid for his new job in China.....
Since then he asked me to move my things from our marital (rental) home in 2 days to move to another city, to re-establish my life with two young kids on my own, to provide for myself and kids financially ourselves while he is 'parking' our relationship. So how much is he getting paid now, he said all I think about is money, not much, but he is doing the job for the experience. And his parents have a couple of millions cash sitting in the bank while their grandchildren are living off my savings before I got married and my parents. Did his parents call once? NO. Did my husband call once? No. He promised to call my son at least twice a week. He has now gone for over a month. Any calls? NO. One email to give me his new mobile number and said he cannot call because of many excuses you will only find in stone age. China is not without technology. A father who wants to call bad enough can call. Yet he told many of our married friends that he loves his kids dearly and cried before them too. So the friends said how could I not join him in China? Now I am to blame if he goes to have an affair all because I did not follow him with two kids.
So, this is the simple version of my story to date. After two house moves and one sickness while looking after two kids on my own, while dealing with my deeply hurt son's feelings. I ask, God I have tried to be pleasing in your eyes. God why is it that my husband is living his life as a single man while I am here sick, poor, alone and with such heavy burden on my shoulders? I thought I would cry a lot but I've been so tired I was only able to cry twice.
I ask all Christians out there, will justice win in the end? will truth really come out? I am not a good liar like he is. I do not how to act different before and behind people. So I am now the unsupportive Christian wife who deserves to be left behind and her husband justified to have affairs without anyone ever knowing. I am deeply hurt. I have been a devoted wife the best I can. I have kept my vowels, so does God see it all? Will God make it all right? Will my children turn out right? How do I teach them to love God when their father who recites the Bible at every opportunity,
I was never right in my heart and took some very spiritual counselling session with an experienced Christian counsellor to deal with the pain I had in loosing my first baby like that. It was dark and evil in my old faith, my family upbringing and my then new faith. Yet he told me GOd will forgive us.
after we got married he took me far from my family, friends, comfort zone, job to live with him in another State far far away from all my familiarities. Yet the first two years of our marriage, up to the day my baby son was 2 months old, he had been very abusive towards me. I tried all I could to please him, control his temper, submit to him. Yet it took one police call (by a visiting family member) and 5 months of separation for the physical abuse to disappear from our relationship. All that time, no one from his church community comtemplated on 'saving' me. They asked me to keep things quiet as his family are well known at church for doing much good minitery work in the past 2 decades, and I am just someone new in town, I did not yet understand what a submissive wife means. At the end of 5 months separation, I hoped to reunite with him to work on what I could have done better to please him, and most of all, for my son to know his dad.
Years passed since then. There was no more physical abuse but the emotional abuse was constant. The ministerial counselling did not stop for us. Yet the problem was always me. If only my problems are solved then the marriage will work. No we cannot go to a non Christian counsellor. No we cannot go to a non Chinese because his English limitations (eventhough we both grew up in Australia for over 20 years). Many days I hid in bedroom with my kids from his yelling and ranting. Many days I cried my eyes out to Chinese wives at church who all said but he seemed so nice to us. Many days I prayed and prayed for God to save me and my children, but how?
Then suddenly 4 December 2012, he came home one night all nice to me. Said he wanted to discuss something important to me. He never discusses anything with me. I was never allowed to enquire. SO I was very happy, put kids to bed early. Then he told me he is thinking of applying for a job in China. Was he sacked from his current job. No. The project (he is an architect) is once in a life time opportunity he said. He said we could be rich after that. He never wanted to pay for my expenses, complained about every penny he spent on the family. Kept all his money from me. And now he said he will share his big earnings with me. Is this a miracle? What about the kids. I dont know China at all. Neither do the kids and they are young, how will they cope? He said you are not being a supportive wife. DOnt ask me anymore questions I am just thinking/. Then came january 2013, he took me and kids back to my parents' place for my son's surgery. He kept applying for the job behind me, giving me no details. He then left on the day of our daughter's first birthday. We did not hear from him for three weeks. My son cried many nights in bed missing his dad. He said mummy I forgot to look at the moon daddy said that way I could see him because it is the same moon. How my anger grew and grew. He missed his son's first day at school and left without explaining. He just left us at my parents' place. No details, no promises, a lot of accusations on how bad I wife I have been, no money to support. He said I can live off my own savings and my parents until he gets paid for his new job in China.....
Since then he asked me to move my things from our marital (rental) home in 2 days to move to another city, to re-establish my life with two young kids on my own, to provide for myself and kids financially ourselves while he is 'parking' our relationship. So how much is he getting paid now, he said all I think about is money, not much, but he is doing the job for the experience. And his parents have a couple of millions cash sitting in the bank while their grandchildren are living off my savings before I got married and my parents. Did his parents call once? NO. Did my husband call once? No. He promised to call my son at least twice a week. He has now gone for over a month. Any calls? NO. One email to give me his new mobile number and said he cannot call because of many excuses you will only find in stone age. China is not without technology. A father who wants to call bad enough can call. Yet he told many of our married friends that he loves his kids dearly and cried before them too. So the friends said how could I not join him in China? Now I am to blame if he goes to have an affair all because I did not follow him with two kids.
So, this is the simple version of my story to date. After two house moves and one sickness while looking after two kids on my own, while dealing with my deeply hurt son's feelings. I ask, God I have tried to be pleasing in your eyes. God why is it that my husband is living his life as a single man while I am here sick, poor, alone and with such heavy burden on my shoulders? I thought I would cry a lot but I've been so tired I was only able to cry twice.
I ask all Christians out there, will justice win in the end? will truth really come out? I am not a good liar like he is. I do not how to act different before and behind people. So I am now the unsupportive Christian wife who deserves to be left behind and her husband justified to have affairs without anyone ever knowing. I am deeply hurt. I have been a devoted wife the best I can. I have kept my vowels, so does God see it all? Will God make it all right? Will my children turn out right? How do I teach them to love God when their father who recites the Bible at every opportunity,