"Un-friending"

[dashadow]

Several months ago, the pastor at the church I was attending mentioned "un-friending" on Facebook during his sermon. He talked about how mean-spirited it was. I have a Facebook account by I rarely use it.

Last year, my family and I attended a dinner party at another families home. There were several families in attendance and we had a wonderful time. I brought my camera and my wife took some pictures.

The day after the party, my wife was processing the pictures in the editing software. I generally don't like to be photographed. And of course, she knows that. She had taken a photo of me that I found quite unflattering. Why? Because it showed my face.

Anyway, she posted it on Facebook and I un-friended her. I had given her fair warning, so I felt no guilt in my action. Not to worry. I still love her. But she's not going back on my Facebook.

Well, not too long ago, a warm-hearted, Christian here at CC un-friended me for some reason. Not to worry. I still love her. She's just trippin'.

So, I was just curious. Do you make sure to let those who have un-friended you know that you still love them?

 

[seoulsearch]

Eh. It's just my opinion but "friending" on social networks is highly overrated anyway.

I'm not on Facebook because I don't like all the drama.

And as for here at CC, I get a lot of requests from people I don't know. I tend to add them occasionally... but sometimes I change my mind--I'm one of those strange people who likes to actually connect with everyone on my list.

After listening to some of the sermons at my church lately, I've decided not to "Friend" any married men unless their wives also introduce themselves to me and ask to be on my Friends List. It's just what I've decided is my own comfort level. At the very least, I want to know that the wife involved has given me her blessing to place her husband on my Friend's List, and without her permission, I don't feel comfortable doing so.

I also generally only keep people on my Friends List that I have some sort of regular contact with. But it doesn't mean I don't wish anyone else the best.

 

[dashadow]

Only God knows people's true intent. God Bless!

 

[Ariel82]

I just pray for the folks on my friends list. I may not actually talk to them a lot, but I figured if we pray for each other, its a good thing.

I"m to obtuse to know if anyone "unfriends" me and never really had a reason to unfriend another person.

 

[seoulsearch]

You too! Take care.

As long as I'm friends with both people involved, I don't mind adding a married member of the opposite gender. It just seems like the best way to respect the wife, and it seems like the best thing to do for all parties involved.

At least, I know if I were a wife, I would want the same respect, but that's just me.

 

[dashadow]

There are people who make a lot of excuses about how they relate to others. In Christ, we are brothers and sisters. Many excuses are smoke screens for those who do not know how to love one another in Christ. Again, God knows what is truly in one's heart.

 

[seoulsearch]

Eh. Again, it's a matter of opinion and different comfort levels. Respecting spouses and marriage is a way to show proper love for each other in Christ.

No problems and no worries!! I'd love to meet your wife--just have her message me and I'd be happy to Friend you both. But if not, yes, that's the reason why I decided to take you off my Friends List, and I have no qualms about that.

Now as I said, just have your wife introduce herself to me and allow me to ask her if it's ok if I put both you and her on my Friends List. I'd love to see her pictures as well.

In the meantime, take care, DS--God's blessings.

 

[MissCris]

Not all that long ago, I did a sweep of all my facebook friends- unfriended all but 60-ish people, and over half of those are my family.

I dunno if any of them noticed, or cared. We were just that close.

The only time I noticed when somebody took me off their friend list was right after I'd posted quite a bit about my faith, and was openly discussing my beliefs with people through comments. I made a point to let him know I was sorry to have offended him, but not sorry for what I believed.

Dude was kinda creepy anyway.

...yep.

 

[seoulsearch]

I can totally relate, MissCris. I'll go through times where my 65-member Friends List gets pared back to 25 or less.

I like to actually BE friends with the people on my Friends List, crazy as it sounds.

 

[djness]

I wish all social media would adopt the google circles of google plus. I would sooooo love to be able to drop people into friend and acquaintance categories. I don't use the term friend lightly and I wish social sites would adopt that idea.

 

[RickyZ]

Several months ago, the pastor at the church I was attending mentioned "un-friending" on Facebook during his sermon. He talked about how mean-spirited it was. I have a Facebook account by I rarely use it.

Last year, my family and I attended a dinner party at another families home. There were several families in attendance and we had a wonderful time. I brought my camera and my wife took some pictures.

The day after the party, my wife was processing the pictures in the editing software. I generally don't like to be photographed. And of course, she knows that. She had taken a photo of me that I found quite unflattering. Why? Because it showed my face.

Anyway, she posted it on Facebook and I un-friended her. I had given her fair warning, so I felt no guilt in my action. Not to worry. I still love her. But she's not going back on my Facebook.

Well, not too long ago, a warm-hearted, Christian here at CC un-friended me for some reason. Not to worry. I still love her. She's just trippin'.

So, I was just curious. Do you make sure to let those who have un-friended you know that you still love them?

Why is showing your face unflattering? God thinks your face is beautiful and who am I - we - to argue with that?

 

[kenisyes]

My CC "friends", and the people who write to me regularly are two separate lists, with only a very few people in common. My stepson, who is also a member here, told me once that some people collect friends as a hobby. So, when is a friend a friend?

 

[BLINDSIDE_CHIK]

Hmm...I'm just jumping in, but Facebook does have that feature.

 

[RedTent]

When we live under Christ's lead, when we follow God, we must include love in our life. We are told to encourange and build each other up. There might be some reasons for unfriending that are completely innocent, but there is always a bit of hurt for the person that is being unfriended. Hurting others does not fit with our life in Christ.

 

[maxwel]

Dashadow,

Everything with social networking has become way over rated, and everybody is freakishly sensitive about it.
I'm not too stressed about social networking, but because most people are so sensitive about it, I usually try to be very careful about unfriending people etc.

Just for the record, I get along with everybody, and yet I've still needed to block about 100 people on my FB account.

(It's a big world, and you meet a lot of people. Not all of them need to know what you fed your cat today.)

: )

 

[Relena7]

I've lost count of my facebook friend number. Something between 70 and 77ish. So if somebody "un-friended" me, I probably wouldn't even notice who it was until maybe years later, if ever.

*Ok wow I just checked. I have 80 friends. Haha.

I barely use my FB account.

Being on someones friend list is hardly a symbol of friendship. I think the younger generations are more aware of that than the older generations. My dad is sooooooooooooooo picky about who he adds on facebook because he doesn't want them to get the wrong idea about them being friends suddenly. I had to explain "dad it isn't like that" haha.

 

[wisebeardman]

Why is showing your face unflattering? God thinks your face is beautiful and who am I - we - to argue with that?

I can say from me personally.

I dont like pictures of me taken period.

 

[iraasuup]

I have only ever 'unfriended' someone once in my life, a few weeks ago actually. I had good reason to do so. There was nothing 'mean spirited' about it, I had just reached the end of my tether with her. I stopped associating with her in person because of certain issues and these issues were now carrying themselves over onto my facebook page (her doing not mine), and making my page something ungodly that I did not want it to be. I realised ages ago that my friendship with her in person was not productive, edifying or healthy, so I stopped associating with her, the same goes for Facebook when her behaviour continues onto social media.

 

[maxwel]

And there are some real security and privacy issues to contend with.

Let's say, as a hypothetical, I try my best to get along with someone, but we still have a falling out.
Maybe I even try to reconcile, but they prefer to be angry.
Now, I have an angry person, that is capable of who-knows-what, that via Facebook has access to a list of all my friends, and everything they're doing, as well as updates from my own page about everything I AM DOING. This person probably also has access, via FB, to my phone number, email, place of employment... as well as the same info about all of my friends.

It simply isn't good security to allow someone, especially someone you can no longer trust, to have access to that kind of information. It's almost like giving your enemy a key to your house.

We should try to be kind and loving. If we have a falling out, we should try very hard to resolve it. But you can't resolve every problem. You can't convince every person to act reasonably.

I really try to be kind and sensitive to people, but there are LOTS of very serious reasons to un-friend or block someone.
It isn't a capricious thing at all.

So, if you un-friend people over every whim... yes you're just going to hurt their feelings.
But if there is a real problem, or you no longer trust someone... it's pretty bad security to allow them access to so much personal info. And... I wouldn't give them a key to my house either.
: )

 

[dashadow]

I've never used Facebook much. I only opened an account to find old friends. I guess a lot of people do it for that reason.

A few years ago, I found my girlfriend from high school. I had met her my senior year and she was a freshman. We had only known each other five or six months before I left for college.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we had a bad break up. And it had been about 30 years since I had last seen her. I wanted to try and make amends, so I sent her a friend request.

After we exchanged messages, I gave her my phone number, the MagicJack number (not he main one). She called and we talked for a few hours. She explained that after our break up she got into one abusive relationship after another. And she pretty much suggested all of her woes were somehow my fault.

Even though I knew she was trippin', I apologized. I told her I had loved her then, but I didn't know how to love her right. I should have copywritten that before sharing it. Feel free to use it if you must. Additional smooth lines will cost you.

The irony is, the break up was really her doing. She was angry because I wouldn't have sex with her. But I had to take a good bit of blame for becoming involved with someone who didn't share the same values.

I told her I was happily married. And she could see the pictures of my family on my Facebook page. She mentioned how adorable the kids were and said all she ever wanted is what I had.

We agreed to stay in touch. And she said she'd respect the fact that I was married. So she understood the limits to our friendship.

I told my wife about the whole thing. We're both pretty secure individuals, so she had no problem with the matter. But several days later, my old girlfriend sent me a message insisting we meet. Even if she didn't live two states away, I had no intention of meeting her.

All the years we had been apart, I had often thought of her. On a number of occasions I had asked mutual friends for her contact info. She had told them not to give it to me. Now, all of a sudden she felt we just had to meet. I told her it wasn't going to happen. She sent a few crazy messages that I ignored. Then I made sure there was nothing on my Facebook to lead her to me or my family.

Because of the information available these days, I know she could find me if she wanted to. But I wasn't going to make it any easier. She un-friended me. Which of course, didn't bother me one bit. I still care for her and pray she's okay. But I thank God that ordeal is behind me where I hope it remains.