Being a woman and being truthful, I knew there were times when I pushed my husband's buttons. That was many years ago and I suddenly realized that I was trying to get his attention because he was not loving me in the Lord. He did not realize that but in time, he realized that he was selfish and used his temper to control and put fear in me. I was not mature in the Lord at that time of course and did not have the wisdom like I do now. I understand that women, with their screaming and yelling and nagging can drive a man crazy and cause them to stumble. Still, the man being the head of the family, a man should not be bitter against his wife lest his prayers be hindered and they are to give honor to the weaker vessel.
When my husband was in a horrible carwreck in 1977 where his brother was killed and he had a bad head injury, it left him with scars that his angry sudden outbursts became very dangerous for me and I was beaten so badly one time I had to play dead for him to stop because he said he was going to kill me. My children will never forget climbing out the bedroom windows and going across the street to call the police on their father. That time, I had said nothing and was sleeping only to wake up and see him standing over me telling me he was going to kill me. It took years for the damage to heal. When he quit the physical abuse, the emmotional and verbal abuse continued, even affecting our two oldest daughters who were called horrible names etc. If it was not for God and his mercy, our children would have not turned out to be Christians right now. We did explain to them that we were wrong and apologized to them when we made mistakes.We did not play the game of being one way at home and another way at church giving the impression that we were good Christians. I made it well known to everybody that our marriage was volotile. I used to get a couple pastors who counciled me and told me that if I was submissive, my husband would not do what he did to me!! When a pastor will not protect the weak and correct a violent angry man with the world of God and tell him to repent, that can mean that person also is abusive himself. Men will cover for one another. Even when they knew that the abuse was also being targeted at my children, they did not intervene. Why should I have to go to the worldly system of the law when the body of Christ is supposed to be there to correct? Anyhow, today, it is much better. I am recognizing that pastors are being educated about spousal abuse and young women today have more of a support system in the church than us old gals did many years ago.
Confess your faults one to another so you can be healed and pray for wisdom that the Lord will give you a soft answer to speak to your wife when things get a bit out of control. When she sees your change, it will really affect her! NO KIDDING! I had also quit trying to change my husband and I concentrated on my own faults. When my husband said something very mean to me that really hurt me, I was able to go to the Lord and ask him to "please forgive my husband and please do not allow his anger and sin to hinder his prayers". Instead of responding in anger back, I am able to keep my mouth shut unless God gives me the words he wants me to speak to him.God has changed me so much that I never drag up the past and throw it in his face and I am able to forgive and not hold a grudge. I used to be so mouthy and had to have the last word. No more of that. If we can get our pride out of the way and wanting to have our own way and just hungering to please God, he will get ahold of your spouse. He truly will. God is not a liar. When the man gets in right standing with God, especially in these dark days, he is able to do abundantly and exceedingly above all you ask or think according to the power that works in you. He will honor your faith in your wanting to change yourself instead of your spouse. I wish I had that revelation when I was 24!! It is a shame that we have to suffer and learn by our mistakes and wait until we get older to achieve the wisdom of God. The good news is that our grown children learned by seeing and remembering what mistakes we made, they were also blessed by the word of God that we taught them that has given them profound discernment for young adults their age. Playing church can really turn kids off because they are smart enough to see right through it. Their witnessing the miraculous healing and change in our marriage also built their faith that God is real. We parents don't have to do the right thing all the time for God to be glorified. He will use our mistakes and when he does the transforming, it is a real and true testimony. We should all pray for one another about that too. Your wife and you should put it on the prayer request and the more that pray the better. I do pray for you that God would totally bless your heart and mind and put peace upon you to even forgive yourself when you stumble and I pray that your wife will not want to answer back. I pray that when you both speak mean to one another, that, each of you in your heart will be able to feel the hurt that you have inflicted upon the other instead of receiving any fleshly gratification in speaking in a manner that is not glorifying God. Just remember, would you speak to your boss the way that you speak to your wife, or, vice versa? When we get a revelation that we at times can be big bullies, God can use that to shame us. May God heal and bless your marriage.
