At the end of my rope

[agentmom]

I have been married for 24 years. Months ago my youngest was diagnosed with aspergers. It has put a great strain on the marriage. So much so, my husband became depressed and went to counseling about it. In the three weeks he was there the counselor convinced my husband he needs to separate from me because *I'm* the reasons he's depressed. I'm devastated. I already have the strain of a 15 year old who has so much anxiety, she won't go to school. Now I have the strain of the man, who only told me a month and a half ago he would never leave me, and wanted me to live with him the rest of his life, that he wants to separate.

I know this is my fault. Our marriage hit a real rough spot 22 years ago and I told God, if he healed my family I would give up drinking caffeine. But I didn't keep the promise. I always felt guilty about it, but I thought I needed caffeine to get through my day. I asked God many times to forgive me for breaking my promise, but I guess God didn't. Now, I've quit caffeine but I think I did it way too late.

I'm afraid God is telling me, too little too late. Not only will this leave my alone, but at a critical time in my daughter's life in which she has enough troubles, this has to happen to her as well.

I don't know what to do. I've been praying and praying but I fear there is no hope. I know you have to have believe God will answer your prayers to have them answered. But how can I do that, when I am in such despair? Jesus, help my unbelief.

If my daughter didn't need me so much and I didn't think I would go to hell, I'd end it all now.

My husband has agreed to marriage counseling, but he tells me point blank he doesn't think it will work. I know marriage counseling can't work miracles, but I know Jesus can.

I know God is punishing me for breaking my promise. I can't face the idea I will be alone for the rest of my life.

 

[yac11]

God is not punishing you. You are doing that yourself. God loves you and you need a prayer.

Dear Father,

Please give this women peace that she knows you are not punishing her. That life gives us lemons and many times the lemons fall off the tree all at once. She is to be strong in her faith and realize that you are with her picking up the lemons to lessen her burden of carrying them. She is to feel the sunshine on her face as she carries her share and know that you will walk with her the entire distance to set the lemons down. At when she does, you will be right there to give her a hug and she will receive your peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray in this in Jesus name. Amen

Please go in peace, be still and listen to our creator and then come back and be a blessing to others that are hurting as well. May we lift each other up, always.

 

[hattiebod]

Well, I can say one thing...coffee has nothing to do with this God is not punishing you, you are simply experiencing life. I am not going to say I am sorry your daughter has had this diagnosis because I have a dear friend with Aspergers. It can make life difficult, but it is only a 'disability' if you decide that is how it is to be. She is a gorgeous, beautiful daughter and you love her right? So you need to build her up. There are so many resources now for those who have Aspergers, life does not need to be blighted, just approached a little differently
It does sound like there has been issues in your marriage going back 22 years, now things have come to a head. As for the counsellor telling your husband to leave you, all your fault? Unless you hear this from the counsellor, this is unlikely. It maybe is how your husband has interpreted his session with his counsellor, but that is not the same thing at all. He has agreed to go to marriage Counselling? Wonderful! Give thanks for this....you are seeing a Christian couples counsellor I hope Stand on Gods promises, get yourself under Gods authority, pray, listen to God. Know Him. Ask for wisdom over your situation. Be expectant for good things at all times and put the Fruits of the Spirit into action. How? Through the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you. You are talking as if all is a disaster, this is not God talking!! Speak hope, peace, seek out the scriptures pertaining to you doing the will of God, His love for you, His promises for you....allow Him to build you up, strengthen and encourage you, His precious daughter. God Bless you, in His name, <><. Ps. And let go of the guilt over the coffee, you are free, free to drink coffee if you like!

 

[prodigal]

First of all God is not punishing you for failure to give up caffeine. The only person you let down was yourself, not God. God knew everything you would do when he accepted you as his child. He knew exactly were your strengths and weaknesses lay and he not only accepted you but chose you to be in the family of God.
I must ask why your husband never went to a christian councilor? If your husband isn't coping he should acknowledge that it is him not coping and seek help with that rather than putting the burden of blame on you.I have an autistic nephew and at times, though hard work, we wouldn't change him for anything in the world.
All though you might not feel it at the moment, by holding your home and children together you are a tower of strength and an inspiration to other. If your husband is not a christian and wants to leave you must let him go.If a christian then he needs to take responsibility,maybe with help, of his family situation. Justifying dumping his family for an easier life by putting the blame on you just shows that he is no man at all. I think that your see in time that God is holding you up right now and in time your be able to help others going through similar experiences. Yes your finding life hard at the moment, change is hard, and much is relying on you, but it's people like you that hold others together, often putting there own welfare behind that of others and this inspires many to look into the christian faith. At this time you need encouragement and to know your not alone. You are my sister and i need you at times as you need me at other times. This is what we do, it's called a family, the christian family. So i thank God for you. You are a blessing to me....

 

[MidniteWelder]

When there is nothing left but God,
that is when one finds out that God is all you need

 

[wbfnbs]

Sometimes it seems like God is not answering. I promise He is. Sometimes we can only see how God was working when the trial is over. Keep praying for your marriage. Keep praying for your daughter. Keep praying for yourself. God will answer and everything will work out. Seek out a Christian counselor. Every marriage has some down times. I've been married for 24 years as well. Not long ago, I thought we were headed for divorce. God answered my heartfelt, tear stained prayers and we made it through. Trust me when I say it was a miracle. We are now on the right track, and happy. God can do the same for you.

 

[agentmom]

I would seek a Christian counselor but my husband was first insisting we go to the woman that convinced him we should separate! When I insisted we see another counselor he was mad at first, but he agreed to change to someone else. I'm hoping if I go to this counselor, I can EVENTUALLY convince him what we really need is a Christian counselor. I appreciate all the support I'm being given in this forum. Please pray. I need prayer, most of all.

 

[hattiebod]

I would seek a Christian counselor but my husband was first insisting we go to the woman that convinced him we should separate! When I insisted we see another counselor he was mad at first, but he agreed to change to someone else. I'm hoping if I go to this counselor, I can EVENTUALLY convince him what we really need is a Christian counselor. I appreciate all the support I'm being given in this forum. Please pray. I need prayer, most of all.

Thats good news, when there is discord in a marriage, to avoid more confusion, it is best to have couple Counselling. A counsellor however will not be the fix for all this....you and God together, fix you. Then, as your life calms and gains focus, strength and peace, you may influence others around you. Even in chaos, we can have peace, our peace is not from this world and our circumstances The main thing is to focus on getting yourself right with God, strong and in His will. Listening to Him, being obedient to Him. He cannot answer prayer , unless it aligns with His will. We will only get into knowing His will if we really stand for Him in all ways. One of the first things to do is look at your life, does it honour God? In all ways? When things go wrong in our lives, it is then we can feel weak, if we are not built up in our faith. Faith is a continual action of obedience and communication with God. You can then have total trust in God, knowing He will provide for you....in His will. 'The righteous shall live by faith' Rom.1:17. Keep your eyes on Jesus....the author & perfect or of your faith. You are the light in your family!! Shine Bright! God Bless, <><

 

[sandtigeress]

God does not make deals with coffee, you did. You can not buy gods help or his good will.
there is nothing you have to do for god other than go to him, believe in him and ask him for help.

The coffee is a way for you to feel like you do something helpfull and for you to beat yourself
up over something seemingly simple. Quit with that, it only costs you energie, you don't have
at the moment, you don't need caffee, but you also are not sinning by drinking any.

About you family, I'm praying for you, that your husband and you get together and find a
way to deal with all your problems together. And that you find peace in your mind. Not all
is your fault and it has nothing to do with the deal you made with yourself 22 years ago.
Give that over to god, he is mightier and full of mercy.
And the help you do for your daughter, the love you give god and people,
god likes more than all possible sacrifices. (Mark 12:33).






That

 

[agentmom]

Thats good news, when there is discord in a marriage, to avoid more confusion, it is best to have couple Counselling. A counsellor however will not be the fix for all this....you and God together, fix you. Then, as your life calms and gains focus, strength and peace, you may influence others around you. Even in chaos, we can have peace, our peace is not from this world and our circumstances The main thing is to focus on getting yourself right with God, strong and in His will. Listening to Him, being obedient to Him. He cannot answer prayer , unless it aligns with His will. We will only get into knowing His will if we really stand for Him in all ways. One of the first things to do is look at your life, does it honour God? In all ways? When things go wrong in our lives, it is then we can feel weak, if we are not built up in our faith. Faith is a continual action of obedience and communication with God. You can then have total trust in God, knowing He will provide for you....in His will. 'The righteous shall live by faith' Rom.1:17. Keep your eyes on Jesus....the author & perfect or of your faith. You are the light in your family!! Shine Bright! God Bless, <><

That's what I told Jesus this morning. That a marriage counselor can't work miracles, but I know Jesus can. I'm just praying for that sort of miracle in my life. Not only for my husband's and I sake, but for my autistic daughter who has no clue there is anything wrong, and I fear would take it very badly.

 

[prodigaldaughter]

It is not always clear on the whys and whats of a matter and sometimes you do feel like you are at the end of your rope. I don't think that you are being punished. We have to remember that there is a spiritual warfare that is going on. Pray and fast on the matter. I also like to read the book of Proverbs as it is full of wisdom on stuff like this. The book of Psalms also is full of uplifting words to help when we are unable to express our selves to the Lord God. Read and meditate upon the words it will help you. Also give praise and worship to the Lord God. Praise Him in song and dance, bow down and worship Him. It will help calm you down you will feel the peace once again and ask God to provide the wisdom you need to know what to say and do. Plead the blood of Jesus over your situation and claim the promise that what God has joined together no man can separate. Apply the scriptures on love in your conduct so that the anger can subside and healing can begin. Remember there is power in the name of Jesus and in His blood! And put on the full armor of God. Remember Be Still and Know that God is God.

My Prayer for you...

Lord God Almighty, creator of Heaven and earth. I give You praise and the glory for You are alone is worthy to be praised. I lift up in prayer our sister Agentmom, her marriage and her family life. I plead the blood of Jesus over her marriage and her family life. In the name of Jesus I break the chains of hurt, pain and anger in their union and family life. I claim another promise for her that no weapon formed against her shall prosper! I plead the blood over the atmosphere around them that there be a shaken up, a revival of their marital vows to each other. I plead the blood of Jesus over their hearts and minds so that there can be forgiveness and healing. I plead the blood of Jesus over their past so that events of the past stays in the past and they are shielded from it and can move on to healing and forgiveness. I plead the blood of Jesus over their present that Your Mighty hand move so that the attacks of the enemy will be weakened and that it falls away. I plead the blood of Jesus over their future that their marriage will be stronger and better than every before. In the name of Jesus I break the chains of doubt, fear and anxiety. I ask that you give our sister Agentmom the strength and the wisdom that she needs to go through this situation. Let her be filled with the Holy Spirit that the fruits may be evident in her life. Lord God, in the name of Jesus I bind and I loosen the spirits of anger, bitterness, blame, unforgiveness and I cast them out of her marriage. Let the marital bond be soaked, drenched, saturated and encapsulated in the blood of Jesus. Keep them under your wings, in your shadow, in the secret place of Your holy tabernacle. In the name of Jesus I decree and declare that Agentmom's marriage shall be healed! In Jesus name I pray. Amen. Amen.

 

[Lucy68]

Praying for you agentmom....peace and guidance from the Holy Spirit and that your husband will soften his heart to our Creator's leading.

 

[Ugly]

The real problem here is the counselor. It's amazing there are still throwbacks to such outdated methods of psychology, as blame shifting. This was a popular concept in psychology many years ago, but as the science advances they've realized the need to take responsibility for yourself, and deal with the things that aren't your fault. He is going to a counselor or psychologist using dated methods, or is just very ignorant of their profession. He will likely not get better under this person.
See if you can convince him to find someone better. Perhaps seek out a Christian psychologist.

Also, i encourage you to research depression, and the effects it has not only on the person affected, but how it affects those around them. Either do it online, or see if you can get the information from a professional. Perhaps maybe even seek some help for yourself (but not from that buffoon your husband is seeing). Once you understand how depression changes a person, and their outlook, it may make it a little easier to not take personal, what is not the person, but the condition. I speak from experience. 20+ years of depression. And amateur reading on psychology and mental illness.

 

[Lucy68]

The real problem here is the counselor. It's amazing there are still throwbacks to such outdated methods of psychology, as blame shifting. This was a popular concept in psychology many years ago, but as the science advances they've realized the need to take responsibility for yourself, and deal with the things that aren't your fault. He is going to a counselor or psychologist using dated methods, or is just very ignorant of their profession. He will likely not get better under this person.
See if you can convince him to find someone better. Perhaps seek out a Christian psychologist.

Also, i encourage you to research depression, and the effects it has not only on the person affected, but how it affects those around them. Either do it online, or see if you can get the information from a professional. Perhaps maybe even seek some help for yourself (but not from that buffoon your husband is seeing). Once you understand how depression changes a person, and their outlook, it may make it a little easier to not take personal, what is not the person, but the condition. I speak from experience. 20+ years of depression. And amateur reading on psychology and mental illness.

That is an excellent point about taking self-responsibility. This is why biblical teaching is so helpful to our daily lives....forgiveness keeps us from living like a 'victim'. With Christ, we learn to forgive and be over-comers instead of victims. Lots of times we suffer the consequences of other people's sin, or our own sin, or most likely a combination of the two. To forgive and move on is so necessary for a victorious life .

 

[Ariel82]

was the "counselor" your husband went to female by any chance?

either way that person had NO right to falsely put the idea in your husband's mind that it is ok to get a divorce.
that's awful.

will keep you and your family in prayers.

 

[homwardbound]

I have been married for 24 years. Months ago my youngest was diagnosed with aspergers. It has put a great strain on the marriage. So much so, my husband became depressed and went to counseling about it. In the three weeks he was there the counselor convinced my husband he needs to separate from me because *I'm* the reasons he's depressed. I'm devastated. I already have the strain of a 15 year old who has so much anxiety, she won't go to school. Now I have the strain of the man, who only told me a month and a half ago he would never leave me, and wanted me to live with him the rest of his life, that he wants to separate.

I know this is my fault. Our marriage hit a real rough spot 22 years ago and I told God, if he healed my family I would give up drinking caffeine. But I didn't keep the promise. I always felt guilty about it, but I thought I needed caffeine to get through my day. I asked God many times to forgive me for breaking my promise, but I guess God didn't. Now, I've quit caffeine but I think I did it way too late.

I'm afraid God is telling me, too little too late. Not only will this leave my alone, but at a critical time in my daughter's life in which she has enough troubles, this has to happen to her as well.

I don't know what to do. I've been praying and praying but I fear there is no hope. I know you have to have believe God will answer your prayers to have them answered. But how can I do that, when I am in such despair? Jesus, help my unbelief.

If my daughter didn't need me so much and I didn't think I would go to hell, I'd end it all now.

My husband has agreed to marriage counseling, but he tells me point blank he doesn't think it will work. I know marriage counseling can't work miracles, but I know Jesus can.

I know God is punishing me for breaking my promise. I can't face the idea I will be alone for the rest of my life.

No marriage in this life here on earth is 100% free from troubles, just like even if not married I tell you the truth
[h=3]John 16:33[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[SUP]33 [/SUP]These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
please put and excercise your Faith in Christ that you are okay with whatever the outcome here comes to be,and that you will trust in God through Christ the Son at the cross, where He overcame by the resurrection.
Just settle this part in you, where Christ has come to live in youon the first day of belief

[h=3]Ephesians 1[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[h=3]Greeting[/h]1 Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God,
To the saints who are in Ephesus, and faithful in Christ Jesus:
[SUP]2 [/SUP]Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
[h=3]Redemption in Christ[/h][SUP]3 [/SUP]Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, [SUP]4 [/SUP]just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, [SUP]5 [/SUP]having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, [SUP]6 [/SUP]to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
[SUP]7 [/SUP]In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace [SUP]8 [/SUP]which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, [SUP]9 [/SUP]having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, [SUP]10 [/SUP]that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. [SUP]11 [/SUP]In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, [SUP]12 [/SUP]that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, [SUP]14 [/SUP]who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory.

 

[michaelwriting]

They say 'when you feel at the end of your rope...let go of the rope'.

We often try to hold on and control our situation, not realizing how little we can actually control. Sometimes our worries and emotions can even be counterproductive.

In Dobson's 'Love Must Be Tough', he talks about a principle of the chase. Sometimes, when we begin to retreat or withdraw, the spouse will begin to pursue. This actually seemed to work for me. Instead of me being a 'love-sick' guy, I had to learn how to give my wife some space. Instead of pressuring and pushing, I had to begin to detach. I had to learn how to be ME, and let my wife be whoever God made her to be. While none of us wants to hear it, none of us can fully stop our spouse from doing what they ar fully determined to do. All we can do is manage our own decisions.

I'm sure God feels the same way about us. He sees us do the wrong thing and go the wrong way, but he doesn't force us to do what is right.

DETACH=Don't Even Think About Changing Him/Her

We have to turn over our unbelieving or wayward spouses to God's hands, and trust him with the process. We are not smart enough or strong enough to make other people do what we want or love us as we want.

Hopefully you get to read my other message to you in another thread. Please take care of yourself.

 

[danschance]

I have been married for 24 years. Months ago my youngest was diagnosed with aspergers. It has put a great strain on the marriage. So much so, my husband became depressed and went to counseling about it. In the three weeks he was there the counselor convinced my husband he needs to separate from me because *I'm* the reasons he's depressed. I'm devastated. I already have the strain of a 15 year old who has so much anxiety, she won't go to school. Now I have the strain of the man, who only told me a month and a half ago he would never leave me, and wanted me to live with him the rest of his life, that he wants to separate.

I know this is my fault. Our marriage hit a real rough spot 22 years ago and I told God, if he healed my family I would give up drinking caffeine. But I didn't keep the promise. I always felt guilty about it, but I thought I needed caffeine to get through my day. I asked God many times to forgive me for breaking my promise, but I guess God didn't. Now, I've quit caffeine but I think I did it way too late.


I'm afraid God is telling me, too little too late. Not only will this leave my alone, but at a critical time in my daughter's life in which she has enough troubles, this has to happen to her as well.

I don't know what to do. I've been praying and praying but I fear there is no hope. I know you have to have believe God will answer your prayers to have them answered. But how can I do that, when I am in such despair? Jesus, help my unbelief.

If my daughter didn't need me so much and I didn't think I would go to hell, I'd end it all now.

My husband has agreed to marriage counseling, but he tells me point blank he doesn't think it will work. I know marriage counseling can't work miracles, but I know Jesus can.

I know God is punishing me for breaking my promise. I can't face the idea I will be alone for the rest of my life.

NO! ...too little too late is what satan says, not God. It is never too late for God if you are still on this earth. Don't blame yourself. Trust in God that He has a plan for you, even now. This is not your fault. Hang tight with God and do what He says, not what satan says. It will be OK if you love God.