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Thread: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

  1. #1
    geoman
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    Default I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Hello,

    I have to admit something. I have been going to a rather large Christian church in Texas for over a decade. I serve in one of my church's volunteer posts (I drive golf carts for guests) and I financially support it. However, I don't like the senior pastor.

    He is a very charismatic fellow. Handsome and likable from afar. He gives good sermons and are Biblically based. I used to email him questions both personal and scriptural from time to time and he does answer them honestly.

    However, he is quite a different person in person. I once ran into him in a restaurant. He was sitting in a corner working on his laptop. I walked by just to say hello and greet him. He looked up at me an frowned. I said "Hi, I saw you here and just wanted to say hi. I'm off to the dentist this morning." He responded "Well, you better be off then." I left him then.

    I also notice on the few occasions I have run into him in public he doesn't say hello. He tries to avoid saying anything to me and it is obvious to me. This has happened only several times over the years. Yet each time it leaves its mark.

    What really hacked me off is I started to blog to share my faith more with others. Part of keeping the Great Commission. I used to send it to all my email contacts. I have to admit. I was doing it to frequently and sending them to everyone I new in my excitement. I toned back on that a lot.

    However, my pastor responded "Take me off of these mass mailings." I did so. However, another pastor in our church responded "Hey Geoman could you do me a favor, I get so many emails could you please take me off your email list. Thanks." I wanted to send the other pastors reply back to him but held back.

    What's more, he impresses me as a hypocrite. He also has a blog that he sends out to the church. I decided to block his blog emails. After all, he sends his unsolicited to me as well.

    I still continue to go to this church. There are many good people there, if not the senior pastor. However, if it weren't for family. I'd bolt in a minute.

    Any comments?

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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    I guess I don't understand why these incidents make you dislike your pastor.

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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    our war is not flesh and blood,satan wants 2 steal your peace,just love them and pray 4 them just the way they are,after all if God wasnt so loving,he could think and wonder the same way about us.Peace John

  4. #4
    violakat
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Geoman, have you ever really sat down and talk to your pastor. I mean, there might be some misunderstanding on your part. It's possible that he's not even really aware of some of the things he's doing in public. He could possibly be one of those types of people who have a lot of things on their minds, and so come across rude. However, before talking with your pastor if you should decide to do so, pray for him, and for yourself. And try to keep from coming across as antagonizing.
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    There is a lady in my bible study group that is like this, I think she is just socially awkward. At first it offended me but later I realized she is caring, but just lacks ability to be social one on one. Also I think texts and emails are often misunderstood. They don't show emotion unless you go out of your way to try to show your emotions with what you are sending.

    He could be more aware of this but he's only human and our focus is on Jesus not on man. He needs you to show him the love of Christ as much as any other man. :-)
    violakat and sandtigeress like this.

  6. #6
    Senior Member sandtigeress's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    your pastor is human.

    You say he wrote on his laptop. He was probably writing an email to a person, who had problems.
    He might have been deep in thoughts. So when you came, he frouned and then tried to refocuse to give you his attention.
    Also some people have difficulties, to indentfy people, when they see them somewhere else. That is a psychological thing.
    The same with the email, a rude way of saying, i do not want that,because i do not have the time, to read massmails, because i have to concentrate so much on the personal ones. But you wrote him bevor about questions,
    so he might have opend your mails, with a mindset, "ok, you need something from me, some encouragement, or so" and
    then realised, a no thank the lord, you are happy and full of faith.
    He is the senior pastor, so he gets a lot of emails, a lot of questions. He does not have the time, to read things that were not directly for him.

    And anout his block, If you don't want his emails, tell him. By Blocking his emails you are even ruder.
    And you hurt over something, you never told him about, so he never had a chance to say, sorry i can not be the friend you want me to be.
    Forgive your pastor for being human, for not being the man, you want him to be. And be the man yourself, by f.ex. telling people in a nice way, when you do not want their contact, instead of blocking their emails.
    violakat, Ariel82, yac11 and 1 others like this.

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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    We love Jesus but we are not perfect like Him....we will meet people in our lives who we do not warm too, but that's OK. In fact, it's more than OK, it is an oppertunity for us to learn and grow. God tells us to treat everyone as if they were Christ....challenging but here is a God given oppertunity to put Gods teaching into action. It is as we are obedient to God...that He blesses us by growing our faith. Not easy. I sense that you feel you are not valued in this relationship? And the fact there seems to be a reluctance to even build any relationship by the pastor......Just remember, you are so valued by Jesus. He is more than enough. You may not be the pastors pal, but you a the Son of the King. God Bless you. <><
    J-Kay and Water1944 like this.
    The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will
    take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He
    will rejoice over you with singing. Zeph. 3:17.

  8. #8
    Senior Member maxwel's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Some pastors are great guys.
    Some pastors are jerks.
    Some pastors are somewhere in between... good guys with a more-than-average share of flaws.

    Nobody here has any way to know if your pastor is totally superficial,
    or if you're just misunderstanding things.

    You basically have 2 options:
    1. Stay there
    2. Leave

    Either one is fine... depending on how God is leading you.

    If this stuff is really eating at you, and you want to put it to rest,
    you could always meet with him personally, and discuss your feelings with him.
    Give him a chance to respond.

    But there is good news and bad news.
    Good news: He may apologize, and make amends, put your mind at ease,
    and show you that you he deserves much more kindness and understanding.
    Bad news: He may get angry, act like a jerk, and prove he's horrible.
    Who knows.
    I've seen both happen.
    And afterward... you still have to made a decision about what to do.

    Good rule of thumb:
    Don't go into a meeting with someone looking for the truth,
    if you aren't willing to get the real truth... whatever it happens to be.
    Last edited by maxwel; May 15th, 2013 at 06:38 PM.
    rerun likes this.

  9. #9
    geoman
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Thanks, Everyone,

    Good advice to consider.

    Blessings to you.

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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    from the sound of it. i don't think your pastor recognized you or as someone said was deep in thought about something else or just doesn't know how to make small talk.

    I have to admit I don't really do well with small talk and would probably have said or done the same thing in public, but if you want to talk about the Bible or something that I'm really interested in then that is whole different story.

    as for the email, he might not have realized that you were writing them personally. sometimes people pass along mass emails that they cut and paste from the internet. If I thought someone was sending me those type of emals I'd ask them to take me off their list, but if I knew it was their personal thoughts and beliefs then I would keep them on my list and just file them later for reading when I got a chance.

    Also just because someone doesn't want email updates every time you post doesn't mean they might not later go to your blog and read it when they find the time.

    I wouldn't get offended by his behavior. as you said he answered questions and he sounds like he is trying his best.

    I would suggest you pray for him and forgive him any trespass you feel he has done against you because that is what God wants us to do.

    pray about it and give him the benefit of doubt that he is NOT a hypocrite but perhaps just another child of God learning along side you and helping as many others to walk toward that upward calling.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Forgiveness and understanding goes a long way in relationships.

    A pastor of a big church is under a lot of pressure...he is expected to be all things to all people. Which is of course, impossible. You might want to try saying to him, "if I can help you out with anything give me a call" and leaving it at that.

    It's hard to find a good Bible-believing church with a good bible-teaching pastor; so don't be quick to leave it because you are offended. The book "The Bait of Satan" by John Bevere is very good. The bait is 'offense'.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Yes I have some comments. When you go to a very large church, you have to consider the kind of people pressure the Pastor is under every day. While I think he could be more friendly, I'm sure he has had rather uncomfortable experiences when running into people outside of the church. Sad to say, some do not respect his free time (if he has any) or they think they are good friends when they have never actually met him. If you were close for a time, say on a missions trip, or working directly under him or with him, I'm sure you would see a different side.
    If you really feel he is not walking the walk (so to speak) find another, perhaps smaller place where you can get to know the pastor well. I think in your case, this might be the best choice.
    sunnygurl and as_i_am like this.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Quote Originally Posted by geoman View Post
    Hello,

    I have to admit something. I have been going to a rather large Christian church in Texas for over a decade. I serve in one of my church's volunteer posts (I drive golf carts for guests) and I financially support it. However, I don't like the senior pastor.

    He is a very charismatic fellow. Handsome and likable from afar. He gives good sermons and are Biblically based. I used to email him questions both personal and scriptural from time to time and he does answer them honestly.

    However, he is quite a different person in person. I once ran into him in a restaurant. He was sitting in a corner working on his laptop. I walked by just to say hello and greet him. He looked up at me an frowned. I said "Hi, I saw you here and just wanted to say hi. I'm off to the dentist this morning." He responded "Well, you better be off then." I left him then.

    I also notice on the few occasions I have run into him in public he doesn't say hello. He tries to avoid saying anything to me and it is obvious to me. This has happened only several times over the years. Yet each time it leaves its mark.

    What really hacked me off is I started to blog to share my faith more with others. Part of keeping the Great Commission. I used to send it to all my email contacts. I have to admit. I was doing it to frequently and sending them to everyone I new in my excitement. I toned back on that a lot.

    However, my pastor responded "Take me off of these mass mailings." I did so. However, another pastor in our church responded "Hey Geoman could you do me a favor, I get so many emails could you please take me off your email list. Thanks." I wanted to send the other pastors reply back to him but held back.

    What's more, he impresses me as a hypocrite. He also has a blog that he sends out to the church. I decided to block his blog emails. After all, he sends his unsolicited to me as well.

    I still continue to go to this church. There are many good people there, if not the senior pastor. However, if it weren't for family. I'd bolt in a minute.

    Any comments?

    Geoman, I really understand where you would feel hurt. Maybe it is because
    I am a lot like you in personality. I tried to read most all comments and many
    had some great views.

    Let me start by saying the REPLY ALL emails. I was in a Christian Womens
    group who did that and every time one had a message for one person on the
    list, it showed up on my email inbox. It cluttered my mail, and the things they
    discussed was of no interest to me. Not sure if that happens on his, but it is
    possible ???

    I understand the feeling of not being acknowledged when you see him in public.
    There is a part of me that feels it could be because the Church is so large he has
    temporary mental block where your name is concerned ? Maybe I am wrong since
    you said you are active in the Church. That is the bad thing about mega churches,
    there is no way they can really know their congregation.

    The private conversation you were having with him via email, is probably easier
    to communicate, because he can cut it off when he is finished ministering to you.

    When you ran into him at the table, I understand as one said, it may have caused
    him to lose his train of thought, but IMO, he really could have said, I pray everything
    goes well with you.

    I guess Geo, we have to face the fact we are all human and we are not going to be
    pleased by what people say or do all the time. I am thinking of the one comment
    made here also, I agree with, the emails do not come across the way we might mean
    because we are not hearing it said. I have made it a practice if I begin to become
    a friend and I do have 2 close internet friends in different states I have spoken to
    on the telephone and it makes a world of difference. Actually I have spoken to more
    than one just one time, and it helps them know me, and I can tell how they speak,
    and then when I read their email, I could put their voice with it. I don't suggest this
    as for everyone to do. It just helped me and the other to meet that way, then we
    never had to do it more than the one time. Still I have 2 very close and I am blessed
    by them.

    I say all that to say, you know your Pastor. You know how his emails sounded when
    you were sharing or being ministered to. It does seem strange he would ignore you
    but that is something as one said, you might bring up to him in private face to face.

    May we all pray for you and ask God heal your hurt and help you through this. If
    there is a good Bible teaching Church more informal, maybe you will feel better trying
    it ? But be sure not to leave with hard feelings if possible...and it would be wise not
    to expose your reason if you leave. I know how hard that is brother, believe me..
    I have been there. God bless you ~ We care ~


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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Firstly, it sounds more like a personality issue. We are supposed to love each other, but it is sometimes difficult to like each other. You might want to try to separate your personal feelings for him and what he does for you as a spiritual leader.

    It also sounds like your pastor is not very relational. He just doesn't like or want to engage in casual conversations with those in the church. My sr. pastor is a very Godly and respected man. He knows his Bible and he is humble. Periodically and when appropriate, he does admit his faults on the platform his faults, conveying to us that he is human. I know the staff enjoys working for him despite the fact that he is a hard driver and has high expectations. Very different leadership qualities than the 2 other pastors we had in the last 30 years. That said, the new guy is not relational. He and I coincidentally walked into the church one morning together. He smiled, and said Good Morning, but nothing more. It threw me a bit, but I fully realize that he is not relational and doesn't automatically reach out to others.

  15. #15
    jinx
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    I'd bolt.

    If he can't be friendly to you outside of church what makes you think he is praying for your soul in church?

    Pastors are ministers and should be people friendly and they are if GOD does the calling and not the man.

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    Junior Member rerun's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Church isn't about family, doing activities, or anything other than growing spiritually. I'd leave if I was not growing spiritually only after I talked to the pastor. If you aren't seeing your life grow then it is a sign that something deeper is wrong. So pray about it and talk with your pastor and go from there.

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    Default Re: I Don't Like My Pastor But I Go To Church For The Sake Of The Family

    Quote Originally Posted by geoman View Post
    Hello,

    I have to admit something. I have been going to a rather large Christian church in Texas for over a decade. I serve in one of my church's volunteer posts (I drive golf carts for guests) and I financially support it. However, I don't like the senior pastor.

    He is a very charismatic fellow. Handsome and likable from afar. He gives good sermons and are Biblically based. I used to email him questions both personal and scriptural from time to time and he does answer them honestly.

    However, he is quite a different person in person. I once ran into him in a restaurant. He was sitting in a corner working on his laptop. I walked by just to say hello and greet him. He looked up at me an frowned. I said "Hi, I saw you here and just wanted to say hi. I'm off to the dentist this morning." He responded "Well, you better be off then." I left him then.

    I also notice on the few occasions I have run into him in public he doesn't say hello. He tries to avoid saying anything to me and it is obvious to me. This has happened only several times over the years. Yet each time it leaves its mark.

    What really hacked me off is I started to blog to share my faith more with others. Part of keeping the Great Commission. I used to send it to all my email contacts. I have to admit. I was doing it to frequently and sending them to everyone I new in my excitement. I toned back on that a lot.

    However, my pastor responded "Take me off of these mass mailings." I did so. However, another pastor in our church responded "Hey Geoman could you do me a favor, I get so many emails could you please take me off your email list. Thanks." I wanted to send the other pastors reply back to him but held back.

    What's more, he impresses me as a hypocrite. He also has a blog that he sends out to the church. I decided to block his blog emails. After all, he sends his unsolicited to me as well.

    I still continue to go to this church. There are many good people there, if not the senior pastor. However, if it weren't for family. I'd bolt in a minute.

    Any comments?
    You are expressing that you want something deeper between the two of you! It is obvious he does not know this no matter to what degree or level, one other thing that is also important you mentioned it as "his church", not to be seriously critical but I do believe he has no spike holes in his hands or feet and no spear lance in his side and no stripes on his back, it is the Lord Jesus' church well it might not be viewed as Jesus' building or other physical things now (but absolutely will be all of His when He returns) but each one you and he are joined in all the body of Jesus Christ our Lord. Seek the Lord where it pleases Him to place you in His body.

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