Advice needed: How to confrtont...

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dovey

Guest
#1
#1
Here is the situation: kindly suggested to very close relation, highly respected member of family that a weekend trip involving all men and drinking, gambiling, and pornography....that He said he felt uncomfortable going to as a christian, but didn't want to cause a lot of strife in those friendships so had to go..all really wealth prominent men in our community. So I suggested that maybe God could use Him to stand up for Christ, because these men respect him, since noone has probably done that for them. I am a single 26 year old in the family and look up to this particular couple greatly, they have been my examples of what living the blessed life is, and have been a source of love in my life and strong point. So I never in a million years expected the reaction i recieved from that remark. It was incredibly hurtful, and very dissapointing. There are a lot of people very upset with me right now, and i dont know how quickly I can recover from the pain of realizing the people I have loved whole heartedly, will get made at me for standing up for Chist, and causing any kind of uncomfortable moment. It is like the comfort of no conflict is more important than doing what is right, and more valuable than me. I learned that the people I loved have a shallow love for me at best, and feel that I cant be myself around them, because if I am it makes people uncomfortable and disrupts the peace. I am having a VERY hard time not building a wall...any advice...I prayed that God would use this to strengthen our relationships, but part of me doesn't want to be wholeheartedly involved with my own family, that I love....dont like fake relationships...like strong ones that can withstand more than that.
 
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Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#2
#2
Wow that is damaging. I had a situation where I was extremely close to a pastor and his wife who was my rock in my Christian life...only to witness a messy divorce with extremely un-christianly behavior on both sides. It felt like everything they taught me was a lie. I didn't have any other close Christian examples so I was devistated. I ended up relaying on God instead of people.
You are not supposed to feel guilty for doing the right thing. You obviously know what God's Word says- If you are getting a beating for it then shame on them. Be yourself around them. Be true to yourself. You dont like fake relationships? Then don't tollerate fake behavior. People get mad at the righteous because they feel ashamed deep down. If these people love you, really love you, then you dont have to worry. Friendships without real love is emptyness.
 
O

oapercy

Guest
#3
#3
dovey said:
Here is the situation: kindly suggested to very close relation, highly respected member of family that a weekend trip involving all men and drinking, gambiling, and pornography....that He said he felt uncomfortable going to as a christian, but didn't want to cause a lot of strife in those friendships so had to go..all really wealth prominent men in our community. So I suggested that maybe God could use Him to stand up for Christ, because these men respect him, since noone has probably done that for them. I am a single 26 year old in the family and look up to this particular couple greatly, they have been my examples of what living the blessed life is, and have been a source of love in my life and strong point. So I never in a million years expected the reaction i recieved from that remark. It was incredibly hurtful, and very dissapointing. There are a lot of people very upset with me right now, and i dont know how quickly I can recover from the pain of realizing the people I have loved whole heartedly, will get made at me for standing up for Chist, and causing any kind of uncomfortable moment. It is like the comfort of no conflict is more important than doing what is right, and more valuable than me. I learned that the people I loved have a shallow love for me at best, and feel that I cant be myself around them, because if I am it makes people uncomfortable and disrupts the peace. I am having a VERY hard time not building a wall...any advice...I prayed that God would use this to strengthen our relationships, but part of me doesn't want to be wholeheartedly involved with my own family, that I love....dont like fake relationships...like strong ones that can withstand more than that.
Click to expand...
Hi.
If I got you right, you advice a family relative of yours, a christian , not to be unequally joked with his unbelieving friends but he and his wife have turned against you. Well,the Bible says in Daniel1 v8 that he and his Hebrew brothers refused to defile themselves with portions of the idolatrous meals though they were directly from the palace. They stood up for their God though in Babylon, that strange land and God never disappointed them. How much more now that we operate under a truly better covenant-that of Christ the son of a living God. Mordecai told Esther, who knows whether for this purpose you were made queen to stand for the salvation of God's children. Whether the couple like it or not, every child of God is the light of this world Matthew5 v14, and though they choose to hide this light (because of the satanic reward they are enjoying momentarily), God will raise someone else to preach Christ the true way to those unbelievers. Every assignment of God has time frame attached. God always have a substitute- He can not be held down by a mere dust.

For you,Read Acts4 v17-30: Go to God in prayer and battle that demon assigned to turn your man against you. Ask the Lord to visit, opening his eyes and setting your man free. Ask God within you- the Holy Ghost to arise and deliver both your man,his wife and his unbelieving friends. He should annul every counsel of Ahitophet being given to your man. When God turn him to see that your advice is Godly, he will return to you with great love. This is but a test of your standing up for God like Daniel was ganged up against by the other presidents

Rejoice in your shame for it is the foundation of every fame in Christ.(Acts 5 v40-42

Rejoice

oapercy
 
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woohoogirl

Guest
#4
#4
Wow, your replys so far have been great. I understand your disappointment when someone you look up to fails. Don't feel guilty for saying what is right biblically. This may be a huge turning point in your life, never stop praying that you do and say the right things!
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#5
#5
I have had similar experiences when I was younger, it's a classic human failing you are dealing with here, it's easy to set a standard, it's a lot harder to meet it.

I think before you get too disheartened thinking these people have less care for you than you do for them, try and see it from the other side, like often happens the man probably knew what he should do before he spoke to you and couldn't reconcile it.

I remember when I have been in a situation like that people have tried to remind me to hold onto my values and not be afraid to hold to my beliefs, but it made me upset because for that person advising me it is just words, and words come easily when you have no stake in a situation, for him the advice you gave, while correct, was urging him down a very diffcult road and when someone feels they have no choice and have been placed in such a difficult situation through no fault of their own they often react with anger simply due to immense frustration at being in a situation where no matter what they do they will be compromised, either in a personal and spiritual sense by not standing up for their values or in a practical way for doing just that and losing connections and other relationships that he might value highly, despite the difficulites involved.

Try and understand that maybe it was his feeling trapped that caused him to lash out and be unkind, it sounds like an awful situation for him to be in.

Maybe when some time has passed he will realise he hurt you and you might be able to repair your relationship.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#6
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#6
If he was such a good christian he would not have wanted to go to the place with alll the ungodly stuff. Your not here to please man. Your here to please God. Thank God that your having problems. Problems when you don't back down make you stronger for God.
 
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RoguePreacher

Guest
#7
#7
Dovey,

Let me make this as clear to you as I can. The cross offends. Never ever let someone, even someone you respect or look up to make you feel bad for representing Christ. If folks take the love you have in Christ and try to make you feel bad, smile, tell them that you love them and want only to keep them from harm, Bless them and leave. Doing things like that leaves a mark that doesn't wash off. They will think about what you said. They might take sport of you while together but when it quiet and they are alone the conviction will come.

When you see them later just casually let them know you still love them and are praying for them and walk away. Don't engage them in conversation. Eventually one or more will come to you. I myself am always using scripture to answer questions people ask of me. I make it very clear that I try to live my life as a follower of Christ and that a question will always be answered with a biblical perspective. When folks ask me why I do that I simply tell them that The Word of God is truth and that i love them too much to tell them anything other than the truth.

Keep the faith, stay strong and pray hard.
 
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Sunnie82

Guest
#8
#8
so just to be clear, people are upset with you, for suggesting that God will use that friend to be Christ to the other men that aren't Christians?

If that is correct????

I believe that there is a fine line of when to step out of the "christian bubble" that many of us live in. When Jesus walked the earth, He sat with the crooks, prostitutes, criminals, murderers, etc. So for me, I believe that (and here is that fine line) IF you are walking in Gods will and have your head on your shoulder, then there is no problem going to those kind of places to be a witness, and no christian should judge and say, "oh how can he call himself a christian for going there" (not saying that, that is what you said) But many christians do say those kinds of things. We have to sometimes step out of our comfort zone, and truly look at people with love and compassion, like how God does, and maybe that is what your friend was trying to do? Maybe he felt judged by you.

If we just stay in our cozy church circles, then how can we be lights to the world? How can God use us for His glory to bring His children home if everyone in our circle is saved???

I'm sure you meant well, and there is probably a lot of mis-communication going on.

See if your friend is willing to listen to you, and to hear you out, if not, then look at this in a positive way.....there is a season for everything in life.....friendships, love, work, and so on.

Don't be too hard on yourself. God knows your heart and what you meant.
 
C

ClimbingUpward

Guest
#9
#9
The bible says we will have conflicts for being followers of Christ and families will come against families because of it. I'm not excusing it but it does relate to your situation a bit doesn't it? Keep moving forward in Christ's love for you, don't let this knock you down, that's exactly what the enemy wants, he wants yo to be afraid. Don't let him win. Keep showing them how Jesus has changed your life and they will wonder what it is that you have, they will want it, even if they don't admit it.
Pray for them and show them love.
Forgive.

Hope that helps :)
 
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dovey

Guest
#10
#10
Aww....thank you for all of the wonderful replies!! Very encouraging!! Love is didfficult. Period. Thank God for his pure and perfect love!! and thank you guys for all of the thoughful remarks!! I will continue to take a stand when led, and continue to love people who have hurt me through the grace that God has given me! I have learned though, that there are many deep pains as a follower of Christ, persecution being the smaller of the two. The worst pain as a beliver is having had your wounds and pains attended to daily and awsomly!!!! having to watch people you lve hurt...and the closer I get to Christ it seems I cant help but love sooo many people! Knowing Jesu,s He will only increase this number, and my compassion.....so bring on the Love, and bring on the pain!! and thank God for His goodness!
 
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dovey

Guest
#11
#11
oops...didnt proof read...said "and having to watch people you love hurt"......and Thank God for all of the other wonderful believers in His family!!! thank you guys so much....really touched my heart!!! ....especially matthew and oapercy...
 
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