M
This is a pretty lengthy and crazy story. For whosoever happens to read this, I hope you take the time to really read this and not just skim through it. Please be open-minded. I really need some Christ-centered advice.
My husband and I got married a few years ago and have a beautiful two-year old girl; we are currently in the process of divorcing because I cheated on him. I am not trying to justify my actions because what I did was very wrong and I admit my fault in the marriage. The thing is that my husband and I have gone through a lot of problems. There were times he was aggressive with me. Whenever he got angry, he would push me, hit me with the pillow, mush my face, etc. Throughout our four years of marriage, he rarely paid any attention to me. He would rarely show that he loved me, was never affectionate and would find it irritating whenever I tried to be affectionate. He would argue about everything. Now, I am not perfect either. I admit there were things I could have let go and not brought it up. I did pick fights with him out of frustration because of the way he treated me. I had come across many messages on his phone, e-mail or social networks in which he had been flirting with other women (coworkers, women from other churches, etc.). Whenever I would approach him about it, he would get so defensive and yell to the point that I never carried out the conversation/argument because I was just so tired of fighting. It got to the point that I grew so disillusioned with my marriage that I cheated on my husband. What I did was completely wrong. No matter what my husband did to me or how our relationship was, I should have also thought about my relationship with God and should not have done what I did. But I did it anyway. I confessed to my husband what I did shortly thereafter. I have prayed to God for forgiveness and still want to make our marriage work.
We have been separated for only a month and a half (he filed for divorce) and I found out that he has been dating another woman from our church. I came across some messages and he confirmed that he was dating her, but that he did not want anyone to know. Before I committed adultery, I had a suspicion that they were up to something. I saw that he would always write to her. Within a month of our separation, I saw some suspicious messages that could have proved his intentions with the other woman but they were not conclusive.
My pastor dismissed my suspicions; he said that I was trying to justify my sin. He made me out to seem like I was this completely terrible, manipulative person. My husband said him and the woman were only friends and that's it; that he confided in her with our marital problems and other things. The woman denied that she liked him or that he was her type. She said she would never get with him. In the messages I came across now, he told her that he was falling in love with her, that he could not stop thinking about her, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, that he has never cared for someone this much, that he is going to fight for their relationship with "God by [their] side." I mean, I never received anything like this-- EVER! When I questioned him about it, he confessed that they were seeing each other. They have already hung out. They have declared their love for one another. It has not even been two months since I told him about my infidelity and that we have been separated. Now, I am not saying that he was cheating on me with her all this time and they got physical with each other while we were married. I do not want to assume that right off the bat, but to me it certainly sounds suspicious. How is it possible that you fell in love instantaneously? I strongly suspect that they were harboring feelings for each other while him and I were together even if they did not explicitly say it to each other. I think they used this "just friends" cover up to conceal their unspoken feelings for each other.
Someone had mentioned that he cannot divorce me just yet unless he still tried to make the marriage work. One day (a few weeks ago), he told me he wanted to make things work and we spent an awesome day and night with each other. The very next day he told me he couldn't do it anymore. He did this two-three times. I told him he needs time to heal first and get his head straight before he even thinks about giving us a shot. What I have come suspect is that he pretended to try to make things work with me just so that he could tell people that he tried and that it did not work out. This would make it possible for him to divorce me and get with the other woman. Keep in mind it has only been a month and a half; I had confessed to him on April 1, 2013. I do not know what to think. Do you think there was something going on while him and I were married (before I cheated)? Was it me that pushed them together?
I spoke to my pastor about the situation. I told him about the new message and the fact that my husband confessed to it. He told me that I was basically wrong in my assumption, that my husband has all the right to be with someone else (even though our divorce has not been finalized and I am not willing to sign those papers because I want my marriage to work for the sake of our daughter as well). My husband is the musical director of the church and is the only good musician they have; they cannot afford to lose him because they will be left without a proper musician. No one else is capable of taking up his position just yet. I feel that they are defending him to the core without even giving me some consideration. Granted, what I did was wrong but everything just seems so suspicious to me.
What do you think?
My husband and I got married a few years ago and have a beautiful two-year old girl; we are currently in the process of divorcing because I cheated on him. I am not trying to justify my actions because what I did was very wrong and I admit my fault in the marriage. The thing is that my husband and I have gone through a lot of problems. There were times he was aggressive with me. Whenever he got angry, he would push me, hit me with the pillow, mush my face, etc. Throughout our four years of marriage, he rarely paid any attention to me. He would rarely show that he loved me, was never affectionate and would find it irritating whenever I tried to be affectionate. He would argue about everything. Now, I am not perfect either. I admit there were things I could have let go and not brought it up. I did pick fights with him out of frustration because of the way he treated me. I had come across many messages on his phone, e-mail or social networks in which he had been flirting with other women (coworkers, women from other churches, etc.). Whenever I would approach him about it, he would get so defensive and yell to the point that I never carried out the conversation/argument because I was just so tired of fighting. It got to the point that I grew so disillusioned with my marriage that I cheated on my husband. What I did was completely wrong. No matter what my husband did to me or how our relationship was, I should have also thought about my relationship with God and should not have done what I did. But I did it anyway. I confessed to my husband what I did shortly thereafter. I have prayed to God for forgiveness and still want to make our marriage work.
We have been separated for only a month and a half (he filed for divorce) and I found out that he has been dating another woman from our church. I came across some messages and he confirmed that he was dating her, but that he did not want anyone to know. Before I committed adultery, I had a suspicion that they were up to something. I saw that he would always write to her. Within a month of our separation, I saw some suspicious messages that could have proved his intentions with the other woman but they were not conclusive.
My pastor dismissed my suspicions; he said that I was trying to justify my sin. He made me out to seem like I was this completely terrible, manipulative person. My husband said him and the woman were only friends and that's it; that he confided in her with our marital problems and other things. The woman denied that she liked him or that he was her type. She said she would never get with him. In the messages I came across now, he told her that he was falling in love with her, that he could not stop thinking about her, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, that he has never cared for someone this much, that he is going to fight for their relationship with "God by [their] side." I mean, I never received anything like this-- EVER! When I questioned him about it, he confessed that they were seeing each other. They have already hung out. They have declared their love for one another. It has not even been two months since I told him about my infidelity and that we have been separated. Now, I am not saying that he was cheating on me with her all this time and they got physical with each other while we were married. I do not want to assume that right off the bat, but to me it certainly sounds suspicious. How is it possible that you fell in love instantaneously? I strongly suspect that they were harboring feelings for each other while him and I were together even if they did not explicitly say it to each other. I think they used this "just friends" cover up to conceal their unspoken feelings for each other.
Someone had mentioned that he cannot divorce me just yet unless he still tried to make the marriage work. One day (a few weeks ago), he told me he wanted to make things work and we spent an awesome day and night with each other. The very next day he told me he couldn't do it anymore. He did this two-three times. I told him he needs time to heal first and get his head straight before he even thinks about giving us a shot. What I have come suspect is that he pretended to try to make things work with me just so that he could tell people that he tried and that it did not work out. This would make it possible for him to divorce me and get with the other woman. Keep in mind it has only been a month and a half; I had confessed to him on April 1, 2013. I do not know what to think. Do you think there was something going on while him and I were married (before I cheated)? Was it me that pushed them together?
I spoke to my pastor about the situation. I told him about the new message and the fact that my husband confessed to it. He told me that I was basically wrong in my assumption, that my husband has all the right to be with someone else (even though our divorce has not been finalized and I am not willing to sign those papers because I want my marriage to work for the sake of our daughter as well). My husband is the musical director of the church and is the only good musician they have; they cannot afford to lose him because they will be left without a proper musician. No one else is capable of taking up his position just yet. I feel that they are defending him to the core without even giving me some consideration. Granted, what I did was wrong but everything just seems so suspicious to me.
What do you think?
