Asking for prayer for a hardened heart

[CAMAIN]

double post

 

[livingbygrace]

Hello all,

I'm writing because I am asking that everyone pray for myself, (chris) and my wife (kari). My wife recently told me that she doesn't love me any more and that she wants a seperation. I have tried to do everything possbile to change my behavior to make her give me a second chance. Sadly she hasn't. I've been married for 12 years. she is the only woman that I have ever loved and I am completely dedicated to trying to make my marriage work. I have done everything that she has asked of me to change. Sadly, it isn't enough, and I don't think it will be without gods help. I am asking that everyone say a quick pray for us, for god to help my marriage, and give me the strength to continue to face my fears, and concerns, and give me humilty, and courage to continue to fight for my marriage.

At first I was shocked, in pain, and I cried alot. I was actually crying everyday for the last 4 weeks in the morning on my way to work, on my way home, and at nights, when she was at work. I have begged, sobbed, pleaded with her, tried to tell her she is making a mistake, but ultimately I have come to some conclusions.

1.) I need Gods help with this.
2.) I need to change, and stay changed. I must admit that I was self-absorbed, that I neglected her, and I wasn't sensitive to her feelings. I have changed this, and asked her forgiveness, but must continue to show her.
3.) I must control my addictions. I use t.v., and computers to zone out. Worse yet. I am addicted to Porn, and have been since I was 12. I have not looked at porn for 4 days now, and I don't get on the computer while she is in the house. I make her the center of my attention while she is around me.

I must change myself in order to save my marriage. I ask for everyones prayers in doing so. I ask for everyones prayers in softening my wifes heart. She is normally a very loving person. I realise this will take A long time to do, but I am commited to my marriage, and though I may be too late to stop the seperation from happening. I ask that everyone prays for my marriage, and for strength for me to continue to fight for it.

This is very important to me as I love my wife and I have 2 children 8 and 10. If you could put me on your prayer list, I would be greatful.

I will try to update this thread daily with my struggles. I must admit my sins, and I must be repentant. I must seek guidance, and find comfort. Most of all I need Gods help, and I need yours as well.

Thank you,

Camain

Let me firstly say I am not a minister and would not be considered a spiritual authority, so please feel free to totally ignore what I say, but it is said in kindness.

If your wife had not said she was going to leave you I doubt your porn addiction(which I have suffered from) would ever really have been addressed in your life, and your self centered attitude(which I have also suffered from) would not have had to be addressed either.It is entirely possible that God has let this situation come about so that you may see the need to change, and only by having such an awful situation arise would you consider such a change.
But the horse has to come before the cart. In your heart of hearts why do you want to change? to keep your marriage? or so you can be with God as He would want you to be? To me as I have found in my life, this is the question we have to honestly face. If you only want to change to keep your wife, I can assure you that if she stayed with you, inevitably you would drift back into the ways that have caused your problems now.
It is only when we truly seek God and are in our hearts prepared to put Him first can the changes really be seen. I believe if God does not become your first priority you will sadly lose your wife. This is not meant to be heartless, just honest. You cannot kid God, he will know why you are turning to Him.

I cannot categorically say why all of this has happened in your marriage, but it is possible that God wants you to change, and the only way that can happen is if you put Him first in your life, and that means before your wife. It is not easy to do, and we need to ask God to help us do it, on our own we cannot do anything.
But sometimes circumstances force us to make decisions. What decision will you make. I cannot promise you that if God actually had first place in your life your marriage would definately be saved, but I can assure you that if He doesn't your marriage is doomed. And I say that from certain experiances in my own life.
If God didn't love you, he would undoubtedly of let you carry on as you were, but He does, and He wants you for Himself. not addicted to porn, and not being self centered, and you cannot fight God and win. All I can tell you and this is Biblical is that God is no mans debtor. If you put him first in your heart and give him your life, He will always do what is best for you, and your wife, because He loves you both dearly.
But none of this can be done in your own strength. I have found it is coming to God in tears and with sincerity admitting I cannot change myself, and asking Him to change me. If we are sincere, and trust in Jesus and rely on the Holy Spirit it will be done. But it is not easy, and there is a price to pay, but the price you are paying now I am sure is unbeareable.

I will pray for you, and your family. God Bless

 

[Wootie]

You have to ask God to change you & I feel that you should do that in the presence of your wife and children. This evil thing that has had hold on you dug it's claws in deep and the pain that you are going to experience now, by removing that hold on you and your family, is going to hurt!!! I feel that if you involve your wife in this, that it will make her aware of how sincere that you are & that you need her to help you too. If she truly loves you, I would think that she will see God in you.

Father God, send your love and help to this family to remove the evil grip that Satan is trying to keep over them. Bring this family under your umbrella of protection now and continue to help them while they repair their relationship in life and in their heart.
AMEN

 

[CAMAIN]

My soon to be x-wife knows I have changed for her, she has said it several time. The issue is that she sas she doesn't love me, and she doesn't want to be with me. I have tried to do all that I can to save my marriage. I changed, I begged, I pleaded, and sobbed at her feet. SHE is the one that CHEATED on me. Not only that she brought this horrible man around my children. While I appreciate your words, the issue isn't me, I have done everything, the issue is her hardened heart. Regardless, I am done trying. While I love her, and will for a very long time, I refuse to let her continue destroying me. I won't do it anymore. Every chance she gets she tries to hurt me, the best thing for me is to stay away from her, be there for my kids, and keep talking to this wonderful Christian woman that encourages me to live me life, that gives me inspiration to get through the day, and shows true love and compassion for me. I will not sit idly by and wait for a woman that wants nothing more then to damage me, when I met a wonderful one that wants nothing but to encourage me in Christ, work, and self intervention. I pray everyday for Gods will be done. I gave her 6 months, and an affair to come back. I feel i am free to love again, as well as recieve love back.

Chris

 

[chrispris]

hi chris,

Never worry for what is going on! Because Jesus the one who died for you is alive! Believe me call upon Jesus the mighty resurrected God will answer and soon I'll hear from you that you both are living with joy and peace that Jesus has for you. thanks hope to see and hear u.......
Thanks,
Pas.Chris from chennai, India

 

[sunshine_debbie]

My soon to be x-wife knows I have changed for her, she has said it several time. The issue is that she sas she doesn't love me, and she doesn't want to be with me. I have tried to do all that I can to save my marriage. I changed, I begged, I pleaded, and sobbed at her feet. SHE is the one that CHEATED on me. Not only that she brought this horrible man around my children. While I appreciate your words, the issue isn't me, I have done everything, the issue is her hardened heart. Regardless, I am done trying. While I love her, and will for a very long time, I refuse to let her continue destroying me. I won't do it anymore. Every chance she gets she tries to hurt me, the best thing for me is to stay away from her, be there for my kids, and keep talking to this wonderful Christian woman that encourages me to live me life, that gives me inspiration to get through the day, and shows true love and compassion for me. I will not sit idly by and wait for a woman that wants nothing more then to damage me, when I met a wonderful one that wants nothing but to encourage me in Christ, work, and self intervention. I pray everyday for Gods will be done. I gave her 6 months, and an affair to come back. I feel i am free to love again, as well as recieve love back.

Chris

Since you changed for your ex-wife and not for God, I am not sure that you are exactly getting the point about how wrong YOUR behavior was in the past and how much YOU hurt HER.

I can see the damage that she has done to you and to your family. But to be fair, if all you want to do is play the blame game, you have shown over the past few months that there is plenty to be shared between her and you.

You are hurt, and you are angry, and bitter. It comes across in everything that you say and do. And now there is a new woman in your life, who offers support and love and understanding. You say this in the same breath that you say God's will be done.

Well you gave it six months, Hopefully, when you get to Heaven, you wont feel bad at all when Jesus says, hey I gave you my whole life, but six months for a twelve year marriage and two children isnt to bad.

Dont get me wrong, I can see that you are in incredible pain and anger. I know what its like to have an unfaithful (and abusive spouse). Maybe marriage restoration is not possible in your case.

But as the mother of your children, she will always be a part of your life, so I hope that you can give to God some of this anger and resentment towards her and love her again, even if it is only as a sister in Christ.

Debbie