Child out of marriage

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delbrian

Guest
#1
#1
I'm hoping someone can help me preferably someone over 30 in a leadership role at a church.
I had a child out of marriage two years ago with my girlfriend. We are still together but only because of my son. I am unhappy in the relationship, not that it is bad I am just not in love with her that connection has never really been there. She has a 13 year old son and I don't really connect with him either We both believe in the lord and know we should have not gotten ourselves in this position in the first place, but now I feel stuck just trapped and don't know what the right decision is. I have prayed and no answer has come to me yet. I really feel there is probably someone else out there for both of us, but she is way more committed to the relationship than I am. What do you think and what is God view on this because I don't know further than this is one reason your not to have sex before marriage.
 
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carpetmanswife

Guest
#2
#2
im assuming u 2 never married...well if u are unhappy in the relationship...staying 'together' just for the kids sometimes, id even dare to say most times is a mistake..tryin to raise children in an unhappy enviroment is unhealthy for urselves as well as the children , probably end up doin more harm than good.. hopefully there would b no reason y u both cant still be very active in your childs life and even b friends. that would b my hope for u . GB
 
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nattie

Guest
#3
#3
I'm not 30+ and I have no leadership position in any church. Just to clear up any notions that I fit your desired prerequisites for giving advice.
However, I do have some directions to point you in that may help. Sometimes praying for answers leads to study. If nothing else, it will help you to form a better, more informed opinion on your situation.
First, there is the exchange between Jesus and the Samaritan woman, notably John 4;16-18 (NIV):
"He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back."
"I have no husband," she replied.
Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."

Cohabiting is not marriage. It is not sanctified by God, even if a child is involved. Living with someone you bed with makes it a situation outside of God's ordinance, meaning he doesn't come first.
I understand loving your child more than yourself and wanting to give him or her the best environment you are capable of providing.
Seek God first. That's the best example with the most love you can provide for any child.
A little further in John, John 4;24, Jesus says, "God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." If you feel something is ultimately wrong and it goes against your inclination and foundations, then you may be getting a prod from your own God-given spirit to correct your action.
-I say this not out of recitation or condemnation, but love and experience. I have been through horrors I pray no one else encounters. I learned to listen the hard way. :0)

Second, St.Augustine is a good source. You have definitely heard if him, and probably already know this, but he had a child outside of marriage and lived with a woman who was not his wife. He has writings on Marriage. Little hard to break down sometimes, but it's study worth focus.

Here's one link to some references on the topic:
http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/source/aug-marr.html

God bless and I pray all goes well with you. May you find peace on your course and grow closer to Christ in the meanwhile. :0)
 
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Jezreel

Guest
#4
#4
There were no such thing as marriage certificates until in the United States, they invented them because they did not want interracial marriage and made it so a couple had to have state approval. They did not even have marriage contracts in England at that time until later on in years. There are many people that have marriage certificates that "God did not join together". A union in God is a covenant union that no government has say over. It is not a bad law, to have a marriage certificate, just a law that was not instituted by God. A marriage ordained by God is made holy by a public recognition like baptism is a way we make an acknowledgmente that we have accepted Christ. There is a difference between marriage and cohabitatiing. Jesus told the woman at the well that she had five husbands and the man she was currently living with was not her husband. Children are a product of the blessing of God that you have been joined to her in flesh and in the spirit. Adultery breaks the marriage covenant but still can be forgiven. Today, the world is making it desireable for a man to think there is more out there and love is not feelings. Selfishness is the product of the way of world thinking has tainted the way we take serious things so lightly and can just do what we want to do and justify ourselves that the grass is greener on the other side. I would be very very careful and truly seek God and get to know him about this. You may be seeking justification and answers that will tell you what you want to hear. I fee lthat you do not yet, have a close personal relationship with God or else you would realize that we have to lay our own lives down and think of others before ourselves, especially for the children. I true and authentic experience with the Lord can transform your mind. I had the same issue about remarrying my ex husband, I did not want to because of the way I "felt". The Lord did a transformation of my mind and Irealized that love has nothing to do with feelings, the love of God that is. He has done a work in me that now I can honestly say that I love my husband.
 
loveschild

loveschild

Banned
#5
May 21, 2009
3,955
25
0
#5
Well we just learn the hard ways it seems. I had a child out of marriage. Never should have been with him. Ended up living together then getting married. I was just stupid. Didn't know God then. God can fix it if you both wanted it. But you don't. Pray about it more. Ask God to show you all the good things in her. If it's to be then it will be and you'll get married. If not go on with your life. God forgives. He has someone perfect for us but we didn't wait on him to show us. I'm not some big wig in the church. But I'm very close to God. Some of the big wigs in the church are very terrible people. God bless you and stay real close to your child. The child needs their dad so much. Love
 
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concernedguy

Guest
#6
#6
delbrian said:
I'm hoping someone can help me preferably someone over 30 in a leadership role at a church.
I had a child out of marriage two years ago with my girlfriend. We are still together but only because of my son. I am unhappy in the relationship, not that it is bad I am just not in love with her that connection has never really been there. She has a 13 year old son and I don't really connect with him either We both believe in the lord and know we should have not gotten ourselves in this position in the first place, but now I feel stuck just trapped and don't know what the right decision is. I have prayed and no answer has come to me yet. I really feel there is probably someone else out there for both of us, but she is way more committed to the relationship than I am. What do you think and what is God view on this because I don't know further than this is one reason your not to have sex before marriage.
Click to expand...

Love is not a feeling. Its a decision. You can't love anything your mind has not focused on.

Under God's Laws, you are married as soon as you have sex together. This is why in the Old Testament
it doesn't say they were married. It says He went in and slept with her and she became his wife.

I would suggest you find a Bible based church and seek the guidance of counsel.

From what you have stated, God does not recognize if we are happy based on our emotions. Emotions
are temporary. God said No man is to put asunder (separate) what He has joined.
This is definitely a matter to proceed slowly on and pray about.
If both of you are now Christians, under God's Laws, you are not permitted to leave. If you do, you are
not permitted to have another relationship with another woman.

But a Bible based counselor will be able to give you a better understanding.
 
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OreoSoleil

Guest
#7
#7
If this situation has happened to me--being the other way around. Being the person who believes God can restore it. Knowing i am carrying a child of a man I am willing to put God first and work things out. I am taking time now to focus on myself and seek God everyday--- with the knowing I will be the primary parent to this child. Any advice, I know God does choose to show us more grace than we deserve, but he also takes away things that we have placed before him.
 
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