Need to learn more how to interact with daughter and boyfriend who share apt now

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seasonedmom

Guest
#1
#1
she is saved and knows better but just moved in with boyfriend...I plan to have the same relationship with her even though I have made it plain that I disagree with her decision...but don't know how involved to be in her life...I don't plan to go to the apartment...but I am so used to giving her things, to help at her home, like some towels that I don't need or etc but I seem to have a hesitation now any thoughts?
 
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jerusalem

Guest
#2
#2
treat her just the way you would if she hadn't moved in with her boyfriend. maintain your relationship with her. she knows you disapprove and that is sufficient. she is no longer in the position for you to take disciplinary action with her. she is an adult an it is essential that you develop an adult relationship with her. if you would be friends with a neighbor woman that is living with her boyfriend then you certainly can be friends with your daughter. be her example and her support. continue to witness to her. you are not condoning her behavior by loving her. that alone may be enough to help her get back on track in time
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#3
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
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#3
jerusalem said:
treat her just the way you would if she hadn't moved in with her boyfriend. maintain your relationship with her. she knows you disapprove and that is sufficient. she is no longer in the position for you to take disciplinary action with her. she is an adult an it is essential that you develop an adult relationship with her. if you would be friends with a neighbor woman that is living with her boyfriend then you certainly can be friends with your daughter. be her example and her support. continue to witness to her. you are not condoning her behavior by loving her. that alone may be enough to help her get back on track in time
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This is good advice. My daughter is also living an inappropriate lifestyle. I, too, feel hesitant to go to her apt or interact with her and her boyfriend. I feel like this would give the impression of approval...which I definitely don't feel. Yet, I would treat a stranger differently. I think we do have to make a conscious effort to emotionally detach ourselves from our adult children. It's hard!! It doesn't mean that we approve of their lifestyle, but it does show them that we still love them, even when they act immorally. It models unconditional love...which God shows to everyone.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#4
#4
You're not going to like this, and I wouldn't say it if I were not almost your age. God is bigger than any of our ideas about what we think He stands for. Your non-judgmental love might be the thing that keeps her following Jesus, and helps her understand exactly what is marriage/love and what is not.
 
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J-Kay

Guest
#5
#5
Been there... and understand how they feel. But I know loving our children
is most important. It doesn't mean we condone what they do, it means we
can be like the father to the Prodigal Son.

Mothers, who have written here.... Please love them while you can. I lost my
daughter at age 45 living in a situation I did not see as appropriate. " I say it
is better to have loved, than to have lost. "

Let me add: Tough Love is the most difficult love ever. Pray and ask God
how He would have you handle your situation. He will. And you will have
peace about it.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#6
May 29, 2013
9,086
1,749
113
#6
Another approach would be to do like Matthew 18 and I Corinthians 5. After she has been confronted by one, then two or three, take it before the church. If she won't hear the church, along with the church stop keeping company with her until she repents.

If she knew those were the consequences, would she be willing to 'shack up' with a man who doesn't even marry her?
 
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