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Thread: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

  1. #1
    Senior Member hospitalpharmacist's Avatar
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    Default Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Hi all,
    hope someone can help me with this problem.It regards safety of the child in front of the web and TV.
    8 years ago my brother got home a Moroccan girl with her baby named Fatima only 1 years old. Sincerely their staying should have been short only a few days until the girl found a job an an house where live. Instead they both live within my family's house.
    The baby now is 9 years old and I'm very worried for her mental health. My brother yell at me everytime i try to teach her something or when I tell her that something she did it's wrong: he always tells me in front of her "Shut down your mouth". It happens my brother told me and my mom that he took care and he is going to take care of the child but really he doesn't. The needs of the child are on my and my mom shoulders.
    He always let her since she was younger than actually to use computer by herself so she can visit sites inappropiated for her age. The same happens with TV: she can watch whatever she wants and whenever. Since my brother didn't do anything for the safety of the child on the web I did something. I add a program one of the programs to limit the web visiting (parenteral filter) by her on PC. My brother discovered it yelled at me and removed it so actually the child can still visit freely the net.
    The child worries me because she sometimes talks about inappropriate things, she asks absurd things and she also tried to get undressed in front of me more than once. I don't know if this her behaviour has been inspired by what she watched at TV or on the web or is due to some kind of abuse she faced because of my brother (I remember that he raped me when we were younger and he has a kind of obsession with sex).
    Thanks in advance for your advices.
    Cris

  2. #2
    overthechill
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    I am not at all certain what the laws are governing your jurisdiction, but if it is possible, you need to bring this information you have shared to the authorities immediately! If your brother has a history of child molestation, he has NO business taking care of a child, especially with the other problems you have talked about.

    Can you bring this up to your local authorities??
    Mammachickadee and kim12345 like this.

  3. #3
    Senior Member hospitalpharmacist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Oh dear overthechill
    I know my brother should be kept away from that child. I'm crying just now because I wish to live there where i think police can do something with that.
    I don't think authorities can help me. There are no proofs he abused this girl and to tell you the truth here in Italy there are so many women killed by ex husband even they report them to police more than once. Police does nothing to protect who is abused or raped unless there are certain proofs like urgent medical admission because of beating or worse a death. I'm too afraid to report this situation to police because my brother can get very angry, violent and can beating me hardly (this is because i talk to my brother less than possible).
    The worst is that the child's mother who should take care of this poor child doesn't want to. I suppose she think my family's house is a castle where she is the queen who had to be served by each of us. She has no job and she doesn't want to work. I tried to talk about this situation many times with my parents and my brother too telling them we need to ask the help of social services for the good of the child but they have been always deaf to my words.
    Don't know what to do because i feel trapped.
    Need really an help by God.
    Cris

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    Senior Member woka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    In my country there are no timelaws on rape, so irrespective of how long ago it happened you can report it and a case will be opened and investigated. What are your laws on this, because you could then report the rape you suffered and get your brother booked on those charges and then talk about the child, and get them to look into that. If this is not possible, is it possible to take the child to some kind of clinic for abused childrem and to talk to them, about what you suspect and get them to medically check her out to see if she has been phycially violated.

    This is usually free of charge, and they have phycologists etc that even interpurit pictures the child draws etc to see what information they can get from her, they do not keep her there overnight or anything, so you could say you were going to the part or anything just to get her there to be checked out, if they find something they will ask who you suspect and she will be resmoved immediately and placed in a place of safety.

  5. #5
    Senior Member hospitalpharmacist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Dear woka, If it would be so simple.
    I 'm so sorry if I seem a person who ask help but she doesn't really want to be helped; really I appreciated your advice and just in this moment i wish to be everywhere except here and I wish to escape with the child. The fact is that I'm afraid of the reaction of my brother if I decide to go to police or I decide to get the child to hospital. Really I myself in a dangerous situation, so dangerous that more than once I told my mom I'm ready to move to another country; if nothing happened since a lot except of yelling is only due to my behaviour with my brother. I do what he tells me to do and I say only the essential words. Regarding the rape it happens when we were children more and more years ago so I can't report to police. The crude reality is that I'm living in an ill family where no one can support me: my mom seems to listen to me but really she eventually support my brother and my dad is like a ghost (never at home).
    I'd glad to move to USA where I know there are so many vacant jobs as pharmacist; this would be my salvation even if it would a completely disgrace for the child. Definitely I don't know what to do: keep living in this toxic family but having a look on the child or leaving it and save myself but condemn the child?.
    Cris

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    Senior Member sandtigeress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    The lord will provide, even after you leave, if you leave.

    You could stay in contact over email and phone, as your niece (in all but name) has unlimited access to the web.
    Your mother is there, also she does not seem to be able to do much, but you would not
    abandon your niece completely.
    The situation, as it is is toxic also for you, and yes you have to decide, if you can remove yourself from that
    environment. And the child might learn from you that one can escape.

    I agree with the posters above, that rape and abuse should be reported if possible.

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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Bless you for having such a sincere and genuine concern for the child who isn't even your own . What a difficult situation you are in!

    It does seem that your brother may have bad ulterior motives for allowing the child to watch porn on the internet (?).

    The problem is that this isn't your house. Your dad really needs to be involved with what is going on in the household. Your brother's violent and sexual nature is a threat to everybody living there. Until your dad sees this, life there will be extremely unpleasant, bordering on evil ? If you truly cannot do anything to save the poor child, I would consider finding another place to live. Any type of influence you're trying to have over her is coming to a dead end.

    If your dad says he's a Christian, then he needs to do SOMETHING. Keep talking to him and see if he can be motivated to take the spiritual lead that he is called to take. Otherwise, move out. You can offer to take the child with you but if the mother refuses, there is nothing you can do.

    Praying for you....strength, wisdom, guidance, and safety for everyone in the household. Also, for your brother to become convicted in his spirit of his behavior...may the Lord speak strongly to his heart!
    Lemondrops likes this.

  8. #8
    HEknowsme
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    I have one question, are you involved actively in church? You need to confide in an active Elder to get support .
    You need the support of the church, others who can pray with you and lead your brother away from his anger and
    abuse. The letters that the apostles wrote were to edify ,and encourage those who were seeking Christ.
    His motives according to your posts are evident and clear , at least they are to me.
    This child needs protection and you need peace . The church needs to be there for you and through prayer Christ will show you.
    Lucy68 likes this.

  9. #9
    Senior Member hospitalpharmacist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Thanks a lot for you so quick replies. God bless you.
    In the past I tied to leave family's house by looking a job far away from my city and I found it. However I understood this not enough because my family knew where i was. For example I can tell you that once my dad frightened me when he came into my apartment during night when i was sleeping. This happened because i told my mom I didn't want her calling by phone so many times a day and that I would myself call her 3 times a week without replying her phone calls anymore. My family loves to keep the control over me. Another important issue to face is my poor health and this is the most important obstacle i have to leave family's home; my health worsened and I fear I couldn't ever keep a job in this situation. I should be helped by docs but they never really helped me. I have been admitted to hospital twice and I went to many doctor appointments; each doctor prescribed me a different med that didn't work. In my last admission in front of my real symptoms in front of my honesty doctor diagnosed me a sort Munchausen's syndrome (the people affected by this illness joke about symptoms). Is it possible that a woman wants to keep at home every day for the entire day, wants to be mostly in her bed if she is healthy? I say NO. I'm ill, I can't stand on my feet more than a minute, I suffer because I can't go to church because of it. But it seems that nobody is interested in it neither my parents. My mom plays to call names such "pig" or "shame" at me, she tells me everytime I'm healthy and I can do whatever if only I want. This is not true. If only i could gather enough strenght to go to
    city hall and get the passport. I really wish to move to USA but i need help; I need someone who can help me at least in the first period, who can address me to someone for example voluuntering centers there who can help me to find a job. I know that I can't work as pharmacist there before passing exams and getting a license so i need to find another kind of job to earn money during the first period (I know you can move to USA if you got a job there and there is a document to send). I'm ready to find the strenght to do it but i need help and support by someone else. I definitely understood I can't save the child until I'm living here but maybe if I'm in USA where my brother can't reach me and do evil to me, I can. so the first step is to move myself.
    Cris

  10. #10
    richie_2uk
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    I am sorry that you are facing this problem, and is horrified to the actions of this 9 yr old child. But if she is doing obsurd things, and asking odd things. this should be setting off alarm bells. I understand you are only asking for advice from people from here, and the best we can say is to go to the police. It will be hard as he is your brother, But stop it now while you got a chance, before that 9yr old girl, ask or do obsurd things for the last time to the wrong person. The child safety is at hand here. and I know this may be a lot on your head right now. But you can put a stop to it, First pray and get god will and wisdom on this,. and then be brave to share it to police. Before this gets any further. Im sure you don't want to hear that the 9 yr old girl did that to the wrong person and get hurt right? God bless. Safety come first from this point onwards.

  11. #11
    hope36523
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    i am so sad for you i will pray for you i was melested as a child by my dad,i confronted him told him about 8 yrs ago i forgave him,i neber would ever trust himi know its hard and if you can get out and report the abuse after you move,and mabe you ave a vitamin defency,i do and i get tat way,my iron is low and pottassium.god will be there for the child,just pray you got to get out.

  12. #12
    Senior Member hospitalpharmacist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    Thank you hope36523
    you know what i'm going through. Sometimes I think that only rape and abuse survivors can understand really what other persons in their situations have to face. You told you forgave your dad; how you can do that and how long it kept to do it? I need advice because I'm not able to forgive anyone of my abusers at the moment.
    overthechill likes this.
    God Bless you
    Cris

  13. #13
    hope36523
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    it took me a long time the abuse started at age 3,and i told on my dad to mom at age8 the abuse stoped buT my mom didnt believe me,she stayed with him.and at age 25 i told him how bad he hurt me and that i forgave him but never ever would i trust him to be a part of my kids lifes.i wished i told the cops,i know that if i didnt forgive i could not be forgiven and i told mself nobody will keep me from my peace now i am some what at peace

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    Default Re: Need urgent advice for a small child of 9 years old

    This is a very serious thread for all of us. We live in a world that encourages evil. Some of our church even says we must not learn the ten commandments that spells out sin. Setting moral standards is politically incorrect. We are surrounded by a world that has few boundaries.

    So what are we to do when the evil comes close to us? In our world it seems at times we can only retreat into the real world where the spiritual and physical meet in such a close way we are protected.

    I can only suggest two authors who confronted this in the 70's, and what they did. But both are professionals. And one was, himself, a very flawed man. One is M Scott Peck and the other was his friend Malichi Martin. But these men talk more of demon possession than confronting evil.

    We all know there is a show down coming, and God will win.

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