FOUND OUT MY WIFE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR....BUT IT GETS WORSE

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hurtinginde

Guest
#1
#1
I am so lost right now. I will try to keep as brief as possible. I found out my wife was having an affair in February. I caught her at a restaraunt with him the first time. Then caught them at my house the next time. Nothing graphic. She answered the door in her robe not realizing it was me. We got past that. So I thought. A few weeks later she admitted that she was involved with a 2nd man during this time. I was crushed. I was just getting to the point of truly forgiving and moving past the 1st guy. Then moving forward to May I then found out about a 3rd man. But this time it got worse. She was coming home late at night. I was lying to my kids about her whereabouts. And the worst part of this is she is now pregnant. I had a vasectomy last year. There is an outside outside chance that its mine. Given the timeframe and the fact that we were together that week as well. I love my wife deeply. But I am broken. I cannot concentrate at times and my eating is very haphazard. I love my God. I know he has a plan. I truly believe that all children are gifts from God. And I will love this child as if he/she were my own. But there are days when the pain is almost unbearable. Thank you for letting me vent out here.
 
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danschance

Guest
#2
#2
hurtinginde said:
I am so lost right now. I will try to keep as brief as possible. I found out my wife was having an affair in February. I caught her at a restaraunt with him the first time. Then caught them at my house the next time. Nothing graphic. She answered the door in her robe not realizing it was me. We got past that. So I thought. A few weeks later she admitted that she was involved with a 2nd man during this time. I was crushed. I was just getting to the point of truly forgiving and moving past the 1st guy. Then moving forward to May I then found out about a 3rd man. But this time it got worse. She was coming home late at night. I was lying to my kids about her whereabouts. And the worst part of this is she is now pregnant. I had a vasectomy last year. There is an outside outside chance that its mine. Given the timeframe and the fact that we were together that week as well. I love my wife deeply. But I am broken. I cannot concentrate at times and my eating is very haphazard. I love my God. I know he has a plan. I truly believe that all children are gifts from God. And I will love this child as if he/she were my own. But there are days when the pain is almost unbearable. Thank you for letting me vent out here.
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Wow, I am really sorry. My wife had an affair also and we are separated. So I understand.

Have you sat down and had a chat with your pastor? That might help.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#4
#4
So few of us from Delaware at CC. I feel so sad that you had to come here for such a horrible thing. I'm in Milford if you ever need a friend.
 
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DragonSlayer

Guest
#5
#5
What a total lack of respect from your wife ! Why is she destroying her own house like that ? Don't lie to your children, it gets worse when your children discover later by their own the Truth, and found out you lied to them about that !
Don't be alone, extreme feelings could cloud your best common sense, so you have to find some good relatives or friends to talk with and give you great advice.

My advice to you is that : You are the man of the family ! Be true to yourself and your family always ! Speak your heart and do not let your wife treat you and your children like garbage ! Never sleep with her until she repents from her great foolishness if she does so !
If she chooses to never repent, you are free from her and you can separate from her, and divorce her,
for you are not to be unequally yoked !

Be happy !
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#6
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#6
So sorry you're going through this! Do you have a church family who can support you through this? Not that they have to know the details, but having some close Christian friends can really help. Also, a lot of pastors offer marriage counseling. Don't try to go through it alone. She definitely is not doing right and she needs to know it...you don't have to live like this.

Praying for you....guidance and wisdom. Open God's Word. He will lead you if you seek His help.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#7
#7
DragonSlayer said:
What a total lack of respect from your wife ! Why is she destroying her own house like that ? Don't lie to your children, it gets worse when your children discover later by their own the Truth, and found out you lied to them about that !
Don't be alone, extreme feelings could cloud your best common sense, so you have to find some good relatives or friends to talk with and give you great advice.

My advice to you is that : You are the man of the family ! Be true to yourself and your family always ! Speak your heart and do not let your wife treat you and your children like garbage ! Never sleep with her until she repents from her great foolishness if she does so !
If she chooses to never repent, you are free from her and you can separate from her, and divorce her,
for you are not to be unequally yoked !

Be happy !
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Instructing a man to abstain from intimacy with his wife is telling him to go against the Bible. The Bible doesn't say to love your wife as long as she toes the line. It says to love your wife as Christ loves the church... something that he actually is doing in spite of the church. Shame on you, Dragonslayer.
I agree, though, that he is the spiritual leader of the home. One might wonder what prompted the affairs. Was it her lack of faith or was she harboring some hurt that she allowed to lead her astray in the marriage. Always get both sides of the story.
I've been in the wife's shoes... but I've also been in the husband's shoes... and all with the same man in the same marriage. I grieve for you, hurting, that you are dealing with this and the upcoming events in the family. I encourage you in your resolution to love your wife in spite of it all. The Lord blesses those that walk in His ways.
 
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hurtinginde

Guest
#8
#8
Thank you for all of the kind words. I try to stay in the word and in prayer. We started counseling about a month ago. So far things are going ok. She has apologized over and over. She seems to have recommitted to our family. But it still hurts so bad. She is now 4 months along in her pregnancy and has begun to show a little. That is what is so disturbing right now. I believe that God can heal all things. Emotional pain, Physical Pain. We have seen in the bible the many miracles he can do. So why can't he repair a broken marriage? We serve an awesome God.
 
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hurtinginde

Guest
#9
#9
You are right. There are always two sides. And no one is without sin. And I have chosen to love my wife unconditionally and not allow Satan to destroy my family.
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#10
#10
It is very hard to re-establish trust once it has been broken. I believe you wife needs to get "to the root" of the issue of her promiscuity,unfaithfulness, and adultery, and only God can reveal that. I applaud you for making the effort, through such pain to try to keep your family together, many would not even try. It's impossible for others to say what they would do in a similar situation, no one knows unless they go through it.
It's possible to reconstruct your lives together but I believe it will take much prayer, deliverance, love and time. I pray you find peace even in this turmoil.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#11
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#11
So sorry you are going through this. On a practical note, get tested for STIs, if you haven't already done so, even if you aren't showing symptoms yet. By cheating, she endangered not only your family, but also your health. Getting an STI is a far more common result from sex than pregnancy. Almost every person that I know that has been unfaithful to their spouse has also infected them.
 
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Mammachickadee

Guest
#12
#12
hurtinginde said:
Thank you for all of the kind words. I try to stay in the word and in prayer. We started counseling about a month ago. So far things are going ok. She has apologized over and over. She seems to have recommitted to our family. But it still hurts so bad. She is now 4 months along in her pregnancy and has begun to show a little. That is what is so disturbing right now. I believe that God can heal all things. Emotional pain, Physical Pain. We have seen in the bible the many miracles he can do. So why can't he repair a broken marriage? We serve an awesome God.
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For my husband it took blocking from his mind all doubt and relying on God for healing by, every day, focusing on keeping his family together (much like you have). Trust is a choice, and sometimes all it takes to reacquire it is blocking out all doubts. Love is an intentional choice as well, and the strength for such true love comes from God alone.
 
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kaytyndy

Guest
#13
#13
may God restore your marriage and lead your wife to the right path...strengthen your feeble knees brother, i join you in prayer.

yesterday a preacher said, "don't be worried about your future for if God pushed you through the previous terror he can walk you through the coming terror"
 
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WC72

Guest
#14
#14
So sorry that you are going through this. I also am married to a cheating wife. Brother I doubt your wife will give up her affairs. I know you love her as I do love my wife but we can't change them. They have to want to change then God can clean them up. My wife doesn't want to change. she has had at least 3 different men that I know of. I have prayed, I have begged, I have promised to change all the things that she didn't like about me. My family was everything to me, but my faithfulness and love means nothing to her. I studied the book of Hosea probably more than any man on earth trying to find comfort and answers only to be hurt again and again. She has abandon our son and our marriage for lustily desires.Brother we have to let go of these unholy women because they are not good for us, I believe in miracles so God will have to let a miracle happen. I will not consent to a divorce, but till she gets saved I can't be around her. It's too painful. Praying for you brother.
 
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tiffanystx

Guest
#15
#15
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear of your very painful situation. Along with your couples counseling, she should really see someone by herself to work through her own issues, in my opinion.

Your faith will get you through this...I always feel that no matter who has ever disappointed me, God has never left my side, and that's the most important relationship that I have and ever will have. I hope that you find some peace in all of this.
 
Pen014

Pen014

Banned
#16
Nov 7, 2012
210
1
0
#16
oh another toy soldier. give er a plastic sword.
 
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lcerveny

Guest
#17
#17
I think it sounds like she has a sex addiction. It probably isn't even the sex she is addicted to but rather the attention. You have the right to divorce her because of her sin but maybe it can be worked out with major counseling?
 
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filma

Guest
#18
#18
does she want to tell the biological father that she is pregnant probably from him ?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#19
Mar 13, 2014
41,313
16,301
113
69
Tennessee
#19
From what you have written I don't believe at all that your wife loves you. I also believe it possible that she is trying to fill a void in her life by having various affairs. It might be a good idea for you to get checked for STD. You have biblical grounds for a divorce if the pain becomes too much to bear. What your wife did to you was horrible.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#20
#20
hurtinginde said:
Thank you for all of the kind words. I try to stay in the word and in prayer. We started counseling about a month ago. So far things are going ok. She has apologized over and over. She seems to have recommitted to our family. But it still hurts so bad. She is now 4 months along in her pregnancy and has begun to show a little. That is what is so disturbing right now. I believe that God can heal all things. Emotional pain, Physical Pain. We have seen in the bible the many miracles he can do. So why can't he repair a broken marriage? We serve an awesome God.
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I do happen to think God CAN restore a broken marriage, I also think there is quite a bit of "stuff" to resolve in yours, I give you a lot of credit for your "willingness" for reconcile even facing the "conditions"... I am praying for you.
 
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