About to screw my family up :(

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MitchMitch

Guest
#1
#1
I know you're like 'WELL JUST DON'T DO IT'
My wife & I aren't together for a week now, I personally love her and she loves me but because of our differences that seem unresolvable we are seperated and I hate it but I want a divorce.
Now I have a friend and I'm afraid I'm going to end up sleeping with her because we've lightly been into each other since before I met my wife, I ended up getting with my wife instead.
But idk & not even sure what you could say to me but if you can help me to not screw up.....

I've been cheated on b4 by a woman I really cared for and know 1st hand the pain of it
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#2
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
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#2
If you are Christian then I have to say, GROW UP!

You know what you are suppose to do, you know that it will kill your family and that you are about throw a sin in front of God... And you are putting yourself in front of everyone.. Is that Christ-like???

If you came here for courage or a pat on the back and for someone to hug you, then you need to understand... We can't don anything... All we can do is type on a screen... This is between you and God...

Let me say one more thing too ( I know that you hate me and I would hate me at this point too)

We are all God's children, so you are about to send your family (Gods children) into a prevented heart ache... And you are about to have pre-marital sex with another one of his daughters... Do you think their father God would be happy???
 
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colalella2891

Guest
#3
#3
First of all, don't have sex with your friend man... Someday soon you'll regret it (and she will too for that matter), and it won't be able to be undone. A spiritual co-worker of my mom was a mess before he was saved. When he was in his 20's he had pre-marital sex with a bunch of women. Eventually he found the Lord, and He told him to go to each girl and apologize to them.

So don't do it. It may seem like a good idea now, but at one point it'll blow up in your face one way or another.

When it comes to your wife, I have no experience with marriage so I don't feel real comfortable giving you advice about it. However have you tried counseling??? Especially at your church? That seems to help a lot of christians having marriage troubles.
 
David_1

David_1

Banned
#4
Mar 21, 2011
1,515
16
0
#4
Mitch don't do it, for one main reason: YOU. Don't do this to yourself. Because you know you will feel bad about it. Hold off doing anything.

These kinds of sins can weigh down on your soul for decades.
 
Scotty

Scotty

Senior Member
#5
Feb 10, 2010
906
44
28
#5
First of all, you need to understand that God hates divorce; He says so in Malachi. Scripture also says that the ONLY biblical reason for divorce is if your spouse commits adultery. Yet, still, God wants every marriage to work, despite what the parties feel/think about each other.

You also need to understand that if you divorce your wife without biblical justification, you will be seen as an adulterer. Anyone you marry afterwards will also be called an adulterer. You wouldn't want to put that label on someone you truly love, would you?

As a Christian man, you need to man up and stick with this marriage. You need to give it your all no matter how tough things get or how much you dislike your wife. If you liked the other lady more, then you should have married her instead of the woman you're currently married to, but, you didn't so the only proper thing for you to do is look past the differences that "are unresolvable" and make this marriage last a lifetime. Pray that you develop a love for your wife and stop lusting after the other girl, you didn't marry her so you don't even need to be thinking about sleeping with her.

God can bless your relationship and heal your marriage. I will pray He does so.
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#7
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#7
You definitely need to cut off ALL CONTACT with the other "friend" right now. There is NO way that your marriage can heal at all if you are distracted by this other woman, who possibly could be the cause of your current marriage problems.

You love your wife, and she loves you, but you want a divorce. The reason you want a divorce is because you are already having an emotional affair with another woman. How long has this been going on? It has to stop immediately.

Do this: Take your wife and seek out a good marriage counselor. (A good one. This is important.) Tell the other woman that you must not speak with her AT ALL, because you are going to try your hardest to save your marriage. This is important. You must have no contact with her after you tell her this. No emails, no texts, do not go anywhere where you may see her. Do not leave yourself a "back door" in case things don't work out with your wife. Close your eyes and cut this woman off, and never speak to her again. This is war. You are fighting for your marriage, for your family. I promise you that if you do this, she will fade in your mind, and the emotional addiction that you have toward her will be broken. It may take a month or two, but if you are faithful, it will happen.

If you do not do this, here is what your life will look like. You will lose your wife. Your family will be torn apart. You won't care at first because you will have this other woman, who you think will make you happy. Your children will see what has happened and will deal with anger and resentment toward you and this woman. You will be reduced to seeing your children once a week at McDonalds. You will be haunted by guilt and remorse over what you've done to your wife and children. You will be destitute, trying to support your new family as well as your old one (child support). You will realize almost immediately what a terrible mistake you have made, but by then it will be too late. Your new relationship with the other woman will be riddled with suspicion, resentment and distrust on both sides, due to how it began (with the ruin of a family, or two families if she is also currently married). I am not telling you this to be cruel. I'm telling you so that you can wake up and see what is at stake here. I have listened to countless stories exactly like yours, and not a single one ends happily. They always end with you regretting that you didn't try harder to heal your marriage with your wife.

Please, read some of these articles. You aren't the first man who has gone through this. There is help if you are willing to try.

Marriage articles written by marriage educator Joe Beam.
 
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Missachu

Guest
#8
#8
T_Laurich said:
If you are Christian then I have to say, GROW UP!

You know what you are suppose to do, you know that it will kill your family and that you are about throw a sin in front of God... And you are putting yourself in front of everyone.. Is that Christ-like???

If you came here for courage or a pat on the back and for someone to hug you, then you need to understand... We can't don anything... All we can do is type on a screen... This is between you and God...

Let me say one more thing too ( I know that you hate me and I would hate me at this point too)

We are all God's children, so you are about to send your family (Gods children) into a prevented heart ache... And you are about to have pre-marital sex with another one of his daughters... Do you think their father God would be happy???
Click to expand...
Bumping this comment. He's right, you need a good kick in the pants. How disrespectful you are to your wife. Just because you have problems communicating to her, being committed and being a man-child doesn't mean she has to suffer. How dare you.
 
T_Laurich

T_Laurich

Senior Member
#9
Mar 24, 2013
3,356
122
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#9
MitchMitch said:
Not at all.
Click to expand...
I love you man, even tho I have never met you, I understand where you are coming from...

We are never going to grow up in a perfect world... The god of the world will tempt us and try to take us away from God...

But we have to endure... If I were you I couldn't wait for the day until I could get to stand in front of God and go, MAN LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID IN MY LIFE!!! YOU SAVED MY LIFE AND MY MARRIAGE AND MY SOUL!!!

Man you have the Holy Spirit in you... Not a timid weak spirit... But the spirit of Truth... With God you can stand against all things...
 
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MidniteWelder

Guest
#10
#10
No offense but...
Sounds like you've pinpointed the reason you're separated
Put yourself in your wifes shoes for a moment.

If your wife were doing the same as you(being mentally unfaithful- or even unfaithful in any aspect),
how would you suggest the situation be remedied?
That's what you should do yourself to remedy things if it is you who are being unfaithful, even mentally.

Remember if we even LOOK at another improperly, we have already either committed adultery or fornication.
Don't allow yourself to be deceived by the enemy who tries to justify
A persons only justification for their actions is Gods word
Cut off that which offends thee
 
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sandtigeress

sandtigeress

Senior Member
#11
Apr 29, 2013
526
16
18
#11
unresolvable issues.
Bring those issues to god for him to solve.

and sorry, start being faithfull to your wife, instead of windowshopping (thinking about a person, you did not want
the first round.) You say, you love your wife, so show that love, instead of thinking, how much easier you
think it would be to exchange your wife, with another woman.

Your wife and your friends are people with feelings not candy in a store.
 
thecreationtutor

thecreationtutor

Senior Member
#12
Jun 30, 2011
2,521
35
0
#12
a man convinced of his will, is of the same opinion still - if you have already purposed in your heart to do this, you will do it - you will seek ways to justify it - but God will not, does not endorse sin
 
T

TruthLoveHope

Guest
#13
#13
I can't add much more than what Grace-Like-Rain has advised; she is spot on. What I can do - and will do - is pray for you, your wife, your family, and your friend. Cutting off contact with her will not be easy, but it's what you have to do.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#14
#14
Sounds like you're taking the easy way out. How unresolvable? How hard have you tried? Have you tried everything? Have you exhausted every option? Or is it 'well, this isn't what i wanted, so i'm going to bail on my wife, and my commitment to her before God'?
You know how bad it hurts to be cheated on, but yet, you are basically preparing to do it anyways. And before you try to tell me you aren't, bull. If you really didn't want to cheat you wouldn't still be in contact with the person that is a temptation. If you really wanted to save your marriage your wouldn't be talking to someone other than you wife, that you want to have sex with. And you call this love? Which part of your behavior reflects any sort of love? All i'm hearing is selfishness. And selfish is the exact opposite of love.
If you wanted it to work, you'd find a way. Personally i think you're just looking for someone to give you the thumbs up. Which is what the majority of new people who come to this site, with these kinds of questions, are seeking. They won't admit it, but its obvious thats really what they want.
 
yac11

yac11

Senior Member
#15
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#15
MitchMitch said:
I know you're like 'WELL JUST DON'T DO IT'
My wife & I aren't together for a week now, I personally love her and she loves me but because of our differences that seem unresolvable we are seperated and I hate it but I want a divorce.
Now I have a friend and I'm afraid I'm going to end up sleeping with her because we've lightly been into each other since before I met my wife, I ended up getting with my wife instead.
But idk & not even sure what you could say to me but if you can help me to not screw up.....

I've been cheated on b4 by a woman I really cared for and know 1st hand the pain of it
Click to expand...
Well I could say this....who do you want to please.....yourself or GOD? Go on and put yourself first, but in the long run, you are only hurting yourself.

God sees all.
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#16
#16
"narrow is the gate wich leads to life"
look at what God has given to you, what you have, what Hes blessed you with"
now think of the after effects

"wide is the gate wich leads to destruction"
Temptation is crouching at your door mitch, Temptation looks so inviting, so pleasing , so luring, so good, sounds so "promising!" Are you going to get caught on its hook? Temptation doesnt take its mask off and say "im going to eat you alive, it doesnt tell you "im not here so your life will get better, im really here to" destroy " all that "God" has done, can do, is doing . Im heart to kill, steal, and destroy, your family, your job, your friends , and you, im waiting here to steal your peace, your joy, ive already stolen your focus, and luring you gently to kill your life... A pretty grotesque picture, but lets get real and into the reality of what you are on the verge of going all the way into.. No blinders mitch..
Temptation doesnt tell you " your going to have years of heartache after the newness of this affair wears off, it doesnt tell you its cape of lies hiding . It sure might look good, sound good, smell good, but did it tell you how little it cares? So little that its knocked on your door, and walked right into the middle of your home, its already gotten a glimpse of what its about to destroy. Question is, are you going to let it pull the trigger?

we are all faced with temptation... we just dont always get real about it.
God is in you mitch, God is bigger than all of it. Go to Him, instead of to tue people , places, and things that are waiting to drag you off into darkness away from Him. Are you sure you want to separate yourself from Him?
Your free will brother.. Let God give you the strength to bend your will down before Him and remain in His will.
You dont have to give temptation a "reason" youre leaving... just walk... you are a mighty man of God mitch.. you are to smart to buy temptations lies
God bless





Sin is sitting before you ...
 
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Powemm

Guest
#17
#17
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Matthew 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Luke 22:46
“Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”

1 Timothy 6:9
Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.

James 1:2
[ Trials and Temptations ] Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
 
C

CNikki

Guest
#18
#18
If you're having lust thoughts to say the least of this woman then it's best if you avoid contact if you don't want to mess up a problem that could be prevented. I'm not here to bash but I'm not going to sugar coat either, but you have a conscience and you pretty much answered your own situation within a post. If you want to make things work with your wife then stick with your wife and if that means to block contact with this other woman then so be it to save yourself and your marriage.
 
Misty77

Misty77

Senior Member
#19
Aug 30, 2013
1,746
45
0
#19
Even a divorce for the right reasons brings up more problems than it solves. Take any time you need to just to cool off and be civil (like a few days, not a few months). Seek quality Christian couples and individual counseling, not just well-meaning, untrained people at church. Your role as a husband is to submit to God and love your wife with all your being. The only woman you need to focus on is your wife. You are the only member of this family that you can control.
 
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Powemm

Guest
#20
#20
On one hand you have all our "opinions", well advised by many... But the trueness in your soul comes down two One person and one thing.. Your right standing before God and your free will of "choice" . Two ways to go, one choice.. One will be a blessing of your heart towards the things of God, the other..... Well.... Moves you away from them.. Another thing to take into consideraration is to ask yourself the question..
Am i "allowing" christ in me to present others upright in their standing with God? Holy before Him?

wichever way you choose , God will never leave you nor forsake you.. He already knows what you will do, Knows whats already been done, as we cant hide from Him. we must first look inside ourselves to see whats missing because it is us who will make the decisions and choices and perform the actions to determine our outcome . We often run to people, places and things "wells" fill those voids. Look ay your relationship with the almighty father who quenches every single thirst we have..
 
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