Not feeling any love!

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Devolton

Guest
#1
Has anyone else ever struggled with not feeling loved?
My wife says she loves me but her actions say otherwise. We get along well but she doesn't seem to hear me when I tell her the things that are the most important to me. She tries to please me by doing things that she thinks I will like but at the same time she never does some of the things that she knows are important to me.
By negating my feelings and wishes it makes me feel unimportant and unloved. These are not gross things or weird things.
Is it unreasonable for me to want to feel like my wishes count for something?
Am I just being selfish?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
Has anyone else ever struggled with not feeling loved?
My wife says she loves me but her actions say otherwise. We get along well but she doesn't seem to hear me when I tell her the things that are the most important to me. She tries to please me by doing things that she thinks I will like but at the same time she never does some of the things that she knows are important to me.
By negating my feelings and wishes it makes me feel unimportant and unloved. These are not gross things or weird things.
Is it unreasonable for me to want to feel like my wishes count for something?
Am I just being selfish?
Read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It explains there are different ways people express love. And the natural inclination of people is to express it in the way they most out of when receiving it. Read this book together, then talk about what ways work best for each of you so you can Both do the things the other finds most important, rather than doing things for them how you like.
Also, pay attention to how they show love naturally. That is a good indicator of what makes them feel loved most. So don't be upset with her, just realize she's doing whats natural. Expressing things that are important to her. Until you both understand the differences, and what works best for the other, this will continue. You are likely doing the same to her, and she might feel the same way you do. Just talk it out.
 
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
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#3
Your not feeling loved probably has as much to do with how loved you felt as a child as it does to do with how your wife treats you.

When you have a full understanding of the power and importance of God in your life, and who you are in relation to God, then feeling loved, contentment, well being, and giving love will simply be there for you. It will mean that your relationship between you and your wife will deepen, too.
 

Cee

Senior Member
May 14, 2010
2,169
473
83
#4
Tell her how you feel... here's a simple way...

When you do this... I feel like this...

Always give her the benefit of the doubt too. When you question her intentions, like does she care, she's doing this to make me mad etc, that's going to hurt the relationship and won't be resolved until you hash it out.

Time to hash it out.

C.
 
J

JoyofLord

Guest
#5
I agree with Ugly if you read the five love languages it will make more sense about how you are feeling and you and your wife can learn about each other's love languages to help grow your relationship and experience a deeper love :)
 
R

Rickee

Guest
#6
Has anyone else ever struggled with not feeling loved?
My wife says she loves me but her actions say otherwise. We get along well but she doesn't seem to hear me when I tell her the things that are the most important to me. She tries to please me by doing things that she thinks I will like but at the same time she never does some of the things that she knows are important to me.
By negating my feelings and wishes it makes me feel unimportant and unloved. These are not gross things or weird things.
Is it unreasonable for me to want to feel like my wishes count for something?
Am I just being selfish?
Sounds like she needs one upside her head!! No, no, just being silly, kidding! Never hit anyone......You guys need to discuss her feelings, as well as your feelings....not just your feelings....it' s not all about you....but of You and Her together...communicate, do' nt bottle this up inside,and pray!!
 
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Devolton

Guest
#7
Thanks for all the responses, but I don't come here as a first resource. We have read the book "The Five Love Languages". Thanks Ugly. I agree with Chapman that people have different ways of showing and feeling love. I have discussed this with her but she is unwilling to do anything about it.
Although she is the greatest cause of my unloved feeling, I also have have a great deal of stress on me from my mother who is very demanding and unappreciative of what I do for her.
Also several of our grown children are shutting us out of their lives. This is stressful for both of us but more so for my wife. I try to make her feel loved and give her as much support as I can. She says she's happy with me but apparently not happy enough to reciprocate.
We are both Christians and I know God loves me but I really need to feel loved by someone here too. That's why I got married. That's why we had kids. I knew the kids would leave someday but I didn't expect my wife to shut down. I feel abandoned and as I said before, unloved.
God instituted marriage even before the fall of man because He knew that we needed each other. We all have a need to love someone and be loved in return. But I'm not feeling it.
I don't know what else to do so as a desperate last resort I come to you hoping that someone here will be able to point me in the right direction.
 
K

Kia123

Guest
#8
I believe everyone has moments when they feel unloved, and when they feel completely unlovable.
 
Mar 2, 2013
144
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#9
Hi Ugly

I have never read the book but advice sounds great good one (hey no scripture either) lol

Hoot owl
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
I don't spam scripture. I use it when it is fitting, not use it just to use it to look spiritual. :rolleyes:
 
A

amazed

Guest
#11
Perhaps you should love her as you know she would like to be loved, set and example of exactly how you would like to be treated. You are loved, with an everlasting love.
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#12
It is a fact, people will let us down. Our expectations can fall flat. Especially when it comes to our spouses. And our children can disappoint us...all that teaching we thought we were doing looks like it's not growing ANYTHING for God. This can put us in a major depression where resentment will grow like weeds!!!!!

I know this by experience :(. It's taken me two years to understand some of Christ's most basic teachings. There is something that has happened in me that can happen in you too. When we take all of our pain to the Cross...with humility and the sincere desire to get rid of all of our ego stuff, He really can change us from the inside out. It takes awhile :) and it takes determination. We have to will our will to be made willing :).

First we have to grow a grateful attitude. It helps me to list the things that I'm grateful for...and keep on making these mental lists. When people disappoint me or don't live up to my expectations, that's when I make it a point to list their good qualities and this helps me to see them as God sees them...not as I want them to be. Or when a situation goes all wrong, I try to look for the learning opportunities in it...like I should've been more patient, I should have listened when I talked, I let my ego get bruised.

One thing that really helps me to keep walking on the correct path is getting up early in the morning and spending at least an hour in devotions and study with Him. He straightens out my twisted thinking.

God loves us more than anyone else on earth could ever possibly do. When we make Him our primary relationship, the others will go easier. He teaches us how to be sincerely gracious people...no matter what anyone else is, or is not, doing.