Divorce poll. Can I get at leat 50 answers from divorced people, please?!!!????

I'm trying to find a correlation between the reasons people divorced, and their remarriage success.
Thank you in advance, to all who answerrr!!!!! =]

a) Are you divorced?
b) If yes, then did you divorce because:
1. You were unfaithful, so your spouse divorced you?
2. Your spouse was unfaithful, so you divorced them?
3. You were abusive, so your spouse divorced you?
4. Your spouse was abusive, so you divorced them?
5. You are not a Christian, so your spouse divorced you?
6. Your spouse was not a Christian, so you divorced them?
7. Another reason, but you divorced your spouse?
8. Another reason, but your spouse divorced you?
c) If you are indeed divorced, did you remarry?
d) If you remarried, do you still feel close to God?
e) Did you divorce your second spouse?
f) If yes, then did you divorce because:
1. You were unfaithful, so your spouse divorced you?
2. Your spouse was unfaithful, so you divorced them?
3. You were abusive, so your spouse divorced you?
4. Your spouse was abusive, so you divorced them?
5. You are not a Christian, so your spouse divorced you?
6. Your spouse was not a Christian, so you divorced them?
7. Another reason, but you divorced your spouse?
8. Another reason, but your spouse divorced you?
f) If you are indeed divorced a second time, did you marry a 3rd time?
g) Did you divorce your third spouse?
h) Have you married more than 3 times?

[mercyswolf]

Long and short here she and I are divorced because loyalty/faithfulness was a problem. Neither of us trusted the other and I actually had another guy answer her phone one night.

Originally Posted by heartpumpkinpie

I'm trying to find a correlation between the reasons people divorced, and their remarriage success.
Thank you in advance, to all who answerrr!!!!! =]

a) Are you divorced?
b) If yes, then did you divorce because:
1. You were unfaithful, so your spouse divorced you?
2. Your spouse was unfaithful, so you divorced them?
3. You were abusive, so your spouse divorced you?
4. Your spouse was abusive, so you divorced them?
5. You are not a Christian, so your spouse divorced you?
6. Your spouse was not a Christian, so you divorced them?
7. Another reason, but you divorced your spouse?
8. Another reason, but your spouse divorced you?
c) If you are indeed divorced, did you remarry?
d) If you remarried, do you still feel close to God?
e) Did you divorce your second spouse?
f) If yes, then did you divorce because:
1. You were unfaithful, so your spouse divorced you?
2. Your spouse was unfaithful, so you divorced them?
3. You were abusive, so your spouse divorced you?
4. Your spouse was abusive, so you divorced them?
5. You are not a Christian, so your spouse divorced you?
6. Your spouse was not a Christian, so you divorced them?
7. Another reason, but you divorced your spouse?
8. Another reason, but your spouse divorced you?
f) If you are indeed divorced a second time, did you marry a 3rd time?
g) Did you divorce your third spouse?
h) Have you married more than 3 times?

There is only one answer. All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on Christ. Most
of the reasons you have listed as answers are not answers but the reasons why marriages break
down when Christ is not the center of the relationship.

As far as getting remarried, no Christian can remarry unless they are authorized to under God's Word
as stated in 1 Cor 7:8-16

Many Christians remarry but do so as an adulterer under God's Commandments. They are committing
adultery by marrying another person. Adultery is the only reason God allows a person to remarry.

This poll demonstrates the lack of respect for God's Commandments. Most of the reasons listed are
selfish acts that will always destroy a relationship and not reasons. Only by making Christ the center
of your relationship and being selfless can you know happiness with your spouse.

[mercyswolf]

While adultery maybe concerned, If the couple is able to reconcile and if the other spouse then does the same is the person who was at fault the first time able to remarry under biblical law?

Originally Posted by concernedguy

There is only one answer. All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on Christ. Most
of the reasons you have listed as answers are not answers but the reasons why marriages break
down when Christ is not the center of the relationship.

As far as getting remarried, no Christian can remarry unless they are authorized to under God's Word
as stated in 1 Cor 7:8-16

Many Christians remarry but do so as an adulterer under God's Commandments. They are committing
adultery by marrying another person. Adultery is the only reason God allows a person to remarry.

This poll demonstrates the lack of respect for God's Commandments. Most of the reasons listed are
selfish acts that will always destroy a relationship and not reasons. Only by making Christ the center
of your relationship and being selfless can you know happiness with your spouse.

All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on christ??????

even the godliest people are not immune to sinning.......

[mercyswolf]

Thanks Lei I think you have just answered my question. And from the stand point of the Bible a pretty good one. In either case though as you pointed out God forgives.

Originally Posted by Leilaii425

All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on christ??????

even the godliest people are not immune to sinning.......

Its not about being immune to sinning. Its about devoting yourself to your spouse so there is no
room to commit a sin that will destroy your relationship.

[mercyswolf]

Concerned my question is if one party even in a short instance of a month or two is unfaithful but comes back into the relationship and attempts to reconcile with their spouse and ask them to forgive them and they then try to make it work and then the other spouse goes out and does the same thing while spouse number one is trying to make it work can spouse number one remarry?

[iraasuup]

Originally Posted by concernedguy

There is only one answer. All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on Christ. Most
of the reasons you have listed as answers are not answers but the reasons why marriages break
down when Christ is not the center of the relationship.

As far as getting remarried, no Christian can remarry unless they are authorized to under God's Word
as stated in 1 Cor 7:8-16

Many Christians remarry but do so as an adulterer under God's Commandments. They are committing
adultery by marrying another person. Adultery is the only reason God allows a person to remarry.

This poll demonstrates the lack of respect for God's Commandments. Most of the reasons listed are
selfish acts that will always destroy a relationship and not reasons. Only by making Christ the center
of your relationship and being selfless can you know happiness with your spouse.

I disagree. Sure, I completely acknowledge that God doesn't like divorce and it is clearly spoken about in His word; but making the comment that ' All divorces happen because the marriage is not based on Christ' is a HUGE assumption to make, especially when there is no way you can know the finer detials of every individual situation.

I have known amazing Christian couples, who do have a Christ-centred marirage. Their lives are revolved around living for Christ- and the marriage has ended. But just because we choose to be Christians, doesn't make us exempt from struggling with sin - and this is the same in marriage.

Once you get saved, it doesn't mean life is bed of roses, and you will have no struggle,(in fact quite the opposite, we are told in God's word to EXPECT tribulations) just the same as once you get married it isn't always going to be harmonious bliss. We have to die to ourselves daily and make a concerted effort to live for Christ, just as all relationships (especially marriages) take work. You have to be work at it, you have to be prepared to iron out your flaws, you have to be considerate of another person.

I think you should be realy careful in making assumptions that indicate you know everything, when clearly there's no way you possibly can. As Christians we have desire and a responsibility to live our life according to God's plan for us. Sometimes though, regardless of how much we try, and how obedient we are to HIM, that doesn't always work. I have seen Christian marriages fall apart because one person is stubborn. They have let sin and selfishness and pride take over their lives, and hurt lots of other people in the process.

It brings me back to my point that it's easy (even if we are CHRIST-Centred) to struggle with sins, and let them overtake our lives. No one is perfect, and we should never claim to be so. All marriages have their struggles. We just need to make the right choice and choose to rely on God, and not let the struggles take over as the 'easy way out'. Having said that though, there are some situations we will NEVER understand, having not experienced them ourselves, and therefore I feel we have no place passing judgment. God is the ONLY judge.

Originally Posted by concernedguy

Its not about being immune to sinning. Its about devoting yourself to your spouse so there is no
room to commit a sin that will destroy your relationship.

Are you married??? or ever been married??? Because that is silly honestly. You can be as devoted as you want to your spouse, but humans still sin... and that sinning in general is what destroys relationships...

[mercyswolf]

Well i'm not going to say who it's in reference to but he did ask God to forgive him and he wanted to be faithful to the marriage even when she no longer wanted too.

Originally Posted by mercyswolf

While adultery maybe concerned, If the couple is able to reconcile and if the other spouse then does the same is the person who was at fault the first time able to remarry under biblical law?

These are hypothetical situations but I'm sure they do occur. I would suggest getting counseling from
a Pastor or Christian Counselor to deal with these problems.

This question reminds me of the questions asked of Jesus about a woman that was married to several
men. They asked which one of the men is she the spouse of?

These are serious problems and it would take serious effort to deal with them. I'm not Jesus so these
questions that do bare answering but talk in circles are best left to those extremely knowledgeable
about God's Word.

But your question does make one point. If you committed adultery and they stayed with you, wouldn't
you at least owe them the same forgiveness and respect if they committed adultery?
You can either let the act of adultery destroy your relationship or make it stronger. It just depends
on how much you value the other person and your relationship with them. You shouldn't let them
walk on you because you care but if they truely want to work it out, I would give it my best efforts.

Just so you know, been here, done this!

[iraasuup]

Originally Posted by Leilaii425

Are you married??? or ever been married??? Because that is silly honestly. You can be as devoted as you want to your spouse, but humans still sin... and that sinning in general is what destroys relationships...

Agreed! That's precicesly the point I was trying to make. You can dote on your spouse and shower them with affection, and be devoted forever, but it doesn't stop you from making poor choices if the devil places tempation in front of you.

Originally Posted by concernedguy

These are hypothetical situations but I'm sure they do occur. I would suggest getting counseling from
a Pastor or Christian Counselor to deal with these problems.

This question reminds me of the questions asked of Jesus about a woman that was married to several
men. They asked which one of the men is she the spouse of?

These are serious problems and it would take serious effort to deal with them. I'm not Jesus so these
questions that do bare answering but talk in circles are best left to those extremely knowledgeable
about God's Word.

But your question does make one point. If you committed adultery and they stayed with you, wouldn't
you at least owe them the same forgiveness and respect if they committed adultery?
You can either let the act of adultery destroy your relationship or make it stronger. It just depends
on how much you value the other person and your relationship with them. You shouldn't let them
walk on you because you care but if they truely want to work it out, I would give it my best efforts.

Just so you know, been here, done this!

this is a very good post!! and i agree

[Buddee]

Originally Posted by concernedguy

Its not about being immune to sinning. Its about devoting yourself to your spouse so there is no
room to commit a sin that will destroy your relationship.

How about each devoting themselves to their spouse so that in the event that they DO, and they surely will at some point in time, sin against the other, they have it in them to forgive the other? Unconditionally. As Christ forgave?

[mercyswolf]

This person forgave her to say the least but at the same time she kept after him for a divorce and when he finally found out the real truth he let her go because she didn't want to be with him. Now he's interested in someone else and I'm trying to make sure he is within biblical principles to remarry if things work out for him.

[iraasuup]

Originally Posted by Buddee

How about each devoting themselves to their spouse so that in the event that they DO, and they surely will at some point in time, sin against the other, they have it in them to forgive the other? Unconditionally. As Christ forgave?

Yes, very good post. I agree, good advice

[mercyswolf]

True that he forgave her but i don't think she truely ever forgave him. He even gave her an open invitation to accept Christ into her life.

[mercyswolf]

Ok looking back on the scripture reference you mentioned concerned i think i figured it out.

Originally Posted by mercyswolf

Concerned my question is if one party even in a short instance of a month or two is unfaithful but comes back into the relationship and attempts to reconcile with their spouse and ask them to forgive them and they then try to make it work and then the other spouse goes out and does the same thing while spouse number one is trying to make it work can spouse number one remarry?

I don't have an answer. These types of questions come from not following Christ and they would not
exist if we did. I would seek the advice of someone extremely knowledgeable about God's Word.

This question gets into one good adultery deserves another and it gets confusing. But I still say you
should stand by your spouse since they stayed with you after you or they committed adultery. If they
stood by you, don't you owe them that much instead of cutting and running?

Then there is the mindset - Once a cheater always a cheater. It can also be stated - once an
untrustworthy person always an untrustworthy person.
Maybe this is why God allows us to walk away when adultery is involved.

I don't know what God's answer is to this situation but God is the God of reconciliation so it is
conceivable God still wants to heal the marriage. It is kind of back stabbing for the person that
committed the first adultery to want to leave because of the second adultery by their spouse
that they feel is betraying them. This is the pot calling the kettle black and only God may know
the answer. This is why I suggest seeking well educated counsel to deal with this specific issue
so it can be dealt with in as Godly way as possible.