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Thread: Verbal abuse

  1. #21
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    @Christina

    If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by maxwel View Post
    That's not really enough information to understand the situation.

    You need to talk to someone privately and share a little more information.
    I'd recommend finding a mature Christian woman in the chat room, or maybe in the women's forum, and asking for some advice and counsel.
    It's interesting you assume the OP is female. Women can be abusers also.
    whosoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved

  3. #23
    Senior Member Tommy379's Avatar
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by oldman View Post
    It's interesting you assume the OP is female. Women can be abusers also.
    The post was from 2013.... at the time, the poster was a member and known to be female.
    Sent from my Verizon, Samsung Galaxy smartphone

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    My apologies - I missed the date and the understood knowledge that she was female.
    whosoever calls on the name of the LORD shall be saved

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by Set3 View Post
    I'm tired, exhausted really. My husband has found new ways of abusing that I never knew existed. I'm pregnant, he demanded I keep it but won't acknowledge that I am. He took every penny I had, I have no way to eat or buy gas. He's bankrupted my parents even. Even with a court order for no contact he finds ways to be verbally and emotionally abusive through friends and family or threatens them and me. I am afraid of him, but if I tell the judge that things just get worse. I am afraid to be without, because I am unable to care for myself. I am afraid to be alone even, because the things he says eat away at my mind. And yes, I am in counseling, but the whole once a week thing doesn't exactly help in the middle or aftermath of an issue. It has gotten so bad that even my family won't talk to me because of what he's said or done. He has even gotten his friends to post on social media to have everyone we both know ignore me and isolate me more. I am scared and feel so alone.

    Isolation is a key characteristic of an abuser. You need to leave him now, for the sake of your baby. You don’t want to raise a son to be an abuser like him. You don’t want to raise a daughter to be brutalized by him, and then a succession of abusive men.

    Can you go to a shelter? You need to pack a bag and leave. You are in the worst situation. He sounds like a very disturbed person, and it will never get better. You need to walk away. Please!
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    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  6. #26
    Senior Member Angela53510's Avatar
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by Set3 View Post
    @Christina

    If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.

    Seriously, you do not understand abuse. An abuser abuses because of power. There are millions of men with PTSD who don’t abuse their wives. And thousands of others who do NOT have PTSD and do abuse. In fact, sometimes they kill their spouses.

    I have taken courses in Domestic Violence, as a pastor. One video was a lovely lady who kept making excuses for her husband, and saying it wasn’t that bad. In the end, he just about killed her while she was ironing. What saved her was hitting him with the iron, and running away. For course, it got worse, after she went back as a good Christian wife to a good Christian man. In the end, he was put in prison.

    Mental illness, unless someone is actually psychotic, is NOT ever an excuse for abuse. It is not about them lacking control over themselves, but wanting control over you. And your husband is doing that well, keeping you from having money and isolating you. And believe me, this will escalate.

    A marriage struggle is not having enough money to make ends meet, and fighting about it. A marriage struggle is disagreeing on how to raise the children, or dealing with in laws. The situation you are in is that you are being constantly assaulted and used. You are like a prisoner of war, who has Stockholm syndrome and thinks it is ok for the abuser to isolate them, keep them from their families and that they need to love the husband, “just the way he is!” NO! You have married a master manipulator, a narcissist who would be like this regardless of his mental illness. I run a support group for the mentally ill, and none of them would do this. Being mentally ill doesn’t mean you don’t know right from wrong.

    You are in big trouble, and I fear for your child. The sin is that your narcissistic abuser husband has convinced you that you do not have the right to live in safety, free from verbal, mental, physical and financial abuse.

    For the sake of your child, you need to leave this man. A narcissist is someone with no caring or life. In fact, the belief that you have to stay with him no matter what he does is a form of religious domestic violence. Here is something from Wikipedia:

    Domestic violence (also named domestic abuse or family violence) is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic setting, such as in marriage or cohabitation. It may be termed intimate partner violence when committed by a spouse or partner in an intimate relationship against the other spouse or partner, and can take place in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, or between former spouses or partners. Domestic violence can also involve violence against children, parents, or the elderly, and may be done for self-defense. It takes a number of forms, including physical, verbal, emotional, economic, religious, reproductive, and sexual abuse, which can range from subtle, coercive forms to marital rape and to violent physical abuse such as choking, beating, female genital mutilation and acid throwing that results in disfigurement or death. Domestic murders include stoning, bride burning, honor killings, and dowry deaths.”

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence
    oldethennew likes this.
    "And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Cor. 12:9 NASB

  7. #27
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by KD View Post
    Hi everyone. What is the biblical approach to take if a spouse is being verbally and emotionally abused, yet the abuser is not convicted of this at all?

    “It is better to sleep on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Go away from verbal abuse (or any abuse for that matter). Divorce however is another topic. But remove yourself and your children while someone is being abusive.
    Last edited by OneFaith; January 15th, 2018 at 04:35 AM.
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by Set3 View Post
    @Christina

    If you truly believe that you are not a Christian. God doesn't ever say to give up on someone who needs him. He says to get help and try everything. Just because my husband does things deemed by society to be 'abusive' does not make him an abuser. Just because someone has a mental illness does make them a detriment. Just because one in a marriage struggles does not mean it's okay to just leave and divorce and move on. It is a sin. It is wrong. You are 100% wrong in your advice to anyone to simply get away and give up.
    If someone abuses someone they are an abuser, and just because one struggles in a marriage it is not ok to abuse his or her partner and it is absolutely NOT ok to raise children in that kind of an environment. That kind of environment is dangerous and every mother and father has the obligation to protect their children.
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  9. #29
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Please, do not take my question as something stupid, but I was thinking about what does verbal and emotional abuse actually mean... where is the "border"...
    I know that 100 people might have 100 opinion, and I have my point of view too. But I would like to know, what other Christians, mostly more mature than me, think about it...

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by Namiette View Post
    Please, do not take my question as something stupid, but I was thinking about what does verbal and emotional abuse actually mean... where is the "border"...
    I know that 100 people might have 100 opinion, and I have my point of view too. But I would like to know, what other Christians, mostly more mature than me, think about it...
    For those who have no fear of God: Whatever incriminating words you wouldn't say to a judge in a courtroom, don't say to someone outside the courtroom.

    For those who follow Christ Jesus: Treat other people the way you want to be treated.
    Willie-T, Namiette and oldethennew like this.

    I didn’t see a temple in the city because the Lord God All-Mighty and the Lamb are its Temple. The city didn’t have need for the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the Glory of God gave it light; the Lamb is the Light.

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by RickShafer View Post
    Kick 'em in the balls in Jesus' name.

    (Just Kidding)

    Listen, just make Jesus your husband. - I mean live for Jesus.
    Do your duties as a wife, but just put Jesus first, always love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

    This will show your husband the truth of Jesus' love, (this is the gospel).
    It will pour coals of spirit fire on his head, and before you know it, he will see it, and recognize the Agape love that God has shown to you, (and which you are living)
    Many millions of spouses have been saved this way.
    - Piece O' Cake.
    You'll catch a lot of flack for that post... But, it is exactly what the Bible says to do, even though few of us are willing to total trust Jesus that completely.

  12. #32
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Quote Originally Posted by Willie-T View Post
    You'll catch a lot of flack for that post... But, it is exactly what the Bible says to do, even though few of us are willing to total trust Jesus that completely.
    Considering you're saying this to someone who wrote that five years ago, he caught flack from just one person, and he has since been banned -- good prophecy. lol
    oldethennew likes this.
    Lynn

    Still woman, but no lady.

    And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Rom. 8:28

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    most abusers can never 'admit' that they are abusing, as they can't seem to 'own/see'
    their behavior but 'blame' the other party!!!, thus they don't feel like they have to take
    responsibility for there very OWN ACTIONS.,..
    such and 'old-un-holy-un-reality', that satan has convinced so many in this fallen world of...

    it's so very sad, it also seems to mostly 'never-ever change'.,,.!?!

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Have you ever told your spouse how you feel? I would start with your spouse first. It might even help to talk to your Pastor to see what can be done. If your spouse is not convicted, then it will take some time and lots of prayers! Hang in there!

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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    hi some of you know my history of domestic violence from my other posts, i was beaten and nearly kicked to death by my untill then loving husband its been two months now since the police took him away he is awaiting trial and i havnt seen him ,yet strange as this sounds i am torn in two, i miss him and love him i know there is good in him could he change i keep wondering? all the domestic abuse advice and what i have read about this subject would say no, but god can do anything right? yet i am also very afraid now since i heard he has done this before to other women , but that was before he became a christian i keep thinking so god can do anything maybe or maybe im deluded probably all the kicks to the head im so mixed up sorry to go on about this again i feel literely torn in two i dont know where to turn next all our plans and dreams shattered by one senseless act of violence which was born out of jealousy, he wanted me all to himself he couldnt understand i could love my sons as well as him

  16. #36
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    Default Re: Verbal abuse

    Speaking as a victim of domestic violence, YES you are deluding yourself. He didn't suddenly start being abusive out of the blue. He's done this before to other women. He wanted you to himself, he wanted ALL your attention focused on him and him alone. Abusers rarely stop abusing.

    That being said, WHY would you want a man who nearly killed you, back in your life? That's just crazy.. IF hubby were a true Christian, he wouldn't be so possessive, jealous and dangerous. You and your kids are better off getting out of that environment. God never meant for marriage to include physical abuse.
    My testimonies are below.


    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneous/94389-blue_ladybugs-uterine-cancer-battle.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...-vs-light.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...h-my-pain.html

    http://christianchat.com/miscellaneo...s-suicide.html


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