y married life so hard tht so many people break it?

hmm..actually, sometimes i got negative thinking about marriage..y there r so many people tht cant keep their family life good, even when many problems come 2 their life..its the same tht they break God's rule,right?hhhh.. dont know..i hope it wont happen 2 u n me

[oopsies]

Well, sometimes it's because one person or both people in the marriage had unrealistic expectations of each other (which of course, neither can live up to) so it becomes an individual-centred relationship rather than a God centred relationship.

Originally Posted by Gracia

hmm..actually, sometimes i got negative thinking about marriage..y there r so many people tht cant keep their family life good, even when many problems come 2 their life..its the same tht they break God's rule,right?hhhh.. dont know..i hope it wont happen 2 u n me

Here in the US, many believe the lie of the movies that a person will make you happy. Has it occurred to
any of those that are looking for a person to make them happy that that person may not want that
responsibility?

A person can only be happy by learning who they are as a person and aligning their person with Christ.
When they meet someone that they can share the happiness they already have with, this can add to
their happiness by having someone to share their happiness with but is not the base of their happiness.

Staying in a marriage is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. If they can get past their
self-serving attitudes and work together and grow together, their relationship becomes of more value
to them than their sexual needs, etc. Many that have been married for years stated that they value
their marriage relationship and due to this they meet each other's sexual needs that were not met in the
beginning years of their relationship. As they grew more intimate with a person, their presence is what
they longed for. Having sex is just a way to be closer to them. Not to fulfilled their own sexual needs.

Marriage is hard. Even with having two people seeking Christ to hold it together it is hard. But the
struggle seems to have big positives if you work through it for a few years.

I think prayer is amazing but also our hearts need to change as well. It's so easy to feel like you aren't being fulfilled in your marriage because - you never will be. Only God can fulfill us and so when we are going to our relationships for fulfillment, we feel, well, unfulfilled. Surrender goes a long way. You chose this man. He is what he is. You can't change him, only God can, but that doesn't matter. If he never changes, you are to be righteous. It's not about your husband, it's about God.

Originally Posted by concernedguy

Here in the US, many believe the lie of the movies that a person will make you happy. Has it occurred to
any of those that are looking for a person to make them happy that that person may not want that
responsibility?

A person can only be happy by learning who they are as a person and aligning their person with Christ.
When they meet someone that they can share the happiness they already have with, this can add to
their happiness by having someone to share their happiness with but is not the base of their happiness.

Staying in a marriage is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. If they can get past their
self-serving attitudes and work together and grow together, their relationship becomes of more value
to them than their sexual needs, etc. Many that have been married for years stated that they value
their marriage relationship and due to this they meet each other's sexual needs that were not met in the
beginning years of their relationship. As they grew more intimate with a person, their presence is what
they longed for. Having sex is just a way to be closer to them. Not to fulfilled their own sexual needs.

Marriage is hard. Even with having two people seeking Christ to hold it together it is hard. But the
struggle seems to have big positives if you work through it for a few years.

I do agree with most of this. I still find it hard in our marriage, but I never want to divorce. I beleive that once God has brought two persons into marriage, they can manage living together and for Him for a life time!

We have been newly married in now 5 months and some few days, and trust me, it has nothing with just discovering bad habits nor differences. We learned about those before marrying. More complicated and difficult things came up before marrying, and it is still being very Hard for me to swallow most of this, and if this is being difficult for me, then it does so for my husband too. Still I wanted to marry him, and I don't regret that. I just think the past is still difficult to handle. I am doing better now, but can have my emotional and tearfull moments. But with God, every marriage can succeed in Him, even those marriages that looks so fragile, because nothing is impossible for Our God!

Although I sure agree with you Gracia, that it is frustrating how many marriages nowadays, and especially of those that are Christians, that they are easily breaking apart these days. But, remember, with God, everything is possible, also restoring deeply broken marriages!

[Graybeard]

Marriage is not about finding the "right" person but rather "being" the right person.

[cookie39]

well I can say it is different for each relationship, I have been married three times. one which lasted three weeks; and the other five years of a eight year relayionship. and what I learned is that without God being the head, the middle and the end and all around coming from both persons; your marriage it is almost over before it start. I have been married now to my husband for four months, but God made me ready long before.. He taught me that I will need alot of understanding and forgivness. because that person is not me and I am not him. and we must learn to understand who they are. I would not allow myself to only see the good, and then five years later I get to complain about the bad,, and they will be able to say...I was like this when you met me.

You may be good for a person, but are they good for you? we will hear from them you are so this and that and I never met anyone like you.. I would love to have someone like you in my life, and we unconciously think, if we are good for this person ,therefore; they must be good for me... and that is furthist from the truth. you may be good for them but are they good for you? God have shown me this was one of my biggest mistakes. who don't like to hear how good they are. and anyone with a big heart as I have- we skip the examining of that person, thinking they must be good saying such good things, but in reality you never said the same to them, therefore; without noticing you take them on just that and they do the same to you... now you realize you are doing all the good and they are doing all the hurt. if you don't ask you won't receive, if you think that you can chage someone, you're crazy! only God can do that, wheather it be you or the other, it won't happen! sowhat I did with my husband now. is I let him know evryting bad and good about me... I have a no nonsence attitude, I don't cook everyday and I will not clean the house by myself, ain't going to have sex every day; but I will not turn him away, unless I am dieing, lol.. if he ever think to hit me I will cut him. I don't argue.. and I will not stand for holding grudges... I love the Lord and there will not be a man, friend, or any such a person in my life who don't love God more then me and more then themselves.. no lieing, never phony..no female friends, wont have it! I will not say that I wil be the only one to do something, when I know I can;t keep them long term. in other words I wont sell you false dreams and I will not buy them. so if we be up-front holding nothing back no matter how bad it may seem, because if you think it will make that person not want you then, trust me you wont be able to hide them when you live together. so be honest and allow that person the opportunity to choose if they can handle someone like you. as I have learned that I was good for them but they were no good for me. I thought that being so good that it will show them how to be good to me,,,, but that was not what they want nor did they say that was what they wanted; to treat me good. but the other way around.

So be watchful,, listen clearly with an open mind and heart,, if they do or ssay or not say or do something that you know you can't live with for the rest of your life then tell them they are not for you, no matter how much they think you are for them. it will; "trust me " save you a lot of wasted time.

[cookie39]

Originally Posted by BellaFlor

I do agree with most of this. I still find it hard in our marriage, but I never want to divorce. I beleive that once God has brought two persons into marriage, they can manage living together and for Him for a life time!

We have been newly married in now 5 months and some few days, and trust me, it has nothing with just discovering bad habits nor differences. We learned about those before marrying. More complicated and difficult things came up before marrying, and it is still being very Hard for me to swallow most of this, and if this is being difficult for me, then it does so for my husband too. Still I wanted to marry him, and I don't regret that. I just think the past is still difficult to handle. I am doing better now, but can have my emotional and tearfull moments. But with God, every marriage can succeed in Him, even those marriages that looks so fragile, because nothing is impossible for Our God!

Although I sure agree with you Gracia, that it is frustrating how many marriages nowadays, and especially of those that are Christians, that they are easily breaking apart these days. But, remember, with God, everything is possible, also restoring deeply broken marriages!

what I would like to say to you; is that what ever it is that torment you about the past, I pray you let it go, wheather you know it or not you are hurting yourself. I've been there. and it is your choice to let it go and allow yourself to be happy. you can not change it. and if you choose to stay then you must also choose to be happ, you have to minister to yourself. and give yourself all the reasons to be happy, you know that what ever it was you did not deserve it, noe if it was your fault, I can see you making it hard to forgive yourself, but even that you have to choose. when my ex husband cheated on me, I cried and cried about, I did them that kept me in bondage to that situation. I found myself constanly chacking his phone and watching the time, if he was five minutes late I got to accursing him of her.. but one day God said to me to stop! stop! look what YOU ARE DOING TO YOU! he is still happy, and she is too. but you are misuerable. and you done nothing wrong.. and if I have any dignity and know how I am and who's I am. I would know that he will not let me be mistreated ( for it was God who revealed to me what was going on with them) so I stop looking at his phone, stopped the questioning, would not even let a thought in, to what he was doing or where he was. or who was calling him. and when he was doing wrong again, I promise you that it did not hurt me. because I knew I did not deserve it then. and I did nothing to cause it, I was right befroe God and God got him, I walked away with so much joy. because anyone you do wrong by me, don't desrve a woman like me. it was his lost; not mine. why should I suffer and cry, I did nothing wrong, and I made my mind up that I am not going to whimper like a ponk, but I going to show him that he wont be the cause of my sorrow.. and when I did what God said; he did not understand why I was so happy, and no matter how laye he came home, I would not allow myself to question him, neither did he understand why I stop caring about his phone.. all that was insanity, and suffering. from that day till now. will I allow myself to go through that. no one desrve to take away my joy. I am not saying that I don't care about my hisband's whereabouts or his doings, but not in the waythat it will cause me any mental or emotional disturbance.

hope you will let God speak to your heart and comfort you the way he did me,, for it is an ever lasting one that noone can take away.

Well..okokok..thanks so much 4 ur opinions..GBU

[Liam]

Let's keep it simple, humanbeings are weak and selfish creatures. Many marry out of desperation, obligation, or lust.

[Gabriel777]

Originally Posted by concernedguy

Here in the US, many believe the lie of the movies that a person will make you happy. Has it occurred to
any of those that are looking for a person to make them happy that that person may not want that
responsibility?

A person can only be happy by learning who they are as a person and aligning their person with Christ.
When they meet someone that they can share the happiness they already have with, this can add to
their happiness by having someone to share their happiness with but is not the base of their happiness.

Staying in a marriage is one of the hardest things a person will ever do. If they can get past their
self-serving attitudes and work together and grow together, their relationship becomes of more value
to them than their sexual needs, etc. Many that have been married for years stated that they value
their marriage relationship and due to this they meet each other's sexual needs that were not met in the
beginning years of their relationship. As they grew more intimate with a person, their presence is what
they longed for. Having sex is just a way to be closer to them. Not to fulfilled their own sexual needs.

Marriage is hard. Even with having two people seeking Christ to hold it together it is hard. But the
struggle seems to have big positives if you work through it for a few years.

Some wisdom in this post concernedguy. Marriage is hard for Christians because most of them pray and pray and learn but never apply it to their lives. They want God to do it for them when all they need to do is SUBMIT to the Holy Spirit so that He can change their heart. And when that happens then all the pieces fall together. Teamwork in a relationship is beautiful.

[Hansa]

heheh good post...well i've been engaged for more than 2 years n have been going out for almost 4..simply put marriage is not abt u..it s abt the other..many get divorces possibly cus they want their needs met by the other when it is said it's more blessed to give than to recieve so its a pride n self centerd issue mostly cus one thinks of satisfying self rather than dieing to it . i live for jesus n his love makes me complete not any other kindda human love can fill ma heart the way his love n presence could..i know i'm not yet married but gods teaching me stuff abt laying down ma will ma desires for God n others..if u get that right i believe things will be alrite in any relationship..therefore i want to n treat ma gurl as a queen not expecting anything back with al ma heart n love..it is better to serve than being served..

[pickles]

I think many people expect happily ever after. Also in many cases only one of the two is truelly commited. Marriage is full of love but it takes work. You have to be willing to work with the one you love , even when you would rather smother them with the pillow because they snore like a bilding falling down. The answer to this! earplugs. To many times people let their anger turn to bitterness. Usually because one otr the other is not willing to talk , listen or trust. Often they use the trust to hurt the other because they want to make the other know that they are in pain. But these actions destroy the marriage. Also we live in a sociaty that says if you dont like it, quit and find another. The sad part is so many lose out on the deep and abiding love that only the commitment and hard work can accomplish. There are many other reasons that cause marriages to fail but the one reason that brings success, the love of Jesus in your marriage. If you apply the love of Jesus and his teachings in your marriage? You will know the love that is.
God bless, pickles

Originally Posted by Graybeard

Marriage is not about finding the "right" person but rather "being" the right person.

That is a really awesome way to look at marriage because so many people focus on what the other is doing rather than what they can do to better what ever might be going on in their lives.
When my husband and I got married we did not have a love for the lord . My husband grew up in a private catholic school and I came from a childhood that religion was a punishment and my family was torn apart due to my mom and dad getting divorced .my mom was disfellowshiped and we had no contact with my family. I had a very tainted vision of marriage and was scared of the idea of getting married.
My marriage went through very hard times and my husband found comfort in other women and drinking, we lost our house to foreclosure and our construction company fell apart. It was really hard to stick it out and looking back I understand that it was the Lord breaking and molding us(it took along time for us to look up and take notice) Once I found the lord I had a renewed strength to see it to the end and here we are11 years and three kids later with a awesome relationship. Neither one of us gave up the fight and had the good Lord there to hold us up. I'm not trying to stand on a soap box and say we are perfect because there was a time in there that I packed the kids and I up and headed down the road but I am so glad that I turned around.
I'm sorry for going on a rabbit trail but I guess what I would like to say is if people would stick it out a little longer and lean on their faith, hang on tight and ride it out. I know not allways but in may case it has worked again and again

Hmmm..how about peoples opinion tht any1 who become ur partner is the best gift from God? Wht if we get a not-match partner?well...but, i stil doubt to hv a marriage,,hehe..im thinking to be a carreer woman..hehehehe...im still looking 4 the right person from God

[aspen]

I think it makes things worse when you trying to institute a 2000 year old framework of marriage to a postmodern relationship. Applying an artificial hierarchy onto an equal partnership is going to result in more tension and greater stress on the marriage - unnecessary stress.

obeying your husband and loving your wife like Christ loves the Church mean the same thing!!!!!

obeying and submitting to your partner is loving them like Christ loves the church

blessings

Originally Posted by pickles

I think many people expect happily ever after. Also in many cases only one of the two is truelly commited. Marriage is full of love but it takes work. You have to be willing to work with the one you love , even when you would rather smother them with the pillow because they snore like a bilding falling down. The answer to this! earplugs. To many times people let their anger turn to bitterness. Usually because one otr the other is not willing to talk , listen or trust. Often they use the trust to hurt the other because they want to make the other know that they are in pain. But these actions destroy the marriage. Also we live in a sociaty that says if you dont like it, quit and find another. The sad part is so many lose out on the deep and abiding love that only the commitment and hard work can accomplish. There are many other reasons that cause marriages to fail but the one reason that brings success, the love of Jesus in your marriage. If you apply the love of Jesus and his teachings in your marriage? You will know the love that is.
God bless, pickles

Great post. May your light increase.

Secret to a happy marriage? A happy wife. What makes for a happy wife? Differs with each person but, I believe that high self esteem ranks up there. And what makes for high self esteem?

Being appreciated, being listened to, being accepted for who they are and not who other people think they should be, help with chores, kids, finances, and being included. I'm sure there are lots of other things that could make the list. But two things stand out for me: An open ear and an open heart.

[imoss]

hee hee mal, I like your attitude! My hubby & I have been together 20 years this summer. Many have posted that its hard. Perhaps it would be hard if I would have had my prayers answered and married my first love. My husband was in my future though, God had plans for me. What a wonderful man I'm so very blessed & thank God for unanswered prayers for they brought me to him.

I ran into my husband just about every time I went somewhere in a 2 month period, the beach, the fair, every club i went to with friends... from poco to maple ridge to burnaby to new west to vancouver. we had no one in common, theres that guy again. God really did bless me & thats my point, dont fret about divorce just concentrate on not settling when your heart knows theres something wrong. Marriage wont fix the problems.

[MahogonySnail]

If your wife cooks, cleans, makes the bed and mows the lawn for you, and maybe even irons the sheets before you get in them so they are nice and toasty and warm, and makes you breakfast in bed every morning as an act of gratitude, I can't see marriage being too hard? Am I missing something? I have absolutely no credibility in saying this, but I believe people make marriage hard, and it doesn't have to be.

[dan1el]

LOL ''mandhands'' avatar