Homeschooling Blues

[missy1127]

Hello, I am a mother of three, ages ranging from 3-13. My children have been homeschooled all of their lives, I have always had such a love for teaching them. For the last 2 yrs this zeal for homeschooling has disappeared. The only place we really go anymore is piano, voice lessons & church on Sunday, that is where the children visit and see friends (at church for a couple hours). They have absolutely no friends who visit (feeling so guilty) It is even a chore for me to do arts & crafts during holidays. Now, my children are very happy, if you even mention public school they become very unhappy. They want nothing to do with it. The children constantly say take anything away but our homeschooling, choice. My husband is a wonderful support system with homeschooling. I am the only one that feels a lot of guilt over the "friend" thing and much more! Now, before you say "pray about it", I have, but nothing is working. I take a nap everyday, just to have time away from the children, when I get up, I still want to "get away". I tried to make this thread as short as possible, but long enough for you to get a picture of what I am going through. Please do not reply with hateful & nasty remarks. I have written this for encouragement or maybe one of you are going through or has been through a similar situation. Thank You for taking the time to read my post God Bless you, all

 

[rainin]

It sounds to me that you are extremely tired. That is not surprising with 3 young children and homeschool on top of all that. I had 4 and am well aware of how much energy, patience and endurance it takes just to get through each day. The feelings of guilt you have will help no one....you will only become more tired and frustrated. Maybe you need to take some time to get yourself in a better place so that you will be better able to continue on with the huge task set before you. It is almost impossible to come up with solutions to problems when we are exhausted. In fact we tend to make fairly bad decisions when we are worn out. Are there other homeschooling families in your immediate area that you could plan outings with that would enable your children to socialize a bit more. Maybe you could get together with a few of them and plan for the children to be taught at a different person's house each day of the week. Im sure this is a problem faced by other parents who homeschool. This would give each of you a day or 2 to rest, get caught up on chores or errands or just have time for yourself for a change. From what little I know about homeschooling, the task falls mainly on the mother. Im sure other women are having the same feelings that you are having. The Lord always has a way...we just have to take action and find it. Don't get stuck in that rut of guilt and exhaustion. It is a perfect environment for Satan to do his handy work. All things in order as they say....take care of yourself a bit and then you will be able to think more clearly to help your children. Have you talked to your husband about how you are feeling? Maybe you just need to overhaul your approach to how you are handling your daily schedule. It seems to me that you just need help....reach out and you will find it.

 

[posthuman]

i & my sibs were homeschooled for a large portion of k-12, but returned to public school for our high-school years. i can't tell you what all my parent's rationale was, but a large portion of it was like you describe - the group of home-schoolers we sometimes met with dwindled & was far removed, and our church didn't have a large number of youth in it, and we as kids were missing socialization skills that can really only be learned by being inserted in society. your situation is not without precedent.

i'm very much in favor of home-schooling -- i'm not trying to encourage you to give up on it -- just relating my own education. at some point you'll hit an information barrier and you won't be able to effectively teach them at home anymore; you can't home-school College or Trade School. it's wise to wonder how well they will be able to incorporate themselves into a larger body of humanity at that point.

there's a colloquialism "preacher's daughter" referring to the reaction an overly-sheltered child has when first entering the world out from under their parents wing.. it's an archetypical state of over-indulgence that isn't without some grain of truth; looking at first-year college drop-out rates and the reasons behind many of them, one can see that a lot of young adults aren't really prepared to be left to their own devices when they leave home for University. (note that home-schooled kids use words like 'colloquialism' and 'archetype' haha) i feel like we have a responsibility as parents to prepare our kids to live without us, and a completely separated upbringing doesn't always do a good job at that.


do the kids play sports? that's another way to provide social interaction & a very healthy thing to be involved in on a number of levels. i know here the YMCA & YWCA have various public sports programs for children as young as 5. you might look for public workshops offered by a local university or other schools too; a professor of Ornithology, Herbology or Forestry etc. might not be opposed to you tagging along on outdoor expeditions (we did this when i was a kid), or you might be able to join a public or private school on field trips, with you chaperoning your own. the local library may have arts & crafts days too -- i don't know how dedicated to 'separation' you are in the whole venture, so i don't mean to offend you by such suggestions. it can reach an unreasonable point of isolationism IMO, but no need to argue.

the lack of social interaction is a justified worry; i know how you feel, and eventually the children will have to go out on their own. i think it's entirely possible to provide some of that by partnering with public resources, without totally giving your children's education over to the state.

Bless you! that's a big task your taking on & worthy of much honor & respect, Mother!

 

[Ariel82]

have you joined a local homeschooling group. We have some in our area where the parents take turns teaching a small group of kids and that allows the other parents to "get away" for a few hours. even if they are still in the same building they get to socialize with other adults.

I think your 13 year old may benefit from something like that. Also I put my kids in a parttime preschool when they were 3 for the socialization aspect. The kids could also join a local sporting club or a boy scout or girl scout troop or 4H. Something that allows you to have a break and for them to socialize with kids their own age.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. don't feel guilty about wanting to have a break for a little while. it will be good for both you and your kids to have other mature responsible adults help guide them to become the wonderful people God intends them to be.

 

[tdrew777]

Galatians 6:8,9 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

I agree with most of why has been said above - especially the homeschool groups. Be encouraged. You are giving so much, making such a great investment in your children's lives. The key to socialization is not how they relate to peers, but how they relate to family. Are they growing in their ability to support their point of view with good, sound critical thinking skills and the right attitude? This is socialization - not telling jokes about how fat the teacher is.

 

[missy1127]

Rainin** Thank You, very much for the great encouragement It is refreshing and point on! After replying to all comments, I am taking the day off ( with my 3 wonderful children) to enjoy this beautiful fall day {winter day}! Instead of taking a nap...lol. I know what God's plan is & I know he has intrusted this ministry to me. Just somewhere along the way I lost his instrutions and did not hide them in my heart. What really touched my heart* "It is a perfect enviorment for Satan to do his handy work" That is exactly what he has been doing. And, no longer will I allow that. Thank You, again!

 

[rainin]

It is good to know that I was able to be a bit of help to you! Enjoy this beautiful day with your children!

 

[Ugly]

Yeah. Burn out is one of the biggest problems in home schooling. Any parent doing the normal school thing can get burned out, but taking on kids 24/7 and their education too just amplifies these feelings. Its not reflection on you as a parent. Or a lack of caring for your children. You just need some time alone, and some time with adults and adult conversation. Talk to your husband about having date nights every week, or two weeks, or as often as you can afford it. Try to find a family member that can watch them for a few hours. And don't make it the same each time. One night go out to eat. Another night stay at home for a romantic evening. Maybe take some time during the day one day, instead of at night. You don't want your breaks to get stale either.
See if maybe your husband can watch them for an hour a couple evenings a week so you can be alone. Just to nap, or go on a long walk, soak in a tub, or just call and chat with a friend.
You're more than a mom. You're an adult and a woman. And need to have those other areas of your life active as well. So don't feel guilty or afraid to find ways to make these other facets of who you are alive and interacted with as well.

 

[missy1127]

Posthuman**Thank You for your reply. My son, has played baseball every year except this yr, making "allstars" every year. They are not akward, socially at all. My daughter, this past summer took horse back riding lessons, she loved it. As I said above they are very happy with their life. It is me I have been having feelings of inadequacy, as a mother & teacher for quite a while. All your post have really toched my heart & I am greatful. I know I am not alone in these feelings. We belong to a church that is 99% homeschoolers, but they do not get together much. They have big families, on the scale of 7, 9 & 10 children. They are not lacking "friends" in that sense. We just never meet up, the children of the other families pretty much stay with their own families unless they are at church. Because, my children have been homeschooled & not "in the world" they are a little shy, notice I used the word shy, not withdrawn, around "groups" of children who are not of a christain faith. I guess this is a natural reaction, because I do notice the same from them towards my children. I am going to reach for a "healthier me" & more importantly, get to work on what God has ordained me to do! Thank You, so much again for your kind words.

 

[kim12345]

Missy

all great advice listed above. I pray you apply something to help you.

With any great job that a person loves can come burn out. Thats why we take vacations. Yes even away from the kids. It will be best for you but most of all for Them!

I homeschooled my children too for a couple years. At one point they went to a Christian Homeschool class (with other children)2 days a week then 3 days at home. It was great! Does your city offer anything like that? Its great if you can afford it.

But please take a break Without the kids! You could start a meetup
Best to you sweet missy Mom

 

[Relena7]

I was homeschooled from age 7 and on, and my brother was homeschooled all his life. My mom used to get us involved in a local homeschooling group. It was a good support network for her to get some ideas from other moms, and we'd plan outings with these other families like field trips, library meetups, meet at each others houses for game days, or weekly bowling (we had our own homeschool bowling league) and teen's-night-outs for homeschooled youths aged 13 to 18 (supervised by parents). Our group even went camping a few times. I built long-term friendships with some of these friends and we kind of grew up together.

The group grew and grew until we had enough people to make a successful co-op group where some parents would take turns teaching different classes to other kids in the group (like arts & crafts, knitting, music, drama class, history, etc). We hosted ours in a church that was nice enough to let us borrow the rooms for a few hours a week. The moms would organize all of these things. Some of the moms were better organizers than others, so they would be unofficially elected the organizers of the group. But everyone chimed in. Maybe you could find out if you have a local homeschool network close by? Even if you might have to drive an hour away, it could be worth it for the support. I hope this helps.

 

[tdrew777]

What church do you belong to?

 

[missy1127]

tdrew777** We attend a baptist church.

 

[tdrew777]

Your church has a strong emphasis towards homeschooling. Do they mention it often from the pulpit?

 

[missy1127]

Not that I can remember?? A lot of times when when visitors become members, they become interested in homeschooling. We help along the way with any questions they might have. The "new" kids feel so welcomed & wanted from the homeschooled children.

 

[answers]

I think it is typical for one to lose passion for something. I always listen even more intimately to The Lord in these times. Personally, I believe these are moments God creates for us to make changes. I am not sure if this is what you are experiencing, but I would consider some changes. For example, your current homeschooling schedule, or maybe do more hands-on schooling outside the home (visit kids science centers, animal rescues, animal sanctuaries, animal shelters, hatcheries, museums, and libraries) You could also for math and categorizing visit stores with your lists and have the kids do the math and search for the better deal, and locate where the stuff would be and why they think so.
You are probably doing this stuff, but my point is to get creative, change your typical day, and change the environment. These changes will distract you from satan's talk, and you will have a clearer mind to allow Jesus to speak to you, as well as entertain the kids.

God Bless, keep up the good work!

 

[Lucy68]

Sounds like you need some 'alone' time . I home schooled my two children for most of their education and I'm glad I did but I'm also glad it's over! . It's like running a marathon.

Do not feel guilty for needing a rest.

There is no perfect education solution. Every option has it's pros and cons. Talk to your husband privately about them and decide what would work best for YOUR family. Review with him your reasons for home schooling and what your goals are for your children. The most important thing, I think, in parenting, is to be involved in your children's lives. That doesn't mean you have to be the only influence for them or around them all the time, but that you're having quality, attention-focused time with them.

There are some great home school co-ops in some cities. Or just get together with another family and trade off duties. Our local rec center came up with a weekly PE class for home schoolers that was very nice. I loved having 2 hours to myself!

Homeschooling in the high school years is especially challenging because of the harder subjects...plus needing special equipment for chemistry and biology. If you're planning for your children to go to college, you will need to plan for these harder courses. Plus, they need to be ready to take a college entrance exam without panicking. Being able to take a timed test is something they need to learn early. And also taking the timed test under someone else's authority helps. I had my children do this every year for two reasons. To see how they compared to other students and also to be able to think under pressure.

I know several home school families that put their children into the public school system for different reasons. Every family is different so don't let other people's opinions guide your decision. It is important that they get a good education...with whatever method works for your family.

I notice you have a 3 yr old. The younger ages definitely need more attention. As they get older, they become able to work on their own more. Just remember, it's temporary! ...they DO eventually become adults and you will be on your own again. It actually goes very fast.

Talk to your husband about how you can have some 'me' time. It's not selfish. Everyone needs time to recharge their batteries.

Praying for you....wisdom, guidance, and help from the Holy Spirit in deciding what is best for your family.

 

[overcomer2]

I home schooled all my children. The oldest are now in college. We did/do belong to a home school group in our area. We have 80 families most of whom have at least 3 or more children. Our group will do co-ops, field trips, sports and teen events. I am in charge of science. I am getting ready to do a forensic science class for 50 students 13 and above. (can't wait). We will be solving a crime of the missing diamonds.

These groups help in a couple of ways. They help the children to socialize and they help you socialize. You may look into HSLDA (type that in your search engine) and see if there is a group near you. HSLDA is a legal defense org for homeschoolers but they help in other ways too. Excellent for anything you need.

 

[gracisings]

I like the idea of looking for a homeschooling group. Also, start a co-op. I've seen a number of times where 5 or 6 homeschool families would get together on Tuesdays and Fridays. One Mom would watch the toddlers, another the babies, a big sister might do art with the toddlers, a Dad might do a theology class for high school, a dad might do a car mechanics for boys, a Mom does a history class for elementary, etc. There's usually something for every kid, and they get to socialize with other Christian families. They get a little "classroom" experience, but you know their "teachers" are people you know and trust.

Look into extracurricular activities that would include more than one child. Three of my siblings were in a local children's choir last semester, so they got to see other kids once a week from that. Think choir, dance, swimming, or any sport that isn't strictly grade controlled.

And finally, don't stress about this. As the oldest of a homeschooled family of 6, I can tell you that this isn't a big deal. Our ages: Me, 17; brother who is 13; sister who is 11; Cate is 8; Elise is 6; brother who is 2. Mom is my best friend. That is actually GREAT, because she doesn't lead me into trouble, give me bad advice, or hate me half the time like other kids do. My 6 and 8 year old sisters are the classic case of "friends in the family." They share a room. Share clothes. Share toys. Share shoes. (They are the exact same size.) While there are a few differences in personalities and they don't always "share" easily, they are each other's best friends and probably always will be that way. You can ask Cate what Elise wants for her birthday, and Cate knows. When Cate got a concussion, Elise was right there to entertain her. Mom was one of 5 kids growing up, and many of them have remained close friends. I see the same thing happening in my family. My siblings and I have our favorites, but are all good friends with each other. That's almost all the socialization we need.

I say almost because my 13 yo brother and I both want socialization out of the family. For me, that has to do with teenage boys. My brother doesn't have a boy anywhere near his age to play with and gets tired of GIRLS. Friends outside the family seem to become a lot more important around 11, but I really think that if kids are younger than that, siblings may be all the socialization they want and need.

God bless you and help you through the task He has given you,
Grace

 

[mcubed]

Well, if you want friends for your kids. But let me tell you me and my friends became drug addicts. G-d delivered me when I was 18 and have been clean since but shooting dope through my teenage years is something I’m sure they could have done without. I got saved when I was 18 and I’m not saying your children will be like me… there are pros and cons to home school, I would seek G-ds face on this one…