A
My apologies for not being on here in the past month. I am presently in school and the end of the semester got very busy along with the holidays, though on a positive note I ended the semester with 3 A's and an A- so I'm pleased with that and certainly give God the glory.
Well for starters I never imagined my post to garner this much attention but again I thank all those who've expressed concern and given thought, advise, and prayer to this current, trial, I shall say that is going on.
So the "sex" portion seems to have turned into a hot button issue so I'll try to give some more background on that and my perceptions. My wife, unlike me, was not a virgin when we got married. She had a past which I knew of before we were married and we had talked about it. To my knowledge, and I have asked, she was never abused in any way sexually. One of the relationships she was in in the past ended with her finding out she had been cheated on which may have an affect on her in some ways.
The biggest problem I feel is not simply that we don't have sex, at this point seeing that the last time we did have sex was in August (more than 4 months ago), I dare say I don't really care much anymore. I believe the problem to be two-fold. Firstly I think my wife, sexually speaking, is insecure. This may be in part to her being cheated on and what I mean by sexually insecure is she has always been highly uncomfortable with many things including being naked in front of me. The second issue and what I think is the bigger problem and why I have exercised a great deal of patience is my wife has Epilepsy. Due to this she can be highly sensitive so touching, caressing her in certain ways or areas can sometimes make her feel like she might have a seizure. In addition the meds she takes, daily, I don't believe help in her mood or libido.
I try to be very understanding and like I said the lack of sex at this point to me is whatever because I feel like she may have good reasons for not wanting to do anything and I don't think that my wife "owes" me sex. I do feel though that regardless of her wants or needs she should at least want to fulfill mine and thats the part I take personally because I sincerely believe she doesn't care about my wants or needs or at the very least regards sexual activity as a minimal issue.
Yeah we don't have sex but on top of it we have no intimacy in general, I can't even remember the last time we made out. I have to almost beg sometimes for a hug or a peck on the cheek and it irks me to the core because she'll insinuate at times that I'm either being needy or inconveniencing her by asking for the simplest thing as a hug that lasts for more than 1 second. This is what truly bothers me regarding the whole sex/intimacy topic.
As far as my faith goes and my personal prayer life and the prayer life between me and my wife. I can say definitively that me and my wife do not pray together which I know is part of the problem. I don't believe that if we start praying together that things will vastly improve and perhaps that's an example of my faith being less that it ought be but I do believe that it would help. I just don't know where to begin. I have tried in the past reading the bible with her but that's sometimes been thrown at me if I in any way infer through God's word that there are area's of her life which require improvement.
My own personal prayer life and faith in general isn't what it should be either. I know this and I take accountability for it. Not to sound like I'm attempting to justify myself and not that it would matter anyway but I just find it so hard to pray nowadays. It's not that I've lost complete faith in God and it's not that I don't believe He hears me it's just I feel like I've said it all already. What more can I say, what more can I ask for or dream. I still worship, I still praise him, I do my best to still give him glory in all that is positive in my life (my grades in college as an example) but when it comes to praying, actually conversing and talking with God - I just feel like I am talking to myself at times and I don't know how exactly to get past that feeling
I will say that overall I'm feeling better than I was a month ago, whether your prayers, or my therapist, or God slowly speaking to me my attitude has gotten a little better. I still feel cynical in many ways but I'm trying to not focus on the negative aspects of what's still occurring.
Please let me know if I didn't answer something that was asked in the past posts that you may be curious or concerned about. Please continue to pray and if you have any particular scriptures that have helped any of you through storms in your life or difficult trials I'd be happy to hear them.
Thank you all!
Well for starters I never imagined my post to garner this much attention but again I thank all those who've expressed concern and given thought, advise, and prayer to this current, trial, I shall say that is going on.
So the "sex" portion seems to have turned into a hot button issue so I'll try to give some more background on that and my perceptions. My wife, unlike me, was not a virgin when we got married. She had a past which I knew of before we were married and we had talked about it. To my knowledge, and I have asked, she was never abused in any way sexually. One of the relationships she was in in the past ended with her finding out she had been cheated on which may have an affect on her in some ways.
The biggest problem I feel is not simply that we don't have sex, at this point seeing that the last time we did have sex was in August (more than 4 months ago), I dare say I don't really care much anymore. I believe the problem to be two-fold. Firstly I think my wife, sexually speaking, is insecure. This may be in part to her being cheated on and what I mean by sexually insecure is she has always been highly uncomfortable with many things including being naked in front of me. The second issue and what I think is the bigger problem and why I have exercised a great deal of patience is my wife has Epilepsy. Due to this she can be highly sensitive so touching, caressing her in certain ways or areas can sometimes make her feel like she might have a seizure. In addition the meds she takes, daily, I don't believe help in her mood or libido.
I try to be very understanding and like I said the lack of sex at this point to me is whatever because I feel like she may have good reasons for not wanting to do anything and I don't think that my wife "owes" me sex. I do feel though that regardless of her wants or needs she should at least want to fulfill mine and thats the part I take personally because I sincerely believe she doesn't care about my wants or needs or at the very least regards sexual activity as a minimal issue.
Yeah we don't have sex but on top of it we have no intimacy in general, I can't even remember the last time we made out. I have to almost beg sometimes for a hug or a peck on the cheek and it irks me to the core because she'll insinuate at times that I'm either being needy or inconveniencing her by asking for the simplest thing as a hug that lasts for more than 1 second. This is what truly bothers me regarding the whole sex/intimacy topic.
As far as my faith goes and my personal prayer life and the prayer life between me and my wife. I can say definitively that me and my wife do not pray together which I know is part of the problem. I don't believe that if we start praying together that things will vastly improve and perhaps that's an example of my faith being less that it ought be but I do believe that it would help. I just don't know where to begin. I have tried in the past reading the bible with her but that's sometimes been thrown at me if I in any way infer through God's word that there are area's of her life which require improvement.
My own personal prayer life and faith in general isn't what it should be either. I know this and I take accountability for it. Not to sound like I'm attempting to justify myself and not that it would matter anyway but I just find it so hard to pray nowadays. It's not that I've lost complete faith in God and it's not that I don't believe He hears me it's just I feel like I've said it all already. What more can I say, what more can I ask for or dream. I still worship, I still praise him, I do my best to still give him glory in all that is positive in my life (my grades in college as an example) but when it comes to praying, actually conversing and talking with God - I just feel like I am talking to myself at times and I don't know how exactly to get past that feeling
I will say that overall I'm feeling better than I was a month ago, whether your prayers, or my therapist, or God slowly speaking to me my attitude has gotten a little better. I still feel cynical in many ways but I'm trying to not focus on the negative aspects of what's still occurring.
Please let me know if I didn't answer something that was asked in the past posts that you may be curious or concerned about. Please continue to pray and if you have any particular scriptures that have helped any of you through storms in your life or difficult trials I'd be happy to hear them.
Thank you all!
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