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I'm new to this forum, and I'm sitting here tonight just wanting someone to tell me their story of how they've beaten depression, how they've beaten unhappiness and loneliness. My husband and I recently moved across the state for better opportunity with jobs, schools, etc....
Background, my hubby was drinking heavily and was becoming dangerous, and I knew I had to move closer to my family for a support system.
Anyways, I had to tell him that the way he was living and drinking, and not being there emotionally for me and our 3 children was so hurtful, and it had been going on for quite some time. It was exhausting and draining to deal with his drinking, his anger, his distance. I prayed about it, my close friends and some family members prayed that he would get help, he would see the pain and damage that was happening in our marriage and in our home with our kids. I had to start looking for jobs closer to my family so if the drinking didn't stop, and the black-outs got worse, etc...I would be in a safer, more supportive environment. I wasn't finding a job where we had previously been living.
Fast forward, we moved, he agreed to come with me and start his career here in the new place, start new as a husband and father, and shortly after we relocated, my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism. I had been working as a caseworker for about 3 months, and we discussed our options. I quit my job to stay home with my little boy until he could go into school full time. It was the right decision, and we made it together. Hubby got a job with a local Fire dpt. and things looked and felt as if they were falling into place.
Present time: He's still depressed all the time. He complains about his job, and how he doesn't have any friends here, how he hates living here and wishes he had never left our previous town. I sat here tonight looking at him, and all that we've been through these last two years, and I"m at a loss as to what to say to him. I am just tired.
I'm tired of trying to always cheer him up, to encourage him to get help. He continues to drink some, and I don't think he will ever be happy. He seems to just always be miserable. We've fought about this, as I begin to take it very personal when he says things like, "My life is just #$%^!" "My life sucks!" "I don't have a future!" "I never should have left my old job and moved here!" We both agreed that God had a plan to get us relocated here for the needs my son has. We didn't know it at the time, but we both know that he would not get the services he needs in our previous school system.
I just find myself getting angry and inpatient with him. He's a fireman, and that's stressful enough on him and on our marriage. You add my son's diagnosis, the move, the financial strain of me having to quit last year, etc...and it just doesn't seem to matter what I say to him, or how I approach his emotional well-being, he blows up, he lashes out, and I feel like I'm married to a child. I don't feel like I have an equal partner to share responsibility with the kids, etc...I do work now in our school district with special needs kids because my son started full time school this Fall. Me working again still doesn't make my husband happy. He's still miserable no matter what I do or say. I'm at a loss anymore and feeling just emotionally starved and disconnected from him. He feels like his life is nothing, and he won't listen to me when I tell him he needs help.
I don't know how to approach this anymore. I don't believe in divorce. My parents divorced when I was 11, and it destroyed my world, broke my heart, and has affected me my entire life. What is my role in this situation as his wife? What else can I do to support him when he's just never happy? I feel like he chose to come here and start over as a family, he made that decision to stop drinking, to be more supportive of me and our kids, etc...and he's just fallen right back into that same pattern. He's depressed, angry, and I've just about had it at this point. I can't fix him, and I feel trapped in this marriage.
Background, my hubby was drinking heavily and was becoming dangerous, and I knew I had to move closer to my family for a support system.
Anyways, I had to tell him that the way he was living and drinking, and not being there emotionally for me and our 3 children was so hurtful, and it had been going on for quite some time. It was exhausting and draining to deal with his drinking, his anger, his distance. I prayed about it, my close friends and some family members prayed that he would get help, he would see the pain and damage that was happening in our marriage and in our home with our kids. I had to start looking for jobs closer to my family so if the drinking didn't stop, and the black-outs got worse, etc...I would be in a safer, more supportive environment. I wasn't finding a job where we had previously been living.
Fast forward, we moved, he agreed to come with me and start his career here in the new place, start new as a husband and father, and shortly after we relocated, my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism. I had been working as a caseworker for about 3 months, and we discussed our options. I quit my job to stay home with my little boy until he could go into school full time. It was the right decision, and we made it together. Hubby got a job with a local Fire dpt. and things looked and felt as if they were falling into place.
Present time: He's still depressed all the time. He complains about his job, and how he doesn't have any friends here, how he hates living here and wishes he had never left our previous town. I sat here tonight looking at him, and all that we've been through these last two years, and I"m at a loss as to what to say to him. I am just tired.
I'm tired of trying to always cheer him up, to encourage him to get help. He continues to drink some, and I don't think he will ever be happy. He seems to just always be miserable. We've fought about this, as I begin to take it very personal when he says things like, "My life is just #$%^!" "My life sucks!" "I don't have a future!" "I never should have left my old job and moved here!" We both agreed that God had a plan to get us relocated here for the needs my son has. We didn't know it at the time, but we both know that he would not get the services he needs in our previous school system.
I just find myself getting angry and inpatient with him. He's a fireman, and that's stressful enough on him and on our marriage. You add my son's diagnosis, the move, the financial strain of me having to quit last year, etc...and it just doesn't seem to matter what I say to him, or how I approach his emotional well-being, he blows up, he lashes out, and I feel like I'm married to a child. I don't feel like I have an equal partner to share responsibility with the kids, etc...I do work now in our school district with special needs kids because my son started full time school this Fall. Me working again still doesn't make my husband happy. He's still miserable no matter what I do or say. I'm at a loss anymore and feeling just emotionally starved and disconnected from him. He feels like his life is nothing, and he won't listen to me when I tell him he needs help.
I don't know how to approach this anymore. I don't believe in divorce. My parents divorced when I was 11, and it destroyed my world, broke my heart, and has affected me my entire life. What is my role in this situation as his wife? What else can I do to support him when he's just never happy? I feel like he chose to come here and start over as a family, he made that decision to stop drinking, to be more supportive of me and our kids, etc...and he's just fallen right back into that same pattern. He's depressed, angry, and I've just about had it at this point. I can't fix him, and I feel trapped in this marriage.
