My wife wants to divorce...please say your opinion after you read my story

[Matthew]

If this is the case...in front of God, she wants to divorce...she doesen't love me any more... should i agree with the divorce?
Or should i keep crying and ask God to save our marriage...but she eventualy divorce in court without my signature and i will be depresed becouse i kept hopping till the end and been left with a broken heart???????

I would say despite the pain and anguish you should fight to the very last moment to save your marriage, no matter what she says, if it does end you'll at least be able to go forward in your life knowing you did all you could and never gave up on the promise you made to both yourself and her, before God.

But it sounds like you both have made big mistakes, it's good you realise you were wrong to slap her, you may have been arguing but she didn't slap you, that was wrong man, so good on you for admitting it.

It sounds like you both need to accept you have each fallen short, arguing, slapping and keeping secrets is all bad, try to stop blaming her for what she's done, if she sees you making that effort she might stop as well and maybe then you'll be able to communicate without anger getting in the way.

 

[Raeshelle]

Sometimes yelling at someone can be more abusive than a simple slap. Sometimes the situation calls for it. If the same goal can be achieved without force then so much the better. However, I would certainly never try and say that force is always wrong. I was hit as a kid and honestly, sometimes it was needed because the message needs to be sent home. It's not about the pain, nor about causing injury; it's about the shock.

Oh I know about the verbal abuse. I been there It is just as wrong as the slapping. Without going into it all I was the person being verbally abused, I had no self worth. I was told I was no good for nothing that no one could love me, ect ect. Tried to make it work for 12 years. But a woman can only take so much before she snaps. I left before I got to that point. I had a friend who did put up with the abuse for years, then she left and her ex tried to kill her, then she ended up murdering him in self defense. I was not about to stand by and let that happen to me or my kids.
So yeah I do know about abuse. And No one man, woman or child should have to live that way.

 

[Maddog]

You cannot find one verse in the Scripture about hitting your wife...

Indeed. Which is why I would be extremely hesitant to argue that it is always wrong.

 

[Maddog]

Oh I know about the verbal abuse. I been there It is just as wrong as the slapping.

Any abuse is wrong. However, I don't consider shouting, nor physical strikes to be necessarily abusive.

 

[Leilaii425]

Originally Posted by kevineurope

You cannot find one verse in the Scripture about hitting your wife...

Your wife is a smart woman divorcing you, because apparently you DONT see anything wrong with hitting her. How about husbands love your wives like christ loved the church. Do you think loving your wife means slapping her causing her physical pain. Maybe she should start hitting you, since apparently there is nothing in the bible that says you shouldnt. I dont believe you have changed a bit, especially after that comment. And to you maddog If you ever got married and started hitting your wife, i would sleep with one eye open.. Thats when they get you................................. while your sleeping.

 

[Maddog]

Originally Posted by kevineurope

You cannot find one verse in the Scripture about hitting your wife...

Your wife is a smart woman divorcing you, because apparently you DONT see anything wrong with hitting her. How about husbands love your wives like christ loved the church. Do you think loving your wife means slapping her causing her physical pain.

Do you think that parents don't love their kids when they hit them?

But by the way, Kevin was arguing that it's not okay to hit women. Don't worry, I'm the only REAL wife torturing sadist around here.

And to you maddog If you ever got married and started hitting your wife, i would sleep with one eye open.. Thats when they get you................................. while your sleeping.

'Started hitting' implies some kind of ongoing systematic abuse. I'm not advocating abuse, I'm just saying that sometimes a physical strike is necessary. Sir Sean Connery probably explains it better than me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FgMLROTqJ0

 

[Matthew]

Do you think that parents don't love their kids when they hit them?

I get the point you are trying to make, although I completely disagree, I just want to say that one spouse hitting another for whatever reason is not at all comparable to a parent disciplining a child by issuing a physical punishment.

 

[Maddog]

I get the point you are trying to make, although I completely disagree, I just want to say that one spouse hitting another for whatever reason is not at all comparable to a parent disciplining a child by issuing a physical punishment.

Why not? If it's okay to hit a kid for bad behaviour, what's wrong with chastising your wife if she tries to usurp your authority?

 

[kevineurope]

Why not? If it's okay to hit a kid for bad behaviour, what's wrong with chastising your wife if she tries to usurp your authority?

i told you...because we dont have authority over them... let me ilustrate something... is it ok that your father hit you wife because she did something wrong? will you agree with that? He has authority on you but not on her...its the same thing with the diference betwen a wife and your child.

(Thanks for explaining leila that she got me wrong...she was so on it...)

 

[kevineurope]

Women...can't live with them...can't live without them...

 

[Matthew]

Why not? If it's okay to hit a kid for bad behaviour, what's wrong with chastising your wife if she tries to usurp your authority?

No-one needs to bring physical force to bear upon another in order to discipline, no matter who that other person is.

I maintain it is acceptable to spank children, they are being raised into adulthood and the physical punishment helps reinforce values and attitudes that will serve in later life, the child doesn't know at the time but spanking is sometimes necessary and ultimately to their benefit, it was to mine.
A wife does not benefit in anyway being slapped in the heat of an argument, and neither would a husband, it would at best not harm their relationship, at worst it would completely destroy their relationship.

My view is simple, it's not that slapping is bad, it's that there is no benefit to it except to make one person feel superior over another, wives may be meant to submit to their husbands but we can't start taking that to mean we as men we can apply physical force whenever we feel it is necessary, besides that it is a slippery slope, one day it's a gentle slap to make a point, the next time you go a little farther until eventually the wife is hiding bruises from the kids in the name of discipline, I think it's dangerous to start down that road, I am sure a lot of men convince themselves they won't go too far and can control themselves, many women have probably died holding onto that hope.

You get so angry you wanna hit, turn and leave, smash a window, punch the wall, don't hit your wife, I wouldn't do to her anything I wouldn't expect her to do to me, and I wouldn't expect her to hit me, ever.

 

[Maddog]

i told you...because we dont have authority over them... let me ilustrate something... is it ok that your father hit you wife because she did something wrong? will you agree with that? He has authority on you but not on her...its the same thing with the diference betwen a wife and your child.

Okay here's where we differ. I believe that the man does have authority over his wife. He is the head of the household and wives must submit to him.

(Thanks for explaining leila that she got me wrong...she was so on it...)

Leila gets easily excited.

 

[Maddog]

No-one needs to bring physical force to bear upon another in order to discipline, no matter who that other person is.

I disagree. It's not always the best option, but I believe it is an option nevertheless. But then I'm not a pacifist.

I maintain it is acceptable to spank children, they are being raised into adulthood and the physical punishment helps reinforce values and attitudes that will serve in later life, the child doesn't know at the time but spanking is sometimes necessary and ultimately to their benefit, it was to mine.
A wife does not benefit in anyway being slapped in the heat of an argument, and neither would a husband, it would at best not harm their relationship, at worst it would completely destroy their relationship.

Honestly, I think sometimes it can be of benefit to adults. I don't see why it would damage a relationship if it was reasonable and helpful to them.

My view is simple, it's not that slapping is bad, it's that there is no benefit to it except to make one person feel superior over another, wives may be meant to submit to their husbands but we can't start taking that to mean we as men we can apply physical force whenever we feel it is necessary, besides that it is a slippery slope, one day it's a gentle slap to make a point, the next time you go a little farther until eventually the wife is hiding bruises from the kids in the name of discipline, I think it's dangerous to start down that road, I am sure a lot of men convince themselves they won't go too far and can control themselves, many women have probably died holding onto that hope.

There is a line, and that is when it is violating the dignity of the person being struck. This could be a wrong motive (eg. just a power trip) or it could be causing lasting damage to them, either physical or emotional, which is abuse. Why are you using the 'slippery slope' argument here, but not in case of hitting kids?

You get so angry you wanna hit, turn and leave, smash a window, punch the wall, don't hit your wife, I wouldn't do to her anything I wouldn't expect her to do to me, and I wouldn't expect her to hit me, ever.

To be clear, I do not believe that a physical blow should be causing ABH. I would say a strike should be the physical equivalent of shouting at her. However, sometimes people need that physical contact before they understand or are prepared to see reason.

 

[Leilaii425]

hahaha i do get easily excited thank you for pointing that out maddog.....

i would also like to say that maddog will never get married nor ever have a girlfriend because of these views, you will end up a sexually frustrated old man still living with his mommy

 

[Matthew]

You do enjoy having yourself a debate dont you? That's O.K. so do I....

I disagree. It's not always the best option, but I believe it is an option nevertheless. But then I'm not a pacifist.

I get that, I'm not a pacifist ether, I just think that in the normal way of civillised living there are very few times violence is a good choice, even if it is mild etc..

Honestly, I think sometimes it can be of benefit to adults. I don't see why it would damage a relationship if it was reasonable and helpful to them.

That makes sense but for one thing, the person being slapped might not share your view that it's reasonable, and there begin the problems.

Why are you using the 'slippery slope' argument here, but not in case of hitting kids?

Of course the slippery slope metaphor applies to spanking kids also, but that point is irrelevant to the discussion, we are talking about hitting a spouse, as I laid out in my previous post, the two things are not comparable in my opinion, but of course the same applies to that situation.

To be clear, I do not believe that a physical blow should be causing ABH. I would say a strike should be the physical equivalent of shouting at her. However, sometimes people need that physical contact before they understand or are prepared to see reason.

I know that's true, but in my view walking away and cooling off for an hour allows for the exact same result, so why would I choose to slap her instead?

 

[Maddog]

Okay Matthew, that's fair enough. Above all we must love our wife. I don't think this is incompatible with hitting her since I think we do chastise those we love even if it exceeds words alone. I believe Christ does so with His Church, and it is a huband's duty to do so with his wife.

As for disagreements as to whether it's reasonable or not, I already said where I think the line is - that is when a person's dignity is violated. Otherwise, it's simply a question of the husband exercising his best judgement, and the wife submitting.

However, if, in your own conscience you cannot reconcile spousal love with a physical strike, then don't do it because the motive would be wrong.

 

[Maddog]

hahaha i do get easily excited thank you for pointing that out maddog.....

i would also like to say that maddog will never get married nor ever have a girlfriend because of these views, you will end up a sexually frustrated old man still living with his mommy

No, I'll end up contented and thanking God every day that I haven't got a whinging, emotional, irrational, hormonal woman nagging me to my grave.

Please pass on my sympathies to whoever you end up marrying.

 

[Matthew]

However, if, in your own conscience you cannot reconcile spousal love with a physical strike, then don't do it because the motive would be wrong.

I agree, we must all draw the line for ourselves and act out of love no matter what it is we are doing, in truth if you are in a healthy relationship and are marrying for the right reaons and at the right time you should have a strong enough bond to deal with this kind of thing.
The two situations I have seen of spousal abuse both occured in couples who had married for the wrong reasons, they didn't have a solid foundation and never really commited to the marriage and so the problems became impossible for them to deal with.

 

[Maddog]

I know that's true, but in my view walking away and cooling off for an hour allows for the exact same result, so why would I choose to slap her instead?

To this point, I would say why wouldn't you just slap her if it achieves the same result as walking away for an hour? I must stress that hitting someone in anger is probably not the best idea though. It must be done exercising temperance and always in love.

 

[Matthew]

To this point, I would say why wouldn't you just slap her if it achieves the same result as walking away for an hour?

I'd rather avoid any form of violence if I can no matter how minor, and the kind of woman I hope to fall in love with woudln't think much of a man who chose to strike rather than walk away and allow cooler heads to prevail, it's just what I would prefer to do.

You know in truth I personally feel whenever I get angry enough I want to strike someone I am not me anymore, something primal has taken over and I couldn't trust myself to stop without goiing too far, I wouldn't stand so close to the edge unless I had no other choice, but that's just me.
I'd only give into that primal instinct if I was dealing with a criminal or in some other exceptional circumstance.

But I almost never get that angry, cos I'm a cool dude