A few months ago I noticed my husbands attitude change towards me. He wasn't affectionate,limited conversations, it was almost like we were roommates..I tried everything..I've change my hair style I wore more dresses..nothing worked. I am pretty attractive, I do get attention alot from other men..so I know it realy isn't an appearance issue .. I finally asked him if he still loved me. And he said .."no, you pushed me away". He wants a divorce but doesn't want to deal with custody issues with our 2 year old son. I don't know what to do I feel alone, rejected,unloved ... He been sleeping been sleeping on the couch for the past 2 months..I know I said hurtful things to him in the past and I didn't respect him..and because of his unforgiveness, he has cut him self from me emotionally..I don't think anything good comes from a divorce. I'm sure that this is not what god wants .. I just don't know what to do..:/
Husband doesn't love me
- Thread starter Jruiz
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U
Well, this is a consequence of not being guarded with our words. when we tear people down it causes them to shut down. When this happens to a woman it's called verbal abuse. When it happens to a man its downplayed. And verbal abuse is a destructive force that can create divisions and hurt that can destroy a marriage and cause hurts that are very hard to heal. Its not uncommon that marriages never recover because verbal attacks strike so deep into the heart of people that care about you.
Bottom line is either he is or is not capable of working on forgiving or hes not. And he likely won't be if you are still mistreating him. Depends on how much damage is done.
Bottom line is either he is or is not capable of working on forgiving or hes not. And he likely won't be if you are still mistreating him. Depends on how much damage is done.
Well..I felt neglected and that's why I disrespected him..I said things out of anger and frustration...he said a lot of hurtful things to me as we'll but I don't hold grudges ... What do I do? I honestly didn't know how to treat my husband until I started reading the bible and watching sermons on marriage... Ultimately god has to change his heart..I realy damaged him. But what can I do to be comfortable to open up his heart to me again..he's stubborn and stuck in his ways that he is chooses not to want to love me.
U
Well, if you're still talking to him like that, then there's nothing you can do. If you've grown out of it then all you can do is try to sit down with him and talk. Likely if it's that bad then you will need some kind of counseling. While i do feel bad that you initially felt neglected, there are consequences. His consequence of making you feel neglected is your words, now your words have have consequences as well. Honestly, i would look into counseling. And keep praying. In the meantime try to make sure you watch your words. Give him some space, don't be all over him trying to push him into changing. But not neglect him either. Let him feel what he feels, but don't ignore him. There is no surefire way to know if this can be salvaged or not, but its good to see you trying and seeking advice. I commend you on that.
A
First you have to forgive him and stop focusing on everything you think HE is doing wrong. then you have to recognize and repent of all the things YOU have done wrong and ask for HIS forgiveness and then forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn how to move on.
If you truly love your husband and want to make it work, you have to think of ways to SHOW him you love him. Not just with words but with actions.
I would try and get my husband to sleep back in the bed for starters, or if he doesn't want to move back into bed, then camp out in the living room with him.
the way to reach him is to show that you have changed. that God has changed your heart and you are willing to be humble and contrite and pray to God that He changes your husband's heart as well and allows you to both work out your issues.
Its more than about what each of you are "feeling" at the time.
A divorce would hurt more than just you and him, it would hurt your two year old as well.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
If you truly love your husband and want to make it work, you have to think of ways to SHOW him you love him. Not just with words but with actions.
I would try and get my husband to sleep back in the bed for starters, or if he doesn't want to move back into bed, then camp out in the living room with him.
the way to reach him is to show that you have changed. that God has changed your heart and you are willing to be humble and contrite and pray to God that He changes your husband's heart as well and allows you to both work out your issues.
Its more than about what each of you are "feeling" at the time.
A divorce would hurt more than just you and him, it would hurt your two year old as well.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
You can only control your actions, not his so ask yourself what you need to do differently. Behave respectfully, ask for forgiveness for your part of the problems, and be patient with his progress. I cannot overemphasize the importance of quality, Christian counseling by a licensed professional because I know too many people whose well-meaning pastors are just not equipped for the complexities of healing a broken relationship.
He's says hes catholic but he doesn't know jesus at all. He has never experience him. He refuses to go to a Christian church. He doesn't want counseling ! He says its too late .. He doesn't love me anymore. He also says all this praying I'm doing isn't gonna help..I feel stuck. It's hard living with someone you love that doesn't want you. Honestly yes I have hurt him but he had hurt me just as equally. I don't have a problem with forgiveness. I get over it and move on..I feel like saying " get over yourself ! It's not about you, we have a 2 year old to parent" . He's being selfish! He should of never let his feelings get to this.. He never communicated to me like an adault...
According to the scriptures it is the husband who is commanded to love his wife. Eph 5:25 If the husband is not saved there is little chance of this happening. If the wife is unsaved as well the little chance becomes no chance at all.
What we see in most, well really all, of these situations is the result of sin. Sin destroys everything it touches. Innocent children are destroyed and love never has an opportunity to flourish.
The only heart one can change is one's own heart. God alone is able to change the heart that is broken and contrite and seeks to be restored. There is no magical fix. Sin causes grief and that drive one to Christ. Confess, repent and receive forgiveness from Christ as only He can save you from your sins. Then you can endeavor to restore the destruction in your life.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
What we see in most, well really all, of these situations is the result of sin. Sin destroys everything it touches. Innocent children are destroyed and love never has an opportunity to flourish.
The only heart one can change is one's own heart. God alone is able to change the heart that is broken and contrite and seeks to be restored. There is no magical fix. Sin causes grief and that drive one to Christ. Confess, repent and receive forgiveness from Christ as only He can save you from your sins. Then you can endeavor to restore the destruction in your life.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
S
I think he needs to look inside himself and see how he can make the relationship stronger. There is nothing wrong with you my dear. God hates divorce but He does not want us to be unhappy either. If your husband is unwilling to forgive you then there is not much you can do about it except for praying for your husband. I myself have been through 2 divorces because of unfaithfulness and abuse. So take heart you are a beautiful creature whom God made to be loved and not trampled upon like a door mat. Pray about your decision first before you make any rational moves. I would not want you to make the wrong decision. But just remember, there is someone who loves you much more than anyone on this earth and that is Jesus Christ Himself - and His Father - Lord Almighty. You are loved and accepted by them and if you are a child of God then it does not matter what man's opinion says. Its the final authority of those two that will count in the end. Take heart my dear YOU ARE LOVED AND ACCEPTED
I am miserable living in this situation..I deserve for someone to love me..I shouldn't have to go through this. I'm stuck between what god wants me to do. I don't want to make the wrong move and make the situations worse. I wish god would just show me what he wants me to do... Go or stay ..and honestly what kind of man sacrifices his own sons happiness for theirs?? His decision is going to hurt our son...he's only two..he didn't even give him a chance at happiness ...people have no morals or values .. It's sickening ..and what makes me mad! Is I didn't love him in the beginning! I chose to stay with him because I was pregnant! It was the hardness thing I've ever done( not to mention I was still inlove with my ex at the time ,pregnant with someone else's baby ) I go from heartbroken to anger..
Have you apologized to your husband for the hurtful, disrespectful things you've said in the past? Have you directly asked him to forgive you? You can tell him you realize how you treated him wrong, and how you plan to treat him in the future.
If he were to divorce you and marry someone else, chances are at some point that woman would say something hurtful. He needs to learn to forgive if he ever hopes to have a successful relationship.
In the meantime, you can be kind to him. You can be the best wife you can be. Be kind to him. Invite him back to the bed, and let him know if he doesn't want to sleep there, he is welcome there for other reasons. If he's chivilrous at all, you offering to sleep on the couch instead so he could get a good night's sleep might encourage him to join you in the bedroom.
I try to resolved any conflict with my wife as soon as possible. So I don't know how this would work if I were trying to hold on to a grudge. But I sure do like it if I come home and my wife seems really happy to see me, hugs me, kisses me, and tells me how happy she is that I am home so she can spend time with me. If he'll allow for a little affection like that, go for it. If not, just smile and greet him. I also enjoy it if my wife tells me things she likes about me and reasons she's happy she married me. Those are really simple things you can try. You can also do things like cook him the meals that he likes. If he comes home from work, bring him a drink he likes. It can be hard not to like someone who is kind to you.
If he were to divorce you and marry someone else, chances are at some point that woman would say something hurtful. He needs to learn to forgive if he ever hopes to have a successful relationship.
In the meantime, you can be kind to him. You can be the best wife you can be. Be kind to him. Invite him back to the bed, and let him know if he doesn't want to sleep there, he is welcome there for other reasons. If he's chivilrous at all, you offering to sleep on the couch instead so he could get a good night's sleep might encourage him to join you in the bedroom.
I try to resolved any conflict with my wife as soon as possible. So I don't know how this would work if I were trying to hold on to a grudge. But I sure do like it if I come home and my wife seems really happy to see me, hugs me, kisses me, and tells me how happy she is that I am home so she can spend time with me. If he'll allow for a little affection like that, go for it. If not, just smile and greet him. I also enjoy it if my wife tells me things she likes about me and reasons she's happy she married me. Those are really simple things you can try. You can also do things like cook him the meals that he likes. If he comes home from work, bring him a drink he likes. It can be hard not to like someone who is kind to you.
it seems impossible to make someone fall inlove with you again. and that was good advice. Thanks.
L
Been reading all the replies here and been bless by your words brod. I am going through almost the same situation as Jruiz, we have a 6 year old daughter and am 7 mos. pregnant with our 2nd child. He is an unbeliever (Buddist) and I know marrying him cause me already to sin, and as you said Sin destroys anything it touches even innocent children. I love him still and am still praying that he would come to his senses and acknowledge the one and true God in his life 'cause I love our family and I don't want it to be destroyed. But acccording to God's will and purpose in my life and the life of my children as well, I know He will never leave and forsake me as I continue to rely on His grace. Please include me in your prayers too.