Should I leave my church?

[Blackson]

First off, let me just say how thankful I am to have found a place where I can fellowship and speak freely with other believers who I hope will have my best interest and help me see things from the right perspective ...i know I don't have all the answers and when I married I moved far away from my family and friends so sometimes I feel like I have noone to talk to. So here is the situation:
My husband and I are at a church where the pastor is my husband's "best friend." He is pretty young to be a pastor but I truly believe he is a man of God and will be a great pastor and grow over time to where God wants him to be. So, the only thing is.... years ago, he and I had a falling out where I felt like he was taking advantage of my husband.. my husband is the Minister of Music at the church...so we ended up moving to another state due to financial troubles...after a year away, we moved back and came back to the church... ever since we have returned, I feel like things are not the same..i apologized and he said he forgave me but he avoids me at church and i see him talking to everyone but he will literally walk past me to get to other members...i feel like he set boundaries for him wife and their son who is my son's best friend...she doesnt really talk to me and I feel very much so excluded...i even sometimes see her tell her son to come to her when he is playing with my son...This is very hurtful but I tried to understand where they are coming from, being that we had a situation ..but if all is really forgiven then it should be cool right..i even forgave him for what i feel like he did towards us...
He and my husband have been friends for about 15 years.. my husband is the one who asked him to move to our current city from where he grew up..he moved here and got married and he is now very wealthy and the pastor of the church...we however, live a normal life with normal finances and still sometimes have financial issues...my husband has since been reinstated as the Minister of Music...and it takes up a great deal of his time... he has to be at the church by certain times, use his personal time to find songs, teach the band, rehears the singers...its time consuming and he does it as unto the Lord with no pay because the pastor refused to pay him... this is not a problem to us, but I just find it odd that he hired a guitar player, drummer, singers, and pays them all but doesn't pay my husband who is the keyboard player and was the praise leader for years or even myself who sings... i just feel like, if you are not paying anyone, then dont pay anyone...however, i sing as unto the Lord and that is the bottom line.. but to top things off...since he has known my husband for so long and known him before he was saved...he uses his life as an example every sunday on what NOT to do.... now i know my husband is not perfect but it is very shameful to have all of his flaws on display by someone else... my husband shares his life lessons on his on time, but the pastor always uses him and we can do nothing but sit there while everyone looks at us and laughs..for example he will say..."none of my friends are doing as well as I am financially..." or he will say "This brother (my husband) was into some weird stuff and I couldnt be around him too long..raise your hand if you think you could stand to be around him all day."....how embarrassing...he should be building his friend up if he things he could do better financially, etc...instead, I feel more discouraged when I leave than before I came in...I have been considering going to another church...its hard to respect my husband when I hear so much negative about him from his "best friend" each week..and he is considered a minister of the church, but no one respects him at all there and he has let me know that it bothers him to be the butt of the joke all the time at church...what should i do?

Not all that happen to us are God's will. We must learn to discern between God's will and Satan's making. If it God's will, no matter how difficult the situation might be, the Spirit of God which surpasses all understanding gives you the peace of the heart or encouragement of some sort. I am a serving Pastor serving for 11 years now. My duty is not to divide but to unite. At the same time, my duty is to protect the hurt never to be hurt anymore.
As someone has already said, your husband has been made a whipping boy, and it hurts you and your son. However, when you are leaving the church, do not leave with grudges and frustrations. Be at peace while still loving the pastor. It would be better if you come together solve the issue and then leave. Seek the face of the Lord.

 

[only4Hymn]

Wow..I can not thank you all enough for your support... I stayed home last Sunday but it was not planned. My husband had a meeting before church and would have been late if he had turned around to pick up the kids and me so I told him to just go ahead without us. It felt odd to stay home from church, but I had so much peace just staying at home and not having to face anyone there. I don't want to get used to staying at home though... i love church and it is a place i seek to go to worship with other believers and have the liberty that we are promised where The Spirit of the Lord is. I have had so many emotions and it may not seem like a big deal to some...I understand some of you saying, just leave and why wait...but honestly, it is like a break up and there are some feelings involved even though the thought of getting out of there brings me JOY! So, even though I know it will either hurt some of the other members or possibly even have them speculating, I am eager to be able to have that freedom from this situation and to get back to what really matters and not have that going on in the back of my mind everytime I enter the sanctuary...I just want to go to church like everyone else and be able to be built up by the message being preached and all of the normal things you would hope and expect from church... Seems as if my husband has made a decision...we have been praying about it and I believe he is ready to move on...just taking our time to find out where...in the mean time, we are doing more Bible Studies and reading at home which is love...I will keep you all posted...thank you all so much and God bless my sisters and brothers in Christ.

 

[Lucy68]

That's a great attitude....seeking God's will with your husband in bible study and prayer. We should all do this regularly .

I do think Christians should go to church but when the peer pressure starts being stronger than the pull of the Holy Spirit I just wonder at what is really going on?

 

[only4Hymn]

Right Lucy:
Church is definitely something I feel that we should be attending but it is not what proves us to be a follower of Christ, but if we are followers of Christ then I believe that it is something that we will want to do....some people have it backwards and think if they go to church it means they are good people when that is not always the case... I never thought of it as peer pressure but that would be accurate..there are some pressures to live up to what someone's expectations of us should be.. the real standard is God's and I know He has good plans for us and so I am not worried about anything but at the same time I am still striving to be successful everyday and with His help and guidance I know our expected end will be GREAT! This Sunday, which was yesterday, we visited another church...my husband and myself along with our kids...our kids kept asking if we were going to "our church" which I didnt quite know what to say, but I let them know that we wouldnt be going there today...they did fine..it was very different than what we are accustomed to and my husband was like...i dont know about this...to be honest, it was very different for me also and not what i necessarily would look for in a church home but I was just proud that he actually took the step and gave somewhere else a try...you know? Though we are unsure about what church we will settle into, it felt great to not go to our usual church...i felt like a normal person and even the message spoken was way more charismatic than I am used to, I got a lot out of it and what's best is he didn't mention me OR my husband at all! He didn't mention ANYONE..he stuck to the message...and that was awesome!