need help is it me or my husband

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desparate123

Guest
#1
#1
how are you all.
i have been married for 3 years but i am not happy in my marriage from the very first day i wedded. i just get happy a few minutes and get sad.
background of my marriage: when we were still courting, i discoverd a few months before our engagement that my fiance was talking to another woman. their relationship was suggesting they might fall in love but fiance had not asked the lady out. however when i bolted out of our relationship(am very possesive/ jelous) my fiance came on bended knees and accepted him back as i realised its not like he REALLY HAD AN AFFAIR.
what worries me now is that "background" still haunts me even now. i also feel mayb i shouldnt have married him. i should have just ignored him. i sometimes think of this other woman( but she is now married and dont even comm with my hubby).

unfortunately after our wedding my hubby then started accusing me that i wasnt a virgin...(yet i WAS!!) his argument was why didnt u bleed.. there was a little blood on the sheets and he said it might have been from a small wound he had.
however he later apologised for the false allegations and we went on to have our child.

i love my baby and am in that marriage just for her....

after we wedded the husband changed so many things in my life: we had to change our church. we were roman catholics as he didnt feel comfortable to be at the same church with my parents. we also had to change location and in the process i lost my job.
all these things haunt me and i always feel like my husband is CRUEL.
we live close to his family now and we do so many things for his family and not for my own family. i"ve raised this issue with him and he keeps promising to recticfy so we balance up the 2 families.

because of these ill feelings towards my husband.. i am always scrolling his phone. i always come across him chtaiing to other women( but honestly nothing sexual, nothing to show they are in a relationship) but he will be very kind in his words with them,,,,...... which he rarely does when talking to me.

financially. he takes care of his family(parents & siblings) does church duties and i am never given allowance to also cater for my needs. i have to ask for money to buy my toiletries. because am out of employement.

because of how i live with this man. i am seriously considering moving oi=ut and just quitting marriage....
i feel i made a wrong decison.

can anyone give me advice...words of encouragement...

or maybe i am wrong i also accept correction.
 
P

presidente

Senior Member
#2
May 29, 2013
9,083
1,749
113
#2
desparate123 said:
how are you all.
i have been married for 3 years but i am not happy in my marriage from the very first day i wedded. i just get happy a few minutes and get sad.
background of my marriage: when we were still courting, i discoverd a few months before our engagement that my fiance was talking to another woman. their relationship was suggesting they might fall in love but fiance had not asked the lady out. however when i bolted out of our relationship(am very possesive/ jelous) my fiance came on bended knees and accepted him back as i realised its not like he REALLY HAD AN AFFAIR.
what worries me now is that "background" still haunts me even now. i also feel mayb i shouldnt have married him. i should have just ignored him. i sometimes think of this other woman( but she is now married and dont even comm with my hubby).

unfortunately after our wedding my hubby then started accusing me that i wasnt a virgin...(yet i WAS!!) his argument was why didnt u bleed.. there was a little blood on the sheets and he said it might have been from a small wound he had.
however he later apologised for the false allegations and we went on to have our child.

i love my baby and am in that marriage just for her....

after we wedded the husband changed so many things in my life: we had to change our church. we were roman catholics as he didnt feel comfortable to be at the same church with my parents. we also had to change location and in the process i lost my job.
all these things haunt me and i always feel like my husband is CRUEL.
we live close to his family now and we do so many things for his family and not for my own family. i"ve raised this issue with him and he keeps promising to recticfy so we balance up the 2 families.

because of these ill feelings towards my husband.. i am always scrolling his phone. i always come across him chtaiing to other women( but honestly nothing sexual, nothing to show they are in a relationship) but he will be very kind in his words with them,,,,...... which he rarely does when talking to me.

financially. he takes care of his family(parents & siblings) does church duties and i am never given allowance to also cater for my needs. i have to ask for money to buy my toiletries. because am out of employement.

because of how i live with this man. i am seriously considering moving oi=ut and just quitting marriage....
i feel i made a wrong decison.

can anyone give me advice...words of encouragement...

or maybe i am wrong i also accept correction.
Click to expand...
It's hard to know without knowing details. If you say you are possessive, maybe you are being overly jealous of texts to females. What is his relationship with them? If he works with them, he could possibly have a reason to text them. I am a married man and I would feel weird texting a lot of social type emails to women besides my wife and relatives. But that's the way I am.

As far as the things in the past, you have to let that go and forgive. It must have been hurtful for him to make that accusation on your wedding night. Maybe he'd heard stories about liters of blood and was naïve about it. Whatever the case, Christians aren't supposed to hold grudges. We are supposed to forgive.

I wish we'd get country names in addition to flags. In your country, are the sons responsible for caring for the parents or the daughters? More so in one direction or the other? I know in some countries the responsibility falls on the sons or the oldest son. There is some logic to that, especially in cultures with patriarchal inheritance like we see in the Old Testament. Do your parents have a son they can depend on.
 
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brokenclay

Guest
#3
#3
Dear sister; there is place for woman only on here where Christian sisters will pray for you, comfort you and give you womanly Christian counsel from scripture. Your hunch or gut feelings are warning you something is wrong. He is controlling you and using you. Not loving you. Go to the womans only room. And if necessary use private messaging. I am praying for your protection. Ask Jesus into your life. A sister will guide you. Blessings to you in Christ. Larry.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#4
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#4
Can you get marriage counselling in South Africa? Or individual counselling?

At a distance it seems to me like you might be jealous and paranoid. You do not say he actually has cheated, sexted, or committed adultery. Sometimes the jealousy might be a symptom of needing more affection and kindness.

How does he treat you? Differently in public than in private? That is a warning sign. If not, then that is good, but not great if he is treating you badly in front of others.

As for you, do you know Jesus Christ as your Saviour, not just a social ritual? I say this sincerely, since you were raised Roman Catholic, which is a church that relies on rituals to save, not the sacrifice Christ on Calvary.

God hates divorce, and if your husband has done nothing wrong, I don't think you have grounds to leave him, plus leave your daughter to be raised by a single parent. However, much can be done to make changes. Look at yourself, and see how you are behaving. Do you trust your husband? It seems not. I know I chat with men on-line, and my husband knows and he also knows that I am totally committed to him. I also trust him.

Are you nagging and demanding attention? Do you try and meet his needs, esp. emotional and physical? Now of course, there is a mutual obligation here, but it can start with you.

Finally, there is forgiveness. You have been holding his girlfriend before your marriage as a grudge. God demands we forgive those who have hurt or injured us. In fact, the Lord's Prayer boldly states it! Pray for your husband too. You can only change yourself, but God can change your husband.

I will pray that you would get some help for yourself and your marriage. God wants your marriage to work, but he also requires you are part of the solution, not just part of the problem.
 
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desparate123

Guest
#5
#5
presidente said:
It's hard to know without knowing details. If you say you are possessive, maybe you are being overly jealous of texts to females. What is his relationship with them? If he works with them, he could possibly have a reason to text them. I am a married man and I would feel weird texting a lot of social type emails to women besides my wife and relatives. But that's the way I am.

As far as the things in the past, you have to let that go and forgive. It must have been hurtful for him to make that accusation on your wedding night. Maybe he'd heard stories about liters of blood and was naïve about it. Whatever the case, Christians aren't supposed to hold grudges. We are supposed to forgive.

I wish we'd get country names in addition to flags. In your country, are the sons responsible for caring for the parents or the daughters? More so in one direction or the other? I know in some countries the responsibility falls on the sons or the oldest son. There is some logic to that, especially in cultures with patriarchal inheritance like we see in the Old Testament. Do your parents have a son they can depend on.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for yor reply.' God bless you,'
am from Southafrica. and we are both expected to look after our parents.
my parents do have a son but he is very irresponsible.
 
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desparate123

Guest
#6
#6
thank you all for replying.
and i take correction. i am already praying for the spirit of forgiveness. as i think i havent been able to forgive my husband.
your responses have really helped me.
May God bless you all
 
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