I bring out the vile or uncomfortableness in people? normal/not normal?

[Rm15]

It is becoming harder for me to go anywhere. People don't want me around, I'm always the center of attention where ever I go, but it's not the good kind of attention, it's the "I'm waiting for a chance to attack you, bother you, intimidate you, stare at you to show I don't like you, or be scared/alerted/cautious of you" etc.... kind of attention. I get it from strangers, family members, friends, teachers, kids, adults, everyone including Christians. People will stop right in the middle of what they're doing to make sure I know they have a problem with me.

This is just an example of what I face on a daily basis: I am having lunch with some acquaintances and some girl who I've never met before, just comes out of nowhere and stands in front of our table with her arms folded, giving me the most sinister look a person could ever give. Her boyfriend(I'm assuming) was trying to have a conversation with her, but she was too fixated on me. So he just left her alone and started to have a problem with me as well. I became her target for no apparent reason and it usually influences the person they are with to target me as well. I notice this happens when I am laughing, happy and having a good time. The more jovial I am the more the person has a problem with me. But when I am ticked or have had enough, they are scared of me. So it's a lose lose.

Another example, I needed to collect my package from the post office. As soon as I entered and got in line behind all the people, the man behind the desk taking package slips, abruptly stops what he's doing and looks directly at me for at least 7 seconds....almost as if he had frozen in fright/alertness, now I know that people glance or look around, it's normal, but if the person keeps doing it as if they have to keep an eye on you then it's something more to it. Pretty soon, other people in line sensed his problem with me and they started doing it to me as well. So now by this point, communication has spread about me, without anyone saying anything vocally to each other. It makes me feel like I have been negatively set up to be someone I am not.

I notice that whenever I go somewhere people always a problem with me being there; they think I am there to cause trouble or I am not there for the same reasons everyone else is there for. Me running errands, is completely different than someone else running errands. Me entering a building, is completely different than someone else entering a building. Me walking around on campus, is completely different than someone else walking around on campus, or sitting at a table, or wanting to make a purchase. Me waiting for or entering an elevator is completely different than someone else waiting for or entering an elevator, same as if a public bathroom, or restaurants....I've had a person hesitate to get in an elevator because they saw me in it.

The reaction is instant, I almost want to say it is on-sight even. So before I get a chance to show people who I really am (humble, friendly, kind, caring..etc) they have already painted me out to be a some bad person. Almost as if something has told them how to view me, and thats what they stick to. It shows in their body language and sometimes they will vocally tell me what they thought about me, and 100% of the time it is the complete opposite of who I am. The only thing that makes them change their view towards me is if I say something to make them laugh or I'm performing a certain talent of mine (singing, dancing, acting, etc) Basically, I have to be an entertainer 24/7 for anyone to see me as even remotely human. But if I am not doing anything to ameliorate people, I am back to being this target again. Whereas other people don't have to be doing anything, yet people like them automatically, e.g., an old friend of mine.


I look around and see everyone fitting in so nicely with each other, including Christians amongst other Christians. But I am on the outside looking in, not fitting in with believers or non-believers. Which are the only two types of people there are in this world.

I tried to avoid making a message about this, but it has happened way too many times for me to now see it as something to question. I've made sure I analyzed that it actually was a problem and not just in my head before becoming vocal about it. I remained silent about it for a while because I think people would call me crazy or paranoid. Now that I notice it is a something more, I'm bringing it to people to see if anyone can help or even relate.

-Rm,
God Bless

 

[FishCross]

Hi Rm,

Thanks for sharing your stories.

May I ask what is you gender, race, age, your hair style, and the type of clothes you wear?

Sometimes, people judge will judge you based on how you look. However, you don't have to change yourself for people to love or accept you. I've learn to just be myself. Just focus on what you need to do, and avoid people's eyes. If you don't look at them, you will never know that they are looking back at you, a saying in my culture. What I am trying to say, is that if you are not over-analyzing it, because it can happen (you can't just judge by body language because it's not accurate), then ignore them in general. Their so called vile has nothing to do with you, that is their problems. Forget their presence or look away.

 

[mystdancer50]

I see that you're 15, and if that is accurate, what you're experiencing is nothing new. It's called junior high/high school and it is the way of the world. There will always be others that will be antagonistic and jealous and cruel. Always. Do not let fear enter into the equation. I believe that God has great things for you and the devil is, therefore, trying to get you to cower in the corner in fear. Just ignore the stares. If there is violence, tell someone. I'm not even kidding. Bullying is such a big thing now that if you tell an adult and nothing is done about it, there is grave danger in retribution from the media and the community.

Though there are still callous and cruel people at all ages and stages of life, trust me when I say that it gets easier as you get older. I also like FishCross' advice about how you present yourself and that may be part of it, but unless you're dressing horribly immodestly (not representing Christ in a holy way with attitude and dress) don't change to make others happy. Clothing and such is an expression of our personalities.

 

[Rm15]

I see that you're 15, and if that is accurate, what you're experiencing is nothing new. It's called junior high/high school and it is the way of the world. There will always be others that will be antagonistic and jealous and cruel. Always. Do not let fear enter into the equation. I believe that God has great things for you and the devil is, therefore, trying to get you to cower in the corner in fear. Just ignore the stares. If there is violence, tell someone. I'm not even kidding. Bullying is such a big thing now that if you tell an adult and nothing is done about it, there is grave danger in retribution from the media and the community.

Though there are still callous and cruel people at all ages and stages of life, trust me when I say that it gets easier as you get older. I also like FishCross' advice about how you present yourself and that may be part of it, but unless you're dressing horribly immodestly (not representing Christ in a holy way with attitude and dress) don't change to make others happy. Clothing and such is an expression of our personalities.

I am not actually 15, I'm 22, I made mistake on the birthday creating the account too fast.

 

[Rm15]

Hi Rm,

Thanks for sharing your stories.

May I ask what is you gender, race, age, your hair style, and the type of clothes you wear?

Sometimes, people judge will judge you based on how you look. However, you don't have to change yourself for people to love or accept you. I've learn to just be myself. Just focus on what you need to do, and avoid people's eyes. If you don't look at them, you will never know that they are looking back at you, a saying in my culture. What I am trying to say, is that if you are not over-analyzing it, because it can happen (you can't just judge by body language because it's not accurate), then ignore them in general. Their so called vile has nothing to do with you, that is their problems. Forget their presence or look away.

It doesn't matter if I'm dressing nice or if I'm dressing in a more down comfortable way. It happens regardless. But on average I dress in jeans, shirt or sweater, and I am female african-american, but my treatment is not limited to race, all races treat me this way, black people treat me even worse.

I know some people will judge me based on how I look, but I've seen people who I feel are dressed down even when I'm dressed up and still don't experience what I experience. When I had a job, where I had to dress somewhat presentable, it still happened. To when I am walking around in my city just as everyone else is, it still happens.

I feel cursed.

 

[FishCross]

If what you are saying is true to your own perceptions, that you have not done anything wrong to anybody, or appear to anyone in a way that causes people to treat you in a ill-manner, then you are wrong to believe you are the reason for their bad behavior. You see, in order to have a reaction from someone, there has to be a cause and effect equation. If you do not have a list of causes on your part, then you are not the cause. So therefore, you do not bring out the "vile or uncomfortableness" in others. Other people, things, or events is the cause for other people's problems. You therefore, is not cursed.

You have a false assumption that you are the cause for their bad treatment against you. However, you have not done anything evil or have an appearance of evil, that causes people to react in an evil way against you. The problem lies in their evil of their own hearts. This you cannot do anything about. They need to repent, and have Jesus in their lives.

What you should focus on, is not to care about what other people think or try to change people's behavior, the best you can do is be Christ-like. Follow the commandment below:

43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

If you find someone acting in a way that is bad towards you, just smile, and pray for them. Pray that they will come to know Jesus, or be filled with love and overcome hatred and evil in their hearts.

 

[mystdancer50]

I am not actually 15, I'm 22, I made mistake on the birthday creating the account too fast.

Okay. Well, 22 is still a very sensitive time...there are bullies everywhere. What you need to do is find your true worth and value and identity in Christ alone and then, no matter what others think of you, you will be safe and secure in Christ. Sometimes it will still hurt, I'm not going to lie, we are human after all, but you won't be so aware of it the majority of the time.

 

[BeanieD]

What other do or think about you is not important, because God see's the real you, the beautiful you, and loves you for who you are. People can be Very judgemental, and we can't let that influence our lives. I was always thought of as a stuck-up snob, but I have never been that way at all and would have relished a friend or two. Focus on God, and let His love show through you in all you do and others will see it and respond differently. If not you still have God on your side. Blessings hon

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

You are experiencing what sociologists call the 'sociobiological theory of male competitiveness.'

Dangerous, confrontational competition among young males is not unique to modern humans either. Violent conflict with attendant mortality risk is widespread in the animal kingdom as well.

The literature is clear that conflict between young male modern humans need not revolve around jealousy over females or for a position or material good. Criminologists have been able to show that a material number of violent conflicts between strangers arise from what they call "trivial altercations" and young males "showing off" in a public setting.

Furthermore, a large percentage of homocides between young males are "disputes arising from retaliation for previous verbal or physical abuse" and "disrespecting" both real and imagined. This retaliation is often for insults, for accusations of cheating or theft, for physical attacks at some time past, etc... again both real or imagined.

As you can see, it's not hard at all for young males to come into conflict with each other with even tragic consequences.

Fortunately, you are spiritually bonded with no less than God Himself which gives you an enormous advantage over the egotistical petty posturing and immaturity of other people your age.

It's important that you use wisdom with respect to where you go and who you spend time with. It's also important that you learn how to descalate conflict, deal with difficult people, and interrelate with people in a way they feel affirmed (e.g. offer emotional support and encouragement).

While this isn't too important on the Internet, in my view, this is very important in real life.

Keeping what I've shared so far in mind, you should conduct an honest personal inventory. I don't drink or use drugs obviously but have found fourth step personal inventory worksheets to be invaluable toward that goal. Use this one:

http://www.sdrconsortium.org/assets/files/Forth Step Inventory.pdf

There's no rush here. Take anywhere from one week to two months and work through it being as honest as you possibly can with yourself. If you have a good relationship with your father or mother and they are interested, ask them to give you their feedback as you go through it.

Do NOT; however, under any circumstances go outside your parents and ask for feedback from anyone else with regards to this personal inventory. This is solely a private matter that a parent may or may not assist you with depending on your relationship with your parents.

At the end, you should have a good idea of where you're at with regards to yourself, your thinking, your emotional state, your behavior, etc...

The purpose of this is to allow you to correct anything in your life that needs correcting, set proper goals, make better decisions, etc... as you learn how to deescalate other people, deal with difficult people, and affirm the people that you want close to you.

Capesh?