Terms of endearment

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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#1
Dec 7, 2013
403
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#1
My husband and I are having a debate regarding the use of terms of endearment.

He uses terms of endearment with his female facebook friends because he wants his female friends to feel at home with him. He wants his female friends to feel that they can talk to him about almost anything. He wants his female friends to feel like they are family.

The tems of endearment he uses are...

hon
darling
sweetie
and so on

I am the opposite. I just do not understand the need for that.

Is this really necessary?
 
L

LittleBit1987

Guest
#2
#2
Funny thing is, so do me and my husband. It's just what us "Southerners" say. It's in our blood. I do the same thing to both male and female friends, my husband only says those to his friends from high school or close friends of his. No, it's not necessary, but if you have been saying those terms for a long time, it's hard to "break the habit".

But it's a totally different issue if he's only saying it to one specific person.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Yeah, as mentioned, some people just learn to speak that way normally. But if he is purposefully going out of his way to speak that way, then that's another story. And you seem to be emphasizing he is aiming all of this at women only, in his attempt to make them feel comfortable opening up to him. Its my experience that such things creates an emotional connection, even if you don't intend for it.
But really, as a person who often has people confide in him, i feel no need to use such terms. A person will find you comfortable and trustworthy or they won't. To go out of your way to use terms designed to get them to feel comfortable is fake.
What he should do is discuss with you about how to be open as a couple, to help others. By keeping it a shared process, and making such issues a 'we only talk as a couple' kind of thing it eliminates any temptation from emotional connections.
His behavior does seem odd, but i'm also reluctant to really speak anything against his behavior as indicators of anything. But i would monitor it and talk with him. Because really at the end of the day, you should be his priority and helping you should come before random women online.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#4
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#4
my grandmother uses those terms with people. I do too, it doesnt mean much. The oens you listed i use with women and for guys its a collection of bro, dude, buddy, etc. Its just how some people talk.
 
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Missachu

Guest
#5
#5
As always, I back up Ugly.

My advice would be to ask him to stop and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and your comfort IS more important then theirs, since you are his wife n' all. The fact that it makes you this steamed is not a good thing...
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#6
May 29, 2013
9,084
1,749
113
#6
spunkycat08 said:
My husband and I are having a debate regarding the use of terms of endearment.

He uses terms of endearment with his female facebook friends because he wants his female friends to feel at home with him. He wants his female friends to feel that they can talk to him about almost anything. He wants his female friends to feel like they are family.

The tems of endearment he uses are...

hon
darling
sweetie
and so on

I am the opposite. I just do not understand the need for that.

Is this really necessary?
Click to expand...

I'm from the south and I don't do that, except with my wife and kids, and maybe other little children. Some Southerners do. It may have more to do with the way they were raised. Sometimes, it can come off as being flirty. It seems like some southern waitresses in restaurants do that. Sometimes I've wondered if it's a way to get more tips from the men. :) In a lot of cases, it's probably just what they heard growing up. It also seems to me to be more common with women doing it to men. It seems a little less strange to me if a old woman does that to everybody than if a man uses those kinds of terms with young women.

If a 30-old-man is using those terms with young women, it sounds flirtatous to me.
 
J

jennymae

Guest
#7
#7
presidente said:
I'm from the south and I don't do that, except with my wife and kids, and maybe other little children. Some Southerners do. It may have more to do with the way they were raised. Sometimes, it can come off as being flirty. It seems like some southern waitresses in restaurants do that. Sometimes I've wondered if it's a way to get more tips from the men. :) In a lot of cases, it's probably just what they heard growing up. It also seems to me to be more common with women doing it to men. It seems a little less strange to me if a old woman does that to everybody than if a man uses those kinds of terms with young women.

If a 30-old-man is using those terms with young women, it sounds flirtatous to me.
Click to expand...
I agree. In my opinion endearments like that sounds more naturally when coming from a lady...and she's about 20 years older than yourself. When a man is using endearments like "sweetie", "baby" etc., bless his heart, it sounds a bit flirtatous to me, or even girly.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#8
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#8
spunkycat, the ONLY woman your husband should be calling honey, darling, baby, etc etc is YOU!! It is wrong of him (and immoral as a married man, in my opinion), to be calling anyone other than his wife those names. I dont call any of my male friends those names, but then again i dont have any male friends, even though i AM single lol..:) these women may be getting the wrong message from him. Things like "wow he called me baby. maybe he likes me more than a friend" etc etc. If he wants them to feel they can talk to him about anything, then his fb status should be something like "feel free to talk to me if you wish cuz im a good listener". To answer your question, NOOOOO his terms of endearment for his female friends is NOT necessary!! It makes him look like a flirt who is maybe looking for something more, ya know? Tell him this bothers you and that it is absolutely unacceptable for him to be doing. He's an adult, not a lovestruck teenager trying to woo girls lol. Tell him to show some respect for himself, and you, and your marriage/family.
 
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mlssufan01

Member
#9
Feb 9, 2014
168
35
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#9
Sometimes when I visit Florida, waitresses will use terms like that, it isn't something I learned, but according to others I know, a lot of people use different lingo there like that. Key here is Facebook, yet you didn't mention how he acts in public; to me it seems a little odd that he would speak one way and type in another; I usually type the same way I talk. For example, I write out "gonna" just like I say it, as opposed to "going to." So there's some more analytics here, but ultimately this a discussion time to bring the issues to light; what isn't a good idea is to just shove it under the rug.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#10
May 29, 2013
9,084
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#10
I'm from the south, and women calling everyone 'Hon' can come off as flirty to me. If she's 60 talking to a 16 year old, it's not that big of a deal to me. But it reminds me of Flo off of that old TV show Alice, or Blanch off of the Golden Girls. Neither one of them were paragons of chastity.
 
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spunkycat08

Senior Member
#11
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#11
I have spoken to him about this.

We also have a joint Facebook page which I set up.

I decided that if I am tagged in a post of his on our joint Facebook page, I will reply with a term of endearment.

Several of his friends, male and female, are our Facebook friends.

Hopefully his female friends will take notice.
 
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