Western Men Finding Wives Overseas

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presidente

Senior Member
#21
May 29, 2013
9,084
1,749
113
#21
biscuit said:
A broad brush? just don't wind up in divorce court because a American christian women will show you as much mercy as an executioner. I believe marriage to a foreign woman will last longer and less likely to end in a divorce. Christian woman or not, she know that a divorce court will work in her favor, stripping you of 60-70% of your assets. She has a incredible weapon at her disposal. Not a great feeling for many American men. That's why the growing trend is to shop for foreign brides because he can get married in her countries and abide by the laws governing divorces. The risks are just too high for AmericanChristian or non-Christian women and why the marriage rate is at a dismal 28-30% in 2012. Most of these American men know what they are up against and are not eager to marry. I know American women who have a ton of assets from several divorces.
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If you marry a foreign woman and bring her back, she could still divorce you, take half, and live off child support payments (if you had a child.) One thing that keeps women from doing that is their values. Some foreign women come from cultures where they are taught that couples are supposed to stay together, cultures that aren't as supportive of divorce, especially frivolous divorce, as the US and some other western countries are.

Christianity is the 'default' religion in the US. If someone has no religion, chances are if you ask, that person will say 'Christian.' Grandma was a Christian and they went to church on Christmas or Easter a few times growing up. Or they go to church but don't study the Bible, or they go to a church that teaches a few vague things about morality. There are also sincere Christians who know God's word.

You could marry a foreign woman from Mongolia or a Sundanese from Java, from a culture that is somewhat, or very, accepting of divorce. That's not going to prevent you from getting a divorce. If a man marries, he needs to find out what a woman's values are, especially when it comes to the issue of divorce, and the same is true in reverse. Women need to find out what a man's values are. Christians should only marry other Christians, genuine Christians with a sincere faith.

I think it's wise for a Christian man wanting to marry to steer clear of feminists who are against 'the patriarchy' and not willing to submit to their husbands. If a potential wife isn't on board with the idea of submitting to her husband and respecting him, or at least teachable when the concept is presented, IMO, it's a good idea to look elsewhere. A wife having this mindset contributes to peace in the home, and a lack of nagging, etc. Women should avoid men who are domineering, controlling, or cruel. Both genders should avoid spouses that are lazy, have substance abuse problems, are promiscuous, etc.

There are still unmarried American women who don't scowl at you if you suggest it is a good thing for a woman to be able to cook for her husband, who embrace the idea that a wife is supposed to submit to her husband, who hate divorce. There are even some virgins out there.

As Christians, we aren't supposed to have sex outside of marriage. Those who desire sex, the emotional intimacy of marriage, having children, etc. are left with the option to marry. For a lot of people, the legal system making divorce easy is no real reason not to marry.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#22
May 29, 2013
9,084
1,749
113
#22
biscuit,

Not marrying a woman, or an American woman, just the government would back her up and help her bleed you dry financially if she decided to break covenant, is like not marrying an American woman because she could have your baby murdered in the womb. It's like not going outside because someone could stab you. It could happen, so why go outside? It's like not driving a car because someone else could experience road rage and shoot you.

Sure, bad things can happen, but you need to live your life. If a man chooses a wife, he needs to carefully consider the faith, values, and temperament of the woman he is marrying. A lot of men would make lousy husbands, too, and women need to be very careful. It can help to have some parental guidance. They say love is blind, and the young seem particularly vulnerable to this.

A man could go to Russia or the Philippines to marry a woman he thinks must be a good wife because, after all, she's from another country. But she could be a gold-digger looking for a green card. Or she could have been a prostitute before and he didn't know it. Every country has people who would make really bad marriage partners. And the US still has some good wives.

There are women in the US who have the characteristics a godly young man would be looking for. There are women who love God, work hard, are diligent about the home, willing to submit to their husbands, committed to sexual purity. There are even virgins. There are women who want to be wives and mothers. Not every one is like the average American woman. There are anti-feminists. There are virgins. There are a wide variety.

Still, if I had to do it over again, I'd go to Asia, to my wife's country. If I knew what I knew now, and my wife never existed or something like that, or even if I were widowed, I'd probably go to my wife's country. Still, I would have to be selective. I was when I was looking for a wife. I wanted THE woman God wanted me to marry, prayed, and let Him open the opportunity. If my current knowledge and consciousness were put into my mind when I was 20, I think the difference would be that I'd go over there a lot sooner right after I got out of college and marry my wife when we were really young. But that's just me. If a man wants to find a wife in Asia, that's fine. But there are still decent wives in the US. I don't think it's going to become such a huge trend that men marry wives abroad that US women can't find husbands.

I do think there is a problem with the way some of the women go about marrying in the US. Some of the secular girls, or backslidden ones, who go to college and gets her mind filled with feminist philosophy and the philosophy of the sexual revolution may just handle the whole situation of sex and marriage poorly. She picks up the idea from other people that marrying young and having babies is wasting her talents. So she fornicates with a bunch of hookups and shackups and spends her 20s on her career.

She doesn't look for a husband when she is most attractive, when she is in her child-bearing years. She doesn't save her virginity with him. She may even have a child out of wedlock. Then, when she gets in her 30's, she looks for some stable man to 'man-up' and marry her. She can find plenty of fornicators looking for a little fun. But most of the decent marrying type of men married better behaved women who were serious about marriage at a younger stage of life. Why would the type of man who is serious about marriage choose a woman who'd slept around for whom marriage and family is a much lower priority than her career?

I wouldn't be surprised if the foreign bride thing did grow among men looking for decent wives. But I don't think most people in the US are adventurous or international enough to go this route for it to be a huge chunk of the population. And for Christian men, there are Christian subcultures where girls are taught to value marriage. Some churches even encourage marrying young (rather than 'burning') and seriously promote virginity to the young people, until marriage, that is. A decent young man who takes these issues serious may have to look around, but he can also find a young woman who takes these issues seriously.

But a man whose been divorced a couple of times, if he goes to my wife's country looking for a wife, IMO, the best potential candidates for a wife may not want him because he's been divorced a couple of times. Aside from Biblical issues, his commitment or ability to hold a relationship together, or his decision making abilities (in something important like choosing a wife in the past) are suspect. Women from a conservative culture that frown on divorce aren't going to be as thrilled a marrying a divorced man as one who has never married, or maybe even a widower. The ones with weaker convictions on the subject may be willing to marry, but they may have weaker convictions on divorce in other areas.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#23
#23
presidente said:
Is calling your husband 'dumb' respectful? I wouldn't talk about my wife like that.
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yes, yes it is!

I tell him he's dumb. He tells me i should be eaten by a dragon

Now that's a good marriage!
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#24
May 29, 2013
9,084
1,749
113
#24
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
yes, yes it is!

I tell him he's dumb. He tells me i should be eaten by a dragon

Now that's a good marriage!
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If a dragon ate you, do you think he might go overseas and find a wife that doesn't call him dumb?
 
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kayem77

Guest
#26
#26
I think the whole thing about ''finding someone overseas is better''' is subjective. A culture doesn't make a person, though a person can be influenced by culture. It also depends on what that culture is. But it all comes down to being a Christian who sticks to what the Bible says (and doesn't say). I could marry a Mexican, an American, a Korean, or an Italian man and come to appreciate their culture...as long as it's not sinful.

A Christian shouldn't stop being a better or worse Christian because of where he/she was born. Just because in Afghanistan women don't get divorced doesn't make them more Christian or marriage material. An American Christian woman and an Asian Christian woman should both be against divorce and adultery because we have the same Bible. Having lived in Mexico for 18 years I can say that people are a little more against divorce in Mexico and also against abortion, yet that doesn't make the majority of women marriage material. They have other flaws. But most people don't really know why they follow their culture, so again, I think it all comes down to obeying the Bible no matter where or how you were raised.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#27
#27
presidente said:
biscuit,

Not marrying a woman, or an American woman, just the government would back her up and help her bleed you dry financially if she decided to break covenant, is like not marrying an American woman because she could have your baby murdered in the womb. It's like not going outside because someone could stab you. It could happen, so why go outside? It's like not driving a car because someone else could experience road rage and shoot you.

Sure, bad things can happen, but you need to live your life. If a man chooses a wife, he needs to carefully consider the faith, values, and temperament of the woman he is marrying. A lot of men would make lousy husbands, too, and women need to be very careful. It can help to have some parental guidance. They say love is blind, and the young seem particularly vulnerable to this.

A man could go to Russia or the Philippines to marry a woman he thinks must be a good wife because, after all, she's from another country. But she could be a gold-digger looking for a green card. Or she could have been a prostitute before and he didn't know it. Every country has people who would make really bad marriage partners. And the US still has some good wives.

There are women in the US who have the characteristics a godly young man would be looking for. There are women who love God, work hard, are diligent about the home, willing to submit to their husbands, committed to sexual purity. There are even virgins. There are women who want to be wives and mothers. Not every one is like the average American woman. There are anti-feminists. There are virgins. There are a wide variety.

Still, if I had to do it over again, I'd go to Asia, to my wife's country. If I knew what I knew now, and my wife never existed or something like that, or even if I were widowed, I'd probably go to my wife's country. Still, I would have to be selective. I was when I was looking for a wife. I wanted THE woman God wanted me to marry, prayed, and let Him open the opportunity. If my current knowledge and consciousness were put into my mind when I was 20, I think the difference would be that I'd go over there a lot sooner right after I got out of college and marry my wife when we were really young. But that's just me. If a man wants to find a wife in Asia, that's fine. But there are still decent wives in the US. I don't think it's going to become such a huge trend that men marry wives abroad that US women can't find husbands.

I do think there is a problem with the way some of the women go about marrying in the US. Some of the secular girls, or backslidden ones, who go to college and gets her mind filled with feminist philosophy and the philosophy of the sexual revolution may just handle the whole situation of sex and marriage poorly. She picks up the idea from other people that marrying young and having babies is wasting her talents. So she fornicates with a bunch of hookups and shackups and spends her 20s on her career.

She doesn't look for a husband when she is most attractive, when she is in her child-bearing years. She doesn't save her virginity with him. She may even have a child out of wedlock. Then, when she gets in her 30's, she looks for some stable man to 'man-up' and marry her. She can find plenty of fornicators looking for a little fun. But most of the decent marrying type of men married better behaved women who were serious about marriage at a younger stage of life. Why would the type of man who is serious about marriage choose a woman who'd slept around for whom marriage and family is a much lower priority than her career?

I wouldn't be surprised if the foreign bride thing did grow among men looking for decent wives. But I don't think most people in the US are adventurous or international enough to go this route for it to be a huge chunk of the population. And for Christian men, there are Christian subcultures where girls are taught to value marriage. Some churches even encourage marrying young (rather than 'burning') and seriously promote virginity to the young people, until marriage, that is. A decent young man who takes these issues serious may have to look around, but he can also find a young woman who takes these issues seriously.

But a man whose been divorced a couple of times, if he goes to my wife's country looking for a wife, IMO, the best potential candidates for a wife may not want him because he's been divorced a couple of times. Aside from Biblical issues, his commitment or ability to hold a relationship together, or his decision making abilities (in something important like choosing a wife in the past) are suspect. Women from a conservative culture that frown on divorce aren't going to be as thrilled a marrying a divorced man as one who has never married, or maybe even a widower. The ones with weaker convictions on the subject may be willing to marry, but they may have weaker convictions on divorce in other areas.
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Very good post
 
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