dealing with wife who did inappropriate chatting

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Redwings

Guest
#1
#1
I am the husband of HollyDakota. She posted on here about getting involved with inappropriate chatting with other men. If anyone can give me some good advice about dealing with my own hurt and being able to help my wife get over the guilt I would appreciate it. I have told her that I have forgiven her, but I am not sure that she believes me.
 
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jason75

Guest
#2
#2
Hey Redwings. I am very sorry to hear. I have no clue who your wife is. Its very wise of you to forgive her. My only sugestion is going to GOD in prayers and read is word. If you can go walk in the woods or the nature where ever you are. Cry out to GOD for your wife and for yourself. Dont forget that a women is the weaker vesel. You as the man of your house need to stand on your feet in these hard time. Maybe talk to a pastor or some counseling. It could be of great help but without crying out to our father in heaven there is nothong in this world that will be of ant help. May GOD protect you and Bless your mariage.
 
John_agape

John_agape

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2014
187
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#3
Hi Redwings. I know this hurts and broken trust is a difficult thing to get over. But your wife seems truly repentant.

It is wonderful that you have forgiven your wife.

I think your wife believes you that you have forgiven her. I seem to sense she feels a relief, that you have forgiven her, in the way she expressed herself.

I think the problem is that she has a great difficulty forgiving herself.

As for dealing with your own hurt, I know this feels personal, but it is not really personal in a spiritual context. Paul separates the sin in him from himself.

As Christians we are not immune from sin. We should not try to be sinless in our own strength, but we need God's strength. If we could do it ourselves, then Jesus would not have needed to die on the cross.

Falling into sin and standing up again in regret and repentance makes us stronger as Christians. Like going to the gym and pressing our muscles builds physical strength, so sincere repentance makes us spiritually stronger.

Your wife was in an emotionally and spiritually weak state and followed a temptation. In our modern Western world we are subjected to temptations in a way that was unimaginable 50 years ago. Coming to her senses makes her less susceptible to temptations in future. She in now very aware of her weakness and therefore can avoid falling into that trap.

Your hurt from your feelings of betrayal is natural, but the ones rejected are the perverts she chatted with.

She wants you, and you are the man in her life.

Mt 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus said unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
 
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Redwings

Guest
#4
#4
Thanks for your words of wisdom. I agree that she is having trouble forgiving herself. I know that it will take time for both of us to heal. You are right about the temptations we have to deal with every day in this world. We will continue to pray and ask God to help us. We have a very strong love for each other and I know that we will get through this with God's help.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#5
#5
Thanks for your reply. You are right. He is the man of my life and I can't imagine my life without him. How scary to think that I risked throwing what I have away.

God Bless You for pointing that out to him.
 
Angela53510

Angela53510

Senior Member
#6
Jan 24, 2011
11,780
2,943
113
#6
I have talked to Holly about this situation in PM's. I am not sure it would be right of me to reveal anything we talked about, but I think her public testimony should be enough here.

You both have a lot of hard work to do, and forgiveness is a good beginning.

I would ask that next time, it might be more appropriate to find a different forum to post in, seeing as Holly has already made a lot of friends and talked at length about her issues here. Unless you are just reaching out to her, and then this is a great way for her to hear about your love for her.

Praying for you both, that God will restore you both and heal Holly and this relationship.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#7
#7
Hi Angela,

I asked him to post here so that he could also get some help. Thanks for watching out for me. :D
 
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Camarasaurus

Guest
#8
#8
Personally, I am impessed that you two were willing to bring this to light in a public forum. For me this says you are serious about confessing your mistakes, and want to work on the issues. It also puts you in a position where fellow Chrisitans here can help hold you accountable along with pray for and with you - and help get victory over this situation.

It takes time and effort for the trust to be rebuilt in a relationship - forgiveness is just the beginning of the process. Any good relationship takes hard work and commitment. Our prayers are with you both.

God bless and stand firm in your faith and your decisions.
 
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hollydakota

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you for your prayers. We can feel them and they are helping! I still struggle with guilt but am slowly letting it go. There are some reading our story that may be going through something similar. A wise member of this site encouraged me to be like Jacob who wrestled with God. I'm not giving up on God's ability to help me let go of the guilt. I will keep coming back with my guilt and shame until God convinces me of the truth... it is wiped clean. This is a battle within myself at this point. Here is what God is telling me: No more guilt. No more shame. I am blameless through Jesus' name!

I am not a new Christian. I've been a believer of Christ for over 30 years! I've led Bible studies, children ministry...someone you would never dream could get involved with this. I have been humbled and my heart is filled with so much compassion for others that I once would have judged. We are all under attack by Satan. Praise God that Jesus has already won the fight!
 
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GraceRevelation

Guest
#10
#10
I believe I read her post just a couple of days ago. She's feeling condemned for what she did, obviously not by you but by the enemy. She is trying to get over her guilt for what she did. I would say the best thing for you to do as her husband is to talk with her, make sure you both communicate about this. You might have to keep talking to her and working through this, pray together, and put Jesus in the middle of your relationship. Both of you put your eyes on Jesus and involve him in this situation and the condemnation won't be able to stay there.

The fact you forgive her is a big deal and you just want her to forgive herself. That's love and it's a beautiful thing. You both are going to be perfectly fine. God Bless :)
 
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Annata

Banned
#11
Mar 25, 2014
79
0
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#11
Redwings said:
I am the husband of HollyDakota. She posted on here about getting involved with inappropriate chatting with other men. If anyone can give me some good advice about dealing with my own hurt and being able to help my wife get over the guilt I would appreciate it. I have told her that I have forgiven her, but I am not sure that she believes me.
Click to expand...
Ask her why she wanted to chat with other men?

Understanding everything is forgiving everything - sweeping it under the rug and avoiding it is sweeping it under the rug and avoiding it. Look through her eyes instead of your own for a while. Somewhere along the line, there was something you weren't giving her that she looked for somewhere else, and while that isn't an excuse, it's certainly a reason.

How have you changed, and how has she? What's been lost?

Talk calmly and figure that out between you, because denial and ignorance don't work. You wanna be absolutely close to her? - put it all on the table and empathize with one another.
 
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Camarasaurus

Guest
#12
#12
Dear HollyDakota,

God's Word says in 1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

It helped me to understand that the act of "casting" is to "throw with force or violence, fling, hurl" away from you - and upon the Lord! You don't have it once you CAST IT to God. HE HAS IT, and he isn't the one who is harassing you with it. Stand firm in the fact that you are FORGIVEN, and remember you don't possess the guilt any longer, God has it and has forgiven you of your PAST confessed and repented of mistakes.

Don't let that voice in your head continue to condemn you. As Annata said - take the time to figure out WHY you were interested in talking to other men. To understand this is to have power over it, and avoid it happening again.

A good book to read is "Changes That Heal" by Dr. Henry Cloud - a christian therapist. This book is a classic.

God bless.
 
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