-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
L
I'm listening. I'm hearing. I know I have to back off. I don't know how. I don't know how to risk losing my world. my partner. my family. I don't know how to let go of the wheel and let things be what they are supposed to be. The uncertainty of it all scares me to death. Scares me to the point it makes me physically ill knowing that I let my relationship become my parents. Broke every promise that I made my son while he was still in his mothers belly. I don't know how to do these things. I love her enough I want her to be happy I love my son enough that I don't want him to see me like this. But I also doubt my own self strength in the ability to do this. I have messed so many things up in my life this wasn't supposed to be one of them. I know I'm making matters worse trying to fix them in an obsessive manner But I'm in a panic. a full on scramble. There isn't a second of the day. an object in my life that doesn't remind me of how badly I've messed up this time. I'm sorry if you don't understand this. I guess you would really have to know me to know that the last thing in the world I want to do is make it worse than I already have
S
So what do you really want? venting? you can...because we told you HOW to do that...back off. ..do nothing but pray at least it would be a good start...
But ,my little finger here tells me that you are probably one of those chirstian by fashion or name and never truly had a relationship with God. I am not trying to bash you but may be, if I am honest, I am.
I had to realise that, she is not even your wife. you call her my partner... has she waited on that ring for too long?
just guessing
I think there is a deeper issue with you that has nothing to do with your partner. You need to work on yourself and grow up.
ps : sorry to be harsh...when you feeling calm, ask God for wisdom on how to heal from all of this.
But ,my little finger here tells me that you are probably one of those chirstian by fashion or name and never truly had a relationship with God. I am not trying to bash you but may be, if I am honest, I am.
I had to realise that, she is not even your wife. you call her my partner... has she waited on that ring for too long?
just guessing
I think there is a deeper issue with you that has nothing to do with your partner. You need to work on yourself and grow up.
ps : sorry to be harsh...when you feeling calm, ask God for wisdom on how to heal from all of this.
Last edited:
L
What I want is to know how to be strong enough to do it. And you're right I do need to grow up. as far as being a Christian... I will admit that I have a very weak faith. I have since I was 16 years old. I've tried to come back numerous times but I struggle with it. As far as her being my wife or partner... Don't people call their spouses partners? She is my wife in my heart. She has been since she went against everything she and doctors said and layed down and gave birth to a son for me. There are circumstances that have caused us not to be married. But in my heart it was never a matter of a piece of paper. I don't want to vent. this isn't the place for that. I want help from others to give advice on how to do what I have to do. Every post on here has helped in its own way.. None make it easier to do what I have to but they help and that's all I was looking for
S
I have an utmost respect for men who choose to call themselves married. it takes courage, it takes maturity. It takes integrity.
When you started your post you said, my partner of 12 years and mother of my child...you DID NOT call her my wife.
That alone says a lot. Regardless of how you want to put it, reality will always come bitting at you.
I rest my case now.
When you started your post you said, my partner of 12 years and mother of my child...you DID NOT call her my wife.
That alone says a lot. Regardless of how you want to put it, reality will always come bitting at you.
I rest my case now.
L
I'm sorry I seem crazy. I'm looking for answers that I know in my heart no one can give me. I'm grasping for something to hold onto because I don't want to let go of hope. I'm not ready to say goodbye. Because of my actions in the past there are to many unresolved things in my mind, in my heart where she is concerened. I know in my heart that we were meant to be together. I know in my heart I have to let go for her to see that. I know in my heart that everything everyone has said is true. I know in my heart that God has a plan for us all and sometime we may not think it's right at the time it's happening. I'm not blind nor am I stupid. I'm not as immature as I sound in my emotion rants. Desperation make people look very ugly and I am not to proud to admit that I am desperate. I am desperate to be the man my family deserves. With my family intact. I know that the chances of that happening get smaller and smaller every day that she is gone and every emotional breakdown that I have. That just makes it that much harder to swallow. It's hard to watch yourself spin out of control and just want whats best for the ones you love the most. I don't care what happens to me. I do care how ever what happens to and where my family goes because there isn't a shred of my being that believes this is what God meant for her or my son. Everything happens for a reason. What is the reason for this. What is the reason for the level of pain im feeling. What is the reason for my son climbing up on my lap and saying daddy don't cry. mommy loves you and she will come back. I want you and mommy to love each other again. What is the reason for that???
S
Running again rom your responsibilities? You should be asking, what was the reason ALL this is happening in the first place.
and you'll find the answer. YOU.
Get yourself out of the picture, and their lives would probably be better...especially if you don't change this revolting way of dealing with such important issues.
I won't be surprised if next thing i read from you is " why is she doing this to me? to her son?
Just saying...
May be you are not but you sure sound or rather type like it.
and you'll find the answer. YOU.
Get yourself out of the picture, and their lives would probably be better...especially if you don't change this revolting way of dealing with such important issues.
I won't be surprised if next thing i read from you is " why is she doing this to me? to her son?
Just saying...
May be you are not but you sure sound or rather type like it.
If she is not in love with you it is a lost cause. Were you married to this woman? Sounds as if she just got tired of waiting for you to change. She reached the point where she needs a change of venue for herself. Perfectly understandable. This is separate from your faith in God. I would pray for God to help you make the necessary changes in your life before trying to win her back. You must have a sense of urgency as she is not really waiting for you to change but perhaps is seeking something better for her life than you.
J
I am ever so sorry that you are going through something so tragic in your life. At this point you are finding it so hard to move because you don,t know anything else except that you don,t want her to leave.
i can,t give you all I want to say here, but if you want to, I am happy to help you each step.
your partner is moving on, because of what you have done in the past and maybe even more, however all is not lost. I can and won,t tell you that it will end the way you want it to end, but by starting at page one, who knows how the last page may reveal.
I am talking from experience some personal, so you need to be motivated from page one and not page two or three.
God is not punishing you, because why would God give you the freedom to experience life and then when something goes wrong punishes you. NO, he gave you free will to experience and learn.
Lost and Alone, you need to embrace God. Ask Him for help, maybe because you feel He is now close is because your heart is partially closed. Faith is a strong component that we all have, but to put faith in someone you feel may have caused this is hard. God will not let you down. He will support you.
my advice, and it's my advice and not necessarily the correct way, is to ask your partner to sit down and agree to have a talk without blame.
Maybe make a drink, but not alcohol.
Set boundaries and agree that when someone is talking, the other does not interfere. Decide on something that you value in the house. Maybe a cup that you bought or a piece of jewellery something that you can hold. When the person holding this item speaks, the other can.t until the item is passed to the other, then you are free to talk. Don,t blame but if you have things to say, say them without blame. Remember keeping calm is of most important.
overall you need to keep calm, don.t look angry and remember that you did love each other, and finding where it went wrong is more important that trying to stop her from moving.
keeping calm, showing that you are willing to talk without blame.
however the first step is to accept what is currently happening as if you try to stop her from moving on, the more you tighten the reigns, the tighter she will pull to move away making any chance zero.
being human, being rational, showing that you still want to be friends keeps you in discussion.
i have said enough at the moment as I don,t want to give you false hopes, but starting over is sometimes a great idea. You learn more about your past and your partner.
Children are always the losers in relationships, however change this around. Show then you care and are willing to share their life, homework etc. support them and they will respect you.
blessings. Jacorn.
Matthew 11.28
Hebrew: 11.16. Faith...........
i can,t give you all I want to say here, but if you want to, I am happy to help you each step.
your partner is moving on, because of what you have done in the past and maybe even more, however all is not lost. I can and won,t tell you that it will end the way you want it to end, but by starting at page one, who knows how the last page may reveal.
I am talking from experience some personal, so you need to be motivated from page one and not page two or three.
God is not punishing you, because why would God give you the freedom to experience life and then when something goes wrong punishes you. NO, he gave you free will to experience and learn.
Lost and Alone, you need to embrace God. Ask Him for help, maybe because you feel He is now close is because your heart is partially closed. Faith is a strong component that we all have, but to put faith in someone you feel may have caused this is hard. God will not let you down. He will support you.
my advice, and it's my advice and not necessarily the correct way, is to ask your partner to sit down and agree to have a talk without blame.
Maybe make a drink, but not alcohol.
Set boundaries and agree that when someone is talking, the other does not interfere. Decide on something that you value in the house. Maybe a cup that you bought or a piece of jewellery something that you can hold. When the person holding this item speaks, the other can.t until the item is passed to the other, then you are free to talk. Don,t blame but if you have things to say, say them without blame. Remember keeping calm is of most important.
overall you need to keep calm, don.t look angry and remember that you did love each other, and finding where it went wrong is more important that trying to stop her from moving.
keeping calm, showing that you are willing to talk without blame.
however the first step is to accept what is currently happening as if you try to stop her from moving on, the more you tighten the reigns, the tighter she will pull to move away making any chance zero.
being human, being rational, showing that you still want to be friends keeps you in discussion.
i have said enough at the moment as I don,t want to give you false hopes, but starting over is sometimes a great idea. You learn more about your past and your partner.
Children are always the losers in relationships, however change this around. Show then you care and are willing to share their life, homework etc. support them and they will respect you.
blessings. Jacorn.
Matthew 11.28
Hebrew: 11.16. Faith...........
S
Is she a Christian, that you could go to her/your pastor and request marriage counseling? God hates divorce.
How about doing the love dare? Have you ever seen Fireproof?
The best way to start to fix things is starting with you, there is more than just seeing failure, you need to start working on your heart. What caused you to act like you did before?
What is it you love more than anything else in Life? If its her, then theres your starting point as it should be God.
Do you have a pastor?
How about doing the love dare? Have you ever seen Fireproof?
The best way to start to fix things is starting with you, there is more than just seeing failure, you need to start working on your heart. What caused you to act like you did before?
What is it you love more than anything else in Life? If its her, then theres your starting point as it should be God.
Do you have a pastor?
S
If you want to talk offline we can, email me or PM me. The first thing in Biblical counceling is making sure a party is truely saved. Rarely is the problem expressed, the real issue or the root problem but the presenation issue. You may actually believe its the problem, but there is a root sin that needs to be addressed.
A
LostandAlone, go talk to a counselor. there sounds like some underlying issues you will have to face so that you can be the person you want and your family needs you to be.
Don't lose faith in yourself or your family. God will make a way if you keep praying and trying to follow where He leads. He will give you strength and wisdom if you ask and seek actively those who have His heart and mind to help you.
You don't need your wife THERE WITH YOU, you need GOD THERE WITH YOU. You need to allow God to heal you before you can be entrusted with the health and happiness of your wife and family. Perhaps it would be best for your wife to give you the time to be alone until you can reach a place with yourself and God where you can help and support her, instead of crushing her with your demands and neediness.
will keep you in my prayers. May God open your eyes and give you the wisdom you need to know what to do next.
Don't lose faith in yourself or your family. God will make a way if you keep praying and trying to follow where He leads. He will give you strength and wisdom if you ask and seek actively those who have His heart and mind to help you.
You don't need your wife THERE WITH YOU, you need GOD THERE WITH YOU. You need to allow God to heal you before you can be entrusted with the health and happiness of your wife and family. Perhaps it would be best for your wife to give you the time to be alone until you can reach a place with yourself and God where you can help and support her, instead of crushing her with your demands and neediness.
will keep you in my prayers. May God open your eyes and give you the wisdom you need to know what to do next.
Last edited by a moderator: