I choose death over marriage...

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John_agape

John_agape

Senior Member
#41
Feb 27, 2014
187
7
18
#41
There is a time and place for most things, and this thread was definitely a time and place for consoling. The harsh comments were out of context, and written in a sloppy ignorance, by not reading the OP properly. The criticism comes from not thinking through what was written in the OP.

This was the context: "So last night I had to work as a Medic at our annual Grand "Durban July" event." And Googling "Durban July" is a quick and easy exercise.

When this happens to me I try to sooth my hurt soul with a bit of analytical play. In this case ThePottersClay comes out as Superwoman:
"you need to work on planning these types of events well in advance."

This implies you were the one responsible for planning the Durban July. Not only that but you have possibly planned other similar events. Which were they? The "Grand National?" The "Kentucky Derby?"

If you are responsible for planning "these types of events" alone then you must be an awesome organizer and a phenomenal multitasker.

What does the criticism: "These type of things should be worked out in advance" imply?

You are being criticised for being a mere Superwoman, and not Ultrasuperwoman.

So take the criticism as compliments.

Praying for you and your husband.
 
W

waterlily

Guest
#42
#42
God bless you Tash. Im truly sorry if you felt judged or condemned from me or by me, you know that I have the deepest respect and love for you. I love your awesome personality, your heart and cool accent :)

I pray that you find peace and love at this time in your walk with the Lord and this season in your marriage.
We all suffer low moments in life and times we are truly stressed and need a boost. Im sorry that you didn't feel loved and encouraged with your post. It will make me think twice before commenting.

Bless you precious one and your whole family

amen
 
A

andrewmhmusic

Guest
#43
#43
Relationships are so hard :) I empathise, from a currently single friend :)
ThePottersClay said:
So last night I had to work as a Medic at out annual Grand "Durban July" event. At the same time I was expected to take my son's friend home afterward, but he lives in an informal settlement. For those wh live in SA would know "townships" can be a dangerous place, especially with the current economic strike action taking place. Needless to say. When I noticed I was not going to get don't before close to midnight, I called my husband to ask him a favor, and ask him to pls collect the boys and go dropp the friend off, otherwise I'll have to go into the township after midnight. He told me he was very "P***ed* about it, but will do it. Then he whatsapp me this "Suggest when u get home to go to bed and rather leave be and go to church tomorrow to avoid any issues"

I didn't respond. But it hurt, I can never ask for help because this is the type of reaction I get, I want to curl up and die.

When I left the event, I thought, I better buckle up, because there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road. And I reached for my seatbelt, then thought "NO" maybe if I am in an accident, I could die, and then I don't have to be in this marriage anymore. I eventually got home, in one peace, went straight to bed. And this morning i'm laying here thinking.......if I'd pick death over my marriage... what good is it? And I know if I confront him with this, he'll blame me for not planning correctly, and for being selfish.... I've lost all confidence...and I really would rather die accidentally that is, than stay in this marriage.

Do I feel sad? No. Do I feel upset? No. I feel dead already.
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T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#44
#44
Aww no Waterlily :) your advise are never condemning but more uplifting. God Bless you sis.
waterlily said:
God bless you Tash. Im truly sorry if you felt judged or condemned from me or by me, you know that I have the deepest respect and love for you. I love your awesome personality, your heart and cool accent :)

I pray that you find peace and love at this time in your walk with the Lord and this season in your marriage.
We all suffer low moments in life and times we are truly stressed and need a boost. Im sorry that you didn't feel loved and encouraged with your post. It will make me think twice before commenting.

Bless you precious one and your whole family

amen
Click to expand...
 
T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#45
#45
John thank you, not superwoman. I'm merely a part of the Medic team and in charge of the Team who manages medical services for such events, this is one of the bigger ones. If I was the planner I'd be a lot more organised with my own family first before taking on such an immense task. The fact that I was not the planner, leaves me at the mercy of those in charge who will at anytime expect the unexpected, and you have to kind of fall into place with the rest of them.


John_agape said:
There is a time and place for most things, and this thread was definitely a time and place for consoling. The harsh comments were out of context, and written in a sloppy ignorance, by not reading the OP properly. The criticism comes from not thinking through what was written in the OP.

This was the context: "So last night I had to work as a Medic at our annual Grand "Durban July" event." And Googling "Durban July" is a quick and easy exercise.

When this happens to me I try to sooth my hurt soul with a bit of analytical play. In this case ThePottersClay comes out as Superwoman:
"you need to work on planning these types of events well in advance."

This implies you were the one responsible for planning the Durban July. Not only that but you have possibly planned other similar events. Which were they? The "Grand National?" The "Kentucky Derby?"

If you are responsible for planning "these types of events" alone then you must be an awesome organizer and a phenomenal multitasker.

What does the criticism: "These type of things should be worked out in advance" imply?

You are being criticised for being a mere Superwoman, and not Ultrasuperwoman.

So take the criticism as compliments.

Praying for you and your husband.
Click to expand...
 
R

Roughsoul

Guest
#46
#46
Death is never an option. When you chose death this means you are not relying on God to guide your life. It means you gave up and never give up, we are created to love God and do his work. Yes your husband should not of made them remarks but who knows he may of been stressed out or if he works day shift he may of been worn out and was not expecting to go anywhere else. He may of let his emotions get out of hand but he still did the right thing by going. I know you was probably stressed too and one thing about stress is it makes our emotions not normal. So of course you didn't want to hear what he said. You wanted to hear " Yes honey no problem." But yes their was different options than having your husband get the kids but that don't matter now because its the past so staying focused on your post. Your job can be very stressful but I don't know for sure but your husbands is probably too. So I would sit down when yall are not emotional stressed and explain to him your feelings. Then he will explain to you his actions and feelings. Try to be patient and fully understand what he says and take into thought he is human to. He is not perfect and neither are you so don't beat your self up over. Pray to God and remember death is NEVER an option you also got kids so even if your marriage is bad your kids need you. God needs you here for him and will take you on his own time but never try put you in a place where you could die or never take your own life. God has a plan for you!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#47
#47
Dan58 said:
Sounds like your being a little over dramatic? The bottom line is that you committed to do something, but your husband had to bailed you out. Yes, he may have complained about it, but he did come through and took responsibility. I would think you would be thankful for his help, rather than saying you would prefer to be dead than stay in your marriage? Consider that if you didn't have a spouse to volunteer his help, your son's friend would have been left stranded.
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I'd say if a person reacts the way Tash did there is OBVIOUSLY a lot more going on than this one issue. Perhaps taking into consideration there is more here than just this you might realize that there are much deeper issues going on with her and her marriage, and that in light of this knowledge she's not being 'over dramatic'. People in good marriages don't get like this over one issue.
 
D

dabodab

Guest
#48
#48
ThePottersClay,

Hey you have some really good cyber friends here. Hopefully we all learned a thing or two about encouragement from them.

I applaude your vulnerability and transparency in reaching out. Don't let others deny you those two awesome qualities, ever, in any way, by their responses to it. Your openness is refreshing. And thanks too for coming back to say how things went after.
 
T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#49
#49
Thanks hun :) you're a blessing too sis.

dabodab said:
ThePottersClay,

Hey you have some really good cyber friends here. Hopefully we all learned a thing or two about encouragement from them.

I applaude your vulnerability and transparency in reaching out. Don't let others deny you those two awesome qualities, ever, in any way, by their responses to it. Your openness is refreshing. And thanks too for coming back to say how things went after.
Click to expand...
 
SAMOZEN

SAMOZEN

Banned
#50
Jul 12, 2014
3
0
0
#50
To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again. ur guest friend
 
SAMOZEN

SAMOZEN

Banned
#51
Jul 12, 2014
3
0
0
#51
Life is filled with happiness, sadness, tears, smiles, laughter and other emotions but when life gets you down, just be strong about it and keep your head up high and have faith in all things in life. Always remember: God is at your side, always.Potter CLAY u can overcome this problem .I don't think you should die until you're ready. Until you've wrung out every last bit of living you can.
 
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