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First, im an indonesian, im not good in english, so please try to understand my words.
My mother was a Christian believer, while my father was a Muslim, but both of them are divorced,
my sister chose to stay with my mother, I chose to stay with my father since I was a kid at the time, and not get dreams and a strange signs, although I chose to be near my father, I live in my grandmother's house, since the divorce I felt that I was the cause of their divorce, because I refuse to live with my mom when I was 8 years old. I refused because since my age is only 50 days, I was taken by my grandmother from my mother because my grandmother was afraid I would become a Christian believer, so I felt I could not part with my grandmother.
and, sorry to say this, but i'm a muslim
I'm a 16 years old boy, it all starts when i'm 14. I'm starting to have wierd dreams, and suffered from Appendicitis. First dream i had is i dreamed about muhammad try to kill me, and i see everyone seeing he as bad guy,
The second dream is i dreamed about doomsday or something, but more like a big flood. I can't swim, so I just hold on to a piece of wood, but I saw a man walking on the water and held out his hand to me. I can't see him clearly because he was filled with light. Somehow i just now that he's Jesus, and then the people who were up in a balloon after he saved began to sing, I do not know exactly what the lyrics, and the music sounds like church music.
The third dream is i dreamed about singing in some of a church vocal group, maybe, but, i still dont know what the lyrics are,but i feel so much joy because i really like to sing but my parents never care of me, never try to know what my talent is, even my dad tells me that his ears will be damaged if hear me sing, although he never hear me singing or playing music instrument, maybe because the sad truth that i'm not wanted by him to be in in this world, yeah, i'm an illegitimate child, not like my younger sister, she was born after the marriage of my mom and dad. back to the dream, i just feel so different from that dream, the feeling is totally different, i felt like i'm flying or something, it's the best feeling i've ever felt. since then,
I began to regret my decision to not live with my mother which made her sad. I always cry at the thought of my mother. now been 5 years since I met her, though I'm friends with her on social media, she very rarely send me a message, so I feel she doesn't think of me as her son anymore.
And after all of that, my life was destroyed,
I started suffering from a strange disease, wedged my wrist tendons, thus making doctor confused and just came to the conclusion that it is innate, and forced to do surgery, other than that I also suffer from sinus disease, and recently, also enlargement of the bones of the big toe. doctor has given advice to do the surgery, but I'm still thinking about it. and now my tendon problems re-emerge, but I have not checked myself to the doctor.
And the worst, Sleep Paralysis
I feel like I'm haunted, when i'm 15, i'm starting to have another wierd dream, but this time i think it's from satan, first dream, i dreamed about my friend, which is very rich, and i wanna be like him, he has everything he want, but in that dream, when i forgot to bring my bag from his house after playing xbox with him, i go back to his house, and ... i found his parents opened the door for me with satanist outfit, and i heard the music, it's so weird, I had never heard music like that, it's so scary, when i tell his parents that i want to take my bag, they said they will take it for me, but they don't let me get in their house...
Second dream is dreamed about making a deal with satan, he said 'you'll have everthing, i'll solve all of your problems, if you believe me' but i refused him.
I dont believe in Islam anymore, although islam teachings are very cruel, more and more I find strange things in the teachings of islam, it's all merciless, and i found that muhammad married a 9 years old girl too.
My Buddhist friends even said maybe Jesus is the only one who can resolve my problem. I even typing all this quietly, I was surrounded by many Muslims
Now I suffer from severe stress, i even think about having suicide,
I actually already had a plan for future, i wanna go out from indonesia, and start a new life, and convert to Christian or Catholic. But in Indonesia, it is incredibly difficult, considering my parents never supported me. I can not convert now, I'm very confused, I felt that I should die, because there is no need for me to live if it continues to be a burden my family with all the diseases that happened to me, my family is not a rich family, everyone in my family is full of cruel words , I felt very lonely, my mother may not remember me, i don't know what to do, I do not want to lose my mind and become a crazy person running without clothes on the highway. Will Jesus show his miracle to a muslim that already dying to face this life?
My mother was a Christian believer, while my father was a Muslim, but both of them are divorced,
my sister chose to stay with my mother, I chose to stay with my father since I was a kid at the time, and not get dreams and a strange signs, although I chose to be near my father, I live in my grandmother's house, since the divorce I felt that I was the cause of their divorce, because I refuse to live with my mom when I was 8 years old. I refused because since my age is only 50 days, I was taken by my grandmother from my mother because my grandmother was afraid I would become a Christian believer, so I felt I could not part with my grandmother.
and, sorry to say this, but i'm a muslim
I'm a 16 years old boy, it all starts when i'm 14. I'm starting to have wierd dreams, and suffered from Appendicitis. First dream i had is i dreamed about muhammad try to kill me, and i see everyone seeing he as bad guy,
The second dream is i dreamed about doomsday or something, but more like a big flood. I can't swim, so I just hold on to a piece of wood, but I saw a man walking on the water and held out his hand to me. I can't see him clearly because he was filled with light. Somehow i just now that he's Jesus, and then the people who were up in a balloon after he saved began to sing, I do not know exactly what the lyrics, and the music sounds like church music.
The third dream is i dreamed about singing in some of a church vocal group, maybe, but, i still dont know what the lyrics are,but i feel so much joy because i really like to sing but my parents never care of me, never try to know what my talent is, even my dad tells me that his ears will be damaged if hear me sing, although he never hear me singing or playing music instrument, maybe because the sad truth that i'm not wanted by him to be in in this world, yeah, i'm an illegitimate child, not like my younger sister, she was born after the marriage of my mom and dad. back to the dream, i just feel so different from that dream, the feeling is totally different, i felt like i'm flying or something, it's the best feeling i've ever felt. since then,
I began to regret my decision to not live with my mother which made her sad. I always cry at the thought of my mother. now been 5 years since I met her, though I'm friends with her on social media, she very rarely send me a message, so I feel she doesn't think of me as her son anymore.
And after all of that, my life was destroyed,
I started suffering from a strange disease, wedged my wrist tendons, thus making doctor confused and just came to the conclusion that it is innate, and forced to do surgery, other than that I also suffer from sinus disease, and recently, also enlargement of the bones of the big toe. doctor has given advice to do the surgery, but I'm still thinking about it. and now my tendon problems re-emerge, but I have not checked myself to the doctor.
And the worst, Sleep Paralysis
I feel like I'm haunted, when i'm 15, i'm starting to have another wierd dream, but this time i think it's from satan, first dream, i dreamed about my friend, which is very rich, and i wanna be like him, he has everything he want, but in that dream, when i forgot to bring my bag from his house after playing xbox with him, i go back to his house, and ... i found his parents opened the door for me with satanist outfit, and i heard the music, it's so weird, I had never heard music like that, it's so scary, when i tell his parents that i want to take my bag, they said they will take it for me, but they don't let me get in their house...
Second dream is dreamed about making a deal with satan, he said 'you'll have everthing, i'll solve all of your problems, if you believe me' but i refused him.
I dont believe in Islam anymore, although islam teachings are very cruel, more and more I find strange things in the teachings of islam, it's all merciless, and i found that muhammad married a 9 years old girl too.
My Buddhist friends even said maybe Jesus is the only one who can resolve my problem. I even typing all this quietly, I was surrounded by many Muslims
Now I suffer from severe stress, i even think about having suicide,
I actually already had a plan for future, i wanna go out from indonesia, and start a new life, and convert to Christian or Catholic. But in Indonesia, it is incredibly difficult, considering my parents never supported me. I can not convert now, I'm very confused, I felt that I should die, because there is no need for me to live if it continues to be a burden my family with all the diseases that happened to me, my family is not a rich family, everyone in my family is full of cruel words , I felt very lonely, my mother may not remember me, i don't know what to do, I do not want to lose my mind and become a crazy person running without clothes on the highway. Will Jesus show his miracle to a muslim that already dying to face this life?
