dealing with trauma

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poeticheart

Guest
#1
#1
Last year my fiance at the time was given wrong meds.he was temp.insane.bit.me on my shoulder.almost raped and choked me to death.i couldn't get away out of fear of what would happened if he saw me trying to leave and what he would do to others if i left.cops were called and i finally broke down and cried after trying my best to keep situation calm and keep alive.but almost a year and im still not completly over it..dreams haunt me.i get flashbacks still.get depressed thinking or when i see things that bring it all back..i dont know what to do.i have two kids and dad to look over..too much on my mind and little help.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#2
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#2
poeticheart said:
Last year my fiance at the time was given wrong meds.he was temp.insane.bit.me on my shoulder.almost raped and choked me to death.i couldn't get away out of fear of what would happened if he saw me trying to leave and what he would do to others if i left.cops were called and i finally broke down and cried after trying my best to keep situation calm and keep alive.but almost a year and im still not completly over it..dreams haunt me.i get flashbacks still.get depressed thinking or when i see things that bring it all back..i dont know what to do.i have two kids and dad to look over..too much on my mind and little help.
Click to expand...
poeticheart, it sounds like you have a case of PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Do you have family or friends you can talk to about this? You are always welcome to private message me anytime. One of my exes was rather abusive to me. I locked him out one time, and he broke my screen window trying to get back in!! You need to take care of yourself so that you can properly look after your kids and father.. Alot of the women on here have been through similar situations. Dont be afraid to reach out to us for help!! :)
 
J

jer2911

Guest
#3
#3
poeticheart said:
Last year my fiance at the time was given wrong meds.he was temp.insane.bit.me on my shoulder.almost raped and choked me to death.

Hi, poetic heart. Before I give advice or share my experience to help, I would like to ask how long you've been coping with this kind of treatment from your fiance? Was he a caring fiance before he got sick? It seemed to me you're not a poetic heart, but having a big heart for everyone around you.

My brother and I used to be very close to each other, but for unknown reason, he suddenly changed. After my parents died - 2008 he tried to control us and take charge of us as if we are his kids. We are both in our forties. He has a family with 2 kids. There was one time that he did the same thing to me, not raped but choked me to death. He has been until now a control-freak! Well, recently we found out he has extra-marital relationship after my mother died and his not taking drugs, yet he doesn't know how to control his anger. Until now he did not change. But when he punched me and strangled me, I went to our barangay police officer and blotter him or report him for my protection. Some thoughts it wasn't a Christian thing to do, but when someone in the family is out of control, a community officer should get in the situation.

i couldn't get away out of fear of what would happened if he saw me trying to leave and what he would do to others if i left.cops were called and i finally broke down and cried after trying my best to keep situation calm and keep alive.

It is better to face reality of what happened rather than what would and what should happen. You are not in the right position to help your fiance because he needs professional help. What he would do to others is hampering you to do the right thing because out of fear. It's natural for someone who suffers of trauma to have that fear, but it's not good for you to be driven by fear. It will lead you more to an abusive situation and you are more giving leeway for others to abuse you.

but almost a year and im still not completly over it..dreams haunt me.i get flashbacks still.get depressed thinking or when i see things that bring it all back..i dont know what to do.i have two kids and dad to look over..too much on my mind and little help.
Click to expand...
Pls. read the link below for reference of dealing with trauma:

How to cope after a traumatic event



What else might you notice?
Strong feelings affect your physical health. In the weeks after a trauma, you may find that you:
· cannot sleep
· feel very tired
· dream a lot and have nightmares
· have poor concentration
· have memory problems
· have difficulty thinking clearly
· suffer from headaches
· experience changes in appetite
· experience changes in sex-drive or libido
· have aches and pains
· feel that your heart is beating faster.
What should you do?
Again, the link I gave here stated, all the things you should/shouldn't do.

Let me reinstate, you can never help others if you will not help yourself first. If you have supporting groups (parents/friends/community/church) please ask them to help you with your kids and the dad? - is this your fiance? or your parent?

Fear is a powerful emotion. A relationship with God takes away the fear of uncertainty. But he will never take away our fear in Him. That's a healthy fear.

God delivered me from that powerful emotion. Fear of Satan's attack. Dreaded fear from consecutively dying loved ones. Fear of drowning, fear of not graduating from the College because of an incident. Fear of harassment from the people I trusted much. Fear from the abusive behavior of my brother and being killed. Fear of hereditary sickness of cancer, fear of financial debts. Fear of getting older without a husband and children.

God has already set you free. Don't be slaved by that emotion.

Will be praying for you often.
 
J

jer2911

Guest
#4
#4
poeticheart said:
Last year my fiance at the time was given wrong meds.he was temp.insane.bit.me on my shoulder.almost raped and choked me to death.

Hi, poetic heart. Before I give advice or share my experience to help, I would like to ask how long you've been coping with this kind of treatment from your fiance? Was he a caring fiance before he got sick? It seemed to me you're not a poetic heart, but having a big heart for everyone around you.

My brother and I used to be very close to each other, but for unknown reason, he suddenly changed. After my parents died - 2008 he tried to control us and take charge of us as if we are his kids. We are both in our forties. He has a family with 2 kids. There was one time that he did the same thing to me, not raped but choked me to death. He has been until now a control-freak! Well, recently we found out he has extra-marital relationship after my mother died and his not taking drugs, yet he doesn't know how to control his anger. Until now he did not change. But when he punched me and strangled me, I went to our barangay police officer and blotter him or report him for my protection. Some thoughts it wasn't a Christian thing to do, but when someone in the family is out of control, a community officer should get in the situation.

i couldn't get away out of fear of what would happened if he saw me trying to leave and what he would do to others if i left.cops were called and i finally broke down and cried after trying my best to keep situation calm and keep alive.

It is better to face reality of what happened rather than what would and what should happen. You are not in the right position to help your fiance because he needs professional help. What he would do to others is hampering you to do the right thing because out of fear. It's natural for someone who suffers of trauma to have that fear, but it's not good for you to be driven by fear. It will lead you more to an abusive situation and you are more giving leeway for others to abuse you.

but almost a year and im still not completly over it..dreams haunt me.i get flashbacks still.get depressed thinking or when i see things that bring it all back..i dont know what to do.i have two kids and dad to look over..too much on my mind and little help.

Pls. read the link below for reference of dealing with trauma:

How to cope after a traumatic event



What else might you notice?
Strong feelings affect your physical health. In the weeks after a trauma, you may find that you:
· cannot sleep
· feel very tired
· dream a lot and have nightmares
· have poor concentration
· have memory problems
· have difficulty thinking clearly
· suffer from headaches
· experience changes in appetite
· experience changes in sex-drive or libido
· have aches and pains
· feel that your heart is beating faster.
What should you do?
Again, the link I gave here stated, all the things you should/shouldn't do.

Let me reinstate, you can never help others if you will not help yourself first. If you have supporting groups (parents/friends/community/church) please ask them to help you with your kids and the dad? - is this your fiance? or your parent?

Fear is a powerful emotion. A relationship with God takes away the fear of uncertainty. But he will never take away our fear in Him. That's a healthy fear.

God delivered me from that powerful emotion. Fear of Satan's attack. Dreaded fear from consecutively dying loved ones. Fear of drowning, fear of not graduating from the College because of an incident. Fear of harassment from the people I trusted much. Fear from the abusive behavior of my brother and being killed. Fear of hereditary sickness of cancer, fear of financial debts. Fear of getting older without a husband and children.

God has already set you free. Don't be slaved by that emotion.

Will be praying for you often.
Click to expand...
 
P

poeticheart

Guest
#5
#5
Family and friends seemed fairly concerned but were constantly keeping their distance or putting me down saying i was foolish.i had no one by my side except my kids.they kept me going but they also exhausted me more.i haven't had any counseling of any kind i have been waiting for kids to start school since i do not have help with kids nor am i employed to hire anyone.its been very hard for me the last few years.one horror after another when im trying so hard to stay focus and postive.dreams remind me of the tragedy in my childhood and my ex fiance almost taking my life.some say time will heal me and its just me dwelling.im not dwelling on anything on purpose certain things bring up the memories...how do i deal with all the wrong that has been done how do i heal from the damage and pain its costed me?
 
J

jer2911

Guest
#6
#6
You said how do you deal with all the wrong that has been done and how do you heal from the damage and pain it costs you. You can't be healed if there's still to be dealt with.

blue_ladybug is willing to help you out. Give her PMs. Look for some Christians near your place. IAs for me I'm too far from you. Search on google for the near Christian church or a non-organization, social worker, women's desk for you to be guided.

By the way, why your relatives and friends called you 'foolish'? Because if you're still cliinging on for things you shouldn't do out of fear, the help you need will not be available.
 
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